


Bloodlines

by didntwanderstillgotlost



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues (Supernatural), Destiel - Freeform, Enemies to Enemies with Benefits to Friends with Benefits to Lovers, Eventual Smut, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Dorothy Baum/Charlie Bradbury, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Past Character Death, Shapeshifter!Novaks, Suicide Attempt, Vampire!Ash, Vampire!Bobby, Vampire!Ellen, Vampire!Jo, Vampire!Winchesters, Witch in Training!Sam, Witch!Eileen, Witch!Meg, alcohol abuse mentioned, mechanic!Dean, mention of character deaths, mention of past suicide attempts, monster au, sort of mafia au, vampire!Kevin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 13:06:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 73
Words: 103,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21818656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didntwanderstillgotlost/pseuds/didntwanderstillgotlost
Summary: Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak were born enemies. They were taught at an early age to hate each other and they didn't question it. Until the threat of war between the families became too much to ignore. Neither of them want to see the city destroyed, so they'll have to work together to stop it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 223
Kudos: 171





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, I wanted to write a mafia AU, but I don't know shit about the mafia and I really didn't feel like adding more things to my search history that could potentially get me arrested. So, I really have no idea what to call this, but Dean and Cas are from rival families. I guess it's Romeo and Juliet but with vampires and shifters and a lot less death.

Dean Winchester, for all intents and purposes, was a very simple man. Mechanic by day, musician by night. Oh, he was also a vampire and next in line to inherit his family’s multi-million dollar real estate business, but those were two things he didn’t think many people needed to know about him. Of course, most people in the city knew who he was anyway. The vampire thing was easy to keep secret from people who didn’t need to know. The rich thing was a lot harder considering his family owned a good chunk of the city. Dean had made his peace with it, though.

He glanced in the rearview mirror of the shitty truck he was driving. He didn’t look as bad as he had thought, considering. He licked the blood from the corner of his mouth and savored the sickly sweet, metallic flavor. He had been hoping to work on some of his music after he got home from the garage, but his father had other ideas. Take down Anna Milton before she started a war. Was it necessary, yes. Could someone else have done it, also yes. Dean wasn’t one to complain, though. He had only made the mistake of talking back to his father once.

John Winchester was an even simpler man than Dean. His house, his rules, no arguments. The only person in the house with any authority over him was Mary Winchester because no one would dare speak a word against her. The woman looked like an angel, but she could take down men twice her size without breaking a sweat. Dean was proud to call her his mother.

He crossed back into the city limits and drove to the family hotel. John had decided that operating out of a hotel was the easiest way to keep everyone in the Winchester-Campbell family under one roof. A few people had their own apartments for when they needed some space, Dean included, but anything business related was dealt with at the hotel, no exceptions. Dean parked the truck in the underground garage and took the elevator up to the conference room. He knew his father would be waiting for him. What he didn’t expect was his younger brother and half-brother also sitting at the table.

“Is it done?” John asked.

“Yes, sir,” Dean answered, sitting beside Sam.

“And the body?”

“In the truck. Wasn’t sure what you wanted me to do with it.”

“We do things according to the Treaty, Dean. Always.” Dean nodded. He had figured as much, but every once in a blue moon John Winchester made an exception. He had thought Anna Milton would be one of them.

“Dad, don’t you think we should make an example of her?” Adam asked. It took every ounce of strength Dean had not to roll his eyes. One of these days his half-brother would understand how things worked. Or he would be killed before he figured it out. Dean was pretty sure it would be the latter.

“We did. The Novaks will get the message loud and clear. Sam, go write up a report and the letter. Adam, help me with the body. Dean, your mother would like to speak with you.”

“Yes, sir,” all three boys responded. Dean got to his feet and wandered down the hall to his mother’s library. He knocked lightly on the door before going in. Mary looked up from the book she was reading and smiled.

“Dean. Have a seat.” Dean sat in the oversized chair across from his mother’s.

“What’s wrong?” He asked because he couldn’t think of any other reason why she would want to see him.

“Nothing, dear. I just wanted to know if you’ve given your father’s offer any serious thought?” Dean sighed. Of course. The offer. A little over two months ago, John had come to him, asking if he wanted to play a more active role in the family business. He didn’t, but he knew he couldn’t say that, so he had said he would think about it.

“I have, and I don’t want it. I like where I am. I’ve got my job at the garage, plus my music, and being a field agent gives me more flexibility.”

“Have you told him?”

“No. He hasn’t mentioned it since. I was kinda hoping he forgot about it. I’ll tell him the next time he brings it up. I hope he understands.”

“He’ll have to. You’re an adult, Dean, you’re entitled to make your own decisions.” Dean smiled.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“How was your night?” Dean snorted.

“Considering I didn’t get to do anything I actually _wanted_ to do, not bad. Anna Milton won’t be causing us any more trouble, and I think we saved the city a few decades of bloodshed.”

“Good. I was worried about that.”

“All that over a bar.” Dean shook his head. He would never understand shifters. “It’s not even that nice of a bar.”

“Everybody has a place that they like to escape to,” Mary reasoned.

“She wasn’t unwelcome there,” Dean pointed out, “but her attitude was. She acted like us buying the bar was a personal attack. It was a business deal, nothing more.”

“I know, sweetheart, and I know you didn’t want to do that.”

“Wanting to do something and having to do something are two very different things.” That was something Dean had learned early on. He hated killing people, but when it was one life versus a thousand, or a million, he knew he had to do it. That didn’t make it any easier, but it wasn’t like he had to do it all the time. Once or twice every couple decades.

“Maybe you should take tomorrow off,” Mary suggested. “Focus on something that makes you happy for a while.”

“I’ll see if Bobby can survive without me for a day.”

“I’m sure he can.” Dean stood and kissed his mother’s cheek.

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, Dean. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Dean left the room feeling better than he had when he walked in. He could always count on his mother to make him feel better. He took the elevator up to his room. When he walked in, the first thing he noticed was the glass of whiskey on his nightstand. Underneath it was a note. He picked up the glass and unfolded the note.

_Thought you could use this. I know how you get after a kill. -Sam_

Dean smiled to himself as he downed the whiskey. Sam was annoying as fuck sometimes, but Dean loved him more than anything. Sam was four years younger than Dean and also about four inches taller, which pissed Dean off to no end. But what he lacked in height, he made up for in snark. Bitch mode was a default setting for everyone in the Winchester-Campbell bloodline, but Dean had gotten it a little more than anyone else. Sam’s bitchface was miles ahead of his, but Dean was okay with that. Words were more his thing than silent, deadly looks anyway. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He puled it out.

**Benny [10:18pm]:** Rehearsal off brotha?

**Dean [10:18pm]:** Sorry man work stuff. Roadhouse?

**Benny [10:19pm]:** You buying?

**Dean [10:19pm]:** Least I can do. 15.

**Benny [10:20pm]:** See ya

Dean tucked his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. He changed his shirt, messed with his hair, and put on some scent blockers. The Roadhouse was quite literally his turf, but he always took precautions anyway. The last thing he needed was to get into a fight. He threw on his jacket and made sure his keys were in his pocket. He thought about driving, but it was only a two-block walk and he didn’t want to have to leave Baby overnight if he got too wasted. He checked his phone one more time before he headed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas closed his eyes and imagined he was anywhere else. The last place he wanted to be at the moment was anywhere near people, so of course Balthazar had dragged him out bar hopping. At the moment, they were sitting at a corner booth in the Roadhouse. It was a known vampire bar, which was bad enough, but the night got worse when Cas was hit with a slightly familiar scent. He scanned the room and groaned.

“Great, look who just walked in. Dean fucking Winchester.” Balthazar’s head snapped around.

“Where?” Cas scoffed.

“You’re an idiot.”

“He’s hot.”

“Not disagreeing. But he’s a vampire. Worse, he’s a Winchester. We were told to stay away from them for a reason. They’re dangerous.” Balthazar flashed a smile.

“I like danger.”

“You wanna go get shot down, be my guest. I’m not buying you sympathy drinks. I’m also not driving you to the ER if he attacks you.” That got an eye roll.

“You’re so dramatic, Cassie.”

“Pot calling kettle black,” Cas said. “All I’m saying is, he doesn’t have a reputation for nothing.”

“Yeah, but his reputation depends entirely on who you ask, doesn’t it?” That was a fair point, but Cas still didn’t have any interest in interacting with a Winchester. They were the one family he had been told to stay away from. He figured there had to be a good reason for that.

“Do whatever you want. Maybe just don’t give a last name. Anna’s been making trouble around here. If Dean finds out you’re related to her it won’t be pretty.”

“Gotcha. Wish me luck.”

“Don’t die,” Cas said, sipping his drink. He watched as Balthazar walked over to Dean, who was leaning against the bar, talking to the bartender. Cas shook his head. From what little he actually knew about Dean Winchester, the man was a mechanic, a musician, and a field agent for his father, John Winchester. On the surface, he seemed like a perfectly normal guy, but he had a body count and that made Cas nervous. Even more so because most of those bodies had belonged to his family members.

The Novaks had never really gotten along with the Winchesters. There was bad blood that went back so far Cas couldn’t even trace it. Even with the Treaty in place, there was still tension there. Cas, his siblings, and his cousins had all been warned to stay out of Winchester territory. Not that any of the families actually had specific territories, but there were some places that were just off limits. Cas was pretty sure the Roadhouse was about to become one of those places.

It wasn’t the nicest bar, but it had been a regular hangout for most of his family until the Winchesters bought it. Of course, everyone was still welcome, but Anna had made it her personal mission to drive the Winchesters out. Everyone else just started avoiding the place to avoid being associated with her. Cas just kept his head down. He wasn’t very well-known. If he gave someone his full legal name, they would probably recognize it, but he always went by Cas. It was shorter and easier.

Balthazar came back over. Cas raised an eyebrow quizzically.

“Strike out?”

“For now.” Cas looked back over at the bar.

“Who’s that guy he’s with?”

“Benny. Plays second guitar in his band. How do you not know that?”

“Because I’m not a stalker.”

“I’m not stalking him,” Balthazar snapped. “I’ve seen them play a handful of times. Benny’s second guitar, Ash is on drums, and Kevin plays keyboard. Dean’s on guitar and/or vocals. The man has the voice of a god.”

“I’ve heard.” Cas tried to seem disinterested, hoping for a change of topic. Instead what he got was the _last_ thing his night needed.

“Hey, baby bro!” Cas sighed.

“Hello, Gabriel.”

“Why the sad face? Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“Yes, Gabriel, I’m overjoyed.” Gabriel looked at Balthazar.

“What’s with him?” Balthazar nodded towards Dean. Gabriel looked. “Ah. Pretty boy over there. Think he’s gonna play tonight?”

“Doesn’t look like it.”

“Oh my, God, does everyone have a crush on Dean Winchester? What’s so special about him? He’s aesthetically pleasing, but beyond that, what’s to like? He’s a killer. How do people keep forgetting that?”

“Damn, Castiel, take a pill,” Gabriel said.

“I’m going home. I didn’t wanna be here anyway and if he’s all you’re gonna talk about then I really, _really_ don’t wanna be here.” Cas threw some cash on the table and walked out the door. All he had really wanted to do that night was lock himself in his room and read a book, or watch something on Netflix. Balthazar had insisted they go out for some “cousin bonding”. It wasn’t that Cas didn’t like his cousin, he just didn’t like loud places with large crowds of people. Balthazar was the exact opposite. He thrived on crowds and noise and attention.

Cas walked the eight blocks back to his apartment. Balthazar was his ride, but he didn’t mind. He liked walking. It gave him a chance to clear his head. He liked the atmosphere of the city at night. It was vibrant. One of his favorite things to do was stand out on his balcony and watch the city move below him. It was beautiful.

Cas greeted the doorman with a smile and nod before stepping onto the elevator. Penthouse. He would never be completely comfortable living on the top floor. It felt too much like he was his father, the one man he never wanted to become. Cas didn’t love his father, but he played the role of the obedient son well enough that he hadn’t been cut off yet. Not that it would make much of a difference. He had a job at the record store next to his apartment building (strictly for the ten second commute) so he had money of his own. It was nice not to have to worry about anything though.

Cas stepped off the elevator into his living room. He tossed his jacket on the couch and walked into the kitchen. He was well aware of his phone blowing up in his pocket. He was ignoring it. It was no doubt Balthazar and Gabriel begging him to come back and hang out with them. For as bad as Balthazar was, Gabriel was worse. He was six years older than Cas, four inches shorter, and about half as mature. He was Cas’s favorite brother, but that didn’t negate his tendency to annoy the shit out of him.

Cas mixed himself a drink and walked out onto his balcony. He took his phone out of his pocket. As he had figured, most of the messages were from his cousin and brother. The only text he bothered to read was from one of his friends.

**Meg [11:06pm]:** Busy?

**Cas [11:11pm]:** Depends, what do you want?

Maybe friend wasn’t the right word for Meg. She was a witch, but not a very…witchy one. All she really seemed to care about was drinking and making bad decisions and using the occasional spell to get away with shit. Given what he had seen from other witches, Cas knew Meg wasn’t too bad, so he considered her a friend.

**Meg [11:13pm]:** Rude. Wanna get a drink?

**Cas [11:13pm]:** Just left the Roadhouse. Not really interested in leaving the house again.

**Meg [11:14pm]:** Buzzkill. Margaritas on the balcony?

**Cas [11:14pm]:** Sure but don’t get any ideas

**Meg [11:15pm]:** Oh Clarence

**Cas [11:16pm]:** Why do you insist on calling me that?

**Meg [11:16pm]:** Because it’s fitting. I’ll be over in ten.

Cas shook his head and smiled. He got the reference, but he still didn’t understand why Meg called him Clarence. It _wasn’t_ fitting as far as he was concerned. He wasn’t an angel. Far from it, actually. He put his phone back in his pocket and waited for Meg to show up.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean rolled over in his bed and groaned. The sun was too bright, the birds were too loud, and he hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep. The night before was a blur. He didn’t remember much after his sixth shot of tequila. He stretched and snuggled further under his blankets. He would call his friends later and see if they could piece the night together for him. For the moment, he just wanted to stay in bed. Someone banged on his door.

“Dean, get up!”

“Fuck off, Sam!”

“It’s 11:30! Get! Up!” Dean rolled out of bed and yanked open his door.

“I’m sick. Leave me alone.” Sam scoffed.

“You’re hungover. Seriously, you gotta get up. Dad wants you to take Adam hunting.”

“Yeah…I think I’m good. Tell him I’m sick.”

“Dean, whether you like it or not, he’s our brother and you’re the best trainer.” Dean shook his head.

“He’s not our brother. He’s a half-blood and I don’t trust him.”

“I’m not having this argument with you again. I’ll cover you today, but you’re gonna have to give the kid a chance eventually.” Sam tossed Dean a bottle. “Take a couple of these. Quick hangover cure, plus a little something to sell the whole “sick” thing.” Dean looked at the bottle.

“Where’d you get these?”

“Rowena.” Dean dropped the bottle on the floor, wiping his hand on his t-shirt.

“Pass.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“They’re not poisoned, Dean.”

“I don’t care. It’s bad enough that you’re friends with a bunch of witches. I don’t wanna get involved.”

“Just take the pills, jerk.”

“Bitch,” Dean muttered as Sam walked away. He closed his door and picked the bottle up. He was wary. He had only met Rowena once and he wasn’t her biggest fan. Then again, he wasn’t the biggest fan of witches in general, but Sam seemed to trust her. He popped the top and swallowed a couple of the orange pills. His headache disappeared in a matter of seconds. He smiled a little as he climbed back in bed. He closed his eyes and fell back asleep almost immediately.

The next time Dean woke up he could barely move. Everything felt heavy, he was burning up, and his throat hurt like hell. He tried to yell for Sam, but nothing came out. He managed to muster up enough strength to pick his phone up off his nightstand. He sent his brother a text.

**Dean [3:18pm]:** What the fuck did you give me??????

**Sammy [3:20pm]:** Ache all over? Hot? Can’t talk? Whole mouth hurts?

**Dean [3:20pm]:** YES! What the fuck!

**Sammy [3:21]:** You’re fine. It’ll be gone by morning. You need to take a break from everything. Stay in bed, watch some Netflix, and don’t worry about anything.

**Dean [3:21pm]:** Promise I’m fine?

**Sammy [3:22pm]:** Yes. I wouldn’t try to kill you Dean I’m trying to help you. I’ll be home in a few hours. I’ll bring you a burger.

**Dean [3:22pm]:** Cheeseburger extra bacon

**Sammy [3:23pm]:** Fine. Get some more sleep.

**Dean [3:23pm]:** Bitch

**Sammy [3:23pm]:** Jerk

Dean smiled and dropped his phone on the bed beside him. Sam was a pain in the ass, but he was a good little brother. Dean picked up his remote and scrolled through his Netflix list. It had been a long time since he’d had a day off and actually did nothing. It felt nice. He turned on a Clint Eastwood movie and waited for Sam to bring him his burger.

Dean ended up falling asleep again. The next time he woke up he felt immensely better. He picked up his phone. It was nearly ten and he had a few dozen missed calls and texts. There was also a plate with a burger on it sitting on his night stand. Underneath it was a note.

_Didn’t wanna wake you. Good to see you sleeping. Got double bacon. -Sam_

Dean bit into the burger and sighed happily. He cued up another Clint Eastwood movie. He was a quarter of the way through the movie and halfway through his burger when there was a knock at his door. His throat still hurt a little, but his voice was back.

“Come in.” The door opened and Sam walked in.

“Feeling better?”

“Much. Thanks. I needed today.”

“I know you did. Dad didn’t even question me.” Sam smiled a little. “I’ll always have your back, Dean.”

“I know. You’re awesome, Sammy.”

“So you’re gonna train Adam tomorrow?” Dean rolled his eyes.

“No. Sam, you’re my brother and I would die for you, but I will _never_ consider Adam family. He’s just a reminder that Dad cheated on Mom.”

“He didn’t though. We thought she was dead. That wasn’t on him.”

“Thirty years, Sam. That’s _nothing_ to us. You and me were still grieving her death when she was found. Dad should’ve been, too.”

“I’m not disagreeing with you, but Mom’s not upset about it and she welcomed Adam with open arms. You should, too. I’m not asking you to like him. I’m not asking you to be his best friend. All I’m asking is that you stop treating him like an outcast. He wants to learn, so teach him. I know he’s half human, but he’s also half vampire. He has potential.” Dean sighed. He hated it when Sam used logic on him. It made it a lot harder for him to argue.

“Fine. Dad wants me to train the kid, I will, but I’m not gonna go easy on him. He wants to be a Winchester, he’s gonna put in the work.”

“Thank you.” Sam looked at the TV. “Really? Eastwood?”

“The man’s attractive as hell and a great actor. If you’re gonna be all judgey, you can leave.”

“Do you want me to stay?” Dean shrugged.

“Wouldn’t say no to some company.”

“Fine, but don’t quote it. I hate that.”

“I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do my best.”

Sam ended up sleeping in Dean’s room that night. It wasn’t that uncommon for the brothers to fall asleep watching TV together. It was habit that had stuck since as far back as Dean could remember. It used to be that Sam would come to him when he was scared. Dean would let him sleep in his bed, promising to protect him. That had transformed into Sam staying with Dean when he got nightmares about the war that they had thought killed their mother. Nowadays, it was usually that Sam fell asleep while they were having a movie marathon and Dean didn’t have the heart to wake him up. Neither one of them were very good at the whole sleeping thing, so they were always careful not to wake each other.

*** *** ***

Dean woke up first the next morning. Sam was still asleep, slumped in the armchair next to the bed. Dean got up as quietly as he could. He went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. He pulled on a pair of boxers, threw on his bathrobe, and slipped out the door. When he got down to the dining room, he found Adam sitting at a table with a stack of books.

“Hey,” he said. Adam smiled.

“Hey. See you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah, it was a bitch of a cold, but,” Dean shrugged, “So Sam says you wanna be a hunter?” Adam set aside his book.

“I don’t know. I thought I should learn how to do everything before I decide what I wanna do. Dad seemed to think it was a good idea. He said I should learn everything from you.” Dean sighed. He didn’t want to. He wanted to go back to six months ago when they didn’t know Adam existed and everything was fine. But he had told Sam he would try, so he was going to.

“All right. First thing’s first. I need breakfast.”

“There’s bacon in the kitchen. I didn’t touch it. Figured you’d want first crack at it if you were feeling better.” Dean fought back a smile.

“Thanks.” He went into the kitchen. As Adam had said, there was a pan of bacon sitting on the oven. His mother constantly got onto him about having a healthy, balanced diet. Dean chose to ignore her in favor of finding a way to eat bacon with every meal. He ate nearly the entire pan, downed a beer, and walked back into the dining room.

“You ate that whole pan, didn’t you?”

“First lesson,” Dean said, “hunting ain’t easy. It’s the hardest job. Honestly, you’re probably better off starting with something like surveillance.”

“That’s what you do most of the time, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It gives me the flexibility I need to actually have a life.”

“Maybe I should start with that, then.” Dean nodded.

“All right. Get your gear. We leave in five.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve bitches!!!! I'm updating early because I have to work an 8-hour shift at work and I won't be near my computer again until around 9PM and I'll probably be drunk.

Cas rolled his eyes and shoved Meg off her barstool. She laughed, catching herself on the bar before she fell.

“You’re a bitch.”

“Takes one to know one.” Cas sipped his drink. On his other side, Balthazar was burning a hole in the back of Dean Winchester’s leather jacket. “Think he’ll notice you if you stare long enough?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re an idiot,” Meg said. “He’s clearly with someone.” She nodded to the blond sitting on the barstool next to Dean. Cas shook his head.

“That’s his half-brother, Adam. I’m actually surprised they’re together. Dean’s not a fan.” Meg raised an eyebrow.

“How do you know so much?”

“Chuck likes to keep tabs on the Winchesters. Know your enemy and whatnot. He thought Adam being an illegitimate child would cause some sort of scandal and discredit the Winchesters, but John and Mary were both open about it and said they were treating Adam as a son. Trust me, I know way more about that family than I’d like to.”

“Ooh, don’t look now, but I think you may have caught Mr. Winchester’s attention.” Cas stole a glance and groaned. Dean was locked on him like a laser.

“Great,” he muttered. “Just what I need.” Dean was coming over more than likely to tell Cas and Balthazar they weren’t welcome in his bar. After what happened with Anna, he knew being on Winchester turf was a bad idea.

“Well, maybe he wants to talk to Balthazar,” Meg said, stifling a chuckle as Dean got closer. Cas rolled his eyes before meeting Dean’s intense stare. Dean’s mouth quirked into a grin as he leaned against the bar.

“Hey. Novak, right?”

“Yeah. Let me guess, you want me to leave and if I ever show my face in this bar again, you’ll kill me?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Wow. Bit harsh, dontcha think? I didn’t come over here to make trouble for you.”

“Then why did you?”

“Thought I’d say hi. And maybe ask your friend to stop staring.” Cas looked over at Balthazar, who was suddenly very interested in his drink.

“Sorry about him.”

“Hey, I don’t mind people looking, but the staring was making me a little uncomfortable.”

“Understandable. Anything else?”

“Not that I can think of.”

“Great. Enjoy your night.” Cas turned on his barstool, signaling the end of the conversation.

“That was rude,” Meg said once Dean had walked away. “He was clearly interested in you. He just used the whole Balthy staring at him thing as an excuse to come over and talk to you.”

“Yeah, and? He’s _Dean Winchester_. He’s second, below his father, on Chuck’s hit list.”

“I know! Could you _imagine_ if you started dating him? Chuck would lose his shit.” Meg was laughing. “It would be hilarious!”

“Sure, Meg, me getting kicked out of my house would be hysterical. He’s not interested in me, and even if he were, he’s not my type.”

“Attractive isn’t your type?”

“Vamps aren’t my type. Too bitey.” Balthazar raised an eyebrow.

“You’re gonna sit there tell me you don’t like that?”

“Hey, I like a little biting every once in a while as much as the next guy, but I kinda like all my blood, ya know, in my body.” Meg laughed.

“Not all vamps drink once they bite. Especially not during sex.”

“Talking from experience over there?”

“Maybe.” Meg shot Balthazar a cocky smile. Cas rolled his eyes.

“I’m gonna go.”

“_No_!” Meg whined. “We’re having fun!”

“I have work tomorrow.”

“No you don’t.”

“Fine. I wanna work on my book.”

“Are you seriously still working on that stupid book?” Cas turned to his cousin.

“First, thank you for your continued support. Second, it’s not stupid. One of these days this city is gonna be torn apart and I wanna tell the world how it happened.”

“Whatever, Cassie. I still think it’s stupid. You’re a good writer. You should put your talents to better use.” Cas only shook his head. He paid his tab and walked back to his apartment. Maybe his book was a stupid idea, but he wanted it on the record somewhere that not everyone was out for blood. Cas had been lobbying for peace since the moment he understood how the city worked. He didn’t want violence and bloodshed. He didn’t get why everyone could just get along. Just because they were different species didn’t mean they had to fight.

Cas stared at his computer screen and sighed. His mind wandered to Dean. He didn’t hate Dean, he just didn’t trust him. The man was a killer. That was the one thing that everyone could agree on. The rest of his reputation was up for debate, but Cas wasn’t really interested in the rest of it. He would never be able to get past the body count. Not that it mattered anyway. His phone went off on the table.

**Gabe [10:03pm]:** You gotta stop bailing on people

**Cas [10:03pm]:** I’ve got work to do

**Gabe [10:04pm]:** Forget the stupid book. Go out and get laid. You need it.

**Cas [10:04pm]:** I’m just fine

In truth, it had been months since the last time he got laid. It wasn’t necessarily by choice, he just hadn’t met anyone he wanted to sleep with. Of course, he wasn’t out cruising bars every night with his friends either.

**Gabe [10:05pm]:** Balt said Dean Winchester hit on you

**Cas [10:05pm]:** Dean Winchester talked to me for all of two minutes. He wasn’t hitting on me.

**Gabe [10:06pm]:** That’s not what Balt said. He said Winchester was definitely into you.

**Cas [10:06pm]:** So what if he was? He’s a Winchester and he’s not my type anyway so just drop it.

Cas seriously contemplated shutting his phone off completely. He was tired of everyone he knew getting on to him about every little thing. He just wanted to live his life. But he wasn’t allowed to do that. He was a Novak, which meant there were rules he had to follow. He phone started ringing in his hand. He looked at the caller ID and sighed.

“Yes, Michael?”

“Why were you talking to Dean Winchester?” Cas groaned.

“Jesus Christ. He talked to me for two minutes at the bar and he literally only came over to tell Balthazar to stop staring at him. You wanna reprimand someone, reprimand him.”

“Don’t get snippy with me, Castiel. Dad’s pissed at you.”

“Yeah, what else is new?”

“Just stay away from Dean Winchester.” The line cut off before Cas could say anything. He set his phone on the table. What Meg had said earlier about Chuck losing his shit if Cas and Dean started dating came back to him. If his father was this upset about a casual conversation, Cas couldn’t even begin to imagine what Chuck would do if he…became friends with Dean.

Cas shook his head. It was a bad idea. He knew that, but…something was nagging at him. They had only talked for a minute, but Dean seemed…nice. Cas shook his head again and tried to focus on the screen in front of him. He knew his book was going to take time, but it was beginning to feel like he was never going to finish it. His phone buzzed. He sighed heavily before looking at it.

**Balthazar [10:32pm]:** How mad are you?

**Cas [10:33pm]:** I’m not mad but did you really think telling everyone was a good idea?

**Balthazar [10:34pm]:** I didn’t I swear! I only told Gabe because I thought he’d agree with me! Someone else must’ve overheard.

**Cas [10:34pm]:** Ok whatever. Just from now on what happens at the bar stays at the bar.

**Balthazar [10:35pm]:** Got it. Sorry again.

**Cas [10:35pm]:** It’s fine

Cas took one last look at the blank document on his screen before shutting his laptop. He wasn’t going to get any work done. He mixed himself a drink and stepped out onto the balcony.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean didn’t completely hate the time he spent with Adam. He still didn’t like the kid, but he wasn’t so bad. Dean was on his fourth plate of bacon when before ten when Mary came into the dining room. She shook her head, a small smile on her face.

“Sweetheart, you need to eat something other than bacon.”

“I like bacon, Mom.” Mary kissed Dean’s forehead.

“I know you do, but that isn’t healthy.” Dean only shrugged. His mother could get onto him all she wanted, he wasn’t going to change his eating habits. “How was training with Adam yesterday?”

“Not bad, I guess. I took him on my surveillance route. He caught on pretty quick. Then we went to the Roadhouse.”

“Yes, I heard about that. What were you doing talking to Castiel Novak?” Castiel. That was his name. Dean had drawn a complete blank last night when Adam had pointed him out.

“Just saying hi. Didn’t think that was a crime.”

“It isn’t, Dean, but you know your father doesn’t want anyone interacting with any of the Novaks outside of council meetings.” Dean did know that, but he just didn’t see what the big deal was. Growing up, he was taught to treat everyone with respect, regardless of species, so he didn’t get why the Novaks seemed to be the exception to that rule. Other than being slightly rude, he didn’t see anything wrong with Castiel.

“All right, I won’t talk to him anymore. I was just trying to be nice.” That wasn’t entirely true. Castiel had caught Dean’s eye immediately. He had been contemplating going over and talking to him when Adam mentioned that he was a Novak. Dean’s first instinct was to tell him to leave, but that wasn’t fair. Anna had been a radical. It wasn’t fair to judge her entire family based on her actions. So he went over to say hi. Castiel was cold and distant, which he had pretty much expected, so he had no reason to ever talk to him again.

“What are you doing today once you finish that heart attack on a plate?”

“I’ve got work from twelve to six, and then I figured I’d see what my friends are doing. Maybe hit a couple bars.” Mary’s smile faltered a little.

“Are you okay, Dean?”

“I’m fine, Mom.”

“You’re not. When did you start drinking so heavily?” Dean thought for a moment before he shrugged.

“I dunno. A couple years after we thought you died? It was whenever Dad started to get bad. Sam would remember better than I do. I took all of it, but I was pretty much blacked out for most of it.” Dean stopped talking abruptly. He stared at the bacon still sitting on his plate, refusing to make eye contact with his mother. He suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore. Mary reached out and put her hand over Dean’s.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” Dean pushed back from the table.

“Ask Sam. I gotta go.” He bolted down to the garage and sat in Baby for a minute. After Mary was declared dead, John...lost it a little. He started drinking and was hell bent on revenge. Most of the time his anger manifested itself as violent, drunken outbursts, which Dean was more than able to handle, but more than a few times those outbursts turned into violent actions. Between trying to cope with his mother’s death, trying to fend off his father’s anger, and trying to protect Sam from everything, Dean had turned to alcohol for comfort.

When Mary came back, John’s anger vanished. The beatings stopped. He never apologized, but Dean had decided it didn’t matter. He had his mom back. That was all he cared about. He had made a promise to himself that he would never tell Mary about what John had done while she was gone. It was in the past. It didn’t matter anymore. Dean started Baby’s engine and drove to the garage.

“Hey, brotha,” Benny said when he pulled up. Dean grinned.

“Hey, Benny. Who else is here?”

“Me, Charlie, Garth, and Ash.”

“Charlie’s here?” Benny smiled.

“Came back from vacation yesterday. Thought you’d be glad to see her.” Dean ran inside. Charlie was sitting behind the desk, typing on her phone. Dean leaned against the counter.

“Hey, kiddo.” Charlie’s eyes snapped up.

“Dean!” She jumped up and gave him a hug. He hugged her back.

“I missed you, kiddo. How was vacation?”

“Awesome!” She held up her left hand. “Guess who’s engaged, bitches!”

“Seriously? Dorothy proposed to you in…San Diego?”

“Dude, it was _Comic Con_! It was so cute and so awesome and I’m so happy.” Dean smiled.

“As long as you’re happy. Gotta be honest, though, I always thought I’d get married first.”

“I did, too, but,” Charlie shrugged. “So will you be my maid of honor?”

“Do you even have to ask? Of course. And your bachelorette party is gonna be awesome.”

“I have no doubt. Are you gonna bring Lisa?” Dean frowned.

“Why?” Charlie returned his frown.

“Because she’s your girlfriend?”

“Oh…right…yeah, about that.” Charlie crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Dean Winchester, don’t tell me you broke up.”

“If it helps, she broke up with me.” Charlie shook her head.

“What happened?” Dean shrugged.

“I dunno. She just said we’re headed in different directions. It doesn’t matter.”

“Sixteen years, Dean. You were together for sixteen years.”

“And that was long enough. We mate for life, Charlie. I’m thirty-six. I’ve got time. I don’t wanna rush into anything. The last thing I need is to be stuck with someone I don’t like.”

“Dean, you’re like three hundred, don’t lie. I get it, though, I do, but you are gonna settle down eventually, right?”

“I mean, I guess, eventually, yeah. I’m not really thinking about it right now. I’ve got too much other shit to think about.”

“Fine. Do you wanna get a drink later? We should catch up. Apparently a week is too long to be away from you.”

“Sure. You wanna clock me in so I can get to work?” Charlie rolled her eyes, a smile playing at her lips.

“You’re so lazy, Winchester. I gotcha.”

“Thanks, kiddo.”

Work went by fairly quickly. Dean laughed and joked with his coworkers right up until closing. They all agreed to meet up at the Roadhouse in an hour. Dean and Charlie drove over immediately after they clocked out.

“Give us some catching up time before everyone else gets here,” Charlie said. Dean ordered a whiskey. “So what’d I miss? Other than you and Lisa breaking up.”

“Not much, actually. I’ve been working a lot.”

“At the garage or at home?”

“Both. Dad wants me to start training Adam.”

“Well, I’m guessing _that_ conversation went swimmingly.”

“I didn’t even talk to him. Sam played middle-man. I took Adam out on a surveillance run yesterday. He caught on pretty quick.”

“So you’re warming up to him?” Dean gave Charlie a look.

“He will _never_ be a Winchester. I’ll tolerate him in our house, and I’ll train him because Dad asked me to, but I will _never_ consider him family.” Charlie didn’t say anything, but the look she gave him sent a very clear message. Everyone gave him that look when he talked about Adam. He didn’t like the kid, and that wasn’t going to change.

“Has John brought up that offer he made you again?” Dean shook his head.

“Nope and I hope he doesn’t.”

“Have you given it any more thought?”

“I don’t want it, Charlie. I like my job.”

“But aren’t you in line to inherit everything?”

“Yeah, but that’s not gonna be for a long time. I wanna live my life while I can. Once I take over, the family business is gonna become my life. I don’t want that pressure right now.”

“That’s understandable.” Charlie sipped her drink. She set her glass on the bar. “Don’t look now, but raven-hair is gonna stare a hole right through you.” Dean looked over his shoulder. His eyes landed on…Novak. Once again, the guy’s first name was escaping him, but it didn’t really matter.

“Novak. I’m not supposed to talk to him.”

“And since when do you do what you’re told?”

“Since I killed his cousin.” Charlie gaped at him.

“What!?”

“Shh! God, why are redheads so loud? Anna was threatening war. I was under orders to take her out. I don’t feel good about it, but it had to be done.”

“Does he know it was you?”

“No, but it doesn’t really matter. I talked to him for two seconds yesterday and Dad about had an aneurysm. He also wasn’t very nice, so whatever his reason is for staring, I promise it isn’t because he likes me.” Charlie rolled her eyes.

“Whatever, Dean. He’s coming over.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people. Sorry about the slightly late update. My mom's birthday was on Saturday, but I had to work so we celebrated today and...let's just say time flies when you're drinking daiquiris.

Cas didn’t think. He saw Dean Winchester sitting at the bar with a cute redhead and decided he would try talking to him. He didn’t realize he had been staring until the redhead said something and Dean turned around. Cas half-smiled and slid off his barstool. He walked over. The redhead smiled at him.

“Hello, Dean,” he said.

“Hey, Novak.” Cas tilted his head.

“Do you call everyone by their last name, or do you just not know my first name?”

“Honestly, I can’t remember your name.”

“Castiel. My friends call me Cas.”

“Cool. Bye.”

“Dean!” The redhead punched his arm. “I’m sorry, he’s not usually such a dick. I’m Charlie.” Cas shook Charlie’s hand.

“Nice to meet you. And Dean has every right to be rude. I was less than friendly to him yesterday. I wanted to apologize for that.”

“It’s fine, but I’m not supposed to be talking to you, and I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to be talking to me either. So why don’t you go back over there, finish your drink, and leave me alone?” The conversation was going about as well as Cas had expected it to, but at least he had tried.

“Dean Winchester, so help me, I’m going to bitch slap you so hard you forget your own name. Be nice.”

“It’s really quite all right, Charlie,” Cas said. “You’re right, Dean, I’m not supposed to be talking to you, but I don’t particularly give a shit what Chuck wants me to do, so here I am.”

“Listen, Castiel—.”

“Cas.”

“Cas. Listen, Cas, I appreciate that you wanna be your own person, but I try not to make a habit of pissing my Dad off, so get lost.”

“I understand.” Cas walked back over to his barstool.

“Did you really think that would work?” Gabriel asked. Cas smirked.

“Oh, it worked just fine. All I need you to do is tell Chuck you saw me talking to Dean Winchester again.” Gabriel sighed.

“Why do you do this?”

“Because I can. I’m gonna live my life the way I want.”

“By doing everything you can to piss Dad off?” Cas grinned.

“Yup!”

“You know, you might get Dean in trouble, too.”

“So? We’re not friends. He’s an asshole. I _hope_ I get him in trouble.”

“You’re awful. He’s cute.” Gabriel’s eyes widened. “_Who_ is _that_?” Cas looked over.

“Sam Winchester. Dean’s younger brother.” He groaned. “I hate that I know that off the top of my head.”

“You should just tune out Dad’s boring meetings like I do,” Gabriel said.

“I wish it were that easy, Gabe. My brain retains the information, regardless of whether or not I’m actually paying attention. Would you quit staring at him?”

“But he’s pretty.”

“He’s a Winchester. They’re all pretty, they’re all off limits, and they’re all killers. Come on, Meg and Balthazar want us to meet them across town.” Gabriel grumbled a lot, but followed Cas out to the car.

“I don’t understand why you don’t drive.”

“Because I like walking,” Cas said. “We’ve been over this.”

“You’re a weird little dude.”

“We’ve been over that, too. Just drive.” Cas stared out the window as Gabriel drove across town. He didn’t want to be out. He wanted to go home and be by himself. He couldn’t do that, though. If he had stayed home, his phone would’ve been blowing up all night, and if he turned his phone off, someone would’ve turned up at his apartment to make sure he was okay. He couldn’t get a moment’s peace and it was exhausting.

A very small part of him wanted to jump out of the car as they drove past his block. He knew it wouldn’t be so bad once they got there, but after three days of dealing with Balthazar, Gabriel, Meg, and his entire family, he needed a break.

“Cas, you okay over there?”

“What?” Gabriel parked outside the bar and cut the engine. He turned in his seat.

“Are you okay? You’re pale and spacey. Are you having a panic attack?” Cas smiled a little.

“No, I’m okay. It’s just been a lot these last couple days. I need a break.” Gabriel nodded. For all the pushing he did, Gabriel was one of the only people who genuinely cared for Cas. He was the only one who knew about Cas’s panic attacks and he always tried to help.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

“No, it’s all right. I’ll be okay for a few hours, but if everyone could just…leave me alone tomorrow, I’d appreciate it.”

“Sure, Cas.” Gabriel’s smile was soft. It was the one he reserved only for his youngest brother and Cas appreciated it more than words could say. They walked into the bar and Cas took a deep breath. He spotted Meg and walked over.

“Hey, look who showed up!” Meg gave him a hug. “Oh, and you brought trouble.” Gabriel grinned.

“Trouble with a capital T. What’s been going on here?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Balthazar complained. “This night is a total bust.”

“Wouldn’t be if you’d go over and talk to the guy who’s been making eyes at you since we walked in.” Balthazar grimaced.

“I may be a slut, but I do have standards.” Cas laughed.

“Standards. Okay, sure. Balt, your only standard is drunk and vulnerable.” Meg and Gabriel laughed. Balthazar gave Cas the finger.

“So, boys, what do we wanna do?” Meg asked.

“Drink until I forget I exist,” Balthazar said.

“You do that every day,” Gabriel pointed out. “How about we put a few shots of tequila in Cassie so he’ll do karaoke?”

“Oh, hell no,” Cas said. “Not again. That was awful.”

“It was beautiful, Clarence. You have the voice of an angel.”

“He has the voice of a screeching cat,” Balthazar muttered.

“I have a voice of reason that says there’s no way in hell I’m ever letting you trick me into doing that again.”

“Twenty bucks says I can get you on that stage inside of an hour.” Cas narrowed his eyes at his brother.

“Fine. You’re on.”

It took less than ten minutes for Cas to take the microphone on stage. He didn’t remember much, but what he _did_ remember was feeling pretty damn good about himself when he walked off three songs later.

“Beautiful, Clarance!” Meg said.

“I think I threw up in my mouth a little,” Balthazar said.

“I got it all on video in case you don’t remember it tomorrow,” Gabriel said. Cas was too far gone to really hear any of them and he was okay with that. His buzz had settled to where he was aware of his surroundings, but not much else. He liked it. He needed it. More than he realized until he had it. He smiled and sipped what would end up being his last drink of the night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating early because I can't sleep and I'm bored

“I didn’t do anything!” Dean didn’t make a habit of yelling at his father, but he was getting tired of being reprimanded for something he didn’t do. For the last three weeks, everywhere Dean went, Castiel Novak would show up and talk to him. It was nothing more than simple pleasantries, but that didn’t stop John from ripping Dean a new one every single night when he got home. It wasn’t Dean’s fault Castiel kept talking to him. If he were a different person he would just haul off and punch the guy, but he knew how that would look. They were already on wafer-thin ice with the Novaks as it was. There was no need for any additional unnecessary violence.

Dean stormed out the door and drove to his apartment. He needed a break. When he cut Baby’s engine and unlocked his door, he immediately felt better. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and kicked back on the couch, scrolling through his phone.

**Benny [6:18pm]:** Don’t forget Roadhouse at 8

**Ash [6:19pm]:** You better not be late Winchester

**Kevin [6:20pm]:** We set up at 7

Dean sighed. He loved his band, but everything just seemed like too much lately. Between the garage, training Adam, and trying to dodge Castiel, he was burnt out. He wasn’t going to disappoint his friends or their fans, though. He got off the couch, took a quick shower, and grabbed his guitar case. Tuesdays were usually slow at the Roadhouse, but Dean didn’t mind that. He liked small, intimate crowds. It made it easier to connect with people.

He walked in ten minutes to seven. Benny, Ash, and Kevin were all sitting at the bar. Benny saw Dean first.

“Hey, look who showed up on time!” Dean grinned.

“Shut up, I was only late once and that wasn’t my fault.”

“Cut him some slack,” Kevin said. “It’s gotta be hard, coming from one of the richest families in the city.”

“Oh, don’t start that shit,” Dean grumbled. “Let’s just get set up.”

“Hold on, first we need our customary pre-show beer.” Ash handed Dean a bottle. “We’re gonna crush it tonight.” Dean was about to agree when he was hit with an annoyingly familiar scent. He moved his eyes to the door and groaned.

“What?” Benny asked.

“Castiel Novak. I swear he’s stalking me.”

“Maybe his dad asked him to keep tabs on you,” Kevin said.

“I don’t know _what_ his deal is, but he keeps getting me in trouble and I’m done with it.” Dean made the mistake of looking too long and Castiel caught his eye. He smiled and waved. Dean turned back to his friends. “Maybe we should start setting up.”

“Too late,” Ash hissed just before Castiel said,

“Hello, Dean. You guys playing tonight?” Dean opted to just outright ignore him. Benny stepped up.

“Yup. We’re on in an hour if you wanna stay and watch. Sorry, Dean can’t talk right now. He’s resting his voice.”

“No, he isn’t. He just doesn’t wanna talk to me. I’m more than aware of your feelings towards me, Winchester.”

“Then why do you keep talking to me?” Dean snapped.

“I have my reasons.”

“Yeah, well, quit it. You’re getting me in trouble.” Castiel grinned.

“I figured as much, so I have a proposition for you. We can talk after your set. Good luck.”

“Don’t need it,” Dean muttered as Castiel walked away. “Man, I hate that guy.” He downed the rest of his beer. “Come on, let’s set up.”

*** *** ***

The set went well, which wasn’t a surprise, but Dean hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of Castiel. There was something about him that got under Dean’s skin and it was pissing him off even more that he couldn’t figure out what it was.

Dean had every intention of slipping out of the bar the second they walked off stage, but Ash insisted on post-show, celebratory drinks, so he found himself at the bar, nursing a whiskey. That’s where Castiel found him.

“Great set,” he said.

“Thanks,” Dean grumbled, avoiding eye contact.

“Let me buy you a drink and we can talk.” Dean finished off his whiskey and set the glass on the bar.

“I was just leaving, but thanks.” He looked at his friends. “See ya tomorrow, Benny. Later, Ash. Later, Kev.” He had just barely made it out the door when he felt a hand on his arm.

“You’re not getting away form me that easy, Winchester.” Dean spun around and slammed Castiel into the side of the building. He wasn’t usually violent, but he was at the end of his rope.

“Listen to me very careful, Novak, because I’m only gonna say this once. Stay the hell away from me.” Castiel’s smirk was surprisingly cocky given his current position.

“Or what? What are you gonna do?” Nothing. Dean wasn’t going to do anything because he wasn’t that type of person. He also wasn’t the type to threaten people for no reason. He let go off Castiel’s jacket.

“Just leave me alone.”

“All I want is five minutes. It was never my intention to get you in trouble, but I kinda _need_ to talk to you. So maybe there’s a way this can work out for both of us.” Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. He was definitely going to regret the next words that came out of his mouth.

“Five minutes. But out here.”

“Fine. Look, I don’t like you all that much, but talking to you seems to piss Chuck off and I do like that. So I need to talk to you. If you’re getting in trouble because of it, I can’t help that, but I might be able to help you.”

“How?”

“I’m sure you’re aware of the ever-impending war?”

“Yeah.”

“I can give you information.” Dean narrowed his eyes.

“Why should I trust you?”

“Oh, you shouldn’t. I don’t trust you. But the thing is, I don’t wanna see my family dead, but I also don’t wanna see the city destroyed. So if I can fuck up their plans just enough that the war never happens, then I’m gonna do it. And that way when your dad asks you why you were talking to me, you can say you were getting information. Everyone wins here.” Dean contemplated it for a second before shaking his head.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Castiel grinned.

“You don’t! You have to take my word for it. I’m not asking you to trust me, Dean Winchester. I’m asking you to work with me. You’re a killer, but you’re also pretty close to a lot of people in the city and I think you wanna avoid this war just as much as I do.” Half of that statement was true. Dean _did_ want to avoid the war. Fighting wasn’t going to solve anything. It would only turn the city into a wasteland. That wasn’t the part of the statement Dean was focused on, though.

“I’m not a killer.”

“You’ve got a body count in the double-digits. That’s a killer.” Dean crossed his arms defensively.

“I was following orders. You think killing people makes me feel good? They’re people. They deserve to live just as much as everybody else. But when someone threatens our, albeit crumbling, peace, they have to be taken out. I’ve asked my dad countless times not to put me on those missions, but, since I’m next in line, he says I have to.” Castiel actually seemed to soften for a moment.

“Well, I guess you’re not a monster, then. But I still don’t trust you.”

“And I don’t trust you.”

“So we have a deal?” Castiel held out his hand. Dean hesitated. _What’s the harm, really? I deal with five minutes of conversation with him every once in a while and we get the upper hand on the Novaks._ Against his better judgement, Dean shook Castiel’s hand.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right I'm updating super early because it's 4:30am, I can't sleep, and I have to be at work in about 8 hours

Cas had lost his mind. Three days ago he had struck a deal with Dean Winchester. Five minutes of conversation for inside information on what the Novaks were planning. He obviously wasn’t going to give away huge secrets, but just enough that Chuck would never fully be ready to go to war. Just enough to keep everyone in their corner, and the city safe.

He was actually surprised at how quickly Dean had agreed. Of course, that was probably more so he would stop getting in trouble with his father, but Cas didn’t care what Dean’s motives were. The point was, he agreed. Now it was time to set things in motion. Which meant he had to get Balthazar or Gabriel to witness his conversation without either of them hearing what he was saying.

“Cassie, the point of bar hopping is to _not_ sit at the same bar all night, sipping the same drink for an hour, looking like a little lost puppy.” Cas rolled his eyes at his cousin.

“You’re lucky I’m even here.”

“You are an absolute buzzkill, Cas,” Gabriel said.

“Well, we’ve all got our thing, I guess. Trickster, slut, buzzkill.”

“What’s Meg’s thing? And where is she anyway?”

“Meg’s thing is general bitchiness, and she said something about something with the coven. I wasn’t listening. All I heard was “I’m not coming” and I pretty much tuned the rest of it out.” Balthazar opened his mouth to say something, but then snapped it such again. Cas followed his cousin’s eyes across the bar to where Dean Winchester was leaning against the wall. He looked like he was on the prowl. His eyes had a tinge of red around them and his fangs were bared just a little.

“Shit. _No one_ has the right to look that hot.” Cas rolled his eyes again, something he found himself doing often around his cousin. He smacked Balthazar on the back of the head.

“Snap out of it, before he sees you.”

“Too late,” Gabriel said. Cas looked back over. Dean was headed straight for them. Cas ignored the urge to bolt. Despite having talked to him on a pretty regular basis, he was still a little scared of the vampire. He was well within his right to be, given what he knew about Dean. He kept his face neutral as Dean approached.

“Hey, Castiel.”

“Cas,” Cas corrected on autopilot. The only people who called him Castiel were his parents, his oldest siblings, and Gabriel during the rare times when he was actually being serious.

“Right.”

“Do you need something?”

“Just thought I’d say hi.” He flashed a smile in Balthazar’s direction. “Your friend’s got a staring problem, and you seem to have a stalking problem.”

“Just because we like the same bar doesn’t make me a stalker.”

“Okay, sure. You guys gonna watch our set?” Cas looked at his brother and cousin. They both shrugged. Cas turned back to Dean.

“Sure, why not? Good luck.”

“I wish you wouldn’t say that. It throws me off.”

“Fine. Break a leg.” Dean smirked before walking off. Gabriel stared at Cas.

“So, what are you guys, like, friends now?”

“I wouldn’t go that far. Acquaintances, I guess. We don’t hate each other.”

“Dad’s gonna kill you.”

“Good. Let him.” Cas finished off the last of his margarita. “We can go if you guys want.”

“Oh, hell no,” Balthazar said. He ordered a round of shots. Cas declined. He wasn’t there to drink. He was there to see Dean. They had an agreement to keep. Gabriel and Balthazar spent most of the set talking quietly. Cas kept his eyes on Dean. He would never deny that the man attractive, but he was still a killer. Under orders or not, the blood was on his hands, and that was more than enough to keep Cas away. When the set was over, Gabriel and Balthazar made a beeline for the door.

“I’ll be right out,” Cas said. “Gotta hit the bathroom.” He waited until his brother and cousin were out the door before he walked over to Dean, who was sitting at the bar with his bandmates. “Great set, as always.” Dean grinned.

“Thanks.” They stepped a safe distance from his friends. “Drink?”

“Actually, I was just about to take off. We’re supposed to be bar hopping and apparently sitting here all night isn’t “doing it right”. Just thought I’d tell you I was leaving, and give you this.” Cas pressed a folded up sheet of paper into Dean’s hand. It was a small gesture, a list of Chuck’s safe-houses, but it was more than enough to keep up his end of the deal. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“What is it?”

“Safe-houses. All of them. Nowhere to hide if the enemy knows all your spots.”

“For real?”

“I promise. I’ll see ya.” Cas smiled before ducking outside. Gabriel and Balthazar were waiting in the car.

“Where to?”

“Home,” Cas said. “Sorry, guys, but I actually do have stuff to do tomorrow.” It wasn’t a lie. Michael was supposed to be taking him out on a surveillance run tomorrow morning. He probably wouldn’t because Michael would rather spend time with _anyone else_, but Cas wanted to be well rested in the event that his oldest brother followed through.

“You know Michael’s not gonna take you anywhere,” Gabriel grumbled as he headed for Cas’s apartment.

“Yes, I know, but if he decides to actually do his job for once, I’d like to be awake.”

“You’re always awake,” Balthazar pointed out. That was true, but Cas hated it when people pointed it out. He had had problems sleeping since he was a kid. Meg called them night terrors. His parents called them a cry for attention. Cas just wanted them to stop. He just wanted one night without waking up in a cold sweat. He was silent for the rest of the car ride. Gabriel parked and went up with him.

“Are you ever gonna come home?” Cas shrugged.

“Maybe. I like it here. It’s quiet.”

“I know, but we miss you. Well, I miss you, anyway. I know Anna missed you.”

“I know. And if you and Balthazar and…whoever else can stand having me around could make all the bad go away, I would be there. But it’s not enough.” Cas met his brother’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Gabriel.” Gabriel shook his head.

“It’s all right, Cas. I get it. It wasn’t so bad for me, but I get it. You’ll come back when you’re ready.” The fact of the matter was, Cas was never going to move back into that house. Never. He could deal with Chuck once in a while, like when he called an all-family meeting, but they couldn’t live under the same roof. Cas perfected the art of playing obedience. Whatever his father asked him to do was answered with “yes, sir”, and it got done. But Cas had never wanted any part in what his family did. He just wanted to live a normal, boring life.

It was when Chuck started talking about declaring war on the Winchesters for a long list of reasons Cas had tuned out that he _really_ didn’t want anything to do with it. If he could use his inside knowledge to keep the city from being destroyed he was going to do it. And he was going to do it while still playing the role of the devoted son, because it was the only way it would work.

“I’ll call you tomorrow if Michael bails. Maybe we could go to the museum?” It was a tentative question. Gabriel didn’t like places that didn’t have alcohol and loud music, but Cas needed a break from bars. Gabriel smiled warmly.

“Sure, Cas. Whatever you want.” He wrapped Cas in a hug that caught him off guard. He hugged back after a minute, grateful for the small display of affection.

“Thanks, Gabe.” Cas walked into his apartment and Gabriel took the elevator back downstairs.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’ve got information,” Dean said before his father could even open his mouth. He took the piece of paper Cas had given him out of his pocket and set it on the conference table. “Safe-house locations. All of them.” John narrowed his eyes.

“How?”

“Novak gave them to me.”

“Why?” Dean shrugged.

“No idea. He just did.”

“It’s a trap then.”

“I don’t know, sir. I say we send in a couple scouts to check out the locations. If it’s a trap, we dodged it. If it’s not, we’re a step ahead.”

“You trust him?”

“I don’t trust anyone,” Dean said. “I just think it’s worth checking out. Do you disagree?” John was silent for a moment. Dean waited. He knew he was taking a risk, but he believed that Cas’s information was solid. He didn’t trust the shifter, but he also didn’t think Cas was leading them into a trap. Something seemed just a tad off with him. He seemed hellbent on screwing his father over. If it was going help stop the war, then Dean was all for it. He knew John didn’t want the war anymore than he did, but if the challenge was presented he wouldn’t back down. That wasn’t the Winchester way.

“All right. We’ll send in scouts. If you’re right, keep tabs on Novak. If you’re wrong and I find out you spoke to him again, you won’t like the consequences.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You can go.” Dean turned on his heel and bolted out of the room. He had a good feeling about this. He went up to his room and kicked off his boots. He took a long, hot shower, changed into sweats and an old t-shirt, and stretched out on his bed. He was tired, he was hungry, and he needed to get laid. He took out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. No one piqued his interest. He thought about texting Lisa to see if she’d be interested in break-up sex, but he knew that was a bad idea. They had broken up for a reason. He sighed and tossed his phone on the nightstand.

He picked up his remote and turned on the TV. He settled in for a Scooby-Doo marathon and texted Sam to bring him a burger and fries. Sam sent him a few eye-rolling emojis back, but Dean knew he’d come through. His little brother never let him down.

It was almost two hours later before Sam walked into Dean’s room without knocking and threw a bag of food at him.

“You are so lazy, Dean.”

“I’m comfortable. I’ve had a long week. I didn’t think asking you to get me a burger was too much trouble.” Sam smiled.

“It wasn’t. You should really trying eating something healthier, though.” Dean groaned.

“Between you and Mom, I’m gonna go insane. Can’t a man just enjoy a burger? Damn.”

“All right, all right. How was the set tonight?”

“We killed, as always,” Dean replied around a mouthful of burger.

“Good. I promise I’ll stop by next time.”

“Yeah, you always say that.”

“You know I want to. I’m sorry I get busy.” Dean shook his head.

“Don’t apologize for having a life, Sammy. It’s fine. I know you support me.”

“Always, Dean. But maybe don’t spend so much time talking to Castiel Novak.”

“Great, you too? How do you even know about that?”

“Meg’s friends with him. She told me because she figured I’d wanna know. What’s going on with you two?” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Nothing. We talk sometimes. He’s…not horrible.”

“So you’re friends.”

“I wouldn’t say friends. More like…enemies that don’t hate each other. I don’t trust him, but he hasn’t really given me any reason to be a dick to him either.” Sam nodded.

“Fair enough. Just be careful. The Novaks are our enemies for a reason.”

“I know, Sam. And while we’re on the subject of enemies, I’d watch my back around those witches if I were you.”

“Yes, Dean, we’ve been over that. Difference is, I trust them.”

“Why?”

“They’re my friends. They’re teaching me things. They’re good people.”

“They’re witches.”

“You say that like it’s so horrible. Magic is useful, Dean.”

“In the right hands. In the wrong hands, it’s dangerous.”

“I’m not disagreeing, but Rowena, Eileen, and Meg aren’t dangerous. If they were, I wouldn’t hang out with them. You know that.” Dean did know that. His brother was nothing if not smart. That was his thing. Sam was the brains, Dean was the brawn. It was what made them work so well together. Dean had decided that when he did eventually become the leader of the family, he wanted Sam by his side above anyone else, whether he was married by then or not. That was, of course, if Sam said yes. He wasn’t going to force his brother to stay in the family business if he didn’t want to. Dean didn’t really want to, but it was his duty. And once he was in charge, he could change things for the better, so it was…fine.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I know. You don’t have to worry about me, though. I’m an adult.” Dean smirked.

“Yeah, but you’ll always be my little brother. Worrying about you is kinda my job.” Sam chuckled.

“I guess I can’t argue with that. Don’t forget training with Adam tomorrow morning.”

“Right.” Dean hated to admit it, but he was hating Adam a little less the more he spent time with him. It wasn’t that Adam was a bad person. The kid was actually kind of awesome, but every time Dean looked at him, he was reminded that there had been a point when John had moved on from Mary. It hurt. He had always seen his parents as the perfect, loving couple. Adam’s presence shattered that fantasy and he hated it.

Sam left the room and Dean got to enjoy his burger in peace. He turned his attention back to the TV. He could recite all of Scooby-Doo, word for word, and he would never get tired of it. It was his comfort show. He fell asleep that night feeling more content than he had in a while.

*** *** ***

The next morning, Dean was woken up by a soft knocking at his door. He blinked the sleep from his eyes as he sat up. That definitely wasn’t Sam. Sam always woke him up by screaming and pounding on his door so hard he thought it might come off its hinges. He got up and opened the door. Adam immediately dropped his eyes to the floor.

“Sorry if I woke you up. Sam said…we’re supposed to go training today…I just wanted…sorry.” Dean nodded.

“You’re good. I’ll be ready in five minutes.” Adam turned to walk away. “Hey, Adam.” He turned back. “You know you can look me in the eye, right?” Adam lifted his head slowly. Dean half smiled. “Meet me outside in five minutes and I’ll take you hunting.” Adam’s eyes widened.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I think you’ve earned a real lesson.” Adam turned and ran down the hall. Dean chuckled to himself. Yeah, the kid wasn’t so bad. He got dressed and went downstairs. Adam was leaning against the side of the building. “All right, kid. Hunting is the hardest job. We’re gonna take this one step at a time.”

“Okay.” They got in Baby and Dean turned the key. “Oh, and Dean, thank you.”

“For what?”

“Giving me a chance. I know you don’t like me very much.” Dean sighed.

“It’s not that I don’t like you, Adam. You’re just a reminder of something I wanna forget. I’ll get over it.” He smiled a little. “You’re not horrible.” Adam laughed.

“Gee, thanks.”

The rest of the drive was filled with small talk and Dean blasting his favorite Zeppelin cassette. There were designated hunting grounds near the edge of the city as a part of the Treaty. It was safer for everyone and, in all honesty, it made the job a little easier. Dean parked Baby near the edge of the woods and cut the engine.

“What are we hunting?” Adam asked.

“We’re gonna start with something small,” Dean said after he scanned their surroundings, “like a squirrel. Killing is easy. Fighting the urge to drink isn’t. You need to start with something small so the urge won’t be as strong. You need to build up to things like deer.” Dean opened Baby’s trunk and handed Adam a nine millimeter. “Aim for the head or the heart. And make sure you pick it up quickly. We hunt for the blood not the meat.”

“Why?” Adam asked.

“Because they don’t have a section for blood at the grocery store,” Dean said. That actually wasn’t a bad idea, but Dean could only imagine the way the humans would react. It wasn’t worth it. Besides, hunting was a great way for him to get out his anger.

“Fair enough.”

Dean spent the next few hours walking Adam through the basics of hunting. He was good at it, and Dean was pleasantly surprised. His aim was a little shaky, but other than that he caught on quickly. He was also much better at controlling his bloodlust than anyone else he had trained, but Dean chalked that up as being half human. All in all, Adam was proving to be more of an asset than Dean had thought he would.


	10. Chapter 10

Cas woke up in a cold sweat. He bolted up, only partially aware that he was screaming. He shivered a little as he looked around his room. It was empty, of course, but he felt like he had bugs crawling on his skin. He got out of bed and went into the bathroom. He took a scalding hot shower and tried to forget. He had been trying to forget to almost five decades. He knew he would eventually because he had in the past, but it didn’t make the situation any better.

Cas wrapped himself in his bathrobe, made a cup of tea, and sat on the couch. He should probably call Gabriel, but he didn’t want to bother him. It was three in the morning. His brother was either still out bar hopping or passed out somewhere. He didn’t need Cas interrupting him or waking him up because he had a bad dream. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He could take care of himself. He turned on the TV and tried to distract himself.

It wasn’t uncommon for Cas to end up on his couch. Every single night he would go to bed hoping he could make it through without waking up and every single night he would end up sleeping on his couch. Every once in a while he would call Gabriel when it was really bad, but most of the time he would just watch TV until he fell asleep again. Or if that didn’t work he would take a couple sleeping pills. Gabriel didn’t like it when he did that, but he needed sleep.

He wasn’t quite sure when his nightmares started. Some time after his mother died, he was sure of that. They got worse when Chuck married Naomi. Sadistic bitch would be describing her nicely. She didn’t seem to like any of the Novak children, but she hated Cas like poison. Cas didn’t mind so much. The feeling was mutual. She was one of the main reasons Cas had asked for his own apartment. Chuck hadn’t argued.

Cas liked having his own place away from his psychotic family, but there was one draw back he hadn’t considered until the first time he had a nightmare. Gabriel wasn’t in the next room to help calm him down. No matter how many times a night or how many nights a week, every single time Cas woke up, Gabriel was next to him, gently talking him down. It was a comfort that Cas hated to admit he missed. He was an adult. He shouldn’t need his older brother to take care of him anymore. Cas picked up his phone. Almost four. While he was debating whether or not to call his brother, his hand decided it knew what he needed. The next thing he knew his phone was unlocked and he was dialing his brother’s number.

“Hello?” Gabriel had definitely been woken up. _Shit_, Cas thought.

“Hey, Gabe. Sorry.”

“Cas? What time is it?”

“Almost four in the morning.”

“Oh. What’s up?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep.”

“No. You called me for a reason. What’s wrong? Did you have another nightmare?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s okay. I’m fine.”

“If you were fine you wouldn’t’ve called me. I’ll be over in ten minutes.”

“Gabe, you really don’t—.”

“This isn’t a discussion. I’ll be over in ten minutes.”

“Thank you,” Cas whispered before hanging up. He felt like he was ten years old again. Weak and helpless, asking his brother to stay with him to keep the monsters away. He wiped away the tears in his eyes. He was stronger than this. He got up and walked into the bathroom. He splashed some cold water on his face before opening the drawer where he kept all his medication. He was staring at the bottle of sleeping pills, debating, when the buzzer went off. He walked back out to the living room.

“Hey, let me up.” Cas buzzed his brother in and sat on the couch.

“You didn’t have to come over.” Gabriel hugged him.

“I know, but that’s what big brothers are for.” Gabriel was still wearing his pajamas and he looked exhausted. Cas felt guilty.

“You should’ve gone back to sleep.”

“I wouldn’t’ve been able to sleep. I would’ve been worrying about you. Me being here is better for both of us. What are we watching?”

“I don’t know. I just turned something on.” Gabriel rolled his eyes and opened Netflix. “You really don’t have to do this. I’m okay.”

“I don’t believe that for a second, Castiel. You don’t call me unless it’s bad. If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine, but I’m not leaving you alone until you get some uninterrupted sleep.” Cas was quiet for a minute.

“Do you think I killed Mom?” The question was barely audible, but Gabriel dropped the remote.

“What? Cas, no. Why would you even ask that?”

“She was fine after she had you, Michael, and Raphael. Why wasn’t she okay after I was born?”

“She had depression after she had all of us,” Gabriel said. “I guess it was just too much for her the last time.”

“I was too much for her.”

“That’s not what I meant. You didn’t do anything. She loved you. She just couldn’t handle whatever was going on in her head. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Michael said it was my fault.”

“Yeah, well, Michael’s a dick. He needed someone to blame and you were the easiest target. He should’ve helped you cope with it instead of blaming you for it. It wasn’t your fault, Cas.” Cas nodded, but he didn’t believe it.

“Are you gonna pick something or just wander aimlessly?”

“Your list sucks.”

“Just pick something! It’s not like you’re gonna pay attention to it anyway!”

“Wow. Someone’s bitchy.” Gabriel clicked on whatever the remote had landed on then patted his lap. “Come on. Get some sleep.” Cas grabbed one the pillows and curled up on the couch, his head resting surprisingly comfortably in his brother’s lap. Gabriel ran his fingers gently through Cas’s hair.

“Michael was right.”

“Shh,” Gabriel hushed. “Just sleep. We can talk more in the morning.” Cas did eventually fall asleep and managed to get through the rest of the night without incident.

*** *** ***

The next morning, Cas woke up to the smell of pancakes. He blinked and sat up on the couch. He picked up his phone. It was almost eleven.

“Gabe?” Gabriel poked his head out of the kitchen.

“Hey, Cassie! Pancakes’ll be done in a minute.”

“You didn’t have—.”

“I know I didn’t _have_ to. I never _have_ to do anything, but you’re my baby brother and I’m gonna make sure you’re okay. So we’re gonna eat pancakes and then we’re gonna spend the day watching TV.”

“Gabe—.”

“Not open for discussion, Cas.” Cas sighed. He appreciated that Gabriel cared so much, but he felt like a burden. Gabriel had his own life. He couldn’t keep putting everything on hold just because Cas was having a bad day.

“Don’t give up your life to take care of me,” Cas said when Gabriel handed him a plate of pancakes. His brother rolled his eyes.

“I’m not giving up my life. You’ve gotta understand that I’m here because I wanna be, not because I feel like I have to be. Now eat your pancakes.” Cas picked up his fork and ate quietly. As always, Gabriel drowned his in almost an entire bottle of syrup.

“You’re gonna go into shock one of these days.”

“I’ll be fine. What are we watching?”

“I recorded a documentary on bees,” Cas said, waiting for Gabriel inevitable ‘why would you make me watch that?’ face.

“Okay.”

“Seriously?”

“I can sit through a few hours of bees if it’ll make you happy. I mean, they’re pretty cool. They make honey.” Cas chuckled.

“Thanks, Gabe.” He put on the documentary while his brother cleaned up the kitchen. He still felt like Gabriel was giving him too much, but if he said he didn’t mind then Cas was going to indulge in it for as long as he could before the guilt set in again.


	11. Chapter 11

Dean squirmed in his chair. He didn’t like being called into his father’s office. It usually meant he was in trouble. He had been sitting there for almost twenty minutes and John hadn’t said a word. That wasn’t good. Dean thought back over the last couple weeks. As far as he knew he hadn’t done anything to warrant this particular brand of torture. He was about to ask his father why he was there when John said,

“Relax, Dean.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“You’re not in trouble. I wanted to let you know that I sent scouts out to the locations Novak gave you. They all checked out and we weren’t ambushed. I’m officially making him your assignment. Monitor him. Get information when you can. And try to figure out what his angle is.” _I don’t think he has one_, Dean wanted to say because Cas really hadn’t seemed to want anything. He knew better than to trust the shifter though.

“Yes, sir,” he said instead. He really didn’t want to. He didn’t mind talking to Cas every once in a while in exchange for information, but to have to constantly keep tabs on him? That was going to take up most if not all of his free time. He couldn’t say that though. He had to do what his father told him, whether he liked it or not.

“Good. You’re dismissed.” Dean breathed a silent sigh of relief that John hadn’t mentioned the offer he had made him. Dean could only be so compliant before he snapped. He was on his way to his room when he ran into Adam.

“Hey, Dean. Are you busy?” Dean wanted to snap. Everyone seemed to need something from him lately. But he had promised Sam he would try and be nice.

“Nope. What’s up?”

“Do you have time to walk me through some weapons training? My aim still needs work.” Dean actually smiled at that.

“Sure, kid. Get your gear and meet me at the shooting range in ten.”

“Thanks!” Adam ran down the hall. Dean shook his head a little. He was tired. He wanted to collapse into his bed and watch TV until he fell asleep. He went into his room, found his duffle under his bed, and headed for the shooting range. This time he was stopped by Sam.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Weapons training with Adam. What do you need?” Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing. What’s with you?”

“I’m tired, Sam. I am very, very, very, very, very, very tired. I just wanna sleep.”

“You shouldn’t be firing weapons if you’re sleep deprived.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“By that logic then I should never be allowed to fire weapons. I’m fine. I’ll help Adam with his aim for a fews hours and then I’ll go to bed.”

“Don’t you have a show to play tonight?” Dean glared at his brother.

“I will kill you, Sammy.”

“You’re stretching yourself too thin, Dean.”

“You think I haven’t figured that out? Between working at the garage, playing at the Roadhouse, training Adam, and doing my usual field loop to make sure everyone’s behaving, I’ve got enough on my plate. Now Dad wants me keeping tabs on Novak, which basically takes up any free time I had left to myself. I wanna sleep. That’s all I wanna do.”

“Why does Dad want you tailing Novak? Which Novak?”

“Castiel. The information he gave me was solid so Dad wants me to monitor him.”

“You think he’s playing the rebel to get you to let your guard down, or what?”

“I guess that’s what Dad thinks. Personally, I don’t really know. What I do know about him is that he’s the favorite son in that family, so I don’t know why he’s helping me. I honestly don’t care, either. He gave me information, no one died, I’m good.”

“Just be careful, Dean.”

“Sam, when was the last time I was ever careful? I’ll be fine. I’ll see ya later if I don’t die from exhaustion.” Dean clapped his brother on shoulder as he walked past him. He stopped by the kitchen and filled the biggest mug he could find with coffee then went to the shooting range. Adam was practically vibrating with excitement. Dean was vibrating with caffeine. “Sorry. Sam stopped me in the hall and decided it was a good time to tell me how to live my life. What do you need the most help with?”

“The rifle.”

“Lemme see.” Adam handed over his rifle. Dean held it up and aimed it. He was a perfect shot so when the bullet missed the bullseye by about three inches he frowned. “Well, your sights are definitely fucked up. Who gave you this?”

“Uh…Christian. He said it was the only one left.” Dean rolled his eyes. As much as he still kinda didn’t like Adam, his cousin was even worse. All of his cousins on his mother’s side, really. He understood that they were family, but they weren’t Winchesters. They didn’t follow what Dean had deemed the Winchester Code. They had no business living under the same roof, but Dean didn’t get a say in it.

“Word of advice, take what Christian, Mark, and Gwen say with an ocean of salt.” Dean opened his duffle and tossed Adam one of his spare rifles. “Try that.”

“Why do you have so many guns?”

“Just in case. I like to be prepared.” The truth was, Dean liked guns. He liked the way they felt in his hands. He liked the power he felt when he held them. He liked the feel of the kickback. He just liked guns. But he wasn’t allowed to say that to people because apparently that made him sound like a psychopath.

Adam aimed the gun and took a shot. The bullet hit fairly close to the bullseye, but Adam almost lost his balance from the kickback. Dean reached out to steady him on instinct.

“Sorry. Should’ve warned you about the kickback on that one. Your aim’s not bad, though. I think your problem was just the sights on that gun. And I guarantee Christian did that on purpose.”

“You don’t like very many people do you?” Dean folded his arms and leaned against the wall.

“I like people just fine, but there are certain rules that come with being in this family that Christian, Mark, and Gwen don’t follow because they’re not Winchesters. They’re Campbells. I don’t think they should be allowed under this roof, but it’s not my call.”

“What about me?” Dean hesitated. He was too tired to be dealing with conversations like this.

“You’re a Winchester, but you’re also a half-blood and that doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not that I don’t like you. You’re actually kinda cool. But there’s always gonna be a part of me that doesn’t trust you.” Adam was silent for a beat before nodding slowly.

“Okay. Thanks, Dean.”

Dean spent the next few hours adjusting Adam’s aim with various guns. He was a good shot for the most part and Dean was mildly impressed. By the time they finished it was nearing four in the afternoon. Dean was debating whether or not he should text his bandmates and cancel when Mary stopped him on the stairs.

“You look exhausted, honey.”

“I am. I’ve got a few hours before I have to meet the guys are the Roadhouse. I’m gonna take a nap.”

“You should really take a break.”

“Don’t have time, Mom. Too much to do.”

“I know you’re trying to do everything, but don’t wear yourself out trying to make everyone else happy. You need time to yourself too.”

“I know. I’ll be okay in a few day once I fall into a routine.” He forced a smile and kissed his mother’s cheek. “I’ll be back before midnight. I promise.”

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“Love you, too, Mom.” Dean continued up the stairs to his room. He set his alarm for six then fell onto his bed and slipped into unconsciousness.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I didn't update yesterday. We got some things figured out at work and I'm finally getting 2 days off so I'm moving update days to Wednesday.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Cas looked up from his book when the little bell above the door jingled. He didn’t see anyone, but that’s what the bell was for. He went back to his book. Mondays were always slow at the record store. Hell, most days were slow at the record store. It was a record store. Most of the clientele consisted of older men, and young hipsters trying to prove they were different. It was a boring job, but Cas didn’t mind it. He liked the peace and quiet.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Well, so much for peace and quiet. Cas looked up from his book again and locked eyes with Dean Winchester.

“What are you doing here, Winchester?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Novak.”

“I work here.”

“Why?”

“Same reason you work at the garage. It’s nice to have money that doesn’t belong to my parents. I’ll repeat myself. What are you doing here?”

“Um…buying a record. Maybe. It’s hard to find ones I don’t already have.”

“So you’re a record guy?”

“You sound surprised.” Cas shrugged.

“You don’t seem like the type.” Dean crossed his arms.

“You don’t know me.”

“You’re right, I don’t. So are you gonna buy something, or just stand there wasting my time?” Dean looked around the empty store.

“Seems like talking to me is the most exciting thing you’ve done all day.” Cas chuckled.

“Well, you’re not wrong. This job can get boring.” There was a pause and Cas took the moment to study Dean. He looked…worn out. More so than usual. Dean always looked a bit tired, but he always had and air of danger and excitement about him. That was gone. He looked like he just wanted to go home and go to bed. Cas understood that feeling.

“I can…uh…hang out…for a while…if you want.” The offer caught Cas off guard.

“I mean, sure, I could use the company, but…won’t you get in trouble?”

“I don’t think so. It’s just us, and anyone who walks in here probably has no idea who you are.” Cas studied Dean again. He had to have some kind of angle, didn’t he? Dean Winchester wasn’t offering to hang out with him because he…wanted to. Was he?

“All right, I guess.” Dean smiled.

“Cool.” He took a step closer and Cas stepped back on instinct. Dean’s smile faltered. “Something wrong?” The answer to that question was yes and no and Cas didn’t know what to say. Dean frowned slightly. “Are you afraid of me?” Cas bit his lip.

“Yes,” he answered honestly. “I don’t wanna be. You seem really nice, but after spending my entire life being told that you’re dangerous…it’s just gonna take some getting used to.” Dean stepped back a little.

“I should probably go.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, I think I should. If you’re gonna spend the whole time thinking I might kill you, it’s probably for the best.” Dean was angry. The edges of his eyes were turning red and his fangs were showing just a little.

“Dean, that’s not what I meant. It’s a learned habit. I just need to unlearn it. Spending time with you would probably help that.” Cas half smiled. “You can leave if you want, but…I’d like it if you stayed.” He internally cringed at how sappy it sounded. He wasn’t supposed to like Dean Winchester. He wasn’t supposed to think he was nice and funny. He was supposed to watch his back and never be anywhere alone with him. Cas still didn’t trust the vampire, he never would, but he wanted to get to know him better before he made any final decisions about him.

“Okay. Got an extra chair? We can use the counter as a buffer.” That got a real smile out of Cas.

“Works for me.” Cas pushed a rolling office chair in Dean’s direction before kicking back in his own. Dean leaned back and propped his boots up on the counter. Cas swatted at him “Come on, dude, feet off the merchandise.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“It’s all protected by glass. You’re so uptight.”

“It’s not my store! I just work here.”

“Owner must know you if she’s letting you stay here by yourself.”

“Friend of a friend,” Cas said. “How do know the owner’s a woman?”

“I’ve met her. Not a fan, but she keeps good records in stock.”

“I’ll agree with you there. She’s not my favorite person, but she gives me a paycheck, so I’ll take it. She’s hardly here anyway. Just stops by once in a while to make sure the store’s still standing.”

“Sounds like Ruby. I’m guessing you know her through Meg?”

“Yup. And you know Meg through Sam.”

“Unfortunately.” Cas raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t like her?”

“I don’t like witches,” Dean said. “Obviously they’re not all bad, but I’ve dealt with enough bad that I’m wary. Sam seems to trust them, though, and I trust his judgment.” Cas nodded.

“Not that it means much coming from me, but Meg’s not that bad. She’s a grade-A bitch, but that’s about it.” Dean smirked.

“That means something. I don’t trust you, Cas. Probably never will, but that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna assume everything you tell me is a lie.”

“How very open-minded of you.”

“Well, so far you haven’t lied to me.”

“You checked out those safe-houses I gave you.”

“Took some convincing, but yeah. Dad told me to keep tabs on you. Didn’t seem like too much of a hardship.” So Dean wasn’t just hanging out because he wanted to. He had been told to. That made Cas feel a little better. Dean didn’t have an angle, he was just doing his job.

“How kind.”

Dean hung around for most of Cas’s shift. By the time he left there had been a total of eight customers and Cas was grateful for the company. Once Dean was gone, he picked up his book again. That’s when he noticed the small scrap of paper on the counter. He picked it up.

Text me if you want

605-555-0102

Cas stared at the paper. Dean Winchester had given him is phone number. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do with it. All logic was telling him to throw it away and pretend it never happened. He could talk to Dean when they ran into each other and that was enough. He couldn’t bring himself to drop the paper into the trash, though. He took out his phone and punched in the number. He crumpled up the paper and threw it away. The bell above the door jingled and Cas looked up.

“Hey, Clarence, bored yet?” Cas smiled.

“Always.” Meg shifted a little and frowned.

“Dean Winchester was here.”

“How do you do that?”

“I can sense energies, and Dean’s is very specific. What was he doing here?”

“Keeping me company.”

“Oh, so you’re friends now?” Cas snorted.

“Hardly. More like using each other. He doesn’t want this war and neither do I. If there’s a chance we can stop it, I’m gonna take it.”

“You’re gonna get yourself killed.”

“You think I haven’t thought about that? I’m keeping my guard up.”

“Are you?”

“Yes. I’m not stupid, Meg. I know what he’s capable of and I know he’s responsible for most of the deaths in my family. He’s not my friend. He’s a means to an end. That’s all.” Meg studied him for a long moment before shaking her head.

“Whatever, Cas. Just don’t die, okay? I kinda like you.” Cas smirked.

“What lovely lukewarm sentiment. I’ll be fine. Why are you here?”

“I can’t stop by just to say hi?”

“No, you can’t. You want something. What is it?”

“Just thought we could get some coffee and talk. We don’t do that anymore.”

“Because you always wanna hang out in bars,” Cas pointed out. He checked the time. “I’ve got an hour left on my shift. Wanna hang out?”

“Yeah, why not? You look like you could use the company.” Meg flopped into the chair Dean had been sitting in. “You up for some fun tonight?”

“Depends on your definition of fun.” Meg shrugged.

“I was just thinking. I kinda miss you as a blond.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“I’m not doing that.”

“Why not?” Meg whined. “When was the last time you shifted just for fun?”

“Halloween 1973 ring any bells?” Meg winced.

“Ooh, yeah, that was bad. But come on! Just for a few hours. I know you miss it.” Cas did miss it. He used to shift his form all the time, just because he could. Then he got himself into some trouble and hadn’t done it since, unless he was going undercover for something. He toyed with the corner of his page. A few hours couldn’t hurt. He sighed.

“Fine, but only until midnight.”

“Who are you? Cinderella?”

“Midnight or no deal,” Cas said firmly.

“Fine, but I get to pick what you wear.” Cas hesitated. He was slipping into dangerous territory. _It can’t possibly be that bad_, he thought.

“Deal.”


	13. Chapter 13

Dean walked off stage with a buzz that would definitely last him all night. Now all he needed was a glass of whiskey, a burger, and a good lay. He got two of those three things when he got to the bar. Jo set a glass of whiskey and a bacon cheeseburger in front of him.

“On the house. You guys killed tonight.”

“Thanks, sweetheart,” Dean said, biting into his burger. He was letting the flavor wash over his tastebuds when he was suddenly hit with a familiar scent. He turned around and grinned. “Hey, Novak!”

“Hey, Winchester.”

“See the show?”

“I think that was your best performance yet.” Cas took the barstool next to him. “Your _Simple Man_ cover was better than the original.” Dean snorted.

“Yeah, right. That’s an insult to a rock legend.” Dean finished his whiskey. “Can I buy you a drink?”

“Why do you always do that? I have money, I can buy my own drinks.” Dean shrugged.

“You’re cute.” Dean wasn’t sure why he said it, but it wasn’t a lie. Just because he didn’t trust the guy didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate a pretty face. If he wasn’t a Novak, Dean definitely would’ve been flirting with him. But Cas _was_ a Novak, and he was a Winchester, and they were a hair’s breadth away from going to war with each other. So there they were. Dean was keeping his guard up because he had to, but he was seeing Cas as less of an enemy and more of a means to an end. Or at least a frenemy.

“Thanks. I don’t hear that enough. But I can buy my own drinks. And I actually wanted to talk to you.” Cas raised an eyebrow and Dean got the message. He slipped off his barstool and followed Cas outside. They walked around the side of the building into the alley before either of them spoke.

“What’s up?”

“Weapons cache.” Cas handed over a piece of paper. Dean blinked.

“You’re kidding.”

“Dead serious. Chuck’s got warehouses full of weapons. More than any one army could need. Thought you’d like to know. Check out the list if you don’t believe me.”

“I believe you.” There wasn’t a doubt in Dean’s mind that Cas was telling the truth. All the information he had given so far was solid. Dean was just waiting for the day they got ambushed. The day he finally decided he trusted Cas enough not to send in a scout team.

“Good.” Something flashed in Cas’s eyes. Curiosity, maybe. In all honesty, it looked suspiciously like lust, but Dean knew that couldn’t be right. They were enemies, using each other to prevent a war. That was it. Occasionally they had a nice conversation, and they texted once in a while, but nothing more.

“Anything else?” Cas bit his lip for a moment and Dean ignored the slight tightening in his jeans.

“No, I think I’m good for now.” Cas smiled before walking away. Dean stood there for a moment before going back into the bar. He ordered another whiskey and went back to his cheeseburger.

“What was that all about?” Benny asked.

“Just business,” Dean answered because, really, what could he say? His arrangement with Cas wasn’t something either of them talked about. They couldn’t. It just was. It existed to serve a purpose, not to be discussed. “Dad told me to keep an eye on him, so I’m keeping an eye on him.”

“Seemed a little friendlier than “keeping an eye on him”,” Kevin pointed out. Dean rolled his eyes.

“What am I supposed to do? Go up to him and say “My dad told me to keep an eye on you”? He’d never talk to me. I know how to do my job, Kev.”

“Never said you didn’t.”

“Can we stop talking about Dean’s boring ass job?” Ash grumbled. “We’re supposed to be celebrating!” Dean raised his glass.

“I’ll drink to that.”

“You’ll drink to anything.”

“You know what, Kevin? Bite me.” Kevin bared his fangs a little.

“I just might.” Dean laughed. Jo came back over with another round.

“Mom said to behave yourself, Dean.” Dean flashed her a grin.

“I never do. You know that. Got anyone you wanna hook me up with?”

“Never, Dean. Never.” Jo patted his cheek before walking away. Dean watched her leave. Jo was a spitfire of a girl and he considered her a sister. He was also just a tad bit scared of her, but no one needed to know that.

Kevin left about an hour later. Benny left an hour after that. Ash stayed until two hours before close. Dean shut the place down. He didn’t feel like going home. He knew he had information to give his father, but he just wanted some time to himself.

“Last call, Dean,” Jo said gently. Dean nodded. He was buzzed, but perfectly functional.

“Want me to help close up?” Jo looked over at Ellen, who smiled.

“You can if you want to, sweetheart.” Dean could always count on Ellen to understand when he just needed a break.

“Thanks.” He waited for Jo to finish wiping down the tables before he started putting the chairs up. Then he went into the back to start on the dishes.

“You feeling okay, hon?” Ellen asked after about twenty minutes.

“I’m good. Just need some me time.”

“Your daddy giving you a hard time, hon?”

“Not really, but I’m trying to avoid him.”

“Jo told me about his offer. She said you don’t want it.”

“I don’t. I know I’m gonna have to step up eventually, but that won’t be for centuries. I wanna have a chance to live my life, ya know? I don’t wanna get wrapped up in the family business until I absolutely have to. It’s bad enough he’s got me keeping an eye on Novak. That takes up more of my time than I’d like it to.” That wasn’t a lie. As much as he didn’t hate Cas, he still didn’t like having to keep tabs on him. It was starting to interfere with his personal life.

“You don’t seem to mind that so much,” Ellen said with a small smile. Dean shook his head.

“He’s actually not horrible, but I’d still rather not spend all my spare time making sure he’s not up to shit.” Dean swallowed. “I don’t want this to end the way it ended with Anna.” That was also true. He wanted to believe that Cas wasn’t going to screw him over, but there was always going to be a small part of him that didn’t trust him. He was a Novak. It had been ingrained in him for as long as he could remember that the Novaks couldn’t be trusted.

“I’m sorry about that. I know how you feel about killing.”

“Yeah, everyone seems to except Dad. We have people for that kind of thing. I don’t understand why Dad always wants me to do it, and I don’t wanna have to do it to Cas.” Ellen put her hand on his shoulder.

“You should talk to Mary, Dean. She’ll listen and she might be able to help.”

“Maybe.” His mother wasn’t going to be able to help him. No one would be able to help him. He was stuck. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want a role in the family business, he did, but he didn’t understand what was so bad about him wanting to have a normal life, too.

“Go home, Dean. Talk to your parents. You shouldn’t have to hide out here to get some peace. You should be comfortable in your own house.” Dean sighed. He knew he couldn’t argue with Ellen. Hell, he couldn’t argue with any woman. He tossed his dish towel onto the counter.

“Fine. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“I know you will. Have a good night, hon.” Dean kissed Ellen’s cheek.

“You, too.” He walked back into the front of the bar. “‘Night, Jo.”

“‘Night, Dean.” Dean gave her the soft smile he reserved for family before he slipped out the door.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I was talking to a friend recently and this fic has become much longer than I originally intended, so I'm updating my posting schedule a little because it doesn't seem fair to make you all wait so long. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'll be posting two chapters every Wednesday and two chapters either Thursday or Sunday depending on which day I have off work that week.

Cas woke up screaming. His hand was on his phone before he was even fully awake. He didn’t know what was happening until he heard Gabriel’s sleep-heavy voice in his ear.

“Hello?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to call you. Force of habit. I’m okay. Seriously.”

“Cas, you should really come home,” Gabriel said. “Walking next door is a lot faster than driving ten minutes. I’ll be there.”

“Don’t. I’m fine. I’m just gonna go back to sleep.”

“How about I stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep?” Cas figured that was the best he was going to get out of his brother, so he sighed.

“Fine. But you really don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I know. Put me on speaker and go back to sleep.” Cas put his phone on speaker, set it on his nightstand, and closed his eyes. After a few minutes he heard a slightly familiar tune coming through his phone. He frowned for a minute while he tried to place it. The music box Anna had given him when he was nine. It was supposed to help him sleep. And it did for a while until Naomi took it because “boys aren’t supposed to have music boxes”. Cas thought about asking Gabriel where he found it, but instead he just let the soft melody wash over him until he was fast sleep.

*** *** ***

Cas chucked a French fry at his brother across the table. He had insisted _multiple_ times that he was fine and didn’t need a day out, but Gabriel wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so they were sitting in a booth near the back at the Roadhouse.

“I told you you didn’t have to do this. Don’t you have, like, work to do or something?”

“Cassie, you know as well as I do that Dad doesn’t trust me with any of the important stuff. He leaves that to you.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know where everyone got this idea that I’m Chuck’s favorite. Michael’s the favorite.”

“Michael’s the oldest. He gets a certain level of respect for that, but he’s not the favorite. I mean, come on. You’ve got your own place, you’ve got an actual job. Dad lets you do whatever you want because he doesn’t wanna lose you.”

“Yeah, well, believe me. If I had the money, I’d disappear. I hate this family.”

“Present company not included, I hope.”

“Of course.” Cas scratched at his arm through his jacket. Gabriel batted his hand away.

“Stop that.”

“Sorry. My point was, I’ll sit in the meetings and I’ll play the role, but if circumstances were different, I would’ve left a long time ago.”

“I know. And I’d miss you.” Cas smiled a little.

“I’d miss you, too.” They changed the subject after that and Cas was grateful. Jo stopped by their table and asked if they needed anything else.

“Something sweet,” Gabriel said.

“Ignore him,” Cas said. “He doesn’t need any more sugar.”

“You see how he treats me? Do you want me to waste away to nothing, Cas?” Jo laughed.

“I think we might have one slice of apple pie left.”

“Are you giving away my pie, Joanna?” Jo, Gabriel, and Cas all turned to look at Dean.

“You’re so possessive, Winchester.” Jo smiled at Cas and Gabriel. “I’ll be back.” She walked away and Gabriel looked up at Dean.

“You need something?”

“No. But I’m prepared to fight you for that pie.” Cas chuckled in spite of himself.

“Bad idea, Winchester.” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“And why’s that, Novak?”

“Gabe may be small, but he’s scrappy. And he doesn’t fuck around when it comes to his sugar.”

“Take it,” Gabriel said. He looked at Cas. “I’ll meet you outside.” He slid out of the booth a walked out the door. Dean took his place.

“Well, he’s a ray of sunshine,” he said, taking some fries off of Cas’s plate. “What’s his issue?” Cas shrugged.

“No idea. But I’ll repeat his question. Do you need something?”

“I’ll repeat my answer. No. I saw you and thought I’d say hi. Then Jo offered your brother my pie and, well, I can’t stand for that.”

“For the record, you don’t get first dibs on our pie,” Jo said, setting down a plate.

“Yes, I do.” Dean gave her a cocky grin and slipped a twenty into her apron pocket. “For your trouble.”

“Don’t try to sweet talk me, Winchester.” Jo walked away again.

“Guess she’s not that into you,” Cas said. Dean shook his head and laughed.

“Nah, it’s not like that. Jo’s like a sister to me. I just like to mess with her sometimes. You should probably get back to your brother.”

“Probably. I’ll text you when I’ve got information.” Cas stood up.

“Or whenever,” Dean said as he walked towards the door. Cas turned back around. Dean grinned at him.

“Okay. Sure.” He smiled a little before going outside. Gabriel was sitting in the car.

“Took you long enough.”

“What’s with you?” Gabriel groaned.

“He’s so hot! It’s not fair!” Cas rolled his eyes.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You’re gonna sit there and tell me you don’t think he’s attractive?”

“Aesthetically, yes, but you can’t go on looks alone, Gabe.” Gabriel returned Cas’s eye roll.

“Whatever. Doesn’t matter anyway. I still need a sugar fix, so where to?”

“Just take me home. I’ve had enough outside today.”

“Fine.” They drove back to Cas’s apartment in silence. Cas declined Gabriel’s offer to come up for a little while. He loved his brother dearly, he did, but he needed some time to himself. He mixed himself a drink and stepped out onto the balcony. He was staring out across the sky line when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He sighed.

**Meg [4:36pm]:** Busy?

**Cas [4:36pm]:** Depends. What do you want?

**Meg [4:37pm]:** Thought we could hang out

**Cas [4:37pm]:** Spent the day with Gabe. I’m peopled out. Tomorrow?

**Meg [4:38pm]:** Sure. You okay?

**Cas [4:38pm]:** I would be if people would stop asking me that. I’m good. I swear.

Cas put his phone back in his pocket. He wasn’t mad that his friends cared about him, he just wished they wouldn’t be so insistent with it. He needed space to breathe. He understood why everyone worried when he went radio silence, but sometimes he needed to lock himself in his room for days without contact with the outside world. Sometimes it was the only way he could cope. Nobody seemed to understand that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update number 2 for today! I meant to do this earlier, but when I got home from work I promptly fell asleep. Anyway, enjoy!

Dean woke up a minute before his alarm went off because of course he did. He hauled himself out of bed, took an ice cold shower to wake himself up, and went down to the dining room. Sam was sitting at the table with an egg white omelette.

“Eating a yolk won’t kill you,” Dean muttered as he headed for the coffee pot in the kitchen. Sam didn’t say anything until Dean sat down across from him with a mug and the entire coffee pot.

“You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack.”

“Bite me.”

“Dean, I’m worried about you. When was the last time you slept properly?”

“I dunno. Doesn’t matter. Adam up? I’m supposed to take him on my patrol route, then hunting, then I’ve got work at two, and the guys’ve been bugging me because we haven’t played a show in almost a week, so I’ve gotta do that. And of course I’ve gotta keep tabs on Novak.”

“You need to sleep.”

“No time.” Dean went back into the kitchen to eat a few pieces of bacon and fill the biggest travel mug he could find with coffee. When he reentered the dining room, Adam had appeared. He looked way too full of energy for six in the morning.

“Hey, Dean!”

“Shh,” Dean said, shaking his head. “Too early for loud. Come on. We’ve got a lot to do in seven hours. Get your shit and meet me outside.” Adam bolted out of the room. Dean caught Sam’s worried expression. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. I’m fine.” Sam didn’t let up so Dean walked away. He knew Sam was only trying to help, but Sam wasn’t supposed to help him. _He_ was the oldest. _He_ was supposed to help Sam. _He_ was supposed to worry about things so his little brother could have a life.

Dean shook his head as he started up Baby and waited for Adam. Sam was supposed to be doing something with his life that wasn’t…this. He had never really wanted to play a role in the family business. Sam wanted to save the world. Somewhere around 1970 he had wanted to be a lawyer. He had even talked about applying to Stanford just to see if he could get in. Dean didn’t know what ever came of that, but he decided he should ask the next time he was in a clear enough head space to have a real conversation.

“What am I learning today?” Adam asked, startling Dean enough that he almost spilled his coffee.

“Jesus, kid. I’m gonna have to get you a bell or something.” Adam laughed.

“Sorry.”

“You’re fine. I’m taking you on my patrol route. This is probably the easiest, but most dangerous job. It also offers the most flexibility, which is why I like it. All I do is drive around for a few hours and make sure everyone is behaving themselves. Sometimes Dad tells me to keep an eye on certain people, but for the most part it’s just watching. Occasionally I’ll have to break up a fight and that’s when it can get dangerous, but really only if you don’t know how to handle yourself.” Dean glanced at his half-brother. “Can you handle yourself, Adam?”

“I think so?”

“Then you can’t. I’ll find some time to give you some boxing lessons. Or if you wanna hang out at work with me, Bobby can give you boxing lessons. He taught me and Sam.”

“If you don’t think he’ll mind. I don’t wanna be in the way.” Dean waved him off.

“You’re family,” he said without really thinking about it, “and Bobby usually just sits in the office anyway.”

“I…I’m…” Adam smiled a little, “Thanks, Dean.” Dean nodded.

He took Adam around his usual loop. Nothing overly exciting happened and they ended up at the Roadhouse around eleven for lunch. Dean called Bobby, who confirmed he was available to teach Adam some basic boxing skills, then ordered a bacon cheeseburger and a beer.

“It’s not even noon yet,” Ellen said. “You’re getting Coke.” Dean sighed, but didn’t argue. “You look like hammered crap, you know.” Dean gave Ellen his best ‘fuck you’ look.

“Gee, thanks.”

“When was the last time you slept?”

“Dunno, but I wish people would stop asking me that. I’m good.”

“Well, if you need anything, you know we’re here,” Ellen said. Dean half smiled.

“I know. Thanks, Ellen.” She walked away and Dean stared into his Coke glass. He could feel Adam’s eyes on him and he knew his half-brother wanted to say something. “Spit it out, kid.”

“You’re not good. You look ready to pass out. You need to sleep.”

“I don’t have time, kid. Too much to do.”

“Sam can take over my training if it’ll be easier for you.” Dean didn’t like the slight tremor in Adam’s voice.

“No, it’s fine. You’ve got a lotta potential. You should learn from the best. It’s just that I’m trying to do too much. Between this, and all the other shit Dad wants me to do, and my job, and playing gigs here…it’s just a lot. But I’m managing it.”

“Are you?” Dean rolled his eyes.

“First Sammy, now you. I’m the oldest. I’m supposed to be worrying about you two, not the other way around. I’m fine.” Adam didn’t press, but Dean could tell he wanted to. He had been adamant that he would never accept Adam into the family, but the more time he spent with the kid, the harder he found it to stay mad at him for something that wasn’t even really his fault. He was a good kid.

They ate lunch quietly. Dean still wasn’t awake enough to engage in meaningful conversation and Adam didn’t seem to want to anger him. Dean was okay with that. It was nice to be able to just sit in silence. He liked company, but he didn’t see the need to fill every single silence with unnecessary noise. Ellen dropped off their check and ruffled Dean’s hair a little, which would’ve embarrassed him if he weren’t so utterly exhausted. He looked at the check and rolled his eyes. Written across the tab was “On the house. Over-worked, dead on his feet, family friend discount”. He smirked and shook his head.

“What?” Adam asked.

“Ellen thinks I can’t pay for shit because I’m tired.” He left two twenties on the table. “Come on.” Adam followed him out to Baby. “We’re gonna stop by the hotel. Gotta get you some boxing gear. You can stay as long as you want. I’ll take my break whenever you wanna leave and drive you home.”

“Thanks, Dean.” There was an underlying message in that ‘thank you’ that Dean was purposefully ignoring. He didn’t hate Adam, but he was just starting to warm up to him. He didn’t want the kid thinking this was anything more than just Dean doing his job. John told him to train Adam, so he was going to. That was all this was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be tomorrow whenever I wake up


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I meant to update this much earlier, but I spent the day sleeping instead. Oops! Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

Cas tapped his fingers against the bar. Meg and Balthazar were bitching at each other about something per usual and all Cas wanted to do was go home. He sipped his margarita and stared off into space. He hadn’t wanted to go out to begin with, but he had spent four days cooped up in his apartment and his friends weren’t taking ‘no’ for an answer anymore. Gabriel was supposed to be joining them as soon as he finished whatever it was he was doing. Cas hadn’t really been listening.

“Hey, Earth to Clarence!” Meg smacked Cas gently on the back of the head.

“Ow. What?”

“Pay attention. This is important.” Cas regarded her skeptically. He was fairly certain that her definition of ‘important’ was much different than his. Thankfully, he was saved from having to hear whatever it was.

“Hey, Novak.” Cas had never been so happy to see Dean Winchester.

“Hey, Winchester.”

“Got a second?”

“Sure.” Dean walked away and Balthazar raised an eyebrow. “Business,” Cas explained. “Chuck told me to keep an eye on him. I figure that’s easier than anything else he could’ve asked me to do, so I didn’t argue. I’ll be right back.” He slipped off his barstool and followed the vampire back towards the bathrooms. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You looked like you wanted to be anywhere else.”

“Only always. I love them, I do, but I’m not a people person.”

“Clearly. Hey, why’d Meg call you Clarence?” Cas rolled his eyes.

“That’s her stupid nickname for me. After the angel from _It’s a Wonderful Life_.”

“Yes, I got the reference. So she thinks you’re an angel?”

“I don’t know. All she ever says is that she thinks it’s a fitting nickname. I don’t agree.”

“I do. Angel.” Dean flashed a smile and Cas rolled his eyes again.

“You trying a new tactic or something? Because that’s not gonna work on me. I tolerate your presence, at best.”

“You wound me, angel. But seriously, you got anything for me? Dad’s kinda breathing down my neck about it.”

“Is that why you look like death?”

“Well, aren’t you all charm? I’ve just got a lot going on. You got something for me or what?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Cas handed over a file folder. Inside was all information on the Winchester family that he could grab before he got caught. “It’s not much, but if you have it then Chuck doesn’t and that’s something.” Dean flipped through the folder.

“Fair enough. How does he know all this stuff?”

“Security cameras in the buildings we own, professional stalkers. I honestly don’t know. I tune him out when he talks. Most of the time I retain the information anyway, but sometimes I’m lucky enough to actually walk away without any more of brain space being taken up with useless information.”

“Nice to know my life is useless information.”

“General information is fine, but I really don’t need a list of all the people you’ve ever hooked up with floating around in my brain.” Dean’s eyes snapped up.

“Okay, that’s creepy.”

“Very. Chuck’s been trying to find something, _anything_ to discredit you and your family. He wants complete control of the city and he’s not gonna stop until he gets it.”

“Guess we’ll have to stop him then. And you should probably get back to your friends before they think I killed you. Text me some time. It doesn’t have to be work related. Seriously.” Cas tilted his head.

“Why?” Dean shrugged.

“We have more in common that I thought we would. Might be nice to talk.”

“Also might get us killed. Better to keep this strictly business.” Dean nodded.

“All right. I’ll see ya, Novak.”

“Bye, Winchester.” They went their separate ways. Cas made his way back over to Meg and Balthazar.

“Have a nice talk?” Meg asked.

“More or less.”

“Dean looked pretty pissed,” Balthazar said. Cas shrugged.

“Not my problem. We’re not friends. Although, I get the feeling he wants to be.”

“That could be trouble.” Cas didn’t like the look on Meg’s face.

“Big trouble.”

“You guys talking about me again?”

“Yes, Gabe, that’s exactly what we were doing.” Meg rolled her eyes. “You know, you’re not the center of the universe.”

“I am aware.” Gabriel took the barstool next to Cas. “So what are we talking about?”

“Dean Winchester wants to be friends with Cassie,” Balthazar said. Gabriel’s eyes widened.

“That is _very_ bad, Cas.”

“Yes, I know. I’m not considering it. It’s strictly business.”

“Wish I could do business with him,” Balthazar muttered. Cas reached behind Meg and smacked his cousin.

“Knock it off. He’s a killer. Why is that so hard for you to remember?”

“Oh, I remember, but it doesn’t make him any less attractive, Cassie.”

“Can we change the subject please? How do we always end up talking about Dean when we’re all together?”

“Well, what do you wanna talk about?” Meg asked. _I’d rather not be here_, Cas thought.

“Literally anything else.”

“All right. Are you coming to our Halloween party?” Cas shot her a look.

“You know I don’t do Halloween anymore, Meg.”

“Come on, Clarence. It was over forty years ago.”

“What’s your point? I don’t like Halloween.”

“Please? It won’t be any fun without you.”

“Probably won’t be much fun _with_ him either,” Balthazar said.

“Balt,” Gabriel warned, but Cas waved him off.

“It’s fine, Gabe. He’s right. I know I’m a buzzkill.” Cas took out his wallet and left some cash on the bar. “Maybe I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Oh, don’t leave angry, Cassie.”

“I’m not angry, I’m tired. I wanna go home. I’ll see ya.” Cas walked out onto the street and took a deep breath of fresh air. Fall had always been his favorite season. It was always just cold enough for him to be able to wear long sleeves or a jacket without people giving me an odd look. He was about to head up the block when he felt a hand on his arm.

“Balthazar didn’t mean it.” Cas shook Gabriel’s hand off.

“I don’t care, Gabe.” He scratched at his arm through his sweatshirt. “Just leave me alone, please.”

“Stop scratching.”

“Gabriel!” Cas snapped. He felt a tear slip down his cheek. He turned away from his brother. “Leave me alone.” It came out barely above a whisper. Cas felt Gabriel move in to hug him and pushed him away. He didn’t want to be touched. He walked away, hoping Gabriel had better sense than to follow him. He scratched at his arm again. Now that his brother had told him to stop, he was fixated on it.

He walked back to his apartment slowly, taking in the sounds of the city. He stopped outside his building and looked up. He didn’t want to go home, he realized. He took out his phone. Gabriel had texted him half a dozen times in the last ten minutes. He ignored them and opened his conversation with Dean. His fingers hovered over the keyboard. It was a bad idea and he knew that, but he also knew that Dean wouldn’t ask him questions or bug him about things he didn’t want to talk about.

**Cas [7:18pm]:** Hey are you busy?

**Dean [7:20pm]:** No why?

**Cas [7:21pm]:** You said it might be nice to talk and I think I agree with you. Can we meet somewhere?

**Dean [7:22pm]:** Sure. Got a place in mind?

**Cas [7:22pm]:** The park? I need to be outside.

**Dean [7:23pm]:** Okay. I’ll be there in 15.

**Cas [7:23pm]:** Thank you

Cas sent the text before he could really think about it. He immediately wanted to back out because what the hell was he doing? He had just arranged to be alone with a killer in the dark. The fact that they were going to be in a public place was irrelevant. He almost cancelled, but really, what was the harm? He didn’t want to be alone, but he couldn’t deal with his friends, and Dean had never tried to hurt him before. With that in mind, he walked to the park.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update today! Hope you all enjoy!

Dean sat on a bench in the park and waited. He was only about ten percent sure Cas was actually going to show up. The text had caught him completely off guard, given how they left things at the Roadhouse. He accepted the invitation nonetheless because he really did want to get to know the shifter better. Maybe they’re couldn’t be friends, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be nice to each other. Dean was scrolling through his phone for something to do when a familiar gravely voice said,

“Hello, Dean.” He jumped a little.

“Damn, dude. Don’t you know not to sneak up on people in the dark?” Cas stared at him.

“You knew I was coming.” He sat on the other side of the bench. “Thanks again for…this.” Dean half smiled.

“I was surprised you texted me after what you said.”

“I was, too, but…I didn’t wanna be alone and you don’t ask questions. I need that.”

“Okay.” Dean was fine with that. “So do you wanna just sit in silence?”

“I just don’t wanna talk about certain things that my brother and cousin don’t seem to realize are off limits.”

“All right. I can work with that. If I get too close to a topic you don’t like, just tell me.” Cas tilted his head. Dean frowned. “What?”

“You’re nicer than I thought.”

“Thanks?” Cas smiled.

“I’m sorry. I just meant, given your reputation, I was expecting you to be different.” Dean nodded. He was used to that. Most people who didn’t know him personally based there opinions of him on his reputation, and his reputation was mostly rumors.

“I get that a lot. There’s a lot of stories going around about me. Only about half of them are true. I tend to ignore them. Anyone who takes the time to get to know me can judge me for themselves. Anyone who decides to avoid me because of what they’ve heard can go fuck themselves. I don’t care what other people think.”

“Really?”

“Why should I? If people don’t like me without getting to know me, why should I care what they think?”

“You’re an interesting person, Dean Winchester.”

“I take that as a compliment.”

“I meant it as one. So what’s true?” Dean grinned.

“Probably easier to tell you what’s not true. I’m not a killer, but I already told you that. I’m also not as dangerous as people seem to think I am. I’ve gotten into a few bar fights, but I mean, who hasn’t? I never started any of them and the only time I put someone in the hospital was because they deserved it. Some people need to learn that no means no.”

“Defending someone’s honor?”

“Defending someone’s basic human right not to be touched if they don’t wanna be.” Cas smiled.

“How very noble of you.” Dean shrugged.

“I wouldn’t call it noble. It’s just being a decent person.” He turned on the bench so he was facing Cas. “So tell me something about yourself.”

“What do you wanna know?”

“Anything you’re comfortable telling me.” Cas was quiet for a moment. Dean took the opportunity to really look at him. He was attractive in the conventional sense, but there was something else he couldn’t place.

“I like bees,” Cas said. Dean blinked. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but it wasn’t that.

“Bees are kinda cool.”

“Sorry, I know that’s not the most interesting thing I could’ve said. I’m not all that interesting. I spend most of my time in my apartment and when I’m out I’m usually with Gabe, Balthazar, and/or Meg.”

“You need some more friends, Novak.”

“I’m not good with people. I prefer to be alone.”

“So why did you wanna hang out with me?”

“I said I _prefer_ to be alone. Sometimes I don’t trust myself alone, but I can’t be with my friends because they’ll keep asking if I’m okay. You don’t know enough about me to do that.” Dean gave a sympathetic smile.

“I get that. My brothers are like that. They’re always checking on me. They don’t seem to get that that’s not their job, it’s mine. I’m the oldest, I’m supposed to take care of them so they can have a life.” Cas furrowed his brow.

“It’s not your job to take care of them. They’re adults.”

“Doesn’t matter. Sam’s still my little brother, and Adam…he’s new. He needs me to watch out for him.”

“I thought you and Adam didn’t get along?”

“We don’t. Or…we didn’t. I dunno. He’s not a bad kid he just…he reminds me of something I wanna forget. I’m working on not blaming him for it. It’s really not his fault. My point is, he needs me and Sammy needs me and my Dad needs me. Everyone needs me.” Dean smiled a little. “Even you need me now.”

“Sounds like you don’t get a lotta time to yourself.”

“I don’t, but that’s okay.”

“When was the last time you slept?” Dean sighed. He was so sick of people asking him that. It had been a couple weeks since he had slept more than an hour a day. He was fine.

“It’s been a few weeks. I was actually just about to go to sleep when you texted me.”

“So why didn’t you just ignore me?”

“You texted me even though you said you weren’t going to. I figured something had to be wrong. I like to help people. Sue me.”

“Dean, you shouldn’t put other people ahead of your well being. Especially when you barely know me and we’re not really supposed to be talking anyway.” Dean considered that. He hated that he and Cas couldn’t be friends. He had always found the bloodlines thing so stupid, but the fact that he couldn’t spend time with Cas simply because he was a Novak wasn’t fair. Cas was nice and they clearly got along.

“I’m good, Cas.”

“No, you’re not. You’re pale-.”

“I’m a vampire,” Dean pointed out.

“Paler than normal. Your eyes are bloodshot and you’re shaking.” Dean looked down at his hands and saw the slight tremor. A side effect of all the caffeine he’d been consuming.

“It’s fine.”

“You say that a lot. Why do I get the feeling it isn’t true?” Dean shrugged.

“If I say it enough maybe it will be.” He broke eye contact and looked at the ground. They were venturing into territory that Dean wasn’t comfortable with.

“I’ve made you uncomfortable, haven’t I?”

“It’s okay.”

“No. You told me to tell you if I was uncomfortable. You should do the same.”

“It’s not a big deal, Cas. I just don’t talk about certain things.”

“I understand that.” Dean looked at his phone. They had been sitting there for almost two hours. He smiled a little. The only other person he could talk to for that long that he wasn’t related to was Charlie. “Do you need to leave?”

“No.”

“You don’t have to stay out here with me if you don’t want to.” Dean frowned a little.

“Why do you assume I don’t wanna be here?” Cas shrugged.

“I’m not the kind of person people _like_ to spend time with. The only reason people hang out with me is because they feel obligated.”

“Well, I don’t. Think about it. I mean, I know I’m supposed to be keeping tabs on you and you’re supposed to be keeping tabs on me, but it’s still not a good idea for us to be seen together too often. I’m here because I wanna be.” Cas was quiet. Dean fought the urge to reach over and put his arm around the shifter. That wasn’t what this was.

“I should go,” Cas finally said, standing up. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.” Dean grabbed Cas’s arm before he could get too far.

“Hey, you’re not wasting my time. Don’t think that. I’m here if you need me. Remember that.” Cas smiled, but it seemed forced.

“Thanks. Have a good night, Winchester.”

“You too, Novak.” Dean let go of Cas’s arm and he walked away. Dean watched him. Something tugged in his gut. He turned and walked towards Baby, trying to ignore the growing feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating at 3:30am because I can't sleep and I have to be up in like two hours and I have nothing else to do

Cas sat the bar, trying to act like he wasn’t watching the door. It was only the second time he had texted Dean when he didn’t know what to do with himself. He was just as surprised as last time when Dean agreed to meet with him outside of their arrangement. Cas sipped his drink and eyed the door. Dean was ten minutes late. It shouldn’t bother him as much as it did.

“Dean’s never on time,” Jo said, startling him.

“What?”

“You’re waiting for Dean, yeah?” Cas felt his cheeks flush and Jo smirked. “It’s okay, Cas. He’s a good guy.”

“Doesn’t matter. We can’t be friends.”

“But you _are_ waiting for him?”

“Do you have a point?”

“Yeah. Whatever time he said he’d meet you, he’ll probably be about fifteen minutes late. It’s just who he is.”

“You bad mouthing me to people, Jo?” Jo grinned at Dean.

“Always, Winchester. Always.” Dean leaned against the bar.

“Sorry I’m late. I got held up. Let’s grab a booth. Better to be away from prying ears.” Dean gave Jo a pointed look before walking towards the back of the bar. Cas followed. “So why’d you wanna meet?”

“Gabe was getting on my nerves.”

“So now you just use me to get away from your brother?”

“Well, I’ve gotta get something outta this arrangement.”

“Saving the city isn’t enough for you?”

“Bite me, Winchester.”

“Careful what you ask for, Novak. You might get more than you bargain for.” Dean winked and Cas laughed.

“In your dreams.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it.”

“Do flirt with everyone?” Dean shrugged.

“Pretty much. I mean, what’s the harm?”

“Nothing, I guess.” Cas could handle a little flirting when there was no possibility of it going any further. He hooked up with people every now and then when he was feeling particularly lonely, but he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Not after the last time. “How’s training with Adam?”

“Getting there. He’s a fast learner, for the most part. Hey, are you going to that Halloween party Meg’s coven is throwing next week?”

“I don’t want to, but I’ll probably either be guilted or dragged there. You?”

“Sam’s going so I’ll probably stop by. Sam doesn’t like Halloween, but Rowena invited him and he’s too nice to say no. I don’t really like witches, but I’m all for free booze.”

“Well, guess I’ll see you next week then. You dressing up?” Dean barked a laugh.

“Hell no. I draw the line at costumes. The last time Sammy and I dressed up was when we were five and nine. He was Batman, I was Superman. Sam jumped off the shed because he thought he could fly. He broke his arm and I had to take him to the ER on the handlebars of my bike.” Dean smiled fondly. “Good times.”

“Doesn’t sound like it was good times for Sam.”

“Well, he should’ve known better. Everyone knows that Batman can’t fly. At least I took him to the hospital.”

“I wish I had that kind of relationship with my siblings.”

“Yeah, I guess being the golden boy of the family doesn’t make you well liked.” Cas snorted.

“I’m not the golden boy. That’s Michael. Gabriel keeps trying to convince me I’m the favorite, but I’m not.”

“I dunno. Chuck seems to trust you.”

“He does. He doesn’t hate me, but I’m not the favorite. If I were, I would be in line to inherit the business instead of Michael.”

“How do you know Chuck didn’t just decide to just give it to the oldest? I mean, that’s what my dad did. Sam’s miles smarter than me. He’s a better fit than I am, but I’m the oldest.”

“Maybe.” Cas wasn’t going to spend time arguing about this with Dean. It was pointless. “It’s not important. My point was, even my relationship with Gabe isn’t like you and Sam.”

“You two seem pretty close to me.”

“Yeah, but it’s not entirely by choice. Gabriel spends time with me because he’s worried about me. If I were…normal we probably wouldn’t hang out so much. Or we would, but the dynamic would be a lot different.” Talking about his brother reminded Cas of the last time he snapped at him. He scratched at his arms.

“You really believe your brother only spends time with you because he feels obligated?”

“That’s the only reason anyone hangs out with me.”

“Well, I’m here,” Dean spread his arms, “and I can assure you that I don’t feel obligated to be here.”

“I’m a means to an end for you, though.” Cas slid out of the booth. Just like last time, he realized he was wasting Dean’s time. “I’ll see ya.”

“Wait, don’t leave.”

“I’m sorry I wasted your time again. Bye, Dean.” Cas walked away before Dean could stop him. He scratched his arm the entire walk back to his apartment. Gabriel was standing outside. He ran over and pulled Cas into a hug as soon as they made eye contact.

“Thank God you’re okay. You wouldn’t answer the phone.”

“Oh.” Cas took his phone out of his pocket. Nothing happened. “Battery’s dead. Sorry.”

“Where were you?”

“Roadhouse. Ran into Dean. Talked to him for a few minutes.” Cas slipped his hand under the sleeve of his shirt and dug his nails into his forearm.

“Hey, stop that.” Gabriel pulled his hand away.

“Why can’t you just let me be, Gabe? I’m fine. You know I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Except you won’t. You don’t call me when it’s really bad. You wait for me to find you.”

“I don’t wanna talk about this. Leave.” Gabriel folded his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes.

“Or what, Castiel? What are you gonna do?” Cas blinked back tears. He was tired of fighting with his brother. He was tired of his brother coddling him. He was just tired. He dug his nails harder into his arm until he felt blood sliding down into the palm of his hand. He dropped his arm and let the blood drip to the ground. Gabriel uncrossed his arms, concern masking his face. “Cas, why do you do that?” He pulled him into a hug. Cas leaned into it.

“I’m sorry, Gabriel.”

“Shh. Don’t apologize.” Gabriel pulled back. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs. I’ll bandage your arm and we can talk.”

“I don’t wanna talk. I’m tired of talking. I just wanna be left alone.” Gabriel nodded.

“Let me take care of this first. Please.”

“Okay.” They went up to Cas’s apartment. Cas took off his jacket while Gabriel got the first aid kit from under the bathroom sink. Cas stared at the blood still trickling out of his arm. It was running in little rivulets down his arm and over his fingers. Gabriel sat on the couch beside him and started cleaning the wounds. As he wiped the blood away, Cas averted his eyes to avoid looking at the scars on his wrist. Gabriel didn’t say anything about it, but Cas knew his brother was thinking about it.

“All right, that should be good.” Cas looked down at his bandaged arm.

“Thank you.”

“I wish you wouldn’t do this. Why won’t you just talk to me?”

“And tell you what? I don’t wanna die. Sometimes being alive is just too much. Does that make any sense?”

“Yes. I feel that way too sometimes, but you can’t let it consume you like this. Call me. You know I’ll always come over. Even if you just need me to be with you.”

“I don’t like bothering you.”

“Making sure my little brother is okay is never a bother. You’re allowed to need me, Cas. It’s okay.”

“I’m not a kid anymore. I should be able to take care of myself.”

“Asking for help _is_ taking care of yourself. I would rather you call me every single day than find you up here again.” Gabriel’s eyes were glassy. “I can’t lose you like that, Cas.” Cas felt guilt coiling in his stomach.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please stop apologizing. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. You _shouldn’t_ feel guilty. But I think you need to see someone.” The therapy talk again. This came up every few decades or so. Gabriel had been trying to get him to go to therapy for a while, but Cas barely liked bothering his brother with his issues. He certainly didn’t want to bother a stranger with them.

“I’m okay.” Gabriel shook his head, but didn’t say anything. “You can go if you want.”

“Stop doing that! I don’t wanna leave. Hell, I’m _scared_ to leave you now. Let’s just watch some TV. I’ll make you some dinner.” Cas was about to tell him he didn’t have to do that, but decided against it. He turned on the TV while Gabriel went into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today!

Dean blinked against the sunlight coming in through his window. He looked at his clock and groaned. He had been in bed for all of two hours. He just wanted to sleep. Even just twenty minutes. He got out of bed and took a cold shower. He went into the kitchen and drank a pot of coffee. Then he went out to Baby. He had the early shift at work and he couldn’t be late. When he pulled up outside the garage he saw Charlie’s moped. He smiled a little as he walked in. Charlie beamed at him from behind the desk.

“Hey! You look like shit!”

“And you look stunning as always.” Dean hugged her. “Who am I stuck with today?”

“Garth and Benny.”

“Good.” Dean yawned and made himself a cup of coffee. Charlie was staring at him.

“You really do look like shit. When’s the last time you slept?” Dean slammed his fist against the table.

“I swear to fucking God, the next person who asks me that is getting punched. I’m a little tired. It’s fine.”

“Dean, I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be. You’ve got enough on your plate. And I promise we’ll talk wedding details tomorrow night. Don’t waste your time worrying about me. I’m good.” Charlie crossed her arms.

“Worrying about you is not a waste of time, Winchester.” Dean shook his head and chugged his coffee.

“I’m fine.” Charlie scoffed.

“You’re never fine. I’m giving you three fuck ups today before I have Bobby send you home.”

“Deal.” Dean was beyond exhausted, but he still knew how to do his job. He drank three more cups of coffee before Benny showed up.

“You look like hell, brotha.”

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing that a lot lately.”

“You should take a break.”

“No time. Too much work to do.”

The day went by fairly quickly. There were just enough customers to keep Dean’s mind off the fact that he felt like he wanted to collapse. At half past two, he clocked out and made his way down to the Roadhouse. He ordered his usual burger, but Ellen refused to serve him alcohol.

“You still haven’t slept, Dean. It’s not safe.” Dean didn’t argue. He sipped at his Coke. Jo dropped off his food.

“You got plans tonight?”

“Ideally I’d be in bed by nine, but Sam got in invited to a Halloween party and I said I’d go with him.”

“Sam hates Halloween.”

“Yes, he does. And I don’t like witches, but,” he shrugged, “here we are.”

“You really need to take better care of yourself.”

“Yeah, so I’ve been told.” Dean forced a smile. “I’m good, Jo. Seriously.” In truth, he was probably about one light breeze away from falling over, but he couldn’t tell people that. He had to be strong. Unbreakable. It was part of his job. So he was going to say he was fine until it felt true. Jo shook her head at him, gave him a pity smile, and walked away. As soon as she was out of sight, Dean slumped forward. He put his elbows on the bar and rested his head in his hands. He had well surpassed exhausted about three days ago. He honestly felt like he could cry. It didn’t help that John was breathing down his neck about Castiel and bugging him about the offer he’d made him. Even if Dean had wanted it before, he definitely didn’t want it now. He just wanted one day where no one needed him. One day where he could sleep as long as he needed, spend all day watching TV, and just not worry about anything. He sighed deeply, as if he could expel the tiredness from his body that way, and went back to eating his burger.

*** *** ***

“You don’t have to go, ya know.” Sam smoothed out his shirt and checked his hair in the mirror for what was probably the millionth time.

“One, stop messing with your hair. It’s perfect and you know it. B, I know I don’t have to, but when was the last time we did something together that wasn’t work related? Just as brothers? And three, Ellen cut me off at the bar until I get some sleep so I need all the free booze I can get.”

“Or you could just get some sleep.”

“Can we go?” Dean grabbed Sam’s arm and dragged his moose of a brother out the door.

“You’re sure I look okay?” Dean shrugged.

“I mean, you’re definitely looked worse.”

“Thanks, jerk.”

“You’re welcome, bitch.” Dean started Baby and pulled out. “What’s the big deal anyway? I’ve seen the way Eileen looks at you. You could show up dressed in a trash bag. It wouldn’t change how she feels. Just try to act normal, okay? Don’t go all Sam.” Sam gave Dean bitchface #17.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You get awkward around people you like. You get flustered and you start babbling. Don’t do that.”

“Great. Thanks. Now that’s all I’m gonna be thinking about.” Dean smiled sympathetically.

“Just relax. You’ve been friends with her for how many years? You know how to talk to her. Don’t over think it. Just be yourself.”

“You’re giving me conflicting advice, Dean.”

“Sorry. I’m trying to help.”

“Please stop.” Dean rolled his eyes and pushed in one of his cassette tapes to fill the silence. The drive was short, but it gave Dean enough time to steel himself. These were Sam’s friends. Even if he didn’t like them all that much, he had to be friendly. He took a deep breath before he got out of Baby. When they walked in the door, it took every ounce of strength Dean had left not to turn around and bolt.

“Oh, Samuel, you made it!” Rowena came up to them and gave Sam a kiss on the cheek. “Where’s your costume, dear?”

“You know how I feel about Halloween,” Sam said.

“And what about you, Dean?”

“I’m just here for the booze.”

“Of course you are,” Rowena said with a smile that Dean didn’t like.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Dean, please don’t,” Sam said. “She didn’t mean anything by it.” Dean really wanted to deck the redheaded witch, but he would behave for Sam’s sake. Rowena moved on and Dean followed Sam around. He was fine until Sam spotted Eileen and broke away, leaving him to fend for himself. He was surrounded by a bunch of people he didn’t know and that made him a little uncomfortable. He walked over to the refreshments table and thanked whatever god was watching him that someone had set up an entire table specifically for alcohol. He was mixing himself something that could probably be classified as a Long Island iced tea, minus the Coke, when a familiar voice said,

“You actually showed.” He turned around and if it hadn’t been for the impossibly blue eyes, Dean never would have recognized the person talking to him.

“Hey, Novak. Nice costume. Did the sixties throw up on you?”

“Balthazar wanted to be Sonny and Cher, but he said Gabe was too short and Meg refused to be Sonny, so…how bad is it, really?”

“Could be worse.” Dean chugged his drink. Cas looked around.

“I thought you were here with your brother?”

“Yeah, he found Eileen so I’m on my own.”

“And your first stop was the liquor table.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Dean grinned.

“Just an observation. What are you drinking?” Dean looked down into his cup.

“Um…everything.” Cas laughed.

“I’d think a seasoned drinker like you would know better than to mix too many different types of alcohol together.”

“A seasoned drinker like me knows how to handle it.” Dean took another long drink. “Ellen cut me off at the Roadhouse until I start taking better care of myself, so I’ve got a week’s worth of drinking to catch up on.” Cas picked up a bottle.

“Well, let me help you then.” Dean smiled and held out his cup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Tuesday
> 
> Feel free to tell me what you think so far. I live for feedback and constructive criticism.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the next three days off from work so y'all are in for an onslaught of updates. Hope you all enjoy!

Cas probably shouldn’t have poured Dean that second drink. Or the third one. And definitely not the fourth one. Cas was drinking too, but at a much slower pace. Dean was all but plastered by the time Cas had finished his first drink. After the second drink, Dean had started rambling. Cas was only half listening. Dean was more than likely saying things he didn’t want anyone to know, so he thought it best to just tune him out. He didn’t leave though. He had gone to Dean for a reason.

Gabriel, Balthazar, and Meg had been trying to get him to drink tequila shots for an hour, hoping to loosen him up. Cas had held firm that he wasn’t going to do that again. He was well aware that his friends thought he was a buzzkill. Hell, they said it often enough. But Cas didn’t like the person he became when he was drunk. To be fair, he didn’t particularly like the person he was when he was sober either, but at least he knew what he was doing when he was sober. He hated waking up with no memory of the night before.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean’s voice broke through Cas’s mental fog, “do you think I’m a good person?” Cas frowned. That was an odd question for multiple reasons and he didn’t know how to respond. Three months ago his answer would have been ‘no’ without a moment’s hesitation, but he and Dean had talked a lot since they first met. Cas had gotten to know him a little beyond his reputation. He wasn’t necessarily a _good_ person, but he wasn’t a bad one either.

“I don’t think I’m the right person to answer that question,” he said, “and I think you need to stop drinking.” Dean held his cup closer to his chest. His eyes were glassy and unfocused.

“So basically ‘no’. You don’t think I’m a good person.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“It’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, Cas.”

“I don’t know you well enough to answer it.” Dean finished the liquid in his cup and reached for one of the near-empty bottles. “You really should stop.” Dean looked at him and Cas watched as a tear dripped onto the table. He was pretty sure Dean wasn’t even aware he was crying. The butterflies that had started fluttering in his stomach were quickly drowned in the bile of guilt. _You’re not supposed to feel bad for him. You’re not supposed to like him. Walk away._ Cas put his hand on Dean’s. “Come on. You look like you could use some air.” He walked away, trusting that Dean was right behind him.

He didn’t know the vampire well, but he knew him well enough to know that something was wrong. Dean’s constant, cocky bravado was gone. As soon as they hit the sidewalk and rounded the corner into the alley, Dean sat down against the side of the building. He drew up his knees and buried his head in his arms. Cas sat next to him and stayed silent. Dean would talk when he wanted to and Cas shouldn’t have been so invested anyway. He looked over. Dean was absolutely still. Cas reached over to touch his arm. Dean picked that moment to lift his head. His eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were stained with tears.

“Do you ever feel like giving up?” _Only every single day._

“Sometimes. When people expect too much from me.” Dean nodded sullenly.

“I’m trying, but I’m not good enough. I’m not strong enough.” Dean wiped his face. “I’m a mess. Dad should’ve picked someone else to do all this. You should’ve picked someone else to help you.” He paused. “Why are you even out here with me? Aren’t you here with friends? You should be with them.” He put his head in his arms again. Cas touched his shoulder.

“I’m out here with you because shouldn’t be alone right now and I know you won’t let your brother help you. I’m avoiding my friends right now, so I don’t mind sitting here with you. You were right. We have more in common than I thought.” Dean lifted his head again. They held eye contact for a long time and Cas didn’t realize he was getting lost in the endless shades of green until Dean said,

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because you seem like you could use a friend.”

“Are we friends?” Cas hesitated.

“Well, no, but…do you want me to go?” Guilt was settling in again. They _weren’t_ friends. Dean probably didn’t want him bothering him, even if he was only trying to help. “I’m sorry.” Cas moved to get up and Dean’s hand gripped his arm. A dizzying warmth spread through him at the contact. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Either way, he stayed where he was.

“Don’t go,” Dean said quietly. His voice dropped to barely audible when he added, “Please.” Cas tilted his head. Dean looked small and vulnerable curled up against the side of the building. Like a little kid who just got yelled at by his parents. Against his better judgement (or any judgement really) he put his arm around the vampire. Dean sagged against him like he was the only thing in the world keeping him from collapsing. Cas’s fingers wound their way into Dean’s hair.

“It’ll be okay,” he said softly, a fresh wave of guilt hitting him at the hypocritical words. Dean snorted.

“Sure, Cas. Everything’s gonna be just fine.” Cas looked down just as Dean tilted his head up and their lips brushed together. Cas froze, startled more than anything else. Dean stared up at him for moment, his eyes still glassy, before he put his hand on the back of Cas’s neck and pulled him in for a proper kiss. Every instinct he had was telling him to pull away, but there was something else, deep in his gut, keeping him from moving. Dean’s lips were soft and pliant. Cas was vaguely aware that Dean was way too drunk to really know what he was doing, but he couldn’t seem to pull away.

Cas tightened his grip on Dean’s hair just a little and Dean groaned into the kiss. Cas took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Dean’s mouth. He tasted overwhelmingly like alcohol, but Cas didn’t care. Kissing Dean was the most electrifying thing he’d ever experienced and he didn’t want to stop, so he didn’t. Not until they both needed to breathe. When they finally broke apart, Dean pulled Cas’s forehead against his own so they were breathing the same air.

“That was a bad idea, wasn’t it?” He said after a minute. Cas chuckled.

“Probably.”

“You’re a really good kisser.”

“You’re drunk.” Dean took a moment to consider that.

“Any chance we can pretend this never happened? Or is it weird now?”

“It’s okay, Dean. You probably won’t remember it in the morning anyway, and I’m willing to act like it didn’t happen. I think it’s for the best given…well everything.” Dean nodded then closed his eyes and let his head drop to Cas’s shoulder. Within seconds he was fast asleep and Cas was stuck where he was. He gently touched his lips. They were still tingling. He wanted to kiss Dean again. He shook his head. The drink he’d had must have had more of an affect on him that he’d thought. He looked down at Dean asleep on his shoulder. He looked perfectly harmless, but Cas knew better. That kiss, as amazing as it was, had been a mistake. He had to try and forget it ever happened.

Cas was still sitting there when Sam Winchester came around the corner yelling for Dean. Cas put a finger to his lips and nodded at Dean, who was still sound asleep. Sam narrowed his eyes. Cas carefully extricated himself and got up quietly.

“You’re Castiel Novak, right?” Sam asked.

“Yes, and you’re Sam Winchester.”

“What are you doing with my brother?” Sam was perfectly calm, but his height alone made him intimidating.

“Nothing. We were talking and he fell asleep. I didn’t wanna wake him because he looked like he needed it.” Sam nodded.

“He does. He hasn’t slept in almost a month.” He looked past Cas. “Thank you, for not leaving him out here by himself.”

“Of course. Do you want me to help you get him to the car or would you prefer it if I left?” Sam studied him for a minute.

“Dean was comfortable enough with you to fall asleep on you, so I guess you can’t be all bad, and I could use the help.” Sam and Cas walked back over to Dean. Sam whispered something in his ear before he motioned for Cas to grab one of his arms. Together, they managed to walk Dean to the Impala without too much difficulty.

“What did you do to him?” Cas asked once Dean was laying on the back seat.

“Just a little spell Rowena taught me. It should keep him out long enough for me to get him home. Thanks again, Castiel. You didn’t have to stay with him and you didn’t have to help me.” Cas only smiled and nodded before turning and going back into the building. He was immediately confronted by Gabriel.

“Where the hell have you been?”

“I was talking to Dean Winchester. He was drunk and rambling and…I didn’t feel comfortable leaving him alone. I’m sorry I disappeared.” Cas hoped the expression on his face was enough to keep his brother from asking any further questions. After a moment of strained silence, Gabriel nodded.

“Okay. Come on, we should get going.”

“Where are Meg and Balt?”

“Meg said she’s gonna go with Rowena and Balt left with…people.”

“Got it. You wanna get a drink before we leave?” Gabriel smiled.

“Sure, Cas. I’d like that.”

They stayed another hour and by the time Gabriel dropped Cas off at his apartment, he was still thinking about that kiss. He didn’t get any sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Enjoy!

Dean stared at the text message on his phone.

**Cas [7:18am]:** Meet for a drink later?

He had spent the last three weeks pretending everything was normal between them, but it wasn’t. Because he hadn’t forgotten about that kiss they shared, even though he told Cas he had. Cas had called him the morning after Halloween, asking how he was feeling.

“A little fuzzy,” Dean had replied.

“Do you even remember anything from last night?”

“Alcohol. Lots of alcohol. That’s about it,” Dean had lied. Well, half-lied. True to his word, when he’d first woken up he couldn’t remember anything beyond bottles of liquor. Then Sam had given him some magic hangover pills and everything had come flooding back with starling clarity. The drinks Cas had poured him. The drunken rambling. The sidewalk confession that he wasn’t good enough or strong enough. The unexpected make out session that ended with Dean falling asleep on Cas’s shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Dean had spent three weeks pretending he didn’t remember any of it, but he did. He remembered every detail. And at first he couldn’t figure out why it bothered him so much. It hit him the second he read that text. It bothered him because he wanted to do it again. He wanted to feel Cas’s lips against his. He wanted Cas to tug on his hair again. It scared the hell out of him. But he had to act like everything was normal.

**Dean [7:44am]:** Sure

Dean pocketed his phone and went downstairs. Sam was sitting in the surveillance room. That’s where Sam spent most of his time when he wasn’t hanging out with the coven. John had put him in charge of all the cameras since he was the most tech savvy. Dean dropped into the big swivel chair next to his brother.

“How’s life in the Batcave?”

“Dull. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be looking for.”

“Just keep an eye out for shady and suspicious people.”

“Does that include the one sitting next to me?”

“Ha, ha. I’m not shady or suspicious.” Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, no?” Dean sighed.

“Will you drop that?” Ever since Halloween, Sam had been pestering him about Cas. Dean didn’t know what to say because…well, there was nothing _to_ say. Dean told Sam what happened, for the most part, and that was that. He wasn’t hiding anything other than his breakdown, which he would be taking to his grave, and that kiss, which he would also be taking to his grave.

“I just wanna know what happened.”

“I told you!” Dean snapped. “I got drunk, we went outside for some air, we talked, and then I must’ve passed out. Between the alcohol and the severe sleep deprivation can you blame me?”

“Dean, you let your guard down. He could’ve easily killed you.”

“And he didn’t. Sam, I know you’re worried about me, but…he’s not dangerous. He proved that. He just wants to avoid bloodshed and that’s all I want, too.”

“So you trust him?”

“I don’t know. I want to, but I know I really can’t.” Dean looked up at the computer monitors to avoid looking at his brother. “Can we drop this, please?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt. Or worse, dead.”

“I’ll be okay, Sammy. I’m watching my back. I slipped up. I didn’t end up dead, so it’s fine.”

“I guess. Just be careful, all right?”

“I will.”

“Promise me, Dean.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“I promise, Sam.” He pushed his brother out of the way and zoomed in on one of the cameras.

“What are you doing?”

“I thought I saw something.” Dean scanned the screen for a moment. “Huh. Guess I was wrong.” Sam pushed him back.

“And that’s why Dad has me do this and not you. Don’t you have work to do or something?”

“I’m off today and Adam’s spending the day with Mom apparently, so I actually have nothing to do for once.”

“So why are you awake?”

“Can’t sleep.” Sam studied him for a minute before reaching into the duffle bag sitting in the corner. He fished around for a moment before tossing Dean a bottle.

“Take two, you’ll be out in no time.” Dean turned the bottle over in his hand.

“More shit from Rowena?”

“Actually no. I…made them myself. Rowena showed me how, but I’ve been…learning.” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“So you’re gonna be a witch now?” Sam shrugged.

“I like magic. And Rowena says I’m good at it.”

“I didn’t think magic was something you could learn. I thought you had to be born with it?”

“Apparently not.” Sam paused. “Are you okay with this?”

“I mean, if it makes you happy then I’m not gonna tell you you can’t. Just be careful. Magic can be dangerous.”

“I know. That’s why I’m going slow and I’ve only really been working with healing magic.” Sam indicted the bottle in Dean’s hand. “Are you gonna take some or not?” Dean stared at the bottle. He wanted to sleep. He _needed_ to sleep. He looked back at his brother.

“Promise you’ll check on me to make sure I’m not dead?” Sam rolled his eyes.

“You are so dramatic. I’m not gonna poison you.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, I promise. Now take some, go to bed, and stop bothering me.”

“Well, excuse me for wanting to spend some time with my brother.”

“Oh, don’t do that. You know I wanna spend time with you, but you need to sleep.” Dean put the pill bottle in his pocket.

“How about you come have breakfast with me and then I’ll take these? Deal?” Sam gave him a soft smile.

“Sure, Dean.” They left the surveillance room and Dean drove them down to his favorite diner.

*** *** ***

Dean woke up to his phone ringing. He reached blindly for it. His fingers brushed it, knocking it to the floor. He groaned and rolled over. It took him another two rings to finally grab it. He didn’t bother looking at the screen as he answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Winchester.” Dean cleared his throat and sat up.

“Hey, Novak. What’s up?”

“Just wanted to know if you still wanted to get a drink?” Dean looked at his clock. It was almost eight. He’d slept for ten hours.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Give me twenty minutes.”

“No rush.”

“See ya.”

“Bye.” Dean went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He changed his clothes, grabbed his keys, and drove to the Roadhouse. It was packed, as it should be on a Friday night, but Dean spotted Cas at the end of the bar. He walked over.

“Hey, Novak.”

“Hey. I woke you up, didn’t I?” Dean shrugged.

“Not a big deal. I needed to get up anyway. Ten hours of sleep was more than enough.” Cas tilted his head.

“You still look tired. You should’ve gone back to sleep.”

“I’m good, Cas.”

“You are allowed to ignore me, ya know.” Dean furrowed his brow.

“Why would I wanna do that?” Cas shifted on his barstool. “Hey. If you don’t want me to be here, I’ll leave, but you called me. I thought you wanted to talk?”

“I just needed to get out of my apartment. Meg’s busy and I don’t have the energy to deal with my brother or my cousin.”

“Oh. All right then. I can sit with you.” Cas finally smiled.

“I’d like that.” Dean knew it was a bad idea, but he didn’t see the harm in it. They weren’t friends. They were just sitting next to each other and having a few drinks. He was going to keep his guard up this time, even if he wasn’t entirely sure he needed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be tomorrow!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely meant to update this earlier but I slept until 1pm instead

Cas didn’t say anything for a long time and Dean didn’t pressure him. It seemed that he really was perfectly willing to just sit there with him. Butterflies danced in his stomach. He tried to drown them in liquor, but that only made it worse. He really shouldn’t’ve been hanging out with Dean at all. For the last three weeks, all he had been thinking about was that kiss. He had tried to put it out of his mind, but he kept fixating on it. He wanted to do it again. He knew he couldn’t, hell Dean didn’t even remember it, but he wanted to. When he couldn’t stand the silence any longer, he said,

“Can I ask you something?” Dean smiled.

“Shoot.” Cas really should’ve made up a different, much less weighted question than the one that came out of his mouth.

“What is this?” Cas gestured between the two of them. Dean frowned slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“You agreed to talk to me if I gave you information, correct?” Dean nodded. “Okay, well then, shouldn’t you only talk to me when I have something to give you?” Dean’s frown deepened.

“You called me. Do you not want me here?”

“I do, it’s just…this seems to be becoming more than what we said it was. I…don’t hate you and that worries me. I mean, you know we can’t be friends, right?”

“I do now. Good to know.” Dean slipped off his barstool. “Text me when you have something.” He started to walk away, clearly pissed. Cas caught his arm.

“Dean, wait.”

“What?” Dean snapped. He eyes were tinged with red and his fangs were slightly bared. Cas swallowed and took his hand back.

“Don’t leave angry. You know I’m right. Us talking once in a while is dangerous enough. If we became friends…one or both of us would end up dead.” Dean crossed his arms.

“Fine. I get it. Not friends. Anything else?”

“Don’t be mad at me. This isn’t my fault. You know how things are.”

“I thought we were trying to fix that?”

“I’m not trying to fix anything. I’m just trying to avoid a war.” Dean narrowed his eyes.

“You know what, Novak? Forget it. We’re done here.” Cas was sent into shock long enough for Dean to get out the door. Then he ran after him. He caught up with Dean near the alley. He grabbed the vampire’s jacket and slammed him against the wall. He pressed his forearm against Dean’s chest.

“Don’t walk away from me, Winchester,” he growled. Dean chuckled darkly.

“What are you gonna do, Novak? No offense, but you don’t seem like the fighting type. Sure you wanna challenge me?” Cas swallowed his fear. He knew he couldn’t take Dean in a fight, but he wasn’t going to back down right away. He needed to make his point.

“I’m not challenging you, Winchester. But we had a deal and you can’t back out of it.”

“Why not? I didn’t sign a contract.”

“I’m trying to prevent a war and you said you’d help me. We’re the only ones who don’t wanna see this city destroyed. It’s us or it’s no one. We have to put aside our differences, but we can’t be friends. I don’t like it, but that’s how it is and I need you to be okay with that.” There was a long silence in which Cas realized just how close they actually were. If he moved his leg three centimeters to the right, it would slid perfectly between Dean’s. Cas licked his lips involuntarily. Dean’s eyes flicked down for a half a second.

“So we can’t be friends?”

“No.” Dean’s hands settled on Cas’s hips. Cas tried to steady his breathing. One of two things was about to happen and he wasn’t prepared for either one of them.

“You’re absolutely sure?” Dean leaned a little bit closer. Cas’s breath hitched again.

“Yes. Dean, what are you-?”

“So what does this make us?” He closed the distance and brushed his lips against Cas’s. Cas froze. His brain completely short circuited. By the time he thought to either kiss back or pull away, Dean had pulled back. Cas stared at him. Dean cleared his throat. “Well, I guess I completely misread-.” Cas cut him off with a second kiss. He knew he shouldn’t. He should’ve left Dean standing in that alley, gone home, and never spoken to him again. He wanted to, though. He wanted to kiss Dean and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d done something just because he wanted to.

Dean relaxed into the kiss, leaning back against the wall so Cas could press closer. Cas moved his leg between Dean’s and Dean groaned softly. Cas slid his hands up into Dean’s hair, his tongue begging for entrance into Dean’s mouth. Dean parted his lips and Cas made quick work of memorizing every inch. Dean matched Cas’s movements, their tongues twining together. Cas had to reminded himself the breathe through his nose. It had been far too long since he had made out with anyone.

They kissed for several long minutes. Dean’s hands moved from Cas’s waist up to the back of his neck. For a split second Cas tensed. He didn’t want to believe that Dean would hurt him, but there was still a possibility.

“I ain’t gonna hurt ya,” Dean whispered against his lips just before his fangs sank into Cas’s bottom lip. It didn’t hurt like Cas had experienced in the past. Dean sucked on his lip for a minute before he pressed his tongue against the wound. Once it was closed, Dean pulled away. He wiped his mouth with his hand.

“Holy shit,” Cas breathed. Dean smirked.

“You thought I was gonna kill you, didn’t you?”

“What did you expect me to think? Your enemy puts their hands on your neck, there’s really only one way that ends.”

“You didn’t stop me, though. Why?” Cas felt the blush creeping up his face. He licked his lips, his tongue lingering over the bite mark.

“You’re a very good kisser.”

“I’ve been told that once or twice. So what’s your answer?” It took Cas a moment to realize that Dean had asked him a question before that kiss.

“I don’t know.” Dean nodded.

“All right. Well, text me when you figure it out. I’ll see ya.” Dean walked away, leaving Cas with no idea what he was supposed to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Hope you all enjoy!

Dean sat in Baby for a minute, trying to process what had just happened. He had just kissed Cas again. And Cas hadn’t pushed him away. He touched his lips. He could still feel and taste the blood there. It made him smile, but he also knew he was royally fucked. They were enemies for a reason. Dean didn’t know what it was, but there was a reason and he couldn’t get involved like this. He had to break off their arrangement before he got himself in deeper.

Cas didn’t push him away. That thought lingered in the back of his mind as he drove to his apartment. He needed some space to think and he couldn’t do that at home. Cas didn’t push him away. He had actually initiated the second kiss. It seemed that Cas was just as conflicted as he was. Dean hit the steering wheel then immediately apologized for taking his frustration out on his Baby. He needed a drink to clear his head.

He had given Cas the power in this without even meaning to. He was scared of Cas’s answer to his question. What _did_ this make them? They couldn’t be friends, that had been established, but they couldn’t…date. That would just be suicide. They couldn’t be anything, but Dean couldn’t accept that. He wanted to kiss Cas again. He liked it. And Cas seemed to like it too.

_Snap out of it dumbass. You know he’s gonna tell you to just forget that moment ever happened. You _have_ to. No point in thinking about it. Get over it_. Dean was about to get into an argument with himself when he realized that he wasn’t going to win. Logic almost never won out when he tried to reason with himself, so he didn’t bother trying. He was going to wait and see if Cas contacted him.

The second he walked through the door into his apartment, his phone rang. His heart rate sky rocketed as he fumbled it out of his pocket. It was Sam.

“Hey, Sammy, what’s up?”

“It’s Sam. Where are you?”

“Woke up, decided to get a drink, now I’m at my apartment. Just needed a little break. Everything good?”

“Yup. I just went to check on you and you were gone. Just making sure you’re alive.”

“Don’t worry, still breathing. I’ll be home tomorrow morning. I’ve gotta take Adam out.”

“How are you two getting along?”

“Better. He’s a good kid.”

“I told you.”

“Shut up. Has he said anything to you about me?”

“Just that you’re really helping him. He said he appreciates how patient you are with him. I laughed because I thought he was joking.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

“Dean, you are the most impatient person I’ve ever met. I’m glad you’re teaching him though. He wants to learn.”

“Good. I’ll be home tomorrow morning. ‘Night, bitch.” Sam chuckled.

“‘Night, jerk.” Dean set his phone on his nightstand, changed into some more comfortable clothes, and promptly fell asleep.

*** *** ***

Dean woke up the next morning to his alarm. He groaned and shut it off. He hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep. All night he had dreamed of dark hair and blue eyes. He never should’ve bitten him. Kissing the shifter was bad enough, but now that he’d tasted Cas’s blood, he wanted more. He was practically _craving _it. He got up, grabbed his phone and his keys, and drove home. He took a long, hot shower, put on a pair of jeans that had seen better days and his favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt, then wandered around until he found Adam. He was surprised to find him in the shooting range. Dean waited until he’d emptied the clip before walking up to him, knowing he’d jump.

“Jesus!” Dean grinned as Adam took off his safety gear.

“Sorry. What are you doing down here?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure if you were gonna show up, so I figured I’d try to get some practice in while I waited.”

“You really thought I’d stand you up?” Adam shrugged a little, dropping his eyes to the floor.

“Sometimes I still get the feeling you don’t like me very much.” Dean put his hand on his half-brother’s shoulder.

“Adam, look at me.” He looked up slowly and Dean gave him his softest smile. “I don’t hate you. I know I was…well, I was a dick when you showed up here. I was angry, but not at you.”

“You’re mad at Dad,” Adam said quietly.

“Yes, but I can’t take my anger out on him so I took it out on you and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry. I know I can’t ever really fix things between us and I know you’ll probably never fully trust me, but I wanna do what I can. You’re a good kid.” Adam smiled.

“Thanks, Dean. I just want you to be proud of me. Sam really looks up to you…well, I guess not literally, but you know what I mean, and Dad really respects your opinion, even if he acts like he doesn’t. I want your approval more than I want his, or even Mary’s.”

“I am proud of you, Adam. Guess I should’ve told you that sooner.” Dean looked over at the targets Adam had been practicing on. “You’re getting better. What do you wanna do today?”

“Well, I kinda wanted to…hang out. If that’s okay? Whenever we spend time together it’s for work.” Dean nodded.

“We can do that. How about we go fishing?” It had been years since he had been out to the lake. He and John used to go fishing every weekend as a kind of father-son bonding thing. When things started to get bad, Dean took Sam. He didn’t remember when it stopped, but he realized he missed it.

“I’d like that.”

“Would it be okay if I asked Sam to come with, or did you want it to just be us?” The slight tick in Adam’s face gave away his answer. “Never mind. I can take Sammy some other time. Come on.”

Dean and Adam spent most of the day by the lake. Dean had to admit, it was the most relaxed he had been in a while. Once they had dropped their lines into the water, Dean tried to strike up a conversation, only to realize he knew nothing about his half-brother. Three hours later they were talking and laughing the way Dean always did with Sam. It was nice. On the drive back, Dean said,

“Hey, me and my band are playing at the Roadhouse tonight. You wanna come by and watch?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Sam keeps promising he’s gonna stop by, but he never does. I was gonna drag him out tonight. You can come if you want.” Adam nodded slowly.

“Okay. It might be cool to meet your friends.” It was then that Dean realized none of his friends had actually met Adam.

“I think they’d like you. Show’s at seven. And I’m counting on you to get Sam there. Drag him kicking and screaming if you have to.” Adam laughed.

“Sure, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be tomorrow. Probably while I'm sitting at the DMV.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating this while standing in line at the DMV

Cas stared at his computer screen. His book wasn’t going to write itself. Apparently he wasn’t going to write it either. He had a ton of ideas and no clue what to do with them. He sighed and shut the lid. He was out of ways to preoccupy himself. He moved to the couch and turned on the TV. He had woken up a few hours ago, screaming to the point that his throat hurt. He had tried the music box, which Gabriel had finally given back to him, and a dozen other things, but he couldn’t fall back asleep, and he refused to call his brother.

Cas scrolled through his phone. He briefly thought about texting Dean, but it was way too late for that. Or too early. Either way, the vampire was probably asleep, and even if he wasn’t, they weren’t friends. Cas had no right to bother him at five in the morning just because he couldn’t sleep. He put his phone down to avoid doing something stupid and tried to focus on the TV.

His mind wandered back to Dean within minutes. He knew he was probably getting himself into a bad situation, but he was finding it hard to care. Dean was nice. He would even consider Dean a friend if there wasn’t the possibility it could get them both killed. It was fine, though. The amendment they’d made to their arrangement was more than enough for him. He smiled a little. It had been three weeks since Cas answered Dean’s question and he was pretty sure he’d made the right decision. His phone pinged, startling him out of his thoughts. He frowned and picked it up.

**Dean [5:18am]:** Any chance you’re up?

Cas stared at his phone for a minute before it occurred to him that he should respond.

**Cas [5:19am]:** I’m always up. What’s up?

**Dean [5:19am]:** I can’t sleep and I ran out of people to text. Why are you awake?

**Cas [5:20am]:** Just can’t sleep

**Dean [5:20am]:** You wanna go do something? I know a good 24 hour diner. We could get breakfast.

Cas stared at his phone again. This wasn’t part of their arrangement. They didn’t…they only hung out at the Roadhouse.

**Dean [5:21am]:** We don’t have to if it’s weird

It didn’t feel weird, and that’s what was so weird about it. Cas stared at his phone for another two minutes before he responded.

**Cas [5:23am]:** It’s not weird. I’d like that.

**Dean [5:23am]:** Great! Did you want me to pick you up or just text you the address?

Now that was weird. Cas had been in Dean’s car, Baby he’d called it, exactly once and they hadn’t actually gone anywhere. Still, he was tired and he didn’t really feel like walking.

**Cas [5:24am]:** You can pick me up. I live in the building on the corner of 17th and Columbus. I’ll be outside.

**Dean [5:24am]:** All right. I should be there in about twenty minutes.

Cas left his phone on the couch and went into his room to get dressed. He threw on some jeans and a sweatshirt, tied his sneakers, slipped his phone into his pocket, and went downstairs. He was pacing the sidewalk because he had nothing better to do when Dean pulled up. He heard the car before he saw it. Dean rolled down the window.

“Hey, angel.” Cas chuckled in spite of himself. He hated the nickname as much as he hated Clarence, but he knew complaining about it would only make it worse.

“Hello, Dean.” He opened the door and got in.

“You’re sure this isn’t weird?”

“Well, it’s gonna be weird if you keep talking about it.” Dean laughed.

“All right, fair point.” The drove to the diner in silence, the only sound coming from the radio. Cas couldn’t help but notice that Dean listened to Led Zeppelin. He smiled to himself. “Get whatever you want,” Dean said when they pulled up, “I’m treating.”

“You really don’t have to do that,” Cas said as he got out of the car. Dean grinned.

“I know, but I dragged you out at almost six in the morning and I know how much you hate being out.” Cas frowned slightly as Dean held the door for him.

“I don’t hate being out,” he said once they were sitting. “I’m just not a fan of going to bars every night. My friends thrive on noise and crowds of people. I don’t, but they don’t seem to get that.”

“So say something to them.” Cas gave him the face Gabriel had dubbed his bitchface.

“Gee, why didn’t I think of that?”

“Wow. Sassy. Sorry.” Cas waved him off, smiling a little.

“I’ve tried talking to them, but they don’t listen. Except Gabriel, but even he doesn’t understand that sometimes I really just need to be alone.”

“Older brothers are like that,” Dean said.

“Speaking from experience, I assume.”

“I’ll admit I’m a little overprotective. Sam’s the most important thing in my life. I’d never forgive himself if anything happened to him.”

“Gabe says the same thing about me. Although, I’m guessing I’m a lot more difficult to deal with than Sam is. I only met him once, but he seems like he’s got a good head on his shoulders.”

“He does. He’s the brains of the family.” Dean smiled. “You don’t seem all that hard to handle, though.” Cas chuckled.

“No offense, but you don’t know me.”

“I’d like to.”

“You really wouldn’t. On the surface I’m not so bad to be around. You should stick to the surface.”

“Well, I don’t scare easy, but if you don’t wanna tell me, I’m not gonna push you.” A waitress came over to take their order. Once they both had coffee, Cas said,

“So, really, why are you awake?” Dean shrugged.

“Sometimes I have trouble sleeping. No big deal.”

“Is that why you always seem so tired?”

“Yeah. I’ve learned how to live with it, but every once in a while it’s too much.”

“I’m guessing excessive drinking doesn’t make it any better.” Dean laughed.

“Shut up. I hadn’t slept in a month and you were being really nice.” He paused. “You didn’t tell anyone, did you? About what I said?”

“Who am I gonna tell?”

“Just making sure. If I could wipe your memory of it, I would. None of that was ever supposed to leave my head.”

“I figured, but it seemed like you needed to get it out. Hey, at least you said it to me and not your brother.”

“True. Sam can never know about that. I’m supposed to be the strong one, ya know? Whatever happens, I’m supposed to take it and keep going.”

“You’re not a machine, Dean. You’re allowed to break under the kind of stress you seem to be under. You need to take some time for yourself.” Dean sipped his coffee.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Yes, it is. You’re trying to do everything for everyone else and it’s taking its toll. You can’t keep doing that to yourself.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Because I know what stretching yourself too thin can do to a person. You asked me that night if I ever felt like giving up. Yeah, I do. And I’m worried that you might be slipping into the same mindset I’m in.” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the concern, but you don’t know me, either. And I can’t exactly take your word on this when you’re being so cryptic.”

“Cryptic?”

“What kind of mindset are you in that you think I might be slipping into?” Cas looked down at his coffee. He shouldn’t have said anything. He always did this and it was one of the reasons he didn’t have very many friends. He tried to help and he always ended up making it worse.

“Sorry. I was just trying to help. I should-.”

“If you say you should go, I will hit you,” Dean interrupted. “You always think you’re wasting my time, but you’re not. We all say things we wish we could take back. Case in point, Halloween. If it’s too uncomfortable for you to talk about, we just move on. It’s fine.”

“You’re sure?” Dean frowned slightly.

“Why do you doubt yourself so much? Since we met, I don’t think you’ve ever said anything positive about yourself. Why is that?” Cas went back to staring at his coffee. He watched Dean’s hand rest over his. “Sorry. Sometimes I have trouble with other peoples’ boundaries. You don’t have to answer that. Let’s just change the subject.”

“Thank you,” Cas said quietly. The rest of breakfast went smoothly, but something was still nagging in the back of his head. A part of him wanted to tell Dean everything, but he knew if he did, Dean would leave and he didn’t want that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today, probably when I get home


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today!

Dean spent most of breakfast trying to keep himself from moving to the other side of the booth. The look on Cas’s face was heartbreaking and he was fighting the urge to wrap him in a hug. That wasn’t what this was. They weren’t friends. They were…well, Dean wasn’t sure about that, but they weren’t friends.

Dean had spent three hours debating whether or not he should even text Cas, and once he did, he hadn’t been expecting a response. He definitely hadn’t been expecting to be sitting across from the shifter at his favorite diner at six in the morning, talking about things he didn’t even talk to his brother about. When the check came, Cas reached for it and Dean slapped his hand.

“I said I was treating.”

“Dean-.”

“Not a discussion, Cas.” Cas sighed.

“You’re very stubborn.” Dean grinned.

“Get used to it, angel.” The name slipped out before he could stop it. Cas didn’t seem to mind it, but that wasn’t the point. They weren’t friends. They weren’t dating. Dean had no right to be giving him a nickname. And definitely not one that sounded so…intimate. Cas smiled as they walked back out to Baby. This was the point where Dean was supposed to drop him back off at his apartment, but…he didn’t want to.

“I like this car,” Cas said and Dean had to smile.

“She’s my pride and joy. You wanna take a drive?” Cas blinked at him and Dean realized his mistake. “Sorry, that was weird. I’ll take you home.” Cas shook his head.

“I don’t wanna be alone right now.”

“Well, I appreciate you trusting me enough to spend this much time alone with me.” Cas shrugged.

“You haven’t tried to kill me yet, so I’m hopeful.” Dean laughed. He started Baby and pulled away from the curb.

“Where do you wanna go?”

“Wherever. I just don’t wanna go home yet.” Dean drove them out to the lake because he couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. It was quiet and secluded, which probably wasn’t the best option, but if Cas was uncomfortable he didn’t say anything. They got out of Baby and sat on the rocks near the edge of the lake. Dean picked up a rock and skipped it.

“I used to come out here all the time when I was a kid.”

“It’s nice,” Cas said. “It’s quiet. I like quiet.” Dean smiled.

“This was my favorite place. Me and my dad used to go fishing every weekend. When he was old enough I used to bring Sammy out here. We used to have diving contests from the rock up there.” Dean pointed. “We stopped doing that after I hit my head.”

“So _that’s _why you’re like that,” Cas said and Dean pushed him.

“Shut up.” He tried to sound annoyed, but he was laughing. Cas was laughing, too. Watching him, Dean was suddenly hit with the urge to kiss him. He almost did, but even with their new arrangement, he wasn’t sure he should. Cas caught him staring and smirked.

“What are you thinking, Winchester?”

“I’m thinking we’re in the middle of nowhere and no one knows we’re out here, so we can do whatever we want.” He moved a little closer. “Thoughts?” Cas’s smirk shifted into something more hungry. He closed the rest of the distance between them and pressed their lips together. Dean sighed into the kiss. Cas’s lips were soft and warm. He could feel his fangs descending, but he didn’t bite. After that kiss in the alley, Cas had issued a no fang biting rule. He didn’t want the marks on his neck or anywhere else. Dean was disappointed, but it was probably for the best.

The kiss heated up quickly, and Dean found himself on his back with Cas straddling him. He didn’t want to break the moment, but he was beginning to think that sex outside probably wasn’t the greatest idea. They kissed for another few minutes before Cas moved his lips along Dean’s jawline.

“Cas…wait.” Cas moved back so Dean could sit up. “Sorry, I just don’t think doing this _right here_ is a good idea.”

“Car?” Cas asked.

“Better,” Dean agreed. Cas stood up and held out his hand. Dean paused and Cas tilted his head.

“Problem?”

“No…no. No problem.” Cas folded his arms.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this now.” He sat back down beside Dean and pulled him into a much gentler kiss.

“Sorry,” Dean muttered again. He knew he shouldn’t have broken the moment. As soon as he did, something snapped inside him. He was hit with just how exhausted he actually was and he really just wanted to sit and watch the water.

“Nothing to apologize for, Dean. We can leave if you want.”

“No, it’s not that. I just…I dunno.” Cas nodded.

“It’s okay. We can just sit here.” Dean smiled a little.

“Thanks, angel.” Cas laughed.

“Ya know, if I get a nickname, you should too.” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Oh? Got one in mind?”

“Not yet, but I’ll think of something.”

They spent most of the morning sitting by the lake in silence. Every once in a while one of them would ask a question or make a comment, but for the most part they just enjoyed each other’s company. By the time Dean dropped Cas off at his apartment around eleven, there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He drove back to the hotel and parked Baby in the underground garage. He took the elevator up to the floor his room was on.

He managed to get into his room without running into anyone. He took a shower to wash Cas’s scent off him, put on some more comfortable clothes, and went down to the kitchen. Sam was sitting in the dining room with a stack of books. Dean sat across from him.

“Whatchya doing?”

“Studying. Rowena gave me some books.”

“Yeah, I can see that. I meant to ask, whatever happened to you being a lawyer?” Sam looked up.

“I got into Stanford, but Mom died before I could tell anyone and I didn’t wanna leave while you were going through that. I thought it would just be another thing you had to pretend you were fine about. You would act like you were happy for me, but you would resent me, and I couldn’t go all the way to California knowing you were mad at me.”

“Oh, Sam. I wouldn’t’ve been mad at you.”

“Yes, you would’ve.” Sam closed the book in front of him. “I know you better than you think I do. You try to take everything and say you’re fine, but I know you’re not. You were a wreck after we lost Mom and I knew if I left you would think I was abandoning you. You would smile and tell me to go because you want me to be happy, but it would’ve left you even worse than you were. I couldn’t do that to you.” Dean felt guilt clench his stomach. His face must’ve given him away because Sam said, “Don’t feel guilty, Dean. It was my choice.” Dean nodded.

“All right, well, what about now? We’ve got Mom back and I’ve got my hands full with Adam. Why don’t you reapply?”

“Do you want me to be a lawyer?”

“You just seemed really excited about it when you talked about it. If you still wanna do it, then you have my support.” Sam smiled.

“Thanks, Dean, but I think magic is more my thing now. I think I can better help the world this way.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Sam looked down at his books. “I should probably get back to studying. Do you have work today, or are you training with Adam?”

“I’ve got work in a few hours. And me and guys are playing a show tonight if you wanna drop by.” Sam smiled.

“Sure. I’m gonna need a drink after I’m done with this anyway.”

“You promise?”

“I promise, Dean.” Dean smiled and left his brother to his books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First update for today! Hope you all enjoy!

“Shut up and eat your burger,” Gabriel said, popping a fry into his mouth. Cas did as he was told, but he still felt like shit. After Dean had dropped him off at his apartment, he had laid down on his couch to take a nap. He woke up a few hours later in a cold sweat and called his brother without even thinking about it. Even though it was the afternoon, he still felt bad about it. Now they were sitting at a booth in the Roadhouse, having dinner even thought Cas wasn’t all that hungry.

“Thank you,” Cas said.

“Stop thanking me and stop apologizing. You know I like spending time with you.” That was a lie, but Cas didn’t call him on it. No one _liked_ spending with him. Even Dean was only spending time with him to get something from him. He realized that while they were out by the lake. Dean only took him out there to get him alone, and then he’d backed out and he must’ve felt bad. That was the only reason he hadn’t taken Cas home immediately.

Dean’s scent hit his nose and he closed his eyes, waiting for the familiar voice. He breathed a sigh of relief when it didn’t come. Dean must not’ve seen him. He opened his eyes and went back to his burger, ignoring the look Gabriel was giving him.

“Hey, look who just walked in,” he hissed. Cas looked even though he didn’t have to.

“Dean fucking Winchester. Great.”

“I thought you two were getting along?”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t still hate him.” He didn’t, of course, but he could act like he did in front of his brother. He wasn’t too happy with him right now anyway, so it wasn’t much of a stretch.

“I’ll never understand how you can hate someone that attractive.”

“He’s a killer, Gabriel. Immediate turn off.” Gabriel shook his head.

“Maybe so, but how do you talk to him? Someone who looks like that, I’d be stuttering the whole time.”

“If you’re gonna keep talking about him, I’m gonna go over there.” Cas nodded at the bar.

“Come on, Cas. Real talk, how’s it going with him?”

“He’s not horrible, but I still don’t trust him.” That was half true. Cas did trust Dean a little. He hadn’t given him a reason not to. Yet.

“Good. Nice or not, he’s still a Winchester.”

“Yeah,” was all Cas said. He had never and would never understand the hatred. So Dean was a Winchester and he was a Novak. They were just last names. They really didn’t mean anything. Well, they did, but they shouldn’t. They got along well, and it was stupid that they couldn’t be friends just because of their names. But that’s how it was and Cas had accepted that. For the most part. Before he could dwell on it too much, Meg slid into the booth beside him.

“Hey, Clarence!”

“Meg,” Balthazar slid into the booth beside Gabriel, “and Balthazar. What a pleasure.” Cas narrowed his eyes playfully at his brother. “I should’ve known you didn’t just wanna hang out.”

“We’ll be good, I promise,” Meg said. “We just missed you. It’s been a while since we all hung out.” _Ever think there might be a reason for that?_, Cas didn’t say. He knew that wasn’t fair. His friends cared about him. It was just that sometimes they smothered him when they were trying to help him.

“Sorry, I’ve been busy.”

“So we’ve heard,” Balthazar said. “Taking Chuck’s orders to watch Dean Winchester a little too seriously.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Cas sipped on his Coke.

“Well, then what would you say?” Meg asked, “Because it seems like you’re spending an awful lot of time with him.”

“I’m doing my job and he’s doing his. That’s it. Neither one of us wants to see the city destroyed and we were both told to watch each other. So we talk sometimes. We’ve got enough in common that it’s not a waste of my time. Although, I’m pretty sure it’s a waste of his.” Gabriel threw a fry at him.

“You always think you’re wasting everyone’s time and you’re not. If we didn’t wanna be here, we wouldn’t be. And I’m assuming Dean doesn’t know anything about you, so he’s definitely not hanging out with you because he feels bad for you.” Cas considered that. It made sense, but it wasn’t going to change how he felt. It would still probably be better for everyone if he just stayed in his apartment for the rest of his life and didn’t bother anyone. He couldn’t do that though. Even if he felt like he was being annoying, he still needed the contact. He needed to be around other people.

“Are we staying to watch Dean’s show or what?” Meg asked, breaking Cas out of his thoughts.

“Well, I know Cassie is,” Balthazar teased. Cas rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.

“We can go if you guys don’t wanna stay,” he said.

“And miss pretty boy’s God-like voice? Hell no.” Cas just shook his head. He and Dean got along well, but he still didn’t understand everyone’s fascination with him. He was just a person. Other than being a _fantastic_ lay, he really didn’t see what the big deal was. He was an amazing singer, though, so Cas didn’t have a problem staying.

“I’m gonna get us a round,” Gabriel said suddenly and when Cas looked over at the bar, he saw Dean talking with his brothers. Gabriel had his eyes locked on Sam like a laser.

“You know he has a girlfriend, right?” His brother flashed him a grin.

“And when has that ever stopped me?”

“You’re gonna get yourself killed,” Cas warned.

“Oh, please. None of them are dumb enough to attack me in public.”

“I still wouldn’t go over there if I were you.”

“Well, good thing you’re not me.” Gabriel pushed Balthazar out of the booth and went over to the bar. Cas really didn’t want to watch, but he couldn’t look away. He couldn’t hear anything, obviously, and he couldn’t read lips, but Gabriel was smiling, and so was Dean. Sam didn’t seem all that interested and Adam just looked confused. Cas smirked a little. Gabriel was clearly trying to drag Sam into whatever conversation he was having with Dean, but the younger Winchester wasn’t having it. Gabriel came back over a few minutes later with a round of drinks.

“Strike out?” Cas asked with mock sympathy. His brother shrugged.

“Sam’s a little standoffish. Can’t blame him. Dean was more than friendly though. It was a little weird, but I can see why you’d spend time with him.”

“What did he say?”

“Just asked if we were staying for the show. I told him yes and he seemed happy about that.” Cas looked back over. Dean was still talking to his brothers, but he was glancing over every few seconds. He caught Cas’s eye and smiled. Cas smiled back for a second before a wave of panic hit him out of nowhere. He stood up abruptly, knocking Meg out of the booth as he made his way to the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update will be later today, whenever I wake up.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! This one is a little longer than usual.

Dean grinned the second Sam and Adam walked into the Roadhouse.

“Hey, you guys actually showed up!”

“I told you I would,” Sam said.

“You did, but you’ve also told me that about a dozen other times, so excuse me for not having high hopes. How’d the studying go?”

“I don’t even wanna talk about it.” Before Dean could say anything, a slightly familiar voice said,

“Can I get two whiskeys, a bourbon, and a strawberry margarita? Thanks!” Dean looked around Sam and saw Gabriel Novak leaning against the bar. If he was here then Cas had to be around somewhere. Gabriel caught him looking and smirked. “Hey, Winchester.”

“Hey, Novak. You with people or just trying to get wasted?”

“We’re over there.” Gabriel nodded and Dean looked. Cas, Balthazar, and Meg, as he should have expected.

“You guys staying for the show?”

“Of course. Our families might not get along, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know talent when I see it. You guys are incredible.” Dean had to grin at that.

“Thanks. Say hi to Cas for me.”

“Why don’t you say hi yourself?”

“I get the feeling I’m not welcome around you guys, despite Balthazar’s staring problem.”

“Well, you’d be wrong.” Dean raised an eyebrow. That was unexpected. From the one or two times he’d talked to Gabriel, he’d gotten a very strong feeling that he didn’t like him very much. “Cas doesn’t seem to mind you so much and I trust his judgment. But just know that we’re all looking out for him.” Dean didn’t need to ask what he meant.

“Got it.” Jo set Gabriel’s drinks on the bar.

“Later, Winchester.” Dean only nodded and watched Gabriel walk away.

“I don’t like him,” Sam said,“but I can’t figure out why.”

“He seems a tad annoying,” Adam said. Dean wasn’t really listening to them. He couldn’t help glancing at Cas every few seconds until they finally made eye contact. He smiled and Cas smiled back. Then he suddenly stood up and bolted for the bathroom. Dean frowned. He ordered a whiskey and waited two minutes before he went into the bathroom. Cas was splashing water on his face. Dean stood just out of his sight line, but made sure he was visible in the mirror. Without looking up, Cas said,

“That doesn’t work when I can smell you across a room.” Dean smirked.

“Worth a shot. You okay?”

“Yeah, just a…dizzy thing.” Dean didn’t bother to point out that he’d been sitting when it happened. He walked over and pinned Cas against the sink. Cas rolled his eyes.

“I’m not doing that again. Someone’s gonna catch us and I don’t wanna deal with that.” Dean sighed, but backed off.

“Well, then, what do you wanna do? This is the only safe place I know. Unless we go to my apartment, but that seems…”

“I got it.”

“Sam’s got a key anyway, so it’s probably not that safe.”

“I guess the only other place would be my apartment. I’m the only one with a key and no one really bothers me unless I don’t answer my phone all day.” Cas folded his arms over his chest. “Those are our options.” Dean chewed his lip.

“It isn’t weird? I mean, this isn’t…” Cas rolled his eyes.

“You’re terrible with words, Winchester. It’s not weird.” Dean considered it. It felt weird. It _was_ weird. They weren’t dating. They weren’t friends. They were...enemies with benefits? Yeah, that was probably the most accurate label. But regardless of labels, going to Cas’s apartment seemed like a violation of privacy. Even if he was inviting him there.

“We can’t just do this here?” Cas raised an eyebrow.

“Are you that impatient or just that uncomfortable with doing this in a real bed?” Dean shifted. He didn’t want to admit that the whole thing made him a little uncomfortable. Especially given that it was mostly his fault. Back alley blowjobs or a quick, rough fuck in a bathroom stall were so much different than what Cas was suggesting.

“Never mind,” Dean said because he had never been great at saying what he was thinking when it came to shit like this. Cas shook his head.

“You can’t “never mind” your way out of this, Winchester. Answer me. Are you uncomfortable with this?”

“Fuck you, Novak.”

“That was the general idea, but I need an answer first. I’ll remind you that you came to me with this. If you don’t want it, that’s fine, but I’m not doing this strictly on your terms. That’s not fair to me. I’m not a fuck toy.” Dean scrubbed his hand over his face.

“I want this. You’re the best lay I’ve had in a while. I just think that...I don’t want either of us thinking this is more than it is, ya know?”

“And you think enjoying my California king and a hot shower after will somehow change things? I don’t think comfort has any bearing on the depth of this.” Dean couldn’t argue with that. Well, he probably could have if he thought about it long enough, but he didn’t want to. He crushed his lips against Cas’s. He felt Cas chuckle before gently pushing him back.

“What?”

“Not here. Come on. You’ve got a show to do. We can talk after.”

“You’re gonna kill me, Novak.”

“Get over it, Winchester.” Cas walked out first. Dean waited a few minutes before he followed. He splashed some cold water on his face and calmed himself down. He still didn’t trust Cas by any means, but damn that shifter was gorgeous. There was something gnawing in the pit of his stomach, telling him he was headed down a slippery slope, but he ignored it. He knew how to handle himself and he needed this. Cas seemed to need it too, so no one was getting hurt.

Dean walked out of the bathroom and spotted Cas talking to his band and his brothers. Panic gripped Dean for about two seconds before he got ahold of himself. None of them knew. He walked over.

“Don’t you have friends to go talk to?” He asked.

“I probably should get back,” Cas said.

“I’ll come with,” Sam said to Dean’s surprise, “I need to talk to Meg.” Ah, that made more sense.

“We’ve got a show to do anyway,” Kevin reminded them.

“Where’s Ash?” Dean asked.

“Probably stoned somewhere.”

“Think we can swing it without him?” Kevin shrugged.

“Can’t be any worse than Halloween ‘73.” Dean cringed at the memory. That had been a bad night for everyone. Drunk idiots, malfunctioning equipment, and Dean lost his voice halfway through the set. And that was just the beginning of the night. Halloween 1973 at the Roadhouse was legendary. No one ever talked about it, but anyone who was there to break up the riots was considered a hero.

“All right, point taken.” Once they were back stage, Benny said,

“You sure you’re good with leaving Sam alone with Cas?”

“Okay, one, he’s not alone. There are four other people there and Meg’s a mutual friend. And B, Sam’s not violent. Unless Cas starts something, they’ll be fine, and Cas won’t start shit.” Benny held up his hands.

“All right, man. You know Ash is gonna be pissed we played without him.” Dean shrugged.

“Well, sometimes schedules don’t match up. He’ll live and we’ll drink one for him when we’re done.” Kevin laughed.

“I’m okay with that. Ready?” Dean picked up his guitar and played a few chords.

“As I’ll ever be. Let’s hit it.”

*** *** ***

The show didn’t go as badly as Dean had expected. The few people that were in the bar were surprisingly receptive. And of course, his brothers, Cas, and Cas’s friends were being obnoxiously loud, but Dean didn’t mind it so much. He thought it was funny.

“You’re better than I thought,” Sam said when Dean made his way back to the bar.

“Bite me, Sammy,” Dean muttered. Sam laughed.

“I’m kidding, Dean. You guys are awesome.”

“It was better without Ash playing random ass drum solos,” Kevin said. “Dude gets into a headspace and he’s got no idea what’s going on.”

“Makes every show different,” Dean said. He knew Kevin found Ash mildly annoying, but they had been friends for as long as Dean could remember and he wasn’t going to cut him just because he had a few bad habits. They all had bad habits. Ash more than the rest of them, but Dean was a very close second.

“Sure, Dean.” They ordered a round of shots. Then another, and two more after that. By midnight, Sam, and Kevin were too far gone to know what was happening. Gabriel and Adam were having a surprisingly civil conversation about something, and Cas and Benny appeared to be doing the same. Balthazar had disappeared all together. Meg has called it quits at eleven, saying something about coven business, but Dean wasn’t really listening. He was focused on Cas. He was well aware that he was creepy staring, but if anyone mentioned it in the morning he could just say he was hammered.

Cas was definitely more drunk than Dean had ever seen him. He was in a place where he clearly didn’t care what he looked like. His hair was jumping from its usual raven color to blond to sandy to dirty red and back again, and his eyes were a kaleidoscope of colors. It would’ve been unnerving if it hadn’t been the sexiest thing Dean had ever seen.

Everyone else left around one in the morning, leaving Dean and Cas alone. Once they were gone, Cas moved his barstool closer to Dean’s. Uncomfortable, personal space invading close. Dean breathed in the scent. Mixed with the usual shifter scent were notes of honey, apple, cinnamon, and dirt. Cas smelled like summer and nature and it was intoxicating. Dean could feel his fangs descending on their own. He wants so badly to taste Cas’s blood again.

After that kiss in the alley, Cas had issued a no fang biting rule. He didn’t want the marks on his neck or anywhere else. It was probably for the best because even with just that one small taste, Dean knew he could easily become addicted to the shifter’s blood, but it still sucked (no pun intended).

That was one of the main issues that Dean didn’t want to admit had ended his relationship with Lisa. She didn’t want him to bite her. She didn’t want to be claimed. If he claimed her then she was a Winchester and she didn’t want that. She liked her independence. Dean was okay with it at first, but after sixteen years it felt like they weren’t going anywhere and he was bored. Lisa has stopped trying so he stopped trying and they fell into a monotonous pattern of not trying. He still loved her, but he was almost relieved when she finally broke up with him.

“Sad isn’t a good look on you,” Cas said, pulling Dean out of his head. Dean smiled a little.

“Sorry. Lost in thought.” Dean took a good look at the man who was supposed to be his enemy. The man he was supposed to hate with every fiber of his being. “I’m cutting you off.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve had more than enough. What’s my name?”

“Dean Winchester.”

“What’s your name?”

“Castiel James Novak.”

“Where are we?”

“The Roadhouse.”

“You’re still aware of your surroundings. I need that.”

“Why?”

“Because it means you can still consent to everything I’m gonna ask you to do to me when we get back to your place.”

“You still wanna do that?”

“Haven’t stopped thinking about it since I got here.” Dean took out his wallet and paid their tabs. “Come on, Novak. Get your shit together.” Cas laughed.

“Bite me, Winchester.” Dean’s breath hitched in his throat.

“Don’t tempt me,” he growled, hoping Cas would get the message to knock it off. Instead, as soon as they hit the street, Cas pulled him into mind-melting kiss. Dean barely had time to react before Cas was pulling away. He brushed his lips against Dean’s ear and whispered,

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk right for a week. You’re gonna scream my name so loud everyone’ll know you’re mine.” Dean coughed on the groan he was trying to suppress. He grabbed Cas’s hand and pulled him towards Baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Sunday!
> 
> Feel free to drop a comment. I love feedback and constructive criticism!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter for this week!
> 
> I decided to post an extra chapter this week because of all the lovely comments I've been getting over the past few days. Everyone has been so nice that I actually cried from happiness.
> 
> So this chapter goes out to all the lovely people who have been leaving me lovely comments! I love you all so much!! 💕💕

Cas woke up with a pounding headache. The sun was too bright, the birds were too loud, and his bed was too warm. He groaned as he sat up. He looked to his left and saw a glass of water and two pills sitting on his nightstand. Under the glass was a note. He read the note first.

_Figured you’d need this. You were pretty hammered last night. I’m still walking just fine so better luck next time but I think your whole building heard me screaming. Text me whenever. -Dean_

Cas smiled to himself as memories from the night before came flooding back. Dean Winchester, the poster boy for badass, don’t fuck with me, laying pliant and willing beneath him, begging him for more. Some of the noises he made couldn’t even be described as human. Cas felt himself getting hard at the memory. He sighed, a small part of him wishing Dean had stayed the night. As soon as he thought it, he bolted up. That was exactly what Dean had said he didn’t want to happen. But, really, that wasn’t what was happening. Cas didn’t mind waking up alone, he just wished he had someone else to take care of his current situation instead of having to do it himself. That was normal. What wasn’t normal, he realized, was that he had actually slept through the night. He couldn’t remember the last time he hadn’t woken up screaming in the middle of the night. He felt rested for the first time in decades. It was a good feeling. Maybe he was finally getting over his ex. It was about time.

Cas sighed and got out of bed even though he didn’t want to. Dean’s scent was still lingering on the sheets, and Cas’s hair, probably. That meant he had to take a shower. As much as he liked it, he knew he couldn’t go home smelling like Dean. He ran the water and stepped into the steam. It felt good and he could feel himself relaxing. He grabbed the bottle of water resistant lube (yes he had that and he wasn’t going to apologize for it) and got himself off, then he washed thoroughly and scrubbed Dean’s scent out of his hair. He was letting the conditioner sit when a thought crossed his mind. As he rinsed, his hair shifted from its normal near-black, to a dirty blond color. He shut off the water, grabbed a towel, and looked at himself in the mirror. He shifted through eye colors before settling on hazel. He smiled to himself before going back into his room to get dressed.

He hadn’t noticed it before, but the second he walked out of the bathroom, he was hit with the strong scent of sex. His and Dean’s scents were mingling nicely. He took a deep inhale then grabbed some jeans and a t-shirt. He made himself a cup of coffee, checked his phone, then started the walk back to the house. It was a little past ten in the morning on a Wednesday, so there weren’t too many people. Everyone was already at work. The walk was peaceful and Cas had a permanent smile on his face. Until he walked into the house. Gabriel saw him first.

“What the fuck happened last night?”

“We all got hammered,” Cas said, taking a sip of his coffee. Gabriel studied him for a long minute.

“You hooked up.” Cas shrugged.

“Yeah, and?”

“Dude! I need details! Now!”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?!”

“Okay, one, calm the fuck down. Two, I was drunk and I don’t really remember much.” That was a lie, but Gabriel didn’t need to know that. Gabriel didn’t need to know anything.

“You’re such a fucking buzzkill,” his older brother muttered. Cas grinned.

“Tough shit, Gabe. Chuck in his office?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

“Always. Why?” Cas walked past his brother and down the hall to their father’s office. He walked in without knocking and sat down in one of the big chairs.

“Knock, Castiel.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do you have information on Dean Winchester?”

“I do. The Winchesters are calling for peace. Dean said they were within their right to take down Anna.”

“Within their right?”

“Dean said she was given all the proper warnings, as were you, and they did what they had to do to keep the peace. John doesn’t want a war, but is willing to fight if you chose to challenge him.” Chuck gave Cas a hard stare. Cas didn’t waver. He knew this move was risky, but it was his one chance to stop the war before it started without risking himself and Dean.

“Do you agree?”

“I agree that the Treaty was followed to the letter. I’m not happy that Anna was killed, but I understand it. I think we should leave it. There’s no need to destroy the city because of her death.”

“All right. But reparations need to be made.”

“How?” Cas was suddenly very nervous.

“Blood for blood. Anna was loved by all of us. Her death left a hole here. They should feel that pain.” Chuck went back to the papers on his desk without another word. Cas wanted to ask what exactly he meant by that, but he didn’t trust his voice. He stood and walked back into the hallway. He took a steadying breath. _Okay, _he thought_, it’s not that bad. I can talk him down. It’ll be fine._ He repeated that until it felt true. Whatever Chuck was planning, Cas had time to put a stop to it.

Cas wandered around the halls until he found himself outside Balthazar’s room. He was hesitant to knock. The last time he knocked on his cousin’s door, he had interrupted him in the middle of a ménage à…whatever the French word for twelve was. Balthazar had asked, but Cas didn’t know and he didn’t care. He raised his hand and knocked lightly. Balthazar opened the door after a minute. He was wearing pajama pants and nothing else. He grinned at Cas.

“Hey, Cassie! Who’d you hook up with?” Cas groaned and pushed past his cousin.

“Gabriel can’t keep his fucking mouth shut.”

“This is exciting, Cas! You haven’t gotten laid in _months_! Who was it?”

“I don’t remember his name. I was drunk and he was gone before I woke up.”

“Details?”

“Hazy at best. Why can’t I just live my life without you two and Meg hounding me?”

“We worry about you, Cas.”

“Well, don’t. I can take care of myself.” Cas settled on Balthazar’s couch. He crossed his ankles and sipped his coffee.

“Don’t you have work today?”

“Monday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday.”

“Right. So you’re just gonna hang out here?” Cas shrugged.

“Nothing better to do. Meg’s busy with coven shit, and you and Gabe are really my only other friends.”

“That’s so sad, Cas. Go out and make friends.”

“Why? I don’t need more than three friends. One of you is always free to do something, and on the off chance that you’re not, I like spending time alone.”

“Cassie, your best friends can’t be your brother, your cousin, and some witch you met while you were drunk.”

“Why not? I like you guys…sometimes.” Balthazar crossed his arms over his bare chest.

“Why are you blond? I thought you didn’t shift for fun anymore?”

“I was bored. I woke up this morning and decided I wanted a change.” Cas ran his hand through his hair. “Bad color choice?”

“No, I’m just surprised. You’ve been different lately. More relaxed. You on something?”

“No. Am I not allowed to have a good day?”

“I didn’t say that. Do you wanna do something? Cause I don’t feel like spending the whole day in my room.” Cas glanced at the Xbox sitting beside the TV. He really wanted to just play some video games and spend some time with his cousin. Balthazar wasn’t going to have that, though. He was going to drag Cas to some bar or club and try to get him to hook up.

“Sure. You might wanna get dressed though. I’ll be downstairs.” Cas left his cousin’s room and went down to the kitchen to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Sunday!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating this at almost 5 in the morning because I can't sleep. Anyway, enjoy!

Dean scratched at the label on his beer bottle. He tried not to watch the door, but he couldn’t help it. He hadn’t seen Cas in almost a month. Not since that night they spent at Cas’s apartment. Dean would be worried except that they still texted on a regular basis. Still, he felt like Cas was avoiding him. He took another swing of beer and glanced at the door again.

“Staring at the door isn’t gonna make him show up any faster,” Jo said, setting another beer on the bar in front of him.

“Shut up.”

“I’m just saying. You’re getting yourself worked up for nothing. He’ll be here.”

“You don’t know that,” Dean muttered once she had walked away. It wasn’t like he cared. Not really. The problem was, his father was getting onto him about getting information, so Cas avoiding face to face conversation was frustrating. He also hadn’t gotten laid since the last time he saw Cas, but that was his fault. It wasn’t that he hadn’t had opportunities, he just hadn’t taken anyone up on it. He told himself it was because Cas was the best he’d ever had, which was true, but he also...it felt like cheating. He knew it was stupid because they weren’t...anything. They were using each other in every possible way. That was it.

Dean sighed to himself. They needed to set boundaries. They hadn’t had issues until he went to Cas’s apartment. He knew this would happen. It was what he had been trying to avoid. He was deciding what to say first when he was hit with the familiar smell. He looked around, but he didn’t see Cas anywhere. He frowned and sipped his beer. Now he was smelling things. Awesome.

“Hey, Winchester.” Dean looked at the dirty blond standing next to him. He raised an eyebrow.

“Cas?”

“Yes.”

“You’re blond,” Dean commented.

“Yes, I am. Have been for a few weeks.” Cas took the barstool next to his. “You don’t like it?”

“Didn’t say that. Just surprised. You been busy?”

“Not really.”

“So you’re just avoiding me.” Dean cringed internally are how “heartbroken lover” that sounded. Cas shook his head.

“Not really. I was...dealing with Chuck. There were issues. I was trying to talk him down before he did something stupid.”

“Did it work?”

“For now. What’ve you been doing?”

“Working. Playing here when I can.”

“That’s good.” There was a long silence where they just stared at each other. That’s when Dean noticed that Cas’s eyes were no longer that stunning shade of blue. They were more a hazel color. Cas cleared his throat. “Look I get that you’re probably mad at me—.”

“I’m not mad. You have your own life. I get that.”

“Regardless, it was rude. I should’ve said something. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. We’re not friends, you don’t owe me an explanation. Got anything for me?” Cas handed over a piece of paper. Dean unfolded it. It was a list of names. “What’s this?”

“Hit list.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a hit list. I thought you should have it. You need to keep your family safe.” Dean stared at the list.

“Is this what you were trying to talk him out of?”

“Yes. I’ve talked him down for now, but keep your guard up.”

“Thanks. I think.” Dean pocketed the list.

“Just stay safe.” Dean studied Cas.

“Why do you care so much?”

“I don’t want a war.” Dean shook his head.

“It’s something else. This is big. You didn’t have to give this to me. So why?” Cas looked at the bar.

“I don’t want you to end up dead,” he said quietly. He lifted his head. “You’re not the bloodthirsty murderer people make you out to be. You and your family don’t deserve a death sentence just because you’re the Winchesters. I’m just trying to help.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Dean sipped his beer. He had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hadn’t felt it since he first met Lisa and it scared him. He looked at Cas. “You wanna get outta here?”

“Back to my place?” Cas asked with a slight head tilt.

“If you’re still okay with that.” Dean hated to admit it, but sex was a lot better in Cas’s bed than in the bathroom of the bar, or the alley out back.

“It’s fine.” Cas took out his wallet. “I got it.”

“No.”

“Come on, Winchester. You pay for me all the time. I got it this time.” Cas raised an eyebrow, clearly daring Dean to challenge him. Dean shrugged.

“Fine. Whatever.” He wanted to argue, but arguing would mean taking longer to get to the fun stuff. Cas paid and they walked out the door. The fresh air helped clear Dean’s head a little. They got into Baby and he drove to Cas’s apartment.

“You remembered,” Cas said.

“Not that complicated.” Dean cut the engine and followed Cas inside. “Tell me something. Why the penthouse? You don’t seem like the type.”

“I’m not. I told Chuck I wanted my own apartment and this is what he got me. I wasn’t gonna argue. It’s not so bad.” The elevator dinged and they stepped into the living room.

“It’s too nice if you ask me.”

“Well, no one asked you. And I didn’t exactly here you complaining last time.”

“One, I’m not complaining. And B, I wasn’t really focused on the apartment last time.” Cas chuckled and walked into the kitchen.

“Drink?”

“You trying to get me drunk, Novak?”

“I find you much more pliant when you’re a little tipsy,” Cas said with a smile that sent Dean’s blood rushing south. He smirked and sat on the suede couch. Cas came out of the kitchen with two glasses. Dean took one and took a sip.

“Bourbon? Seriously?”

“I like it,” was all Cas said. He picked up the remote and clicked on the TV. “You like Jeff Dunham?”

“Who?”

“He’s a ventriloquist.”

“What?”

“He makes puppets talk without moving his lips.” Dean stared at him and Cas laughed. “He’s funny, I promise.”

“Okay…” Something was happening here that shouldn’t be. Cas was acting like they were just two friends hanging out. That wasn’t what this was supposed to be. Dean had to take action before this went too far. He downed the rest of his bourbon and closed the distance between them on the couch.

“Dean…” Dean straddled Cas’s lap and pulled him into a deep kiss. Cas was receptive and that was good. Until he said, “Dean, stop for a second.” Dean sighed.

“What?”

“Just…” Cas didn’t finish his sentence. Dean climbed off him and sat on the couch.

“What, Novak? If you don’t wanna do this, fine. I can go. But I’m not gonna sit here and watch TV with you like we’re a couple because we’re not.”

“Sorry. I’ve had a rough few weeks and I just wanted some company.”

“So call one of your friends.” Cas turned his attention back to the TV without a word. “Cas?”

“Just go, Dean.” Something was bothering him. Cas never used Dean’s first name unless they were in the middle of sex, or he was upset about something. It wasn’t any of his business, though. They weren’t friends. Dean had to keep telling himself that. They weren’t friends. Dean stood up.

“Text me whenever,” he said before he got back on the elevator. On his way down to the lobby, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He felt the piece of paper Cas had given him. A hit list. An actual fucking _hit list_. Chuck was out of his fucking mind. He stepped out onto the street and got into Baby. He was about to pull off when his phone beeped in his pocket. He took it out.

**Cas [11:28pm]:** Don’t contact me anymore.

Dean felt something tug inside him.

**Dean [11:29pm]:** What?

No response. He waited ten minutes before he drove home. When he got inside, he dropped the paper on John’s desk, then went up to his room. Still no response from Cas. He tried calling and it went straight to voicemail.

“Hey, Cas. Call me. I think we need to talk.” Dean hated talking, but whatever was bothering Cas was clearly important. He knew he shouldn’t care, but he did. And, really, he _had_ to care. He was supposed to be keeping tabs on Cas. He couldn’t do that if the shifter wouldn’t talk to him. Dean set his phone on his nightstand. He changed for bed and crawled under the blankets. He fell asleep that night wishing he hadn’t left Cas’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be whenever I wake up later (if I even sleep)
> 
> Feel free to drop a comment! I live for feedback and constructive criticism!
> 
> Also I encourage you all to check out Jeff Dunham on Netflix. He’s hilarious.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! I was gonna do this like 3 hours ago, but after my alarm went off I fell back asleep. Oops. Anyway, enjoy!

Cas shut off his alarm and stayed curled up in bed. He hadn’t been out of his apartment in three days. He also hadn’t answered in his phone in as long. He hadn’t slept either. Every time he closed his eyes he replayed the fight he’d had with Dean and it reminded him of the fight he’d had with his ex. He’d spent the last three days laying in bed, perpetually covered in a thin sheen of cold sweat. He was exhausted.

He knew Gabriel, Balthazar, and Meg were blowing him up. He didn’t care. He wanted to be alone. He felt like shit and he didn’t want to deal with the outside world. He knew he had screwed up. He had tried to make his arrangement with Dean something it wasn’t and it blew up in his face. Dean had tried to contact him a few times after his initial text. Cas ignored him. What else could he do? Whatever Dean had to say wasn’t going to be nice, so why bother listening to it? It was better to just cut off all contact. They could pretend nothing ever happened. Pretend they never met. Cas didn’t want that, but it was the only option. He wasn’t supposed to be talking to Dean anyway. Not really. Chuck only wanted information and Cas wasn’t going to give him that.

Cas heard his phone ringing on the night stand. He ignored it. It rang four more times before he heard the buzzer for his door. He picked up his phone and texted Gabriel.

**Cas [11:18am]:** Fuck off

His phone started ringing again. He groaned.

“What?”

“What the hell are you doing!?”

“Sleeping.” Laying in a semiconscious state and having a full-on panic attack was probably more accurate, but Gabriel didn’t need to know that.

“For three days!?”

“Gabe, stop yelling. And stop blowing up my phone. I’ll talk when I feel like it. Just tell Chuck I’m sick or something and leave me alone.”

“Let me up,” Gabriel said. The edge is his voice had been replaced with something softer.

“No.”

“I just wanna make sure you’re okay, Cas. Please let me up.” Cas had to give his older brother credit. He did care and Cas appreciated it.

“Fine. Five minutes.”

“Thank you.” Cas got out of bed and buzzed his brother in. The elevator took two minutes and forty-eight seconds to reach the penthouse. That gave Cas just enough time to brush his teeth and throw on some clean clothes. When Gabriel walked in, Cas was sitting on the couch under a blanket.

“Clock’s ticking,” he said.

“You are not okay.” Gabriel sat on the couch facing him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

“Fine. Nothing I wanna talk about. Go away.” Gabriel tugged on Cas’s arm and pulled him into one of those comforting hugs he reserved specifically for Cas. Cas didn’t fight him. He let his brother hold him. It only lasted a minute or two, but it was long enough to snap Cas back to reality a little.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Gabe.”

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?” Cas shook his head. “Okay. I’ll tell Dad you’re not feeling well. And whatever happened, please don’t go radio silence like that again. I was scared.”

“Sorry,” Cas mumbled.

“It’s okay, Cas. I just worry about you, you know that.”

“I wish you wouldn’t. I’m an adult, Gabe. I do know how to take care of myself.”

“I know, but you’ll always be my little brother. Worrying about you is kinda my job.” Cas chuckled. For all his faults and annoying tendencies, Gabriel was a good brother. “You want me to stay with you for a while? We can watch that comedian you’re always bugging me about.” Cas looked at his brother. “I won’t talk, I promise.” That got Cas to laugh for real.

“Gabe, there isn’t anything in the world that could get you to stop talking.” Gabriel pushed him.

“Shut up. You wanna watch or not?”

“Yes.” Cas picked up the remote and turned on the TV. Gabriel was true to his word and actually didn’t talk for most of the next four hours. They just sat together, laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

“Do you wanna get lunch somewhere?” Gabriel asked when Cas finally turned off the TV. “You look like you haven’t eaten in a few days.”

“How can you tell?” Cas asked.

“Big brother. When was the last time you ate? Be honest.” Cas thought back.

“I dunno. Three days ago?”

“Cas!” Cas flinched.

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no, don’t apologize. You need to take better care of yourself, though. Come on, we’re getting lunch.” Gabriel stood up and pulled Cas off the couch. “Go get dressed. I’ll be downstairs. Don’t bail on me.” Cas nodded and went into his room. He took a quick shower, threw on some clothes, and went downstairs. Gabriel was leaning against his car. They got in and Gabriel drove them to a small diner a few blocks away.

“Quaint,” Cas said as they sat down.

“They have the best milkshakes here.” A waitress came over to take their order. Cas ordered and cheeseburger with extra bacon out of habit. Gabriel raised an eyebrow at him. Cas shrugged.

“Force of habit.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Dean Winchester.”

“Just doing my job.”

“You sure that’s it? Last time I saw you together, you seemed a little…friendly.” Cas snorted.

“Hardly. Chuck told me to watch him, so I’m watching him. It’s just easier to get him to talk if I act like we’re friends.”

“Have you gotten any useful information out of him?”

“No, and I don’t plan to. I’m watching him because I was told to, but I’m not giving Chuck any information. I’m trying to stop this war, not jump start it.”

“He’s gonna figure that out eventually.”

“Eventually, but until then, I’m using this to my advantage.”

“Be careful, Cas.”

“Stop saying that. I got it. I’m keeping my guard up and I don’t trust him, but he’s not a bad guy and I’m not gonna turn him over just because he’s a Winchester.” Cas looked his brother in eye. “You have my back on this, right?”

“Of course, but if, at any point, you feel unsafe around him, you call me for backup. Understand?”

“Yes, Gabriel.” Cas appreciated his brother’s cautiousness, he really did, but he really didn’t see Dean hurting him. Not that it mattered since Cas had cut off all contact with him. After what happened, he didn’t want to talk to him anymore. It was better for both of them to just pretend nothing ever happened between them. Cas’s phone beeped in his pocket.

**Dean [3:47pm]:** Please call me

Cas put his phone back in his pocket. He should just block the number and leave it at that, but something was stopping him from doing that.

“What was that?”

“Nothing important. Are you, Balthazar, and Meg gonna drag me out tonight? Is that why you’re spending the day with me?”

“You have no faith in me, do you?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I’m not gonna make you go out if you don’t want to, but I think you need it. You can’t keep isolating yourself.”

“I like being alone.”

“That’s fine every once in a while, but being by yourself all day, every day isn’t good for you. It isn’t good for anyone, but for you…I don’t wanna not see you for a week only to find you passed out on the floor of your room, ODing on pills again. I can’t go through that again.” Guilt churned in Cas’s stomach. He wished that were his only failed suicide attempt, but it was just the latest in a long line. Gabriel had found him almost every single time and saved his life. He knew what he was doing to his brother and he hated it.

It wasn’t that he thought no one would miss him if he were gone, he knew they would, but some days being alive just seemed like too much. Living for centuries wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. He was bored, he was lonely, and some days he just really didn’t want to be alive anymore. It wasn’t fair to Gabriel and Cas knew that. Balthazar and Meg kept an eye on him, but neither of them had ever found him on the brink of death. Gabriel was hyperaware at all times, trying to keep Cas from doing it again.

“I’m sorry, Gabe. I am. I never meant for…I know this isn’t easy on you.”

“Being a big brother isn’t supposed to be easy,” Gabriel said with a small smile. “I don’t know what goes through your head most of the time, but I’m always looking out for you. I don’t wanna lose you to that darkness. Not if I can do something.” The guilt was bubbling up to Cas’s chest. He felt nauseous.

“I’ll go out with you tonight, but not to the Roadhouse.”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday!
> 
> Feel free to drop a comment! I live for feedback and constructive criticism!
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕💕
> 
> And once again, I beg you, Jeff Dunham on Netflix.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making my first update super early because work was hell tonight and I have no idea what time I'm gonna wake up later.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

Dean drummed his fingers against the window sill in time to the Zeppelin song playing on the record player. The whole family had been on lockdown since Dean gave his father Chuck’s hit list and he was bored out of his mind. He understood John’s reasoning, but it seemed a little extreme. If anything were seriously wrong, Cas would’ve told him. At least, Dean hoped he would. Or maybe he couldn’t. Maybe that was why he had cut off all communication. That was bothering Dean much more than it should. It had been nearly three weeks since he last heard from Cas. It had been nearly three weeks since he had seen another person that wasn’t his family. He was going stir crazy. The record ended and he got up to change it. There was a knock at his door before Sam walked in.

“Wow, you’re still here.”

“Dad’s got guards fucking _everywhere_. Can’t exactly sneak out.”

“Yeah, but I figured you would’ve tried.”

“Well, could you blame me? I haven’t worked in three weeks. I haven’t played a show in three weeks. I haven’t gotten _laid_ in three weeks. I’m going in crazy in here.”

“Dean, this is your fault. You shouldn’t’ve given that list to Dad. Why did Castiel give that to you, anyway?”

“Hell if I know. All he said was that I needed to keep my family safe.”

“And that’s the last time you spoke to him?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m kinda stuck here.” Dean changed the record and sat on his bed. “I’m bored, Sammy. I need a burger from the Roadhouse. I need a drink that isn’t the same fucking bottle of whiskey. I need to get outta here. Please. Just for a few hours.”

“And what am I supposed to tell Dad when he finds you missing?”

“Who says he will?”

“If he does.”

“I don’t know, Sam, think of something. Please. I’m begging you. _Please_.” Sam sighed.

“Fine, but if I get in trouble for this I’m gonna kill you.”

“Deal.”

“And you can only go if you wear the vest.” Dean groaned. He hated bulletproof vests. They were bulky and uncomfortable.

“I hate you.”

“I know you do, but it’s the vest or no deal.”

“Fine.” Dean put the bulletproof vest on over his undershirt, tugged on a t-shirt, and threw on one of his flannels. He went out the door with Sam and snuck out through the back. The outside of the hotel he been updated to blend in with the modern landscape, but it was built in the 1800s. Dean knew all the hidden passages like the back of his hand. He jogged a few blocks up before he settled into a comfortable walking pace. Sam would cover him. Dean trusted him. He walked to the Roadhouse and took a deep breath when he walked in the doors. Jo spotted him immediately.

“I thought you fucking died!”

“Nope! Dad’s just being overly cautious right now. The whole house is on lockdown.”

“So you’re here why?”

“I needed to get out. I needed a burger, some real liquor, and I gotta get laid.”

“I can help you with the first two,” Jo said. She called his order to the kitchen before pouring him a glass of bourbon. Dean stared at it for a moment. Bourbon. Of course, because she couldn’t have reached for any other bottle. He downed it quickly. Then two more. He was half-way through his burger and almost tipsy when he was hit with Cas’s scent. His head shot up and he scanned the bar. Cas was standing by the door. They made eye contact. Dean smiled. Cas’s eyes got wide. He turned around and walked out.

_Shit_. Dean jumped off his barstool and bolted out the door. His eyes combed the sidewalk until he caught a glimpse of Cas’s coat rounding the corner into the alley. He ran to catch up. He grabbed Cas’s arm.

“Hey, hold up.” Cas pulled away.

“What?”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Leave me alone.”

“Why? What happened? Did someone threaten you because of the list you gave me?” Cas looked at him.

“What? No. I just don’t think we should talk anymore.”

“Is this about what happened at your apartment?” Cas looked back at the ground. “Look, I didn’t mean to offend you, or whatever, but—.”

“You didn’t offend me, Dean. I tried to make this something that it wasn’t. It was my fault, but if you don’t wanna be friends you didn’t need to be a dick about it.” Dean narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“Is that what this is about? You think I don’t wanna be friends?” Dean folded his arms. “Cas, I never said I didn’t wanna be friends. _You_ said that we _couldn’t_ be friends. I was following your lead on that. But, regardless, if you wanted company, why didn’t you call one of your actual friends?”

“Like I said, I had a rough few weeks. We get along. I thought it might be nice to hang out. Clearly I was wrong.”

“Why didn’t you just say that from the jump? I’m more than willing to be friends with you, but I didn’t realize that’s what you wanted. I thought you were inviting me up for sex. That’s what I was prepared for. You can’t throw a curve ball at me like that. I have a very one-track mind.” Cas finally lifted his head again.

“So you wanna be friends?”

“Only if you’re sure you do. I don’t want things to be weird. I like spending time with you.” Dean hated to admit it out loud, but it was true.

“Can we still have sex?” Dean laughed.

“Angel, that was never off the table.” He backed the shifter up against the side of the building and kissed him hungrily. It had been way too long since he got laid. Cas rested his hands against Dean’s chest. Dean felt him frown, then he pulled out of the kiss.

“What’s that?” He knocked against Dean’s chest.

“Oh. Bulletproof vest. It was the only way I could get Sam to let me leave. The whole family’s been on lockdown since I gave Dad that list. He’s being overly cautious. This is the first time I’ve been outta the house in three weeks.” Cas raised an eyebrow.

“You’re pretty backed up then.” Dean grinned.

“You’ve got no idea.” He leaned in and captured Cas’s lips again. Cas sighed against him, letting him take control. Dean knew that wouldn’t last long, so he took advantage. He deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue between Cas’s parted lips. Cas moved his hands from Dean’s chest up to his shoulders, then down to his ass. Dean pressed Cas closer to the wall.

“My place,” Cas said. Dean nodded. He took out his phone and sent a few texts.

**Dean [1:14am]:** Hooked up. Charge my card. You know the numbers.

**Dean [1:14am]:** Staying at Benny’s. Don’t freak, I’ll be fine.

**Dean [1:14am]: **Hooked up, told Sam I’m crashing with you. Cover for me and I’ll do whatever you want.

Dean didn’t wait for responses from anyone. He grabbed Cas’s hand and practically dragged him the eight blocks to his apartment. They started up again in the elevator. Cas had Dean pinned against the back wall. He was completely immobile and he loved it. By the time the doors dinged open, Dean’s jeans were open and his flannel was half off. Cas pushed him into the apartment. Dean ended up on the couch with Cas straddling him. They kissed for a long time before Dean moved his lips to Cas’s ear.

“Bedroom,” he growled.

“Patience,” Cas responded. Dean wanted to argue, but he probably wouldn’t win and it would only waste time. So he let Cas kiss him senseless. He let himself get lost in their mixed scent. He let himself get way more comfortable than he had any right to be. He didn’t realize it in the moment, but he was headed down a dangerous path and he wasn’t doing anything to stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today, whenever I wake up.
> 
> Feel free to drop a comment. I live for feedback and constructive criticism!
> 
> I am trying to respond to all comments, but some of them make me so happy that it takes me a while to be able to form words.
> 
> Love y'all!! 💕💕💕


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today!

Cas woke up the next morning acutely aware that he wasn’t alone. He opened his eyes slowly just to confirm that, yes, Dean Winchester was sleeping soundly right beside him. He closed his eyes again and sighed, partially happy and partially worried. This wasn’t going to be good when Dean inevitably woke up. He imagined yelling and a great deal of cursing followed by the vampire storming out. He snuggled down further into his covers and tried to go back to sleep. It was then that a realized he had once again slept soundly through the night. Not even a hint of a nightmare.

Before he could think about it too long he felt Dean stir. He opened his eyes in time to watch Dean sit up. He yawned, stretched, and looked around. When his eyes landed on Cas he paled just a little.

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to crash here.” Cas shook his head lazily. He was warm, comfortable, and he didn’t care.

“It’s fine, Winchester. I would’ve woken you up if I didn’t want you here.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I can’t remember the last time I didn’t wake up alone.” That was a lie, but it wasn’t something Cas liked to think about. “I forgot how nice it is to have a warm body next to me. Even if it is you.” Dean smirked.

“Gee, thanks, Novak.” Cas laughed.

“You can go if you want.”

“I probably should. I’ll text you.” Dean pulled his jeans on and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He grimaced at the screen. “Yeah, I gotta go. Thanks for last night.” Cas sat up a little.

“You’re thanking me for sex?”

“I’m not gonna be able to sit for a few days, so yeah, I’m thanking you for sex.” Dean pulled his shirt over his head.

“Forgetting something?” Cas gestured to the vest laying on the floor. Dean sighed.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m gonna kill Sammy for making me wear this.” He took his shirt off, put the vest on, then finished getting dressed. He walked around the bed and gave Cas a deep kiss. “I’ll text you if Dad doesn’t kill me when I get home. We can do something later or tomorrow.”

“All right. Be careful.” Dean flashed him a grin.

“Never am.” Cas waited until Dean was gone before he got up. His muscles were sore, his bedroom smelled like Dean, and he was still comfortably sated. He didn’t want to leave the comfort of his bed, but he had to get to work. He went into the bathroom and took a quick shower. He got dressed, grabbed his phone, and made it down to the record store with two minutes to spare. Ruby was already inside, setting up the drawer.

“You’re late.”

“We open in thirty minutes. I have plenty of time.”

“You live right next door. Your elevator takes under three minutes. What the hell took you so long?”

“I had a late night.” Ruby’s eyes lit up.

“You hooked up!”

“Yes, and I woke up a little later than normal. That’s all I’m telling you, so don’t push.”

“Fine, fine, fine. Drawer’s all set. Call if you need anything.”

“You know I will.” Ruby walked out the door and Cas settled into his chair. He kept the door unlocked. There probably wouldn’t be any customers anyway. He took out his phone and called Gabriel.

“Hey, Cassie!”

“Hey, Gabe. You busy tonight?”

“Never. Why what’s up?”

“Thought we could go out. You, me, Balt, Meg, and anyone else who wants to come.”

“Well, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I’m game. When’s your shift over?”

“Four.”

“I’ll be at your apartment then.”

“Great. See ya, Gabe.”

“Later, Cas.” Cas hung up and kicked back in his chair. He opened his book and started reading.

The first customer didn’t come in until well after noon, and she didn’t even buy anything. Cas spent most of his shift sitting in his chair reading his book. He didn’t mind that. He was getting paid to be alone and read. Occasionally he would get a text, but none of them were from Dean. That bothered him a little. He wasn’t worried, so much as he was...well, worried. He hoped Dean hadn’t gotten in trouble. As much as he hated waking up alone, nothing was worth Dean getting in trouble for something that wasn’t even technically his fault. Cas was just walking out the door to meet Gabriel outside his apartment when his phone beeped.

**Dean [4:02pm]:** Sorry got stuck in a lecture about how I’m irresponsible

**Cas [4:02pm]:** Sorry if I got you in trouble

**Dean [4:03pm]:** Not your fault and mom talked dad down. I’m not in trouble.

**Cas [4:03pm]:** Good. I’m busy tonight but are you free tomorrow?

**Dean [4:04pm]:** Since I went out and didn’t get killed dad lifted the lockdown. I’ll be at work all day but the garage closes at 7. I can come over right after.

That was a little more forward than Cas was used to. They always, _always_ met at the Roadhouse. For Dean to suggest he just go straight to Cas’s apartment was a step in a direction Cas was wary of. Then again, maybe Dean was like that with all his friends. Cas couldn’t know for sure, so he was going to take Dean’s lead on this.

**Cas [4:05pm]:** Sure. I should be home. If I’m not just tell the doorman you’re there to see me and go on up.

**Dean [4:05pm]:** You’re sure?

**Cas [4:06pm]:** Definitely. Everyone else does it.

**Dean [4:06pm]:** All right. See ya tomorrow.

Cas tucked his phone into his pocket just as Gabriel pulled up. He rolled down the window and grinned at Cas.

“Hey, ginger.” Cas subconsciously ran his hand through his hair. It had been a while since he’d gone ginger and he decided he wanted a change. His hair was a rusty reddish color and his eyes were a light shade of green. He looked Irish if he was being perfectly honest, but he liked it. It felt good to shift whenever he wanted again. He still had hangups about certain things, but he was starting to feel comfortable with at least changing his hair and eye color again.

“Hey, Gabe.” Cas opened the door and slid into the passenger’s seat.

“Where to, Cassie?”

“Your call. You know the bars better than I do.” Gabriel pulled off and started driving down town.

“You seem different today. Good different.”

“I hooked up last night,” Cas said because he knew Balthazar would call him out on it when he saw him. “I didn’t realize how much I needed it.”

“Got a name for me?” Cas shook his head.

“Didn’t ask.”

“Anonymous sex. Please tell me you used protection?”

“Of course, Gabe, I’m not stupid.” Half of that was true. Cas wasn’t stupid and he knew the risks of unprotected sex with strangers, but he and Dean had had that conversation. They were both clean and they both got tested regularly.

“Details?”

“Oh my, God, Gabe, what are you, sixteen?”

“I am three hundred and eighty-seven, and you’re never too old for details.”

“No. I draw the line there.” Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“Fine, whatever.” The rest of the drive as quiet except for the Zeppelin song coming through the speakers. Cas was surprised, but didn’t question it. He wasn’t going to complain that his brother was playing his favorite music. When they pulled up to the bar, Cas spotted his cousin’s car immediately. He braced himself for an onslaught of questions as he and Gabriel walked in. Balthazar, Meg, and the rest of the coven were sitting in one of the round booths near the back. Meg saw them first.

“Hey, Clarence! Hey, Gabe.”

“Hey, Meg!” Cas gave her a hug.

“Well, you’re in a good mood.” Cas shrugged, sliding into the booth beside Balthazar. Gabriel went over to the bar to get a round of drinks.

“You hooked up,” Balthazar said.

“Yes, I did, and that’s all the information you’re getting out of me, so drop it.”

“You are insanely boring, Cassie. And I thought redheads were supposed to have fun.”

“Oh, we do, dear,” Rowena said and Cas chuckled. Gabriel came back over with a round of drinks.

“Is anyone else coming?”

“Sam should be here soon,” Eileen said.

“Sam Winchester?” Cas asked.

“You know him?” Rowena asked in return. Cas shook his head.

“Not really. I’ve only talked to him once or twice. I know his brother.”

“Ah. Dean Winchester.”

“I gather you don’t like him very much?” Gabriel said.

“We’ve had our disagreements,” was all Rowena said. Cas sipped his margarita. He knew Dean didn’t like witches, but he didn’t know why. It wasn’t any of his business. They were casual friends-with-benefits. Nothing beyond sex and the occasional nice conversation. They didn’t talk about deeply personal things and Cas liked it that way. It was safer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Sunday.
> 
> Feel free to drop a comment. I live for feedback and constructive criticism!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus update this week because my friend is dying at work and she needs a distraction! Love you 😘

Dean woke up in the middle of the night to someone knocking on his door. He looked at the clock and frowned. It was nearly three in the morning. The knocking came again. He got up and opened the door. Adam was standing there in his pajamas. His eyes were glazed over with something that Dean immediately recognized as terror.

“Hey, Adam. What’s going on?”

“I woke you up,” Adam said.

“Yeah, so what’s up?”

“It’s nothing. Sorry.” He started to walk away. Dean caught his arm.

“Hey. Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“I just had a nightmare,” Adam said quietly. “It’s fine.” Dean knew a thing or two about nightmares and he knew they weren’t things people should have to handle alone. He pulled his half-brother into his room and closed the door.

“Stay here tonight.”

“I really didn’t mean to bother you.”

“You didn’t. It’s okay. Sam used to have nightmares, too. So did I. Guess it runs in the family. It’s better if you have someone with you. Try to go back to sleep. I’ll be right here if you need me.” Adam finally smiled a little.

“Thanks, Dean.” He made a move for the floor and Dean shook his head.

“Here.” He walked over to the couch pushed against the other wall. He pulled off the cushions and unfolded it.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Adam.” Dean had a fold out couch for this exact reason. He and Sam had spent years sleeping in the same room to keep each other safe. Adam needed it now and Dean wasn’t going make him sleep on the floor. Adam climbed onto the bed. Dean ruffled his hair the way he used to do to Sam and smiled. “You’ll be fine, I promise. Get some sleep.”

*** *** ***

When Dean woke up the next morning, Adam was sound asleep on the other bed. He smiled a little before getting up quietly. He threw on his bathrobe and went downstairs. Sam was sitting at the table, drinking a vomit-green smoothie and going over more books.

“More homework?” Dean asked, pouring himself some coffee.

“Yeah.”

“You look like death.”

“It’ll be worth it when I’m good at this.”

“If you say so.” Dean sat across from his brother. “Did Adam wake you up last night?” Sam looked up and frowned.

“No, why?”

“He came to me at, like, three in the morning saying he’d had a nightmare. I figured he probably went to you first and you either didn’t wake up or sent him to me.”

“If he knocked on my door, I didn’t hear him. What did you do?”

“Same thing I always did with you.” Dean sipped his coffee. “I think it helped. He’s still asleep.” He caught Sam’s soft smile and furrowed his brow. “What?”

“I thought you didn’t like him?”

“He’s blood, Sam. I can’t stay mad at him for something Dad did. He needed me and what kind of older brother would I be if I told him no?”

“You’ve always been good about that,” Sam agreed. “Did he tell you what his nightmare was about?”

“Huh. I didn’t even think to ask. He looked so scared, I figured he didn’t wanna talk about it.”

“You should ask him when he wakes up.”

“Why?”

“Maybe you can help.” Dean shook his head.

“I’m not good at the talking thing, Sam. That’s all you.”

“You talk to me,” Sam pointed out.

“I’ve known you your whole life. It’s different.”

“I guess.”

“I’ll try,” Dean offered because he hated the look on his brother’s face. He knew he was older, but he hated disappointing his little brother. He didn’t like disappointing anyone. Sam smiled.

“Thank you.”

“So, any plans today?

“Why? What did you do?” Dean laughed.

“I love how little faith you have in me, Sammy. I just wanted to hang out. It’s been a while since we did something, just the two of us.”

“Oh.” Sam closed the book in front of him. “Well, I have to finish working on this, but once I’m done we can do whatever you want.”

“Okay. I’m gonna meet up with Charlie at the Roadhouse to talk wedding plans, so just meet me there when you’re done.”

“All right. Have fun.” Dean smacked his brother on the back of the head as he walked by.

“Shut up, bitch.”

“Bye, jerk.”

Dean headed up the stairs to his room. Today was the first day in months that he actually had nothing to do. He didn’t have to work and he didn’t have any training sessions with Adam scheduled. He had really wanted the day to himself, but Charlie had the day off, too, and she had been hounding him about getting together outside of their thirty-minute lunch breaks. He had agreed to meet her at the Roadhouse at eleven. He didn’t want to, but the smile Charlie had given him when he agreed was worth it. Dean opened his door just in time to see Adam sit up. He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times.

“Dean?”

“‘Morning, kiddo. How’d you sleep?”

“Better. Thank you. Sorry for bothering you last night.”

“You didn’t bother me. That’s what older brothers are for. I’m going down to the Roadhouse to meet Charlie if you wanna go.”

“Thanks, but I’ve actually got plans with a friend.”

“Well then, have fun and stay safe.” Adam left the room and Dean got in the shower. After Adam had woken him up, he had spent the rest of the night dreaming of raven hair and blue eyes. He hadn’t seen Cas in weeks and it was driving him crazy. Not since he accidentally spent the night. He still felt a little guilty about that. Even though Cas said it was fine, he still felt like he was intruding. They were fuck buddies. Dean had no right to fall asleep in his bed. He should’ve gone home the second they were done. Instead, he let himself get comfortable. By the time he shut the water off, he had made a decision. No more hooking up at Cas’s apartment. No hooking up at either of their apartments. He had known something like this would happen.

Dean threw on the first clothes he dug out of his dresser and went down to Baby. The second he stepped out of the building he remembered, oh yeah, it was winter. He went back inside and grabbed his jacket. By the time he got to the Roadhouse he was fifteen minutes late. Charlie was sitting at the bar with a plate of French fries.

“Hey, kiddo. Sorry I’m late.”

“You’re always late, I’m not surprised. Fry?”

“Always.” Dean sat beside her. “So, where’s the future ball and chain?” Dean laughed and ducked to avoid Charlie’s hand.

“One of these days she’s gonna hear you call her that and she’s gonna kick your ass.”

“Dorothy loves me. Where is she?” Charlie sighed.

“Stuck in a conference call.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Something happened with one of the projects she’s working on. Hopefully she’ll be here soon.” She picked at the fries. “So, where do you wanna start?”

“Your wedding, you call the shots. You got the binder?” Charlie pulled the six inch binder out of her bag.

“Since when are you a party planner?” Dean jumped at the voice and looked to his right. Cas was leaning against the bar, a smirk on his face. He looked past Dean and smiled at Charlie. “Hey. Charlie, right?” Charlie grinned.

“Hey, you remembered! Dean’s not a party planner, but he is my own personal wedding planner.” Cas raised an eyebrow.

“Wedding planner, huh?” Dean shrugged.

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for puppy eyes. What are you doing here?”

“Take a guess.”

“Dragged here by Meg, Gabriel, and/or Balthazar?”

“My lovely brother thinks I need more time out of my apartment.”

“Maybe he’s right.”

“Maybe. I’ll see ya, Winchester.”

“Later, Novak.” Cas walked away.

“I thought you two didn’t get along?”

“We found common ground,” Dean said. “Now, where are we starting?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably post another chapter before I go to work later, just to keep it even.
> 
> Love you guys! Your comments keep me going!


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I definitely meant to post another chapter before I went to work, but I got called in early and I completely forgot, so here it is. Hope you all enjoy!

Cas bolted up in bed. He wasn’t screaming this time, but he was still covered in a thin sheen of cold sweat. He got out of bed and took a warm shower. He made himself a cup of tea, got back into bed, and wound up the music box. The soft melody washed over him and he closed his eyes. Nobody had talked about Anna since her death, but Cas missed her. She was a little crazy, but she cared about him. As much as he was grateful for Gabriel, he didn’t always like being dragged out to bars every night. Anna would go to museums with him, or just sit quietly on the couch with him and watch Netflix comedy specials.

Cas drank his tea slowly and tried to focus on anything that wasn’t his dead cousin. Of course, that meant his mind wandered to Dean Winchester. He had been thinking about the vampire more than he cared to admit. They had been hooking up on a semi-regular basis for about a month, but Dean hadn’t spent the night since that one time. Cas tried not to let it bother him. It was for the best, really. Spending the night was too…they were too casual for that. Still, he missed waking up next to someone. It was the only thing he missed about his ex.

Cas jerked a little when his ex crossed his mind. He watched his tea slosh violently over the edge of the cup. It took a moment to register that it hurt. He took off his pajama pants and looked at the angry red mark on his leg. He knew he should go get a cold wash cloth, but he couldn’t make himself move. He stared at the mark. It brought back memories. Memories that he had been trying to decades to repress. Cas touched his face on instinct and cringed when he felt tears on his cheek. He reached for his phone just as it buzzed.

**Dean [3:37am]:** You up?

Cas rolled his eyes without even meaning to.

**Cas [3:37am]:** Yeah why?

**Dean [3:37am]:** Can’t sleep. Hook up?

Cas chewed his lip. He knew he wasn’t in any condition to be saying yes, but he couldn’t be alone. The logical part of his brain was telling him to decline and call his brother. The rest of his brain was telling him that Dean had contacted him, so he wasn’t bothering him. If he called Gabriel, he would be bothering him. That made his decision easier.

**Cas [3:39am]:** Sure

Dean never responded, but twenty minutes later, Cas heard the buzzer. He walked over and pressed the button.

“Yeah?”

“Let me up, angel.” Cas pressed the button to let him in and curled up on the couch. When Dean stepped off the elevator, Cas got to his feet. Dean’s smile was a mix of predatory and something Cas was sure he had to be hallucinating. Dean closed the space between them in three quick steps and crushed their lips together.

“Mm, right to it then?”

“I’m sorry, were you expecting small talk first?” Cas chuckled and pulled Dean towards his room. Dean smirked. “I didn’t think so.”

*** *** ***

Cas woke up to the smell of bacon. He groaned and sat up. He looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was barely past ten in the morning. He got up and trudged into the kitchen. Dean was standing by the stove, watching bacon sizzle in a pan.

“What are you doing?” Cas asked and Dean jumped. He turned around.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to crash here last night, I swear.” Cas nodded, still mostly asleep.

“Okay. Why are you making bacon?”

“Oh. Well, I wasn’t sure what you liked, but I figured since I’d already overstayed my welcome, I could at least make you breakfast.” Cas took a moment to process that.

“Did you make coffee?”

“Oh, yeah. Here.” Dean handed him his favorite mug. “I didn’t know which one to use so I picked that one because you said you liked bees.” Cas smirked.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re adorable when you’re flustered?” The words were out of his mouth before he could think about them. That happened a lot before he had his coffee. Dean titled his head and laughed.

“No, and I’m guessing you didn’t mean to say it either. Not a morning person, I take it?”

“No,” Cas grumbled, sitting at the table. “Never have been. Even before-,” he caught himself before he shared too much. “Even before I started having trouble sleeping. My mom used to have to bribe me to get out of bed most mornings.”

“Sounds like a good mom.”

“Yeah, she was.” Cas sipped his coffee and prayed Dean would gloss over his slip. Of course he didn’t.

“Naomi isn’t your mom.”

“No. She and Chuck got married a little over a year after I lost my mom. She doesn’t like any of us much, but she likes Chuck’s money.”

“Gold digger.” Dean sat across from Cas and set a plate of bacon between them. “I can make something else if you want. I like bacon, but I know that, tragically, not everyone does.” Cas chuckled.

“This is fine, Dean. You really didn’t have to.”

“Of course I didn’t, but it was the least I could do considering I stayed uninvited.”

“I invited you over. You’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like.” Dean seemed to consider that.

“Thanks, angel.” Cas shook his head.

“You’ve gotta stop calling me that.”

“Why?” Dean asked, biting into a piece of bacon. _Because it’s too romantic for what this is_.

“Because I’m not an angel. I promise.”

“I think that depends entirely on who you ask.” Cas squinted and tilted his head.

“I can assure you, nothing about me in angelic.”

“Well, I don’t know anything about you, so how would I know? From where I stand, it’s fitting.” Cas looked down at his coffee. Suddenly he felt like he wanted to vomit. He fought the urge to get up and bolt. It wasn’t like he could go anywhere. The silence that had fallen over them was tense and uncomfortable until Dean said, “I should go. Sorry I made this weird.”

“You didn’t,” Cas said because he didn’t want Dean to leave like that.

“No, I did. I can tell. You’re uncomfortable.”

“I’m always uncomfortable.”

“Not with me. You can’t even look at me.” Cas forced himself to look up and meet the vampire’s gaze. Dean looked hurt.

“You didn’t do anything. I just…” Dean reached across the table and Cas pulled back.

“Why won’t you ever talk to me?” _Because I don’t wanna lose you_.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“Dean.” Cas felt his chest tighten. He was close to crying. Dean was acting like he cared and it was too much. He couldn’t handle this. If he told Dean everything, either he would use it against him, or he would never speak to him again. Cas didn’t want either of those things to happen so he had to keep his mouth shut.

“I’m gonna go. Text me if you want.”

“Dean, please don’t think I’m mad at you because I’m not.”

“Oh, I know. You just don’t trust me. That’s fine. I’ll see ya.”

“Dean-.”

“It’s fine, Cas.” He left without another word. Cas looked down at his coffee again and then at the plate of bacon sitting on his table. Dean was trying to be nice and he had ruined it. He dumped the coffee down the sink, tossed the bacon in the trash, called in sick to work, and crawled into his bed, ignoring the fact that it still smelled like Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will probably be in a few hours if I'm not too drunk
> 
> Love you guys! Your comments keep me going! 💕💕


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first official update for today! Enjoy!

Dean fired his gun until the clip was empty, reloaded, and went again. He’d been in the shooting range since he got home from Cas’s. He was mad at himself more than anything. He was trying to be nice. When he’d woken up in the shifter’s bed, he’d felt guilty. He thought he’d make Cas breakfast as an apology and be gone before he woke up. Everything went down hill after that. Dean knew that was his fault.

He wasn’t just mad at himself, though. He didn’t trust Cas with everything, but he trusted him with more than he should. He felt like he should be given the same in return. Cas was either unable or just unwilling to do that and it pissed Dean off. He wasn’t asking for a life story. He just wanted to get to know him a little better. Dean emptied six more clips into the targets, and if he was thinking about a certain head of dark hair and certain set of blue eyes, well, that wasn’t anyone else’s business.

Dean stayed down in the shooting range most of the day just to avoid interacting with anyone. He wanted to be alone, but he couldn’t exactly explain why without getting himself into trouble. When he’d finally taken all his anger out on the paper targets, Dean headed up to his room. He was stopped on the stairs by Sam.

“Where the hell have you been?”

“Taking out some frustration,” Dean grumbled, pushing past his brother.

“Hey, man, what happened?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.”

“Just leave it, Sam. I’ll be in my room if you need me. Word of advice, don’t need me.” He climbed the remaining stairs and slammed his door. He was being dramatic and petulant and he didn’t care. He was mad. He really wanted to drive back to Cas’s apartment and yell at him until he felt better, but he knew that wouldn’t solve anything. Whatever was going on with the shifter wasn’t something Dean could fix and certainly not with yelling. Cas had to figure things out for himself.

The haunted look in Cas’s eyes crossed Dean’s mind. Whatever the issue was, it was much bigger than what happened that morning. Something was slowly eating away at him. Dean didn’t think he was asking for much. Just a little bit of information so he could better understand the shifter. He wanted to help, but he couldn’t do that when Cas would only give him surface information. He understood not wanting to share certain things, but Cas kept everything hidden behind cryptic words of advice. It was frustrating.

Dean took out his phone and stared at the screen. He wanted to text Cas, but it was too soon. They needed at least three days for this to settle before they tried to talk about it. Dean was already pretty sure he knew how that would go anyway. He would try to talk, Cas would shut down, and then he’d apologize for wasting Dean’s time and leave.

A knock came at his door. Dean almost snapped, but he didn’t know who is was and Sam probably hadn’t told anyone else he wanted to be alone.

“Yeah?” The door opened and Mary walked in. She smiled softly.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hi, Mom.”

“Sam said you were upset. Is everything okay?” Of course. Sam couldn’t keep his fucking mouth shut.

“I’m good. I just kinda had a rough morning. Figured I’d keep to myself until I sort it out.”

“Oh. All right, sweetheart. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Mary left and Dean groaned. He just wanted to be left alone for a day. That didn’t seem like too much to ask. He got off his bed and went over to the record player in the corner. As he flipped through his box of records, he thought about Cas. He couldn’t help it. He should’ve left the second he woke up. Or he shouldn’t have pushed so hard for Cas to talk to him. He wanted to help, that was it. And if he couldn’t do that, then he at least wanted to be there for him.

Dean stopped when he got to his favorite Led Zeppelin record. Well, second favorite. He hadn’t been able to find his favorite album on vinyl yet. He had been searching for years and was fairly close to giving up. He put the record into the player and let the music wash over him. There was nothing a little classic rock couldn’t fix. He reclined on his bed again and scrolled through his phone.

**Charlie [4:18pm]:** Busy?

**Dean [4:32pm]:** No but I’m not in the mood to go anywhere

**Charlie [4:33pm]:** Oh no

**Charlie [4:33pm]: **What happened?

**Charlie [4:33pm]:** Was it Cas?

**Dean [4:34pm]:** Nothing happened I just feel like being alone. Why would Cas have anything to do with it?

Sometimes it scared Dean just how well Charlie could read him, even over text. He wanted to pour his heart out and tell her everything, but he couldn’t risk it. He trusted her with his life, but this was different. It wasn’t just his life at stake.

**Charlie [4:35pm]:** Oh Dean

**Charlie [4:35pm]:** Do you think I’m blind? Or stupid?

**Dean [4:35pm]:** What are you talking about Bradbury?

**Charlie [4:36pm]:** The way you look at him and talk about him and act around him. You like him.

Dean almost dropped his phone. Was he really that obvious? And what did she mean by ‘like’? Sure the physical attraction was there, but romantic? He wasn’t going to touch that thought with a ten-foot pole.

**Dean [4:37pm]:** I’ll admit I wouldn’t kick him outta bed

**Charlie [4:37pm]:** It’s more than that

**Dean [4:38pm]:** It’s not. It couldn’t be even if I wanted it to be which I don’t. Can we change the subject? Why did you text me?

**Charlie [4:39pm]:** Someone’s snippy. Just checking in. I don’t see or hear from you much outside of work and our planning sessions.

**Dean [4:39pm]:** I should fix that shouldn’t I?

**Charlie [4:40pm]:** I wouldn’t say no to drinks and talking about stuff that’s not wedding related

Dean looked at the time. Five o’clock on a Tuesday wasn’t a particularly busy time at the Roadhouse. He probably wouldn’t run into Cas.

**Dean [4:41pm]:** I can be at the Roadhouse in 20 if you want

**Charlie [4:41pm]:** Great! See ya!

Dean smiled a little. He _did_ want to be alone, but he knew that Charlie wouldn’t push him if he really didn’t feel like talking about something. They could spend time together without her hounding him about Cas. He threw on his jacket, made sure he had his keys, and left. As soon as he got into Baby, he was hit with his and Cas’s mixed scent. He groaned. He hadn’t showered until he got home, so the smell was lingering all over his car. It was intoxicating and, at the moment, it made Dean want to vomit. He felt like shit for the way he acted, but he also felt like he wasn’t in the wrong.

Dean shook his head and started Baby’s engine. Spending some time with his favorite redhead would help clear his mind. Maybe she would even be able to help, as long as he was vague about the details. By the time he got to the bar, he was already feeling a little better. He cut the engine and went inside. He spotted Charlie sitting at the bar.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said, pulling her into a hug.

“I missed those,” Charlie said. “You give the best hugs.”

“Yeah, well, don’t tell anyone. I’ve got a reputation to keep.”

“I thought you hated your reputation?” Dean shrugged.

“I don’t hate it, I just think my life would be a lot easier if people didn’t think I’m a cold blooded killer.”

“I think that’s fair.”

“What’s your poison tonight, Winchester?” Dean flashed a grin at Jo.

“Whatever you feel like pouring, sweetheart.” Jo rolled her eyes and Dean ducked to avoid her hand.

“You two are ridiculous,” Charlie said, turning to Jo, “Why would you wanna hurt that pretty face of his?”

“Might knock his ego down a peg or two. Lord knows he needs it.”

“You know that’s my bravado, not my ego, right?” Jo just smiled sweetly as she poured him a glass of top-shelf whiskey. “You angling for a big tip?”

“Never. Let me know if you need anything.” She walked away and Charlie laughed.

“That girl is something else.”

“Understatement,” Dean said. “She’s awesome though. Keeps me in my place.”

“I thought that was my job?”

“Seems like it’s everybody’s job lately.”

“Talk to me, Winchester.”

“It’s really nothing. I got into a fight with Cas this morning.” Charlie broke into a grin.

“I _knew_ this had to do with Cas! What happened?”

“Doesn’t matter. I overreacted.”

“As you tend to do, but what was it?” Dean sighed. He sipped his whiskey before he answered.

“He doesn’t trust me as much as I trust him and it bothers me. I’m not asking for a lot. Just…one thing. I want him to tell me one thing about himself that I can’t find out from my dad.”

“Why though?”

“Because it seems like there’s something bothering him. Something big. And I wanna help him if I can. Is that weird?”

“No. You’ve always been like that. You can’t really expect him to trust you, though. I mean, I know you’re not trying to jump start the war, but he doesn’t. He can never really be sure you’re on his side.” Dean stared down into his glass. Charlie was right, but the didn’t make it any less frustrating.

“I know. I wish there was a way I could prove it to him.”

“Well, I know patience isn’t your strong suit, but that’s what it’s gonna take. You have to go slow.” _Little late for that_.

“I get it. I guess if I want him to open up more I’m gonna have to open up more.”

“That’s not a bad idea, but are you sure you can?” Dean lifted his head.

“No. I don’t talk about things for a reason.”

“Well, he probably doesn’t talk about things for a reason, too.” That made sense. Dean was being a hypocrite. “Take your time with him and don’t push him. I’m guessing that’s what started the fight in the first place?”

“God, I wish you didn’t know me so well.” Charlie smiled.

“You’ve got a good heart, Dean, and sometimes it gets you into trouble. Also, I should say, be careful around him. I know you wanna think he’s on your side, but he might not be. Watch what you say around him. He might use it against you.” Dean hated the fact that she was right. He could never really trust Cas, no matter how much he wanted to. He finished his whiskey in two gulps and ordered another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be whenever I wake up later.
> 
> Love you guys! Your comments keep me going! 💕💕💕💕


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I definitely meant to update this hours ago, but I got sidetracked. Sorry! Anyway, enjoy!

Cas looked around his freshly scrubbed apartment with a satisfied smile. He couldn’t remember the last time he deep-cleaned his apartment and he forgot how therapeutic it was. He felt good. For the first time in months he actually felt really good. He ran his hand through his sandy-brown hair and sighed happily. He only had one thing left to do. He took out his phone and texted Dean

**Cas [3:04pm]:** I’m gonna be at the Roadhouse for a few hours if you wanna get a drink. We should talk.

It had been a week since Dean stormed out of his apartment. A week since the last time they spoke. Cas knew he had to make first contact and he was finally in a place where he could have a real conversation. He called Gabriel.

“Hey, Cas, what’s up?”

“Busy?”

“Never.”

“Good. Wanna get lunch?”

“Sure. Just us or is this a ‘let’s start drinking way too early’ kinda lunch?”

“Invite whoever you want. I’ll be at the Roadhouse in about twenty minutes.”

“Cool. I’ll be there.”

“See ya.” Cas put his phone in his pocket and started the walk to the bar. It was cold, but Cas liked that. It gave him an excuse to wear layers and long sleeves. Long sleeves meant no one asked questions about the scars and that meant he could pretend they weren’t there. Even if it was only for a little while. Cas caught himself scratching and shoved his hands into his pockets. He had to break the habit, but one thing at a time. He had some other things to work through first. Starting with Dean.

Cas understood why Dean was mad. He was right, Cas didn’t trust him. He couldn’t. He wanted to, more than anything, but he couldn’t. And not just because he was a Winchester. Cas had made the mistake of trusting a vampire once before and he still wasn’t over it. He wasn’t going to do that to himself again. He wasn’t going to put himself in that position. He wanted to believe that Dean was different, but there would always be doubt. Cas walked into the Roadhouse and looked around. He claimed an empty booth along the left wall and ordered a Coke.

“You waiting for Dean?” Jo asked when she brought him his glass.

“No, my brother.”

“Oh. Well, Dean was in here a few days ago and he seemed dead set on apologizing to you.”

“He’s got nothing to apologize for.” Jo studied him for a moment before shaking her head.

“You two are something. Let me know when your brother gets here.” She walked away before Cas could ask what she meant. He also didn’t have time to dwell on it because Gabriel showed up five minutes later with Balthazar, Meg, Rowena, Eileen, and…Sam Winchester. That he definitely hadn’t been expecting.

“Hey, Cassie,” Balthazar said, sliding into the booth beside him. “You look happy.”

“That a bad thing?”

“Nope! I missed it actually.”

“We all missed it, Clarence,” Meg added. Cas had to smile at that. He looked at Sam.

“Hello, Sam.”

“Hey, Cas. I told them this was weird. I can go if you want.”

“I’m friends with your brother, so I suppose it’s only fair that I try to be friends with you, too.”

“That’s what I told him,” Meg said, shooting Sam a look. Sam held up his hands.

“All right, all right.”

“We’re gonna need a bigger booth,” Gabriel decided.

“Well, when I said invite whoever you want I didn’t think you’d invite _everyone_.”

“This is why you never let him make decisions,” Balthazar said.

“Excuse me, I am a _fantastic_ decision maker!” Gabriel argued.

“I have a scar on my ass from a fire poker that suggests otherwise,” Balthazar countered.

“You…you know what, never mind. I don’t think I wanna know.” Cas laughed at the tidal wave of emotions that crossed Sam’s face.

“I promise it’s not what you’re probably thinking, but you really don’t.” They moved to one of the circular booths in the back and Jo came over to take their order.

“Hey, Sam. Where’s your brother?”

“Training Adam. They should be here in about an hour.” Cas bit back his smile. Dean was definitely coming. That was good. Jo walked away with a notepad full of scribbles and Sam addressed Cas, “So you and Dean are actually friends?” Cas shrugged.

“I’d like to think we are. Or as close to friends as we can be considering.” Sam nodded.

“That’s good, I think.”

“Yeah?” Gabriel asked. “So you don’t think we’re the embodiment of evil?”

“No. I mean, I get that we’re not supposed to like each other, but it seems kinda stupid to hate someone just because of their last name, doesn’t it?”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Cas said. “We don’t ever have to trust each other, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get along.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Meg said.

“You’ll drink to anything,” Gabriel pointed out.

“Won’t we all?” Rowena said.

“You’re all idiots,” Jo said as she dropped off their food.

“Well, there goes your eighteen percent,” Sam said. Jo flashed him a smile.

“You tip more than that for me anyway.” Sam didn’t argue. Jo walked away again and everyone slipped into easy conversation. Cas tuned everyone out, knowing he’d pick up what they were saying anyway. He couldn’t help watching the door. He was itching to talk to Dean.

“Stop that,” Gabriel snapped and Cas realized he had been scratching his arm.

“Sorry.” Cas moved his hand to his leg and started tapping out a rhythm to keep himself occupied. He didn’t need to do it for long, though. He was three bites into his bacon cheeseburger when he caught a familiar scent. He looked up and saw Dean walk in with Adam. They made eye contact and Dean smiled. That was a good sign. Cas smiled back.

“Hey, look who showed up!” Dean rolled his eyes at Meg and leaned against the end of the booth.

“Got room for two more?”

“Depends,” Sam said. “You paying?”

“For you, sure. Everyone else is on their own.” Dean grinned. “I will get the next round though. Cas, you wanna help?” Cas took that as his opportunity to talk to Dean alone.

“Sure.” He got up and followed Dean to the bar. Dean got Jo started on their drinks then turned to Cas.

“I got your text. I just wanted to apologize.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Dean. You were right, I don’t trust you. I want to, but…I can’t. I need you to understand that this isn’t personal. I like you and I’d like to stay friends, but I can never fully trust you.” Cas waited for the inevitable screaming followed by Dean storming out. Instead, Dean nodded.

“I know, Cas. I’m not mad at you. I was, but I talked to Charlie and she set me straight. I shouldn’t’ve pushed you so hard. I realize that I can’t expect you to open up to me if I don’t do the same for you and I can’t do that. There are some things I don’t talk about for a reason and I’m guessing it’s the same with you. I only wanted to help.”

“You and everyone else,” Cas muttered without thinking. “I don’t need help, Dean. I need time and sometimes I need space. Nobody seems to get that. I’m not trying to push you away, believe me.” Dean leaned against the bar.

“I think we need to set some ground rules for this.”

“Okay. Rule one, my personal life is off limits as a topic of conversation unless I bring it up. I’ve got issues, but I’m managing them and I don’t need more people prying.”

“That’s fine. Where are we on spending the night?”

“I don’t mind you staying if you don’t wanna leave, but you aren’t obligated to stay either.” Dean nodded.

“All right. I’m okay with that.” Cas smiled.

“Good. So we’re okay?” Dean grinned.

“Yeah, we’re fine. Come on, we better get back over there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday
> 
> Love you guys!! Your comments keep me going!


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First update for today! Hope you all enjoy!

Dean rolled over and smiled softly at the mess of raven hair laying beside him. He liked Cas’s penthouse apartment and his huge bed and his silk sheets, but Dean would always feel more comfortable in his own bed. That’s where they were now. Cas was sound asleep so Dean took the opportunity to trace light patterns on his chest. He liked these moments. Cas was as easygoing as anyone else, but he always had an air of tension around him. It melted away when they were together.

_Knock it off,_ Dean told himself. Their…whatever it was, was purely physical. He took his hand back and snuggled further under the blankets. He shouldn’t let Cas stay the night. Cas shouldn’t let him stay the night. They should be waking up alone, aching muscles the only proof of what they’d done. Dean hated waking up alone, though. For as mind-blowing as their sex was, waking up alone seemed like a crime.

“I can hear you thinking, Winchester,” Cas grumbled beside him.

“Sorry,” Dean muttered.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

“I can’t with you thinking so loud.” Cas rolled over and propped himself up on his elbow. “Talk to me.”

“We don’t do that,” Dean sneered. Cas leaned forward and pressed their lips together.

“You don’t have to talk to me, but I thought it might help.” Dean looked at him. Cas gave him an easy smile.

“Nothing’s wrong, angel, I just can’t sleep.”

“All right. Well, since I’m up I guess I should go.” Dean ignored the tightening in his chest.

“Sure. See ya.” He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes. He definitely wasn’t going to be able to sleep now. He waited to feel Cas get up. Instead, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Do you not want me to leave, Dean?”

“Just go.”

“I’ll stay if you want me to. I just didn’t wanna intrude.” Cas was being too nice and too understanding, and it was making Dean feel things he shouldn’t. Still, he couldn’t stop the next words that came out of his mouth.

“If you wanna stay, I wouldn’t say no.”

“Good.” Cas pressed against him, peppering the back of his neck with light kisses. Dean relaxed into it. “What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing, really. And, ya know, you _can_ leave if you want. I just hate waking up alone. I spent sixteen years in a relationship and waking up in bed by myself feels weird.”

“I understand. I was with someone for a while, too. I don’t miss him, but I do miss the warmth of someone laying next to me. There’s something comforting about it.” Dean rolled over to look at the shifter.

“Even if that person is supposed to be your enemy?” Cas smiled softly.

“Yes, Dean, but I don’t consider you an enemy anymore.” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“No?”

“Why should I? You haven’t done anything to hurt me and aside from being an unwilling hitman for your father, you’re really not a bad guy.”

“I don’t consider you an enemy either. Really I never did. I’m supposed to because that’s what I was told, but…I don’t have a reason to. You’ve been nothing but nice to me. Our first meeting aside.” Cas laughed.

“Sorry about that. At that point I was under the impression you were a cold blooded killer. I also wasn’t sure whether or not you had anything to do with Anna’s death.” Dean swallowed. He should be honest. It wasn’t like he had made the call.

“I did. Dad sent me out on that. I’m sorry, but—.” Cas cut him off with a soft kiss.

“I know why you did it. I told Chuck and Anna it was gonna happen. Neither of them listened to me. I miss her, but I understand.” Dean narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“You’re awfully calm about this.”

“Is that a problem?”

“It’s a little weird.” Cas shrugged.

“I loved Anna, but I told her to leave it and she didn’t listen. I saw this coming. I’m not mad at you for following procedure. I can’t be.” Dean smiled, but he was wary. There was no way Cas was just accepting what he said. If anyone killed someone in his family he would hunt them down and make them suffer. Dean decided not to dwell on it as Cas kissed him again. He eventually fell asleep with Cas curled up in his arms.

*** *** ***

The next morning, Dean woke up to the smell of bacon cooking. He sat up in bed and reached for his phone. It was barely past eight in the morning. He yawned, stretched, and walked into the kitchen. Cas was standing at the stove in nothing but his boxers. Dean leaned against the counter.

“‘Morning, Cas.” Cas jumped and spun around. Dean laughed. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you. What are you doing?”

“Thought I’d make you breakfast.”

“Why?” Cas shrugged.

“I dunno. Seemed like the right thing to do. I don’t have to be anywhere this morning, so I thought I’d do something nice.” Cas tiled his head. “Problem?”

“Nope.” Dean popped the ‘p’, a nervous habit he’d picked up when he was little. Cas didn’t know that, though, so he just smiled.

“Good.”

“Did you at least make coffee?” Cas nodded to the pot of freshly brewed coffee on the counter. “Thanks.” Dean poured himself a cup and sighed happily. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but it was the best damn coffee he’d had in a long time. “Been a long time since someone’s cooked for me,” he commented as he watched Cas scramble some eggs.

“Me, too.” Cas almost sounded wistful. “My brother cooks for me sometimes when he thinks I need it, but unless I’m eating with my family it’s mostly take out.”

“Well, I guess that makes us kindred spirits. My girlfriend used to make breakfast every morning when we first got together. It was nice. Near the end I was lucky if I could get her to toast me a bagel.”

“Lisa, right?” Cas said and Dean looked up.

“How’d you know?”

“Sorry. Chuck likes to keep tabs on you. I have to sit through his briefings and all the information just gets stuck in my head, whether I’m actually paying attention or not. Lisa Braeden. You were together for sixteen years.”

“Okay, Cas, that’s a little creepy.”

“Believe me, I don’t wanna know this anymore than you want me to know it. Maybe we should change the subject.”

“Good idea.” Dean sipped his coffee. “Why don’t you have anywhere to be?”

“I don’t work on Wednesdays and Chuck’s officially made you my “assignment” so I don’t have to go home unless I have information, which I don’t and I won’t.” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Isn’t that suspicious?” Cas shrugged.

“Maybe.” He grinned. “If Chuck asks I’ll just say I can’t get you to talk. He’ll believe that.”

“So you found a loophole.”

“I’m good at that. Plus, now I don’t have to give an explanation if I go home smelling like you.”

“You do that often?”

“Not really, but sometimes the shower doesn’t take.” Dean took another sip of coffee. They were drifting towards dangerous territory again. It seemed no topic of conversation was safe when it came to Cas.

“Well, that’s good, I guess. Sam’s been bugging me about you.”

“What do you tell him?”

“I’m keeping an eye on you, just like Dad told me to. I don’t think he buys it, but he doesn’t push. He won’t until he has some solid evidence to back up whatever accusation he throws at me.”

“Is that why you usually suggest we hook up at my place?” Dean nodded.

“Sam doesn’t know where you live and he likes to drop by here unannounced.”

“Brothers are like that. Should I go?” _Yes_, Dean thought, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He didn’t _want_ Cas to leave. He enjoyed the shifter’s company. A lot more than he should. He knew Cas couldn’t stay though. The risk was too great that Sam might drop by and Dean wouldn’t be able to explain his way out of it. Sam would have his back on ninety-nine percent of things, but this he would have to report back to John. Dean didn’t want that.

“I don’t…you should probably leave, but I don’t want you to. I just…if Sam shows up—.”

“I get it,” Cas cut in with a soft smile. “I’ll be outta here in five minutes.” Dean’s heart sank.

“At least stay for breakfast. I mean, you were nice enough to cook it for me.”

“All right.” Cas carried two plates over to the table. They sat across from each other and ate in a comfortable silence. It was too domestic. It was weird. Actually, it was weird that it _wasn’t_ weird. It felt…natural. After they finished eating, Dean cleaned up the kitchen while Cas took a quick shower. Dean was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his Netflix when Cas walked out wearing nothing but a towel. Dean groaned.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Novak.”

“You complaining, Winchester?” Cas asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Not at all.” Dean got up and pulled Cas into a bruising kiss. He wanted so badly to sink his fangs into Cas’s soft lower lip. He couldn’t, though. He hated that, but it was the one thing Cas had asked him not to do, so he wasn’t going to do it. Dean gripped Cas’s hair for a moment before moving his hands to the shifter’s hips.

“Dean,” Cas groaned when Dean grabbed him through the towel, “what about your brother?” Dean sighed. He dragged Cas into his room and picked his phone up off the night stand. He shot a text to Sam

**Dean [11:23am]:** Hooking up. Call if you plan on coming over.

“There. No surprises.”

“You know I’m gonna have to take another shower, right?” Dean grinned.

“Good. Maybe I’ll join you this time.” Cas smirked before pushing Dean onto the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today, whenever I wake up.
> 
> Love you guys! Your comments keep me going! 💕💕


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Hope you all enjoy!

Cas woke up screaming. He bolted up and tried to get his breathing under control. He was shaking. He hadn’t had a nightmare that bad in a while. He felt a hand on his shoulder and fell to the floor trying to get away.

“Shit,” he heard above him. He stayed on the floor, curling into the fetal position. He felt someone sit on the floor next to him. “Cas, are you okay?” Dean. Right. Panic gripped him and he struggled to breathe. “Hey. Cas, can you hear me?” Cas nodded as best he could. “Okay. Breathe with me. Here.” Cas felt fingers wrap around his wrist and then his hand was pressed against Dean’s chest. He could feel Dean’s heartbeat and feel him breathing steadily. Cas tried to match the pace. It took a few minutes, but his breathing evened out. He forced himself to look at Dean.

“Thank you.”

“It’s okay. Here.” Dean reached for him, probably to help him up, and Cas flinched away. Dean pulled back. “Sorry. I’m gonna make you a cup of tea.” He got up and walked out of the room. Cas relaxed a little. Dean wouldn’t hurt him. He wasn’t Bart. He took a few more deep breaths and got to his feet. He climbed back into bed and wound up the music box. Dean came back two minutes later with a mug. He handed it to Cas.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Are you okay?” Cas nodded.

“That doesn’t usually happen.”

“The nightmare or the panic attack?” Cas looked down at his tea.

“Panic attack. I’m not used to having people around when I wake up and you scared me. I was still in my head a little and I blurred my nightmare with reality. I thought-.” He shook his head. “Never mind. I’m okay now and you can go if you want.”

“Hell no. No one should ever be alone when they have nightmares.” Dean sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m not going anywhere, angel.” Cas slipped his tea and stayed quiet. Dean was being way too nice and understanding. “What’s that?” Cas looked to where Dean was pointing.

“Oh. It’s a music box. Anna gave it to me when I was a kid to help me sleep.” Dean smiled.

“That’s awesome. I used to sing to Sammy. He had bad nightmares after we lost our mom and I’d let him sleep in my room. I’d sing him back to sleep whenever he woke up.” Dean paused. “I could do that, if you want.” Cas blinked.

“I…you don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t have to, but I wanna help.”

“It’s okay. I feel better now.” Cas avoided eye contact because he knew what was coming next.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay. Do you wanna watch TV or something?”

“Why are you being so nice?” It came out harsher than Cas meant it to and he cringed. He waited for Dean to get mad and leave.

“I just wanna help.”

“I don’t need help.” Dean put his hand on Cas’s arm.

“Why are you so against me helping you?”

“Because you have better things to do with your time than worry about me.” Cas finally looked Dean in the eye. “I’m not worth it.”

“Who told you that? You know what, it doesn’t matter because it’s not true. We’re friends so I care about you. Helping you isn’t a waste of my time.”

“Yes, it is, Dean. I don’t need your charity.”

“It’s not charity, Cas. I like helping people and I like spending time with you.” Cas felt tears pricking his eyes.

“You don’t know me enough to say that.”

“Then talk to me.” Dean’s voice was soft and gentle. Cas broke. He felt tears sliding down his cheeks before he could stop them. Dean gathered him in a hug. “I’m sorry, Cas.” Cas shook his head.

“Why won’t you leave?” He asked. Dean frowned.

“Do you want me to?”

“No.”

“Then I’m not going to.”

“Why? Why do you care so much?” Dean was quiet a beat too long and Cas looked up at him. “Dean?”

“I don’t know, Cas, I just do. I know something’s bothering you and I wanna help you. Why is that a bad thing? What are you so afraid of?” _Getting close to you_.

“Everything,” he said. “All of this. You. What we’re doing. Everything.”

“Why?” _Because I’m afraid I’ll get hurt again_.

“I…do we have to talk about this?”

“I just wanna get to know you better. If it helps, I’ll tell you something first.” Cas studied him. Dean was sitting there, waiting patiently. He was so unused to that level of kindness from someone who wasn’t Gabriel, Balthazar, or Meg.

“Okay,” he decided. Dean smiled.

“Good. I have nightmares, too, sometimes. When me and Sam were kids, there was a war. I don’t know if you were around or if you remember it, but it was long and it was bloody. Vamps and witches against wolves and shifters. It tore the city apart. I don’t even know what we were fighting about. Probably something to do with territories. Anyway, while the Treaty was still in the works, we got attacked. Not our side, but us specifically. A lot of people died and a few disappeared. Our mom was one of them. Dad spent years looking for her before she was declared dead. I love my mom more than anyone and it destroyed me, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Sam needed me to be strong, so I was. Then Dad started drinking. It wasn’t so bad at first. A lot of screaming, some hurtful words, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Then he started to get violent. I never told anyone about it because who could I tell? I kept him away from Sam, and then Mom turned up one day and it all stopped.” Dean stopped talking and Cas could see him holding back tears.

“You never dealt with your mom’s death properly.” Dean shook his head. Cas wiped a stray tear from the vampire’s cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry, Dean. No one should have to go through that. I lost my mom, too. At least you got yours back. I got Naomi.”

“How’d your mom die?” Cas swallowed. He wanted to say it didn’t matter and drop the subject, but what Dean had just shared was clearly hard for him. He deserved something from Cas. He sighed.

“My mom had depression. Gabe says she had it after she had all of us, but obviously I don’t know. She was okay for the most part, but there was always something a little off. She was…detached, I guess. Then, when I was eight, she killed herself. Slit her wrists one day while we weren’t home. I found her in the bathtub. There was blood everywhere. I was screaming and crying. Gabriel dragged me out and tried to calm me down. After that, everyone treated me differently. Michael said it was my fault. He still does. He says Mom would still be alive if it wasn’t for me and I can’t help thinking he might be right.” Cas was digging his nails into his arm. Dean took his hand and brushed his thumb over his knuckles.

“It wasn’t your fault, Cas. Sometimes people fall into this…darkness, I guess, and they can’t get out of it.”

“That’s what Gabe always tells me, but she was okay after she had my brothers, so why wasn’t she okay after me?”

“I can’t answer that, but I promise it wasn’t because of you.” Cas was crying again, but it felt like it was with relief. He had never shared that story with anyone outside his family and it felt good to hear Dean say it wasn’t his fault, even if he still didn’t believe it.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“For what?”

“Staying with me. Talking to me. No one’s ever done that. Gabriel takes care of me, but no one ever just sits and listens to me.” Dean smiled softly.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. It helps me understand you better. Come on. We should get back to sleep. And my offer from before still stands.”

“Okay.” They situated themselves so Cas’s head was on Dean’s chest. Dean started humming softly. Cas recognized the melody of _Hey Jude_ and smiled. He closed his eyes and slipped back into sleep before the song was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Tuesday.
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments keep me going!


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, I'm giving you guys an extra chapter this week because I had a horrible night at work and your comments always make me smile. So this is purely selfish, but enjoy nonetheless!

“Hey, Sammy, what did you get Adam for Christmas?” Sam looked up from the book he was reading and frowned slightly.

“Why?”

“I feel like I should get him something, but I don’t know him well enough. Any ideas?”

“Why don’t you just ask him what he wants?” Dean stared at his brother. That thought hadn’t even occurred to him. “You didn’t even think of that, did you?”

“Shut up, Sammy. What do you want for Christmas?”

“All I want this year is for you to stop calling me ‘Sammy’. Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old. It’s Sam.” Dean grinned.

“Can’t do that. You’re a grownup, but you’ll always be my little brother. Anything else?”

“I’ll think of something.”

“Let me know. I’ll be at the Roadhouse with Charlie and Benny if you wanna stop by when you’re done.”

“Maybe. Bye, jerk.”

“Later, bitch.” Dean checked his pocket for his keys and left. Charlie and Benny were already there when he pulled up, but that wasn’t a surprise. He parked and went in. His friends were sitting in their usual booth. He slid in beside Charlie and was greeted with a punch in the arm.

“You’re late.”

“Ow. I know. And if you’re gonna be mean about it, I’m gonna sit on that side.”

“Why are you late?”

“I lost track of time. I was talking Christmas presents with Sam.”

“Ooh, fun! What’d you get me?”

“Nothing yet. I haven’t gotten anything for anyone. And there’s a couple people I’m on the fence about.”

“Cas?” Charlie asked and Dean nodded. Benny frowned.

“Why would you get Cas a Christmas present?”

“We’re friends. I just don’t know if we’re…like that. I don’t wanna get him something if he didn’t get me anything and I don’t wanna not get him something if he did get me something.”

“Well, why don’t you just get him something so if he got you something you’re good and if he didn’t you can just return it?” Dean stared at Charlie.

“Is everyone smarter than me today?”

“Oh, sweetie,” Jo said as she walked up to the table, “it’s not just today.”

“You know what, bite me, Harvelle.”

“In your dreams, Winchester. You want your usual?”

“Make the whiskey a double.” Jo left and Dean folded his arms on the table. “So, what’s up with you guys?”

“Dorothy and I can’t decide on vanilla or chocolate cake,” Charlie sighed.

“Strawberry, Charlie. You go with Strawberry.”

“That…wasn’t one of the options, Dean. Chocolate or vanilla?”

“Strawberry.”

“Dean.”

“What? Strawberry is good and it’s pink. You’ve never done anything traditional ever, so why make your wedding traditional?” Charlie sat there for a minute before she said,

“I’ll run it by Dorothy. Thanks.”

“I solve problems. What about you, Benny?”

“Andrea’s pregnant.” Dean broke into a grin.

“Dude, that’s awesome!”

“We didn’t wanna tell anyone until the doctor confirmed it and I thought you’d wanna be the first to know.”

“Oh hell yeah. That kid is gonna be so spoiled. Uncle Dean and Aunt Charlie will make sure of that.”

“Oh, God,” Dean groaned, “Uncle Dean.” He was over three hundred years old, but he was nowhere near ready to be an uncle. “Well, I guess we should celebrate.”

“After I tell everyone else,” Benny said.

“Tell everyone else what?” Jo asked as she placed Dean’s food in front of him.

“Andrea’s pregnant.” Jo beamed.

“That’s great, Benny! Congratulations!”

“Thanks, Jo.”

“We should do a show tonight to celebrate. I should be able to get everyone here.” Dean took out his phone and fired off a series of texts. Benny went to the bathroom and Charlie punched Dean in the arm again. “Ow. What’d I do?”

“What’s going on with you and Cas? Seriously.”

“We’re friends. As much as we can be, anyway.” Charlie fixed him with her famous stare.

“Don’t lie to me, Winchester. You’re talking about buying him a Christmas present. You don’t buy presents for people unless you’re close to them.”

“We’re friends,” Dean repeated. “He’s nice and I just feel like I should get him something, but I don’t wanna send the wrong message. It’s a delicate situation and you know how I am with things that are delicate.”

“Just do what I said. If he gets you something then you’re clear. If he doesn’t then no harm no foul.”

“I know, but I don’t even remotely know what to get him. I don’t know what he likes.”

“So get him something that reminds you of him.” That wasn’t a bad idea. Dean mulled it over until he phone pinged five times in a row. He looked at the texts.

**Kevin [1:42pm]:** I’m in

**Ash [1:42pm]:** Sure dude

**Sam [1:42pm]:** Maybe, still have some work to do

**Adam [1:42pm]:** Awesome, I’ll be there!

**Cas [1:42pm]:** I’ll be there if you don’t mind Gabe, Balthazar, Meg, and probably the rest of the coven coming too

**Dean [1:42pm]:** That’s fine

“All right, everyone’s in except Sam. He said maybe.”

“Your brother needs to stop working so hard and have fun,” Charlie said.

“I know, but the kid loves books. He’s addicted to studying like I’m addicted to-.”

“Food.”

“Porn.”

“Alcohol.” Dean rolled his eyes at Jo.

“I’m gonna have to get you a bell or something. And thank you all for finishing my sentence for me. My point was, Sam would react to his books being taken away, the way I would react if someone took Baby away from me. Hopefully he’ll come, but I’m not holding my breath.”

“Tell him you’ve got big news,” Charlie said. “He needs to be here for this.” Dean sighed.

“Fine.”

**Dean [1:50pm]:** Try to be here. Benny’s got big news and he wants to tell everyone together.

**Sam [1:51pm]:** Fine

“Sam’s coming.”

“Good. Now, since you told us first, we’re in charge of the baby shower.” Benny smiled and Dean bit back a sigh.

“Andrea will appreciate that.”

“We’ll make it awesome.” Charlie’s smile faltered. “What’s with the face, Winchester?” Dean put on his customer service smile.

“Nothing, kiddo. This is gonna be fun.” He kept up the illusion, but inside he could already feel himself getting tired. Planning Charlie’s wedding was stressful enough. Add on Christmas shopping and now a baby shower, Dean could feel a panic attack coming on. “I’ll be right back.” He went into the bathroom and leaned against the sink. He took a few measured breaths and got a grip on himself. He splashed some cold water on his face. He could do this. His friends needed him and he was never one to shy away from helping people. He would just have to pace himself. With one final look in the mirror, he left the bathroom and went back to his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might post a chapter on Easter just because
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments keep me going!


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Easter update, just as promised! Hope you all enjoy!

Cas sifted through the delivery until he found what he was looking for. The only recorded he had ordered one of. He tucked it under the desk and put everything back before Ruby got there. He knew he wouldn’t really get in trouble, but he still felt bad. It had taken a lot of convincing to get the guy to only send him one copy and he hoped it was worth it. He wasn’t even sure if he should be getting Dean a Christmas present, but when he saw the album on the list of available ones to order, he felt obligated to get it.

He glanced at his phone. He had three hours left on his shift and then he had to sit in one of Chuck’s meetings. He was mentally preparing himself for an onslaught of questions. He had been keeping tabs on Dean Winchester for over three months and he hadn’t reported anything back. Chuck was bound to be suspicious. Cas was lucky he knew how to talk in circles. He sat back in the chair and opened his book. He had to kill time somehow.

*** *** ***

Cas drummed his fingers on his thigh as Chuck ranted. He was so tired of these meetings. Michael and Raphael were dutifully taking notes, as if Chuck was saying anything different from every other time he went on a rant, Balthazar was fucking around on his phone under the table, Hannah was doodling on her notepad, Inias and Hester were quietly bickering about something, and Gabriel was practically vibrating in his seat.

“Calm down,” Cas hissed. He slipped his brother some Milk Duds.

“Thanks.”

“You’ve gotta get this under control, Gabe.”

“I can’t help it.” Cas shook his head. His older brother was a sugar junkie, plain and simple. Cas knew that part of Gabriel’s fidgeting was his ADHD, but a good chunk of it came from needing a sugar fix. It was frustrating and the main reason Cas always had some sort of candy in his pocket.

“How long do we have to sit here before we can leave?”

“No idea. Are you even listening?”

“Nope. And yet I’m still retaining everything.”

“We’ll get a drink after this.” Cas’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out.

**Dean [4:18pm]:** Got off work early. Drink?

**Cas [4:19pm]:** Stuck in one of Chuck’s rants. Sorry. I’ll let you know when I’m free.

**Dean [4:21pm]:** I’ll just hang at your apartment if that’s cool

**Cas [4:21pm]:** Knock yourself out. I’ll be over as soon as I can.

**Dean [4:22pm]:** Take your time

Cas smiled at his phone.

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” Cas said, “but I’ll have to take a raincheck on that drink. I’ve got plans.”

“You always seem to have plans lately. Do you have a secret boyfriend you haven’t told me about?” Cas shook his head.

“Nope. Just made a few more friends outside of you, Balt, and Meg. Sorry.” Gabriel studied him for a moment.

“I don’t think I believe you.”

“Well, that’s a you problem.” Chuck chose that moment to end his rant by slamming his hand on the table and storming out. Michael and Raphael scrambled to follow him. Everyone else filed out of the conference room. Cas stood up from his chair. “I’ll see ya later, Gabe.”

“You’re hiding something from me, Castiel. Don’t think I won’t figure out what it is.” Cas rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. He went up to his bedroom and took a quick shower. He knew he could shower and change at his apartment, but if Dean was in the kind of mood he usually was, Cas would be lucky if he even stepped off the elevator before the vampire was on him. He smiled to himself as he started the walk to his apartment. When he walked into his living room, he was surprised to find Dean sprawled on the couch like he lived there.

“Hey, Winchester.”

“Your Netflix list sucks, Novak,” Dean said. He looked up at Cas. “Get me a beer?” Cas folded his arms.

“Where do you think you are, Winchester? Get your own beer.”

“Come on, you’re standing!” Cas rolled his eyes. He walked into the kitchen, got a couple beers from the fridge, and tossed one to Dean.

“You just here to hang out, or did you want something from me?”

“I mean, if you’ve got information I’ll take it.”

“All I’ve got is that Chuck is hellbent on revenge, but that’s nothing new. Are you going to the council meeting next week?”

“Of course. I’m not allowed to miss those. You?”

“I’ve missed the last few. Chuck’s gonna be pissed if I skip again, so yeah.” Cas sighed. “I hate those meetings.”

“Me, too. I don’t like suits or fancy champagne or those tiny little finger sandwiches. But Dad says I have to be there so,” Dean shrugged, “guess I can’t argue.”

“I don’t even know why Chuck makes me go. I’m not in line to inherit anything. I’m at the bottom of the list.”

“So just don’t go.”

“Yeah, I can’t do that. I hate him, but I have to play the role of the devoted son. So far he seems to be buying it. It makes it easier for me to at least _try_ and keep the war from happening.” _It makes it easier for me to keep him away from you_, is what Cas didn’t say. That was his main focus at the moment. After what Chuck had said about blood for blood, Cas was on edge. He wasn’t going to let something happen to Dean if he could help it.

“Whatever, dude. Seriously, you need better taste in…everything. Your Netflix list is shit. Not a single Clint Eastwood movie.”

“Tough shit, Winchester. My apartment, my Netflix.” Cas took the remote and picked a documentary. Dean groaned loudly. “You’re under no obligation to be here.”

“I know.” Dean didn’t get up and leave. Instead, he moved closer to Cas on the couch and rested his head on his shoulder. Slowly, they had been becoming more…domestic. A part of Cas wanted to say something. He knew he _should_ say something, but the other part of him liked the closeness. He hadn’t felt this kind of connection with someone since his last boyfriend and that hadn’t ended well. Being with Dean made him feel less alone. Something sparked inside him and he knew he had to do something before he developed actual feelings. Cas pulled Dean into his lap and kissed him roughly. Dean seemed slightly caught off guard, but didn’t fight. They kissed for several long minutes before Dean said,

“Bedroom?”

“I’m kinda comfortable right here. For now.” Cas captured Dean’s lips again. Maybe it was too intimate for what they were, but lazy make out sessions on the couch were one of Cas’s secret pleasures. If Dean wasn’t going to argue, then Cas was going to take advantage of it.

“All right, but this better not be a tease. You better not get me all hot and then tell me I have to go because you’ve gotta be up early or some shit.” Cas smiled softly.

“Now when have I ever done that to you?”

“Just making sure.” Dean leaned in for another deep kiss. Cas let the vampire take control. Dean gripped Cas’s hair. Cas moved his hands to Dean’s waist, holding him in place. They kissed for a long time. Cas was enjoying the slow pace and Dean was clearly just following Cas’s lead. Cas sighed against Dean’s lips. Then felt a sharp pain in his bottom lip. He jerked back. Dean’s lips were tinged with blood.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to. You just,” Dean groaned, “God, you smell so good.” Cas stared at him. He saw Dean swallow. “Seriously, I’m sorry. Cas, angel, say something. Please.”

“I…” Cas touched his lip. It hadn’t hurt. Not really. It felt like a pinch. He looked at the blood on his fingers then back at Dean. The vampire’s eyes were getting darker. “Why did you do that?”

“I didn’t mean to. I lost control for a minute. Did I hurt you?”

“No.”

“I’m really sorry. I can leave if you want me to.” Cas shook his head. At first he’d been scared, but it was clear Dean hadn’t meant to do it, and he hadn’t hurt him. They were friends, and maybe he couldn’t trust Dean, but he at least had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“It’s okay, Dean.”

“No, you said you didn’t want me to and I shouldn’t have.” Cas shook his head again and pulled Dean back into the kiss.

“It’s really okay. You didn’t hurt me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Come on.” He grabbed Dean’s hand pulled him down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Tuesday
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments keep me going!


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people! I have the next three days off from work so I'll be updating twice a day for the next three days! This is the first one. Hope you all enjoy!

Dean tugged at his tie. He hated suits. He hated ties. He hated rooms full of dressed up people drinking overpriced champagne. He hated everything about council meetings, but he had to go. So he went, and he tried to tune out everything that wasn’t alcohol.

“Quit it,” Sam hissed, slapping his hand.

“I hate this,” Dean hissed back.

“Well, deal with it.” Dean rolled his eyes. He took a glass of champagne. He knew he was supposed to sip it slowly and look sophisticated, but that wasn’t him. So he swallowed it in two gulps and reached for another one. He had to be drunk to survive this. He was leaning against the back wall, scanning the room, when he caught a whiff of a familiar scent. He took a closer look around. Cas was standing on the opposite side of the room, talking with someone who looked a lot like one of his brothers.

Dean stayed where he was. Going over would more than likely only cause problems. He would wait and see if Cas came over to him. It wasn’t like he cared anyway. At all. Except, yeah, he did. He never should’ve bitten Cas. The memory of that night was tattooed in his brain and it had been taunting him all week. He couldn’t sleep, he was distracted at work, and he had only himself to blame. He had better self control than that.

“Are you just gonna stand in the corner all night like a weirdo?” Sam asked, startling him.

“Nothing better to do.” Dean sipped his fifth glass of champagne.

“Charlie talk to you about her bachelorette party yet?”

“Yeah, we got together a few weeks ago. I think I’m gonna regret agreeing to be her maid of honor.”

“Best man.” Dean chuckled.

“Gender doesn’t matter to Charlie, you know that. I’m her maid of honor. That’s not the point. I love her to death, but this is gonna be…intense.”

“Were you expecting anything less?”

“I guess not.” Dean finished off his champagne. He glanced over to where he had last seen Cas. He was gone. Dean scanned the room. He caught a glimpse of raven hair headed in the direction of the bathroom. “I gotta pee.” He handed off his empty glass to his brother and walked to the bathroom. He smelled Cas before he even walked in and he smiled. He pushed open the door. Cas was standing at the sink splashing water on his face.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Heya, Cas. You look good in a suit.” Cas turned around and smirked.

“Right back atcha. You clean up good. Dreading tonight?”

“Only a lot. You?”

“Would rather be anywhere else.” Dean glanced at the door before grabbing Cas’s arm and pulling him into the closest stall. They kissed for a minute before Cas gently pushed Dean back. “Not gonna happen, Winchester.”

“Come on.” Dean knew he was whining, but he was desperate.

“No. We could get caught.”

“So?”

“No.” Dean sighed.

“Fine, but you’re killing me, Novak.” Cas cupped his cheek.

“Tomorrow. Come over after work and I’ll do anything you want.” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Anything?”

“Anything. But right now we need to get outta here before our scents start to mix.” Right. Dean had forgotten about that. They had been spending so much time together that their scents mixed almost immediately and it took Dean at least two showers to get rid of it.

“Yeah, all right.” Dean stole one last deep kiss before exiting the stall. He was completely screwed. Now he had to sit through the entire council meeting trying to act like he wasn’t imaging every possible position Cas would put him in tomorrow night. Dean walked out of the bathroom and found his brother in the crowded room.

“Well, you look tense.”

“That’s about five percent of my personality,” Dean said, taking another glass of champagne off a passing tray.

“Are you trying to get drunk?”

“How else do you expect me to get through this?”

“You’re an alcoholic.”

“Noted and ignored.” Dean tugged at his tie again. “I hate this. It’s itchy.”

“Can’t you just pretend you’re an adult?”

“Being an adult has nothing to do with the itchiness of this suit. I just wanna get this over with.”

Of course, he couldn’t even do that. Everything went smoothly during the first half of the meeting. At least, nothing happened that caught Dean’s attention. He spent most of the time spaced out, stealing subtle glances at Cas when he was sure no one was looking. Then came the point where concerns could be raised. That was when John spoke up.

“We have reason to believe that the Novaks are planning an attack.”

“Do have evidence to back up your claims, Mr. Winchester?”

“Yes.” John unfolded the sheet of paper Dean had given him and placed it on the table. The hit list. “I fear for my family’s safety. Something needs to be done about this or we will be forced to take matter into our own hands.”

Things went down hill from there. What started as civil talking turned into yelling which turned into the entire room taking sides. Through the chaos, Dean made eye contact with Cas. It was the first time he had ever seen the shifter look truly scared. Dean nodded to the back exit and slipped into the crowd.

When he finally made it outside, Cas was leaning against the wall. He was physically shaking. Dean didn’t say a word as he gathered his enemy in his arms and held him tightly. They had been trying to fix things, and now it looked like the war was closer than ever. Cas stopped shaking a few moments later and Dean placed a kiss on top of his head.

“We can fix this.” He heard Cas laugh, but there was no humor behind it. It was hollow.

“How, Dean? How can we fix this?” Cas lifted his head. “If weapons were allowed in that building everyone would have guns drawn right now.” He sighed. “Maybe there was never any hope. Maybe we were kidding ourselves, thinking we could actually stop this, just the two of us.”

“Don’t give up, angel. We can still change things.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. What I do know is, it’s us or it’s no one. We’re the only ones even trying and that’s gotta count for something. We can do this, we just need a plan.”

“I appreciate your optimism. Right now, I just wanna go home.” Dean nodded.

“All right. I drove here, I can give you a lift.” Cas tilted his head.

“Won’t you get in trouble?”

“Probably. Come on.”

The drive to Cas’s apartment was quiet. Cas didn’t look like he was in the mood to talk, so Dean didn’t try to initiate a conversation. What could he say? Their families were about to go to war. There was nothing he could say or do to make it better. He still believed they could stop it, but now wasn’t the time to start brainstorming. Cas clearly needed a break, so Dean was going to give it to him. He pulled up in front of the building and cut the engine.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“I’ll come up with you for a few minutes.”

“That’s entirely not necessary.” Cas smiled weakly. “See you tomorrow night?” Dean answered with a soft smile.

“Definitely. Have a good night.” Cas leaned across the bench seat and pressed his lips against Dean’s in a soft good night kiss. Dean waited until Cas was safely inside before he drove to his own apartment. He knew he couldn’t go home. His father was going to be furious with him for leaving and he didn’t feel like dealing with it at the moment. Morning Dean could deal with that. Right now, his only thoughts were drinking and sleeping. Precisely in that order.

Dean took his phone out of his pocket as he walked into his apartment. He toed off his dress shoes, shedded the suit jacket, and loosened his tie. He left a trail of clothes from his front door back to the bedroom. He changed into sweatpants and an old t-shirt, and crawled under the covers. He sent Cas a text.

**Dean [9:14pm]:** We can talk tomorrow. I know we can do this. I won’t let the city get destroyed.

Dean had just hit send when his phone vibrated in his hand. He sighed and opened the message.

**Sam [9:14pm]:** Where the hell did you go?

**Dean [9:14pm]:** Home. Dad can chew me out tomorrow. I couldn’t be in there anymore. What happened?

**Sam [9:15pm]:** The Novaks were fined for violating the Treaty. Everything seems to be relatively okay for now.

**Dean [9:15pm]:** No one declared war?

**Sam [9:15pm]:** Not yet. Dad’s keeping his guard up. That’s all we can do. I’ll let him know you’re alive. Stay safe.

**Dean [9:16pm]:** Got it. You too. See ya tomorrow.

Dean set his phone on his nightstand. He dug a bottle of whiskey out from under his bed. He unscrewed the cap, turned on the TV, and settled in for a quiet night alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments keep me going!


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I meant to post this a lot sooner, but I drank 10 shots of tequila last night (don't do that it's not fun the next morning) and I just woke up. Anyway, I hope you all like this chapter!

Cas woke up in a hospital bed. It wasn’t the first time, but had been quite a while since the last time it happened. He blinked against the bright fluorescent lights and groaned. The last thing he clearly remembered was Dean dropping him off at his apartment. After that it was a haze of alcohol and pills. He sat up a little and that’s when he saw Gabriel sitting in the chair in the corner. Of course. His brother had found him and called an ambulance. He coughed a little and Gabriel looked up.

“Good, you’re awake.”

“Gabe, I’m sorry—.”

“Don’t,” Gabriel cut in, “just don’t.” He got up and hugged Cas tightly. “I’m just glad you’re alive.”

“No, you’re mad at me. Because I did it again even though I said I wouldn’t.” Cas could feel the tears slipping down his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I keep putting you through this.” Gabriel hugged him tighter.

“I’m not mad at you, Cas. You scared me. I know it’s hard, especially with the war closer than ever. I know you don’t want this, but there are people who love you. We don’t wanna see you dead, and definitely not like this.” Cas nodded, swallowing his guilt. He always felt guilty when Gabriel saved him. He knew what he was putting his brother through, but he never thought about it when he was swallowing handfuls of pills. The only thing he was ever thinking was that he wanted everything to be over.

“Did you tell Chuck?”

“No, Dad doesn’t know. I just told him you went home.”

“Thanks.” Cas looked at the plastic bracelet on his wrist. “How long have I been here?”

“About a day and a half. I asked them to place you on a seventy-two hour psych hold just to make sure you were okay. Obviously you can leave whenever you want, but I’d take the next couple days to take a break.”

“Okay. Can I have my phone?” Gabriel took Cas’s phone out of his pocket.

“I shut it off as soon as I found you. Didn’t want Dad to think you were purposefully ignoring him.”

“Thanks, Gabe. I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything. Just stay alive. I’ll be back tomorrow to check on you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. See you tomorrow.” Gabriel walked out the door. Cas powered on his phone. He was immediately inundated with texts and missed calls. Most of them were from Dean.

**Dean [4:18pm]:** Hey got off work early. Still cool if I come over?

**Dean [4:47pm]:** I’m taking your lack of an answer as a yes. I’ll let myself in.

**Dean [5:21pm]:** If you’re still out any chance you wanna grab me a burger from the Roadhouse?

**Dean [5:56pm]:** All right dude now I’m freaking out a little. Where are you?

**Dean [6:34pm]:** Cas I’ve called four times. This isn’t funny. Where are you?

**Dean [6:58pm]:** Seriously where are you?

**Dean [6:59pm]:** Are you okay?

**Dean [7:00pm]:** At least tell me if you’re alive.

**Dean [10:03pm]:** I’m guessing you’re not coming home tonight so I’m going back to my apartment. Whatever I did to piss you off, I’m sorry. I’ll stop by tomorrow if you wanna talk.

Cas’s heart twisted painfully. Dean thought he was mad at him. He was about to send a text when he thought better of it. He pressed the call button and put the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Novak.”

“Dean, I’m sorry. I wasn’t ignoring you, I promise. I’ll be back home Tuesday morning if you wanna come by.”

“You gonna blow me off again?”

“No. And you have my permission to punch me as hard as you can when you see me. I deserve it.”

“No kidding. I have work Tuesday morning. I’ll be by around eight.”

“Okay. See you then.”

“Bye, Cas.” The line clicked and Cas sighed. He felt even worse now. He had to apologize to Dean in person and he couldn’t have Dean visit him in the hospital, but he couldn’t just leave. Gabriel would be pissed. He was stuck waiting until the hold was over. He understood why his brother did it, but he hated being on lockdown. Especially in a hospital. He looked around and saw his book laying on the table beside him. He smiled a little and picked it up.

*** *** ***

Gabriel visited twice the next day, and showed up Tuesday morning to help him check out, even though Cas didn’t need it. He had been through this so many times that he knew the procedure like the back of his hand. An hour later he was back on the street in hospital-issue clothes.

“Are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good, Gabe. I’m gonna go home and take a shower. Maybe take a nap. I’ll call you a little later, I promise.” Gabriel gave him a hug.

“All right. I love you, Cas.”

“I love you, too, Gabe.” Cas took a cab to his apartment and went upstairs. He cut the plastic band off his wrist, took a shower, and changed into some flannel pants and a t-shirt.

He sat on the couch and that’s when it hit him. His entire living room still smelled like Dean. He buried his face in one of the couch pillows and inhaled. He hadn’t realized just how much he actually missed the vampire. It was sickening, the level of attraction he felt towards Dean. They were friends, and even calling it that was pushing it. The only reason it was acceptable for them to be seen together in public was because they had been told to keep tabs on each other. Cas settled into his couch, pillow firmly pressed under his nose, and promptly fell asleep.

At eight sharp the buzzer startled him awake. Groggy, Cas got up and walked over.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, Novak. Wanna let me up?”

“Come on.” Cas pressed the buzzer to let Dean in then sat back down on the couch. While he waited he shot Gabriel a text.

**Cas [8:01pm]:** Just woke up. I’m okay. We can get lunch tomorrow.

**Gabe [8:01pm]:** Sounds good. Good night.

**Cas [8:02pm]:** Good night

Two minutes and forty-eight seconds later the elevator doors dinged open and Dean stepped into the living room. He folded his arms.

“Got an explanation for me?”

“Not that I owe you anything, but yes. Sit.” Dean sat on the couch facing him. Cas took a deep breath. “I wasn’t blowing you off. After you dropped me off the other night, I went upstairs and I poured myself a drink. And then a lot more. And then I opened every pill bottle in my cabinet and swallowed a handful. Gabriel found me and called an ambulance. I was in the emergency room and then Gabe asked them to place me on a seventy-two hour psych hold. I couldn’t leave until this morning. I called you when I got my phone back and saw all your texts. I wanted you to know that I’m not mad at you.” Dean was quiet for a minute before he said,

“You tried to kill yourself.”

“Yes.”

“Holy shit.” Dean stood up and started pacing. “Holy shit. Cas, what the hell? Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve stayed with you.”

“It wasn’t something I planned. I never plan it. It’s something that happens in the heat of the moment. Everything felt hopeless and I just gave up.”

“How can you talk about this like it’s no big deal? You tried to kill yourself.”

“This isn’t the first time, Dean. It probably won’t be the last. It’s something I’ve just…I dunno, learned to live with. Gabe always finds me in time.”

“Yeah, but what if he doesn’t? What if the next time he doesn’t find you in time?”

“I guess I never really thought about that. I don’t really think about anything when it happens. My mind just kinda goes blank.” Dean sat back down on the couch and pulled Cas into a hug.

“Don’t do that again. Promise me.” Cas fought back a wave of nausea.

“I can’t do that. It probably won’t happen again for a few decades, but I can’t promise anything. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Cas.” Cas smiled when Dean let him go.

“I believe I owe you a night of anything you want.” Dean laughed.

“Another time. Right now, I think you need some you time. I’ll stay if you want me to, but it might be better if I go.” Cas shook his head.

“Stay. I could use the company.” Dean didn’t argue. He settled into the couch while Cas scrolled through Netflix.

“Still not a single Eastwood movie. Really, Cas?”

“You can bitch all you want, but it’s still my Netflix. I don’t like Clint Eastwood.” Dean gasped.

“Bite your tongue, heathen!” Cas laughed.

“You are such a drama queen.”

“I think you mean king.”

“I said what I said.” Dean huffed and Cas smirked. He picked a documentary that he knew would have Dean rolling his eyes and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be tomorrow!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments keep me going! And your comments make drunk me cry happy tears.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't sleep, so here's an update! It's soft and fluffy and I hope you all enjoy!

Dean was jolted out of a broken sleep by someone pounding on his door. He blinked and looked at the clock.

“Sam, it’s seven o’clock! Leave me alone!”

“Dean, it’s Christmas! Get up!” Dean groaned. He knew it was Christmas and it wasn’t that he didn’t want to celebrate, but he needed a few more hours of sleep first. He got up and opened his door.

“Why do you insist on doing this every year? I need to sleep, Sam.” Sam handed him a travel mug.

“I made you coffee. Come on, everyone’s already here.” Dean looked down at his pajamas and sighed.

“All right, all right.” He followed his brother downstairs. He checked his phone while he walked. He had a few dozen texts, but only one stood out.

**Cas [6:27am]:** Merry Christmas. I know you’re probably sleeping and you probably have plans with your family today, but if you have some time later I’d like to see you. I have something for you.

Dean smiled. He was glad he had taken Charlie’s advice.

**Dean [7:03am]:** I’ll let you know. I actually have something for you too. Merry Christmas.

“Who are you texting?”

“Just answering some Merry Christmas texts,” Dean said, tucking his phone into his pocket. He chugged his coffee and sighed happily. It would take about twenty minutes for the caffeine to kick in, but he appreciated the the warmth. “Thanks for this.”

“I know you can’t function without coffee,” Sam said. They walked into the dining room and Dean steadied his breathing. He knew everyone in the room, but that didn’t make him feel any less overwhelmed. He liked Christmas, but the forced social interaction with his family bothered him. There were some members of his family that he would just never get along with and he hated that he had to sit and act like he didn’t hate them.

“Dean, you’re awake!” Charlie blindsided him with a hug. He grinned and kissed her forehead.

“Hey, kiddo. Who let you in here?” Charlie rolled her eyes.

“Come on, I saved you some bacon.” Dean followed Charlie into the kitchen. In addition to the Winchesters and the Campbells, most of Dean’s friends came over for the holidays, and for that he was grateful. They put him at ease a little.

“Merry Christmas, Dean!” Meg yelled from across the room.

“Sam invited them,” Charlie said and Dean nodded. He still didn’t really like witches, but Sam’s friends weren’t so bad. Charlie led Dean over to a quiet corner where a plate of bacon was waiting for him. “So did you end up getting anything for Cas?”

“Yeah, I did. And he said he got me something, too, so I guess you made the right call. Thanks.”

“What do you think he got you?” Dean shrugged and popped a piece of bacon into his mouth.

“No idea. He probably just did what I did.”

“Got you something that reminds him of you?”

“Yeah. Still makes me wonder.”

“You gonna see him later?”

“If I can slip outta here. You know how my family gets.” Charlie smirked.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it. You love your family.”

“Most of them.” Dean sipped his coffee. “Thanks for the bacon.”

“I also made that coffee Sam gave you. Thought you should know in case he tried to take credit for it.” Dean smiled and shook his head.

“Merry Christmas, Dean.” Jo put her arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

“Oh, so you’re gonna be nice to me today?”

“Take it while you can,” Jo said before walking away.

“I think she’s had a little too much spiked eggnog,” Charlie said.

“There’s spiked eggnog and you gave me coffee?”

“Get some food in your system and then you can drink as much as you want.” Dean couldn’t argue with that.

*** *** ***

The day went smoother than he expected. No one got into a fight, which was a miracle all on its own, and by the time everyone was leaving, Dean was comfortably numb from all the eggnog he drank. He helped his mother clean up, even though she insisted he didn’t need to, then went up to his room. He took a shower, changed his clothes, and grabbed his keys. He was on his way down to the garage when he ran into Adam.

“Where are you going?”

“Meeting a friend. Do me a favor, tell Dad I’ll be back before seven.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.” Adam continued up the stairs and Dean went down to the garage. Once he was sitting in Baby, he shot Cas a text.

**Dean [3:18pm]:** Cool if I come over?

**Cas [3:19pm]:** Yeah

Dean smiled at his phone for a moment before he put Baby in gear and drove to Cas’s apartment. He parked on the street and fished around in his glovebox for a minute. He figured it was safer to keep Cas’s gift in his car. Less chance of someone finding it and asking him what it was. He tucked the small box into his jacket pocket and went inside. He got on the elevator and tried to calm his nerves. He had no reason to be nervous. When the door dinged open, Cas was sitting on his couch. Actually, he was sprawled on his couch, under a blanket, with a laptop balanced on his lap. There was a Christmas movie on the TV, but the shifter didn’t appear to be paying any attention to it.

“Hey, Cas.” Cas held up a finger and resumed typing. Dean sat on the other end of the couch and watched. Whatever Cas was working on seemed to be important. Dean turned his attention to the TV. He snorted. “Seriously, dude? _The Grinch_?”

“Gabriel left it on and I haven’t bothered to change it,” Cas said without taking his eyes off his laptop.

“What are you doing?”

“Working on my book. I’m almost done with this part, I promise.”

“You’re writing a book?”

“Yeah. Well, I’ve been trying to. I’m finally getting somewhere. Give me a few minutes?”

“Sure. Mind if I make some hot chocolate?”

“Mix is in the cabinet. Knock yourself out.”

“Thanks.” Dean got off the couch and went into the kitchen. He found everything fairly easily and made two cups of hot chocolate. By the time he got back into the living room, Cas had set his laptop aside. Dean handed him a mug and sat facing him.

“Thank you. Sorry about that. I’ve been blocked for months.”

“What’s your book about?”

“Us. Well, not _us_, but the families. This city is gonna be torn apart by war one day and I want it on record somewhere that not everyone was so prejudice.”

“Oh. That’s…actually a really good idea.” Dean sipped his hot chocolate. “I could help you, if you want.” Cas tilted his head and Dean silently cursed himself for thinking it was cute.

“Do you want to?”

“Yeah. I think it’s a cool idea.”

“All right. But first, here.” Cas reached beside the couch and handed Dean a slim, square box. “I wasn’t sure if it was weird to get you something, but I saw it and I felt obligated.” Dean smiled.

“I was thinking the same thing. Charlie told me to get you something just in case, so I did. Sort of.” Dean handed over his box. Cas smiled.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I know, but I would’ve felt bad. Open it.” Cas ripped open the paper and took the lid off the box. Dean watched his face for some kind of reaction.

“You made me a mixtape.” Cas picked it up and unfolded the paper underneath it. “And it has all my favorite songs on it.” He looked up and Dean’s heart damn near stopped at the look on his face. “Dean, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me. Thank you.” Cas moved across the couch and hugged him. Dean hugged back. “All right, now open yours.” Dean tore the paper off and lifted the lid. His hand covered his mouth as his fingers brushed over the album. He closed his eyes for a minute because he refused to cry in front of Cas again.

“Cas, I…where did you get this?”

“They just added it to the list of records we could buy at the store. It took some convincing, but I got the guy to send us one copy. I remembered you saying it was the only Led Zeppelin album you didn’t have on vinyl, so…” Cas shrugged.

“You didn’t have to go through all that trouble.”

“No trouble. I had to place an order anyway. I thought you might like it.”

“I love it. Cas, you don’t understand…the number of years I spent looking for this. I’d given up. You…thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, Dean.” On an impulse, Dean leaned forward and pulled Cas in for a gentle kiss. Cas was receptive. It was softer and slower than most of their kisses and when Dean pulled away, Cas said, “What was that for?”

“The most amazing present anyone has ever given me. I can never thank you enough for this.”

“Merry Christmas, Dean.”

“Merry Christmas, Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today
> 
> Love you guys!💕💕 Your comments keep me going!


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to update earlier, but I got caught up watch Supernatural with a friend. Oh well. Enjoy!

Cas reached across the table and stole a fry off of Gabriel’s plate.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Cas shrugged.

“Nothing, really.” He adjusted his earbud.

“Why’d you dig out your old Walkman? And how does that thing even still work?”

“I took good care of it. I found an old cassette and I wanted to listen to it.” After Dean left his apartment on Christmas, Cas had dug his Walkman out of a box of stuff he’d taken from the house. He was surprised it still worked, but he’d put Dean’s mixtape in and listened to it all the way through. He was trying not to read too much into it. Dean was just trying to be nice.

“You never cease to amaze me, Cas.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Cas stole another fry off his brother’s plate. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Nothing.”

“You up for a movie marathon?”

“Just us?”

“Meg and Balt can come if they want. Thought it might be nice to hang out somewhere other than a bar.” Gabriel smiled.

“Sure. I’ll ask Balt when I get home.” Gabriel looked at his phone. “Actually, I should probably go. Dad said…something about…something. I wasn’t listening, but it seemed important. I’ll text you. You gonna be okay here?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll see ya later.” Gabriel left and Cas slid his plate across the table. He was picking at the fries, humming along to the music, and trying to decide if he should text Dean when the vampire’s scent hit his nose.

“You know, you can get into trouble, being here all by yourself.” Cas chuckled.

“Who says I’m looking for trouble?” Dean slid into the booth across from him and grinned.

“Something tells me you don’t have to go looking for it.”

“What are you doing here?” Dean shrugged.

“Bored. Nothing better to do. Is that a Walkman?”

“Yeah. I dug it out so I could listen to the mixtape you made me.”

“I thought I was the only one who still had one of those. Do you like the tape?”

“I love it, Dean. Have you listened to that record yet?”

“So many times that Sam threatened to break it. I’ve spent years waiting to hear that album on my record player and it sounds even better than I imagined.”

“Good.”

“Why are you ginger?” Cas subconsciously ran his fingers through his hair.

“Felt like a change. No good?”

“I just like your natural hair better. But it doesn’t matter what I think. And you make a good ginger.”

“Thanks. Are you going to Meg’s New Year’s Eve party?”

“Being dragged there would be a more accurate way of putting it, but yes. Meg invited Sam and Sam said I have to come. I think he’s dragging Adam, too.”

“Well, guess I’ll see you there then. I’m dreading it.”

“Look on the bright side, now you won’t be the only one there with no one to kiss at midnight.”

“Very good point. Has Sam made any headway with Eileen?”

“I think they might’ve kissed once, maybe. Sam won’t tell me anything. I do know he’s crazy about her, though.”

“They’re a good fit, I think.”

“Me, too. Sam seems really happy with her.” Dean took a fry off the plate Cas had forgotten about. “So what about you? Got your eye on anyone?”

“Kinda got my hands full at the moment. Besides, not sure anyone would date me if they knew I had you on the side.” Dean laughed.

“Fair enough.” He paused and the look in his eyes made Cas uneasy. “What are we, exactly? I know we’ve had this conversation before, but…I dunno, it feels different. So what are we?”

“I like to think of it as friends with every possible benefit,” Cas said. Dean grinned.

“Does that mean I’m getting dental?” Cas rolled his eyes so hard he was worried for a moment that they might get stuck. He was laughing, though, because he couldn’t help it.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Guilty. So what are you doing later?”

“Movie marathon with Gabriel. Thought we could do with some brother bonding.”

“Sounds like fun. I’ve got work in about twenty minutes. You wanna do something tomorrow?”

“Sure. Text me.”

“All right. See ya.”

“Bye, Dean.” Dean left and Cas sighed. He tossed some cash on the table to cover Gabriel’s bill and started the walk back to his apartment. He took a deep breath of brutally cold air. It felt good. He felt good. This was the first time since one of his…episodes that Gabriel hadn’t tried to force companionship on him and it was helping. For the first time in…ever Gabriel was giving him space and he felt like he could actually breathe again.

Dean was helping a lot, but Cas was purposefully ignoring that. They were as close to friends as they could be, but that was it. They _couldn’t_ be anything else, even if a very small part of him thought he might want that. Cas shook his head to snap himself out of his daze. He couldn’t think like that. Dean was a Winchester, he was a Novak. They were trying to prevent a war. Once or twice a week they had mind-blowing sex. That was it. Cas had to keep telling himself that or he risked sliding down a very slippery slope.

By the time he got up to his apartment, Cas had moved his train of thought to his book. He was actually getting somewhere for the first time in over a decade. He finally knew exactly what he wanted to say. Now it was getting the words from his brain to the computer screen that was the problem. Dean had offered to help and Cas had accepted, but they hadn’t talked about it since. Maybe after New Year’s. Once all the holiday mayhem calmed down.

It wasn’t that Cas didn’t like the holidays, he did, but his already overbearing family became even more overbearing this time of year. Despite hating all of the Novak children, Naomi insisted that everyone had to be home so they could have Christmas as a family. Cas wasn’t exempt from that, so he had spent Christmas morning watching the clock, waiting for Dean to text him. Gabriel, as it turned out, he been his saving grace. He offered to go get more eggnog, took Cas with him, and they didn’t go back. Cas had been grateful for that. Now all he had to do was survive Meg’s New Year’s Eve party and he was free of any social commitment until Gabriel’s birthday.

Cas hated parties. Always had and always would. He knew Meg wouldn’t take no for an answer, though, and the coven parties weren’t all bad. Everyone was always friendly, at least. And, of course, now there was the added bonus of Dean being there, so he’d have someone to talk to who wasn’t going to ask him if he was okay every five minutes. Cas stood in the kitchen for minute, debating between a cup of tea and something stronger, before deciding to just sit on the couch and turn on the TV. He opened his laptop and settled it to try and get some work done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be tomorrow!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments keep me going!


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 4am and I'm not even remotely tired so enjoy!

“You don’t have to come, ya know.” Dean smacked his brother’s hand to keep him from messing with his hair again.

“Why do you do that? You have perfect hair, you genetic freak. Quit touching it. I know I don’t have to go, but you’ll give me that look if I don’t. Besides, free booze.” Sam gave him a different look and Dean crossed his arms. “What?”

“Nothing. Just figured you’d be a little more pissed about not having anyone to kiss at midnight.” Dean shrugged.

“Party atmosphere plus free booze equals plenty of drunk people looking for some action.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, dude. I just don’t want a repeat of Halloween.”

“Scouts honor,” Dean said seriously. He didn’t want a repeat of Halloween either. Well, maybe the kissing Cas part, but that was it. He took one last look in the mirror before he shouted down the hall, “Come on, Adam!”

“He’s already downstairs,” Sam said. “He’s been ready for hours. He’s really excited.”

“It’s just a party,” Dean said.

“Yeah, but think about it? We do this kinda stuff all the time, but this is the first time we’ve ever taken him with us.” Sam was right. For all the coven parties they went to, it had never even occurred to him to invite Adam. Of course, he was going with Sam, so he wasn’t really in any position to be inviting anyone, but he felt a little bad about it.

“We should take him to more of these,” Dean decided. As Sam had said, Adam was already downstairs, waiting by the entrance to the garage. “Ready to go, kid?”

“Yes!” Adam was practically vibrating with excitement. Dean chuckled to himself as they climbed into Baby. He shot a quick text to Cas before he started the engine.

**Dean [8:15pm]:** You already there?

**Cas [8:16pm]:** Yes and I’m dying

**Cas [8:16pm]:** Please save me

**Dean [8:17pm]:** Hang in there angel I’m on my way

“Who were you texting?” Sam asked once Dean had pulled onto the main road.

“Just a friend.”

“Which one?”

“Does it matter?”

“I guess not. Just seems like you’re spending an awful lot of time with someone that no one seems to know anything about.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Just wondering if you’ve got a secret boyfriend or girlfriend you’ve failed to mention.”

“Nope. Just making some new friends. Maybe I’ll introduce you one day when you’re feeling less…interrogate-y.”

“That’s not a word.”

“Bite me, Sammy.”

“It’s _Sam_.” Dean flashed his little brother a grin as he pulled up to the address he’d been given.

“Huh. Not what I expected,” Adam said as they got out.

“Trust me, kid, the inside looks nothing like the outside.” They walked in and Dean watched Adam’s jaw drop. Witches were annoying, but they did know how to throw one hell of a party. Even Dean had to admit that. Just like last time, Sam ditched him the second he saw Eileen, and just like last time, Dean made a beeline for the liquor table. He poured Adam a drink before mixing one for himself.

“This is awesome,” Adam said.

“We’re gonna make a point to bring you more often, if you want.”

“Really?” Dean shrugged.

“We’re brothers. We should do more stuff together. Besides, I need someone to be my wingman while Sam’s off with his girlfriend.”

“Why do I get the feeling you don’t need a wingman?” Dean laughed.

“Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. We’ll see how the night goes. And let me know if you need assistance.”

“Yeah, I think I’m just gonna stick to drinking tonight.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

“I won’t. So are you gonna mingle or just stand here all night?”

“I kinda like it over here, but go. Have fun. I’ll be here if you need me.” Adam smiled.

“Thanks, Dean.” He disappeared into the crowd and Dean sighed. He didn’t really like being alone, but he couldn’t hold Adam hostage at his first party. That wasn’t fair. He mixed himself another drink and surveyed the crowd.

“Thought I’d find you here.” Dean smiled before he even turned around. When he looked at Cas he burst out laughing.

“Oh my, God. Did a strip joint throw up on you?” Cas chuckled.

“Gabriel and Balthazar like glitter, I’ll just leave it at that.”

“Well, it’s working for you.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“Keep talking and I’ll wipe my hand all over your face.” Dean stopped laughing and took a small step back. He could handle a lot of things, but he drew the line at glitter. Once it got on, it never came off, and he didn’t want to walk around being all sparkly.

“All right, all right, I’m done. Drink?”

“Or ten or twenty.”

“How ‘bout we start with one?” Dean mixed Cas a drink. “So, plans for midnight?”

“I’ll either be drunk enough to make bad decisions or I’ll be kissing a bottle of vodka. You?”

“Pretty much the same. Sam’s with Eileen and I’m sure Adam’ll find someone to kiss.”

“Guess we’re on our own then.”

“Guess so.” Dean smiled a little. “Wanna slip outta here a little later? Everyone’s gonna be busy watching the ball drop.”

“Well, I might not get _that_ drunk.” Dean went to playfully punch Cas’s arm and saw him flinch slightly. He frowned and lowered his hand.

“What?”

“Nothing. Sorry.”

“No, you were scared. Did you think I was gonna hit you?” Cas dropped his eyes to the floor. “Are you scared of me?”

“No,” Cas said way too quickly. “No,” he repeated quietly. “I’m not scared of you. I’m just…scared. I’m sorry, it’s not important.”

“Yes, it is. What aren’t you telling me?”

“It doesn’t matter, Dean. Drop it.” Dean studied Cas for a minute. Something was definitely wrong.

“Would it help if I shared something first?” Cas shook his head.

“It’s not something I like talking about. It’s fine. I’m sorry.”

“Well don’t apologize for it. I’ll keep my hands down here. Promise.” Cas smiled a little.

“Thanks.”

“You wanna go outside for a few minutes?”

“Depends. You gonna fall asleep on me again?” Dean grinned.

“I don’t plan on it.”

“All right then.” Dean mixed two more drinks and they walked out onto the patio in the back. It was cold outside, so no one else was out there. Dean zipped up his jacket and tucked his free hand into the pocket of his jeans. Cas did the same, leaning against the railing.

“I hate winter,” Dean muttered as the wind picked up a little.

“I don’t mind it so much,” Cas said, sipping his drink.

“I noticed you seem to like long sleeves.” Cas tensed and Dean silently cursed himself for crossing another line. “Sorry. I’ll be quiet.”

“It’s all right, Dean. I do prefer long sleeves and it’s one of the reasons I like winter. Thick coats are another. They keep me from scratching.”

“Why do you do that?” Cas took a long pull from his drink before he said,

“You’ve seen my scars.” Dean nodded. “They’re from my suicide attempt in 1973. Sometimes, usually when I get stressed, I get this kind of…phantom itch, I guess. I’ve broken the skin more than a few times, and I’ve drawn an alarming amount of blood once or twice. I’m trying to get a handle on it.”

“That’s good. Let me know if I can help at all.” Cas smiled.

“I think you help more than you realize.” He moved a little closer and Dean turned to face him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” They were three inches apart, staring at each other, when the door slid open.

“Hey, Dean, you got a second?” Dean closed his eyes to keep from cursing out his little brother.

“I’ll be right back,” he said quietly before turning to Sam. “Yeah, what’s up?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments keep me going!


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Hope you all enjoy!

As soon as Dean went back inside with Sam, Cas turned to stare at the city. He hadn’t said very much, but he’d still told Dean too much. He should’ve just stayed quiet. His past wasn’t any of Dean’s business. The door opened again and someone stood beside him. He didn’t bother to look.

“You doing okay, Clarence?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, Meg. Find anyone to kiss at midnight?”

“I’ve got my eye on a few people. You?”

“There’s a bottle of vodka sitting on the table with my name on it.”

“That’s so depressing. You haven’t found _anyone_ you wanna kiss?” Cas finally looked at her.

“I don’t like what you’re implying.”

“Oh, come on, Cas. I saw you and Dean before Sam interrupted. You clearly wanted to kiss him and he clearly wanted to kiss you.” Cas shook his head.

“It wasn’t like that. And even if it was, we can’t and you know that.” Meg rolled her eyes.

“I don’t get you. You’re doing everything you can to rebel against Chuck. This would be the ultimate, but you won’t do it. Why?”

“Meg, do you realize what you’re telling me to do? I can’t trust him. Even if I wanted to, I can’t.”

“Why, because he’s a Winchester?”

“Because he’s a vampire!” Cas snapped. He was shaking now and he knew it wasn’t from the cold. “His last name doesn’t mean shit to me, but I can’t put my trust in a vampire again. Not after…everything.” Meg put her hand on his shoulder.

“You know that Bartholomew being a vampire had zero bearing on his personality, right? He was an asshole because that’s just who he was. You can’t blacklist all vampires just because of him.” Cas shook his head again.

“I can’t do it again, Meg, I just can’t. Especially with Dean.” Meg looked past him and Cas realized the door had opened again. He turned around. Dean gave him a half-smirk. Cas turned back to Meg.

“I’ll leave,” she said quietly. She walked past Dean, closing the door behind her.

“How much of that did you hear?” Dean shrugged.

“Enough. Who’s Bartholomew?”

“My ex. I don’t like to talk about him.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“Yes.”

“That’s why you flinched when I raised my hand?”

“Yes.”

“Do you trust me?” Cas made eye contact with the vampire.

“Yes, and it scares the hell out of me.” Dean closed the distance between them a little.

“You think Meg knows?”

“No. She’s not that smart. She did question me, though. What did Sam want?”

“Some girl advice followed by an interrogation about you. He’s getting more annoying about it.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”

“Angel, you know I can’t do that. Sam’s just gonna have to take my word for it.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t call me that.”

“Why do you hate it so much?”

“I’m not an angel.”

“So you’ve said, but I still haven’t seen any evidence. You come up with a nickname for me yet?” Cas had to smile at that.

“No. I think calling you Winchester is good enough.”

“I’ll take it. So, you still sticking to kissing that bottle of vodka at midnight?”

“Yeah.” Cas leaned back against the railing.

“You sure?”

“Dean, everyone we know is in there. Someone’s gonna see us. And this is casual anyway, isn’t it? Just sex?”

“Point taken. Doesn’t make me wanna kiss you any less.” Cas finished his drink.

“Get me a refill and maybe we’ll talk.” Dean grinned and took his cup. He came back a minute later with two new cups and two bottles. “Oh, you’re really trying to get me drunk.”

“Figured you might want the bottle in reach if you still decide it’d make a better make out partner.”

“I never said better. It might be safer, though.”

“Safe is boring.”

“Maybe, but I prefer being alive.”

“All right, that’s fair. I kinda prefer you alive, too.” Cas laughed. Dean opened the bottle of vodka. Cas took it before he could pour any of it into the cup. “Don’t hurt yourself, angel.”

“Trust me, it’ll take more than a bottle of mediocre vodka to hurt me.” Dean opened a bottle of whiskey and took a swig.

“Well, we’ve got an hour ’til midnight. What do you wanna do?”

“We should probably go back inside. It’s cold out here.”

“All right. I should check on Adam anyway. Just make sure you find me before midnight.” Cas smiled and nodded before ducking into the crowd. He was halfway through his bottle of vodka when Gabriel found him.

“Where’ve you been?”

“Drinking. Avoiding awkward social interactions with people I don’t know. Talking to Dean.”

“Yeah, Meg mentioned that. You aren’t gonna do anything monumentally stupid, are you?”

“Of course not. That’s your and Balthazar’s job.” Gabriel folded his arms over his chest.

“I’m serious, Castiel.”

“Relax, Gabe. Whatever Meg thinks she saw, she didn’t. We’re friends.”

“That’s not exactly good.” Cas shrugged.

“Well, it’s been almost six months and he hasn’t tried to kill me yet, so I think we’re okay.”

“Just because he hasn’t, doesn’t mean he won’t. Be friends with him all you like, but don’t ever let your guard down.”

“Yes, Gabriel.”

“Why do I feel like you’re not taking this seriously?” Cas held up his nearly empty bottle. Gabriel made a grab for it and Cas pulled it back.

“You wanted me to let loose, so I am. I’m comfortably tipsy. What’s the problem?”

“Nothing as long as you stay clear of Dean right now. As jealous as I’d be if you hooked up with him, it’s really a bad idea.” Cas drank the rest of the vodka before saying,

“I got it, Gabe. I won’t make any stupid decisions. I promise.” Gabriel finally relaxed and smiled.

“Good. Come on.” Cas followed his brother over to where Meg, Balthazar, Rowena, Eileen, and Sam were doing shots. Gabriel handed him one.

“What’s in it?” Cas asked, looking down at the green liquid that looked a little too much like Dean’s eyes.

“Apple flavored gin and green food coloring,” Balthazar said.

“Why must everything be colorful with you?” He cousin grinned.

“Because life is a rainbow!” Cas raised an eyebrow and Balthazar laughed. “They’re not mine. Redhead named Charlie brought ‘em. That was her slogan.”

“You say that like I’m wrong,” a new voice said. An arm wrapped around Cas’s shoulders and Charlie pecked his cheek. “Hey, Cas!” He smiled.

“Hi, Charlie. Sam invite you? Or Dean?”

“Dean did. I was complaining he wasn’t spending enough time with me, so he invited me and I haven’t seen him all night.” Cas chuckled.

“Guess I have to take some blame for that. We were outside talking for a while.”

“Yeah, he told me. He also tried to apologize, but he’s pretty hammered so it came out a little…jumbled.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“I’ll go check on him.”

“Nah, he’s fine. He’s talking Adam’s ear off and Adam didn’t seem to mind so much. You guys like the shots?”

“I don’t think they’re the best crowd to judge,” Cas said. He tipped his back and coughed a little. “Strong, but good. Though, I do prefer strawberry or watermelon.” Charlie reached over without taking her arm off him and picked up a bright pink shot.

“Watermelon vodka and red food coloring.” Cas took it and knocked it back.

“Much better.” Charlie grinned.

“Did we just become best friends?”

“Sure. I could use a redhead for a friend.” Cas stayed and drank shots with his friends until five minutes to midnight. Then he excused himself, though he didn’t really need to because no one was lucid enough to know he was leaving, and searched the crowd for Dean. He found the vampire standing over in the corner, nursing another bottle of whiskey.

“Hey, you found me!”

“Wasn’t hard.” Cas took his bottle and took a swig.

“See you ditched the vodka bottle. Change your mind?”

“No.” Dean face fell a little, but he schooled it quickly.

“Your loss.” Cas glanced to around, but they were alone. He moved closer and whispered in Dean’s ear,

“Come over later. I believe I still owe you a night of whatever you want.” That got a real smile out of the vampire.

“Sure, Cas.” Everyone started counting down with the clock on the TV screen Cas couldn’t see. The clock struck midnight and everyone cheered before locking lips with the person closest to them. Cas smiled at Dean and kissed his cheek.

“Happy New Year, Dean.”

“Happy New Year, Cas.” Somewhere in the distance, fireworks started going off and Dean froze. He hand tightened on the bottle of whiskey he was holding and bolted for the patio. Cas ran after him. Dean had his phone in his hand when Cas touched his shoulder.

“Are you okay, Dean?” The vampire shook his head. “What happened? They’re just fireworks.” Dean turned to look at him and Cas didn’t like the haunted look in his eyes.

“Those weren’t fireworks, Cas. That was dynamite.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments keep me going!


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, I called out of work today because I'm tired of the bullshit that is my job and I need something to take my mind off it, so here's an update! Enjoy!

As soon as Dean heard the explosion, he knew those weren’t fireworks. Well, they were, but that wasn’t it. He had distinctly heard dynamite go off somewhere. He scrolled through his phone and called his dad.

“Yes, Dean?”

“Is everyone okay?”

“Yes, why?”

“I heard an explosion. I’m at a warehouse on 8th, just off Mott with Sam and Adam. It sounded about ten blocks up from here. Send a scout team. I’ll gonna go check it out.”

“Be careful, Dean.”

“Yes, sir.” Dean put his phone back in his pocket and turned back to Cas. “I’m gonna go see what that was.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“No. I need you stay here. Keep an eye on my brothers and your friends. Make sure nothing happens here. I’ll be back in half an hour.”

“Text me, please. Just so I know you’re okay.” Dean smiled in spite of himself.

“I will. I’ll be back, I promise.” He jumped over the railing and ran up the street. Every once in a while he thankful for his vampire speed and this was definitely one of those times. He had searched two blocks for the source when the scout team showed up, and he was using that term loosely. Mark and Christian rounded the corner and Dean rolled his eyes on instinct.

“Hey,” Christian said.

“What are you two doing here?”

“John sent us,” Mark said, “Said you needed a search team.”

“Yeah, a search team, not the Hardy boys.” Christian bristled.

“Look, we don’t wanna be here and you don’t want us here, so let’s just not find whatever it is you think you heard so we can leave and you can get back to whoever you were doing before this.”

“You think this is a joke?”

“You said you heard an explosion, right?” Dean nodded. “Well, I hate to break it to you, but it’s New Year’s Eve. Those were fireworks.” Dean narrowed his eyes.

“I know the difference between fireworks and dynamite, jackass. Something went off somewhere around here and maybe it’s nothing, but it might be something and I wanna be sure.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“Yeah, well, you would be, too, if-.” Dean stopped abruptly and gritted his teeth. “Forget it, let’s just go.”

They searched the area in three block radius and came up with nothing. Dean was pissed. He _knew_ he’d heard something. He wasn’t imagining things and it definitely wasn’t fireworks. He let Mark and Christian go home, mostly because he was tired of them bitching, and called his dad.

“Did you find anything?”

“No, sir, but I know I heard something. Maybe I misjudged the distance.”

“I’ll have Sam look at the cameras when you get home. Don’t stay out too much later. You know how your mother worries.” The fondness in John’s voice did something to Dean that he didn’t like it. It was like he was happy and sick to his stomach at the same time. He knew his dad loved his mom, but he was still irked about what happened with Adam’s mother and it was festering in the back of his brain.

“We won’t, sir,” Dean said. “I’ll make sure we’re home by two.”

“Good.” Dean’s phone beeped and he pulled it away from his ear. He shot Cas a text.

**Dean [12:34am]:** On my way back. Didn’t find anything. Dad’s gonna have Sam check the cameras when we get home. You guys good?

**Cas [12:35am]:** All good here. Party’s still going, but I kinda wanna duck outta here.

**Dean [12:36am]:** One more hour. I told dad I’d have Adam and Sam home by 2. I’ll slip out once we’re back and meet you are your place.

**Cas [12:36am]:** Deal

Dean smiled and put his phone back in his pocket before heading back to the warehouse at a light jog. Cas was still standing on the patio when he got there.

“You didn’t go back inside?” Cas gave him a bitchface that could rival Sam’s.

“Of course I did. I stepped back out when you texted me. Gabriel was hanging on my shoulder and I didn’t want him getting anymore suspicious than he already is.”

“Good call. So everyone’s fine?”

“Other than making very questionable decisions due to intoxication, yeah, everyone’s fine.” Dean chuckled.

“Good. Come on. It’s still cold out here and I want more of Charlie’s shots if there’re any left.”

“There were still three full trays when I stepped out.”

“Excellent. Let’s get drunk and stupid.”

“You do that every day.” Dean responded by walking past him through the door and right over to the shot trays. He took one of each color back to back then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Trying to prove something there, Deano?” Gabriel asked.

“Nope. Just wanted to try one of each before you lushes drank them all.”

“Verdict?” Charlie asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Amazing, as with everything you do.”

“Oh, don’t try to butter me up, Winchester. I’m not mad at you. I got to see you, that’s what I cared about. And I like seeing you like this.”

“Like what?” Charlie smiled.

“Happy. It’s a good look on you.” Dean blushed, but he would definitely be blaming that on the alcohol tomorrow.

“Thanks, Charlie. And thanks for coming. Where’s Dorothy?” Charlie grimaced a little.

“Bathroom. One too many shots and not enough water or food.”

“Ah. Hope she feels better.”

“Me, too,” Charlie said with suggestive tone that made Dean laugh.

“Don’t put ideas in his head,” Sam said and this time Charlie laughed.

“Please. Who’s he hooking up with? I can’t even remember the last time you told me you got laid.” Charlie put her hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Hit a slump, tiger?” Dean shook her hand off.

“No. You can’t strike out if you’re not in the game. Just haven’t met anyone I like enough.”

“I call bullshit,” Sam said. “You’re hiding someone from us.”

“So what if I am? I love you guys, but you don’t need to know every detail of my life. I’ll introduce you to them when I’m ready.”

“I suppose that’s only fair,” Charlie sighed.

“Thank you. Now, Sam, I told Dad I’d have you and Adam home by two. Where’s Adam?” Sam shrugged.

“Last I saw he was making out with some girl. Kristin McGee, I think.”

“Go find him and tell him we’re leaving in thirty.”

“What are you gonna do?” Dean grinned.

“Get drunk.”

Sam found Adam, Dean had a dozen more shots, and an hour later they were getting out of Baby back the the hotel. They stopped by John’s office to tell him they were back, then went their separate ways. Dean stumbled into his room and into the bathroom. He stripped and got in the shower. It sobered him up just enough that he was able to compose a coherent text when he got out.

**Dean [2:46am]:** Should be leaving in about ten minutes

**Cas [2:46am]:** That’s fine, I’m alone

Dean shoved his phone in his jacket pocket and took the back way out. Everything in him was telling him to run to Cas’s apartment, but the last thing he needed was to be out of breath when he got there, so he settled for jogging. It only took him ten minutes, but they were the longest ten minutes of his life. By the time he was standing in the elevator, he jittery with nervous excitement. When the doors dinged open, Cas didn’t even give him a chance to speak. He was pulled into the living room, pushed onto the couch, and then Cas was straddling him, kissing him roughly.

“I wanted to do that all night,” Cas breathed when they eventually broke apart for air.

“Me, too, angel.”

“I wish we didn’t have to hide this.” That startled Dean just a little and not just because he felt the same way. The fact was, they _did_ have to hide it. No one could know about what they were doing or they would both end up dead. He reached up and cupped Cas’s face, pulling him in for a gentler kiss.

“I know, angel. Me, too. But we’ll be killed, you know that.”

“I know, it’s just so unfair. We get along. Hell, our brothers get along. There’s no reason why we should be on the brink of war.”

“Well, we don’t make the decisions. Bitter, angry men who are holding grudges do, and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Well, there’s one thing.” Dean almost asked what he meant, but then it clicked. He pushed Cas off him.

“You can’t be serious?”

“Of course not, but I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind more than a few times.”

“Look, Cas, maybe you hate your dad that much, but I don’t.”

“I know you don’t, Dean, and I wasn’t suggesting we do it, I was just saying. We _do_ have an option, if we were desperate enough.” Dean stared at Cas. Cas stared back like he hadn’t just casually suggested they commit murder.

“I’m not a killer.”

“I know that. I’m not asking you to. I’m not even asking you to think about it. I’m just saying.” Dean didn’t like the perfectly calm look in Cas’s eyes. He looked just a little too much like a serial killer in that moment. Dean stood up.

“I’m gonna go.” Cas grabbed his arm and latched on.

“Dean, no! Please.”

“I have to. You’re scaring me.” He jerked his arm back

“I didn’t mean to. Please don’t leave. I’m sorry.” The look that had been giving Dean chills was gone and in its place was one that nearly broke his heart. Cas looked terrified. Dean sat back down and pulled the shifter into a hug. “I’m sorry,” Cas whispered against his neck.

“It’s okay, Cas. Why don’t we get some sleep? We’re both drunk. We can talk in the morning.”

“I promised you a night of whatever you wanted.” Dean chuckled.

“You did, but I’ll take a raincheck. We both need sleep. Come on.” He picked Cas up bridal style and carried him into the bedroom. He dropped him on the bed and laid down beside him. Once they were situated under the covers, Dean clicked off the light.

“Good night, Dean.”

“Good night, Cas.” The three not-so-little words he wanted to say were on the tip of his tongue. He swallowed them with a yawn and closed his eyes, surrendering to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna update again later just to keep it even
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update, as promised! Hope you all enjoy!

Cas looked up from his book when the little bell above the door went off. Meg stood in front of the counter with her hands on her hips.

“Who works on New Year’s Day?”

“I do.”

“God, Clarence, people don’t come into record stores on a _normal_ day. You’re wasting your time.”

“No, I’m getting a paycheck. _You’re_ wasting my time. Did you need something or did you just come in here to berate me for working?”

“Oh, don’t make it sound like that.” Meg dropped into the other chair. Cas had made a habit of getting it out just in case Dean dropped by. “How was your night last night?”

“Pretty uneventful once I got home. You?”

“Dull.” Meg tapped her fingers on the counter, a tell she was nervous.

“Bull. Cough it up, Masters. Who’d you hook up with?” Meg bit her lip before saying quietly,

“Balthazar.” Cas sat up in his chair.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that, because it sounded like you said Balthazar.” Meg glared at him.

“Shut up. We were both drunk off our asses and striking out left and right. He ended up giving me a ride home. We just started up a little in his car and the next thing I knew he was-.”

“Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there. I don’t need all the details of what you and my cousin did last night.”

“You know he’s gonna give them to you anyway.” Cas groaned.

“Meg, what were you thinking? You and Balt? Seriously?”

“Trust me, it was a one-time thing.”

“It better be. I can’t believe Sam didn’t go home with Eileen.” Meg grinned.

“Oh, she went over to his place later. Rowena took her over, saying that if Eileen didn’t make a move, she would.” Cas laughed.

“Well, if it worked that’s all that matters, I guess. They’re cute together.”

“Yes, they are. Hey, so where’d Dean run off to just after midnight last night?”

“Said he heard an explosion.”

“Uh…yeah…fireworks.” Cas shook his head.

“He said it sounded like dynamite. He went to check it out, but he didn’t find anything. He said John was gonna have Sam go through camera footage when they got home. I guess if anything comes of it he’ll contact me.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“Then it might’ve been a mild PTSD thing and if he wants to talk about it, he will. If he doesn’t, then it’s none of my business.”

“Isn’t it, though?”

“No, Meg. We’re friends as much as we can be. His personal issues are none of my business. And mine are none of his.”

“He heard us on the patio, didn’t he?” Cas nodded. “Did you tell him?”

“I didn’t go into detail, but yeah.”

“And?”

“And what? He was nice about it and he didn’t push for details. Much liked I wish all you would do.”

“We care about you, Clarence.”

“Yes, I know, but there’s “caring” and there’s “suffocating”. You’re suffocating me most of the time.” Meg sighed.

“I don’t know where you learned air quotes, but you’re using them wrong. I get it, though. I’m sorry we smother you. Gabriel gets worried and then he gets paranoid and it rubs off. We just don’t wanna lose you.” Meg smiled. “I like the blond, by the way.”

“Yeah? Not too surfer-dude-in-a-bad-nineties-movie?”

“Well, now that you mention it, maybe. But you make it work. It goes well with your eyes.”

“Good I stuck with the blue?”

“Definitely.” Cas had spent twenty minutes that morning shifting through every single possible hair color before he settled on a deep blond. He left his eyes blue because he liked the color and it wasn’t until he got work that he realized he looked like every male actor cast in a surfing movie during the nineties.

“So really, Meg, why are you here?”

“You coming out with us tonight?”

“No. I’m peopled out for next few days. Come back to me next week and we’ll see.” Meg rolled her eyes.

“You’re ridiculous, Clarence.”

“Hey, I can only handle so much social interaction at a time and the three of you have single handedly used up most of my social energy for the next few decades.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“I’m so serious. You guys like parties and loud music and large groups of people. I don’t. I like quiet nights alone in my apartment, reading or watching tv or writing. Why is that such a problem?”

“It’s not. But you’re an introvert from a family of extroverts and I just find that odd.”

“Kinda hard to be extroverted when almost everyone in the house pretends I don’t exist,” Cas said bitterly. He waited for Meg to give him that pity smile and her little speech about how he shouldn’t let other people define who he is. Instead, she said,

“You’re right. That wasn’t fair. I’m sorry. You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t like to curl up with a cup of tea and watch dumb Netflix comedy specials.”

“Thanks, Meg. You can come over tonight and hang out if you want, but I can’t do outside. Even this was pushing it. I really didn’t wanna leave my bed.” That was true, but not for the reason Meg was probably thinking. He still felt bad for everything he’d said to Dean last night. He had never actually seen the vampire look scared before and it made him sick, knowing he was the reason for that look. He hadn’t even meant to say it. But after everything that had happened last night, first not being able to kiss him properly at midnight, and then spending half an hour worried Dean would end up dead, Cas had been so frustrated that it just came out. His long-held and deep-buried desire to kill Chuck and Naomi and anyone else who thought war was the only way to settle things.

“Maybe I will. Probably best I don’t see Balthazar for a few days.” Cas grimaced.

“I still can’t believe that. I mean, I’ve woken up with my share of regrettable bedmates, but Balthazar? You should probably get tested. Make sure you didn’t catch anything.”

“Great. Thanks, Clarence. I needed that.” Meg rolled her eyes. “Lucky I’m a witch. If I do have anything I can just,” she snapped her fingers, “poof.”

“Point taken. You gonna hang out or do you have places to be?”

“I actually do have to go. Rowena called a coven meeting. No doubt to grill Eileen and Sam about last night.”

“Oh, God. Tell me everything tonight.” Meg smiled.

“You know I will. I’ll see ya, Clarence.”

“Bye, Meg.” Meg blew him a kiss and walked out the door. Cas shook his head and laughed. He had just opened his book again when his phone vibrated on the counter. He glanced at the screen

**Dean [12:14pm]:** You at home?

**Cas [12:14pm]:** Work

**Dean [12:14pm]:** Mind if I drop by?

**Cas [12:15pm]:** Sure

Cas didn’t like the tone in those messages. Something was wrong. Maybe Dean really had heard dynamite last night. His phone started ringing in his hand, startling him.

“What’s up, Gabe?”

“Get home, now.”

“I can’t, I’m at work. I’ll be off in two hours.”

“Dad called a family meeting and he said you have to be here.”

“Well, have him push it back then because I can’t leave.”

“Fine,” Gabriel huffed. Cas’s phone beeped in his ear and he put it in his pocket. Something was definitely wrong. He closed his book and stared at the door. Dean walked in eleven minutes later.

“Hey, Cas.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Wow. All right, right to it then.” Dean reclined in the chair Meg had been sitting in.

“Sorry, I’m worried. First you texted me and then Gabriel called me and said Chuck called a family meeting. What’s going on?”

“I’m still not clear on it myself. All I know is, last night, just after midnight, two of our cameras picked up a group of masked people blowing out the door to our weapons warehouse. They emptied the place out. I knew I heard dynamite, I was just off on the location by about six blocks to the left.”

“You think they were Chuck’s people?”

“Dad’s looking into it, but yes.”

“If it was, I swear I knew nothing about it.”

“I believe you,” Dean said. “Right now, everything is just speculation. Dad won’t do anything until he has solid evidence. And after the fine the council issued at the last meeting, if Chuck did have anything to do with this, it could be considered an act of war. He might do time for it.”

“That’d be the day,” Cas muttered. “I’ll do what I can to help you. I’ll get whatever information I can out of Chuck at the meeting later.”

“All right.” There was a pause and Cas took the opportunity to say,

“I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to dump that on you. I never had any intention of telling anyone any of that. I’m sorry I scared you.” Dean shook his head.

“It’s okay, Cas. You weren’t wrong, I just wasn’t expecting you to say it. And you have to know that that’s not an option for me, ever.”

“I know. I never should’ve said anything. It’s just something I think about from time to time. I’d never actually do it.” Cas was only about seventy-five percent sure he would never actually do it, but he didn’t want Dean to be scared of him.

“Good,” Dean smiled, “cause I kinda like you, and I’d hate to see you locked up.” Cas smiled back.

“Thanks, Dean.”

Dean stayed for the rest of Cas’s shift. Once he left, Cas went up to his apartment to take a shower, then texted his brother to let him know he was on his way home. The entire walk there, he was bracing himself for the worst. The war was slowly edging closer and closer. He and Dean were doing everything they could without putting themselves in danger, but it didn’t seem to be working. Dean was right. The decisions were being made by bitter, angry men with grudges. Well, one bitter, angry man with a grudge. Chuck. Everything could be avoided if Chuck would just realize that he wasn’t entitled to be in charge of the entire city.

Cas didn’t know the whole story because he had been very little when the original war happened, but from what he could gather, the city used to be divided into territories. That war had been a battle for total control. The Treaty had been made to give all five species, shifters, vampires, wolves, witches, and humans, equal control with no set boundaries. Each species had a family that was in charge of making sure they all followed the rules. It was a system that should work perfectly fine, expect that Chuck never let go of the fact that he lost. He wanted total power, and he would be damned if he wasn’t going to get it, or kill a whole lot of people trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, I'm supposed to be asleep, but I'm too excited to sleep, so here's an update! Enjoy!

“Charlie, I love you and I would die for you, you know that, but there is no way in hell I’m doing that.”

“Why not?” Charlie whined. “It’s my wedding! It’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life!”

“Yes, because you’re marrying the person you love, not because your best friend’s band played a _Walking on Sunshine _cover.”

“Come on, Dean, it’s my favorite song. Please?” Charlie gave him her puppy eyes. They weren’t nearly as good as Sam’s, but that was a nonissue. Dean was a sucker for puppy eyes. He sighed.

“I’ll ask. If the majority vote is no, then we’re not doing it.”

“Fine.”

“Can we talk about actual important things now? What’s next on the list?”

“Location. I wanna get married on a beach somewhere, but I’ll have to ask Dorothy.”

“Where is she, anyway? Isn’t she supposed to be helping? And how did I become your wedding planner? I thought that was a separate job from maid of honor?” Charlie laughed.

“You’re the only one I trust with this. You get me. As for Dorothy, she’s busy at work. She’ll be here soon, hopefully.”

“You sure you don’t want Sam planning this? He’s better at stuff like this.”

“Sorry, Dean. I only want you.”

“I should be flattered, and yet, I find myself wishing you were talking to a different Dean.”

“Tough shit, Winchester. I’ve been waiting forever to spend some time with you. You’re always busy.”

“I’m so sorry for having friends outside of you.”

“Shut up, you know what I mean. It feels like you don’t make time for me anymore. I only see you at work and you’re always gone before I can even get outside. I don’t know who or what is taking up all your time, but I miss you.” Dean felt a pang of guilt. It hadn’t occurred to him that he had been neglecting his friends. He and his band still played their usual nights at the Roadhouse, but beyond that he spent all his time with Cas. Now that he thought about it, that was weird. It was really weird. They were friends, sure, and they had some amazing benefits, but he shouldn’t be putting the shifter above the people in his life who mattered.

_Cas matters_, he thought, and as much as he tried to convince himself that it was simply because Cas was the only other person who seemed interested in stopping the war, he knew deep down that that wasn’t true. He cursed himself for getting too close. He cursed himself for getting comfortable. Every day they were getting closer and closer to the very real possibility that they may have to kill each other and Dean could say with one hundred percent certainty that he would defy his father before he laid a hand on Castiel Novak in anger or hatred. It was an unsettling realization.

“Hey, earth to Winchester!” Charlie smacked him on the back of the head. Dean blinked. “Dude, where the hell did you go?”

“Sorry. I’m sorry. You have my undivided attention, I promise.”

“No. What was that? You’ve never spaced on me like that before. What happened?” Dean gave her his best fake smile.

“Nothing, kiddo, I swear. We’ve got much more important thing to talk about, don’t we? Like dessert. I’m thinking pie instead of cake.”

The next few hours went smoothly after that, but Dean couldn’t shake the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had to talk to Cas as soon as he had a spare moment. When Charlie and Dorothy started bickering over flowers, Dean pulled out his phone.

**Dean [3:12pm]:** Cool if I come over when I get a chance?

**Cas [3:12pm]:** Always

That right there was a problem in and of itself. Dean had had plenty of friends-with-benefits over the centuries and he had never spent so much time at another person’s apartment. He never even spent that much time at his friends’ apartments. It was unhealthy. Even going one day without seeing Cas made him feel empty and lonely. He needed to talk to Cas before he fell down a rabbit hole of things he didn’t want to think about.

He was let go three hours later when Charlie declared that she was going to get wasted and Dorothy promptly started pulling her away from the bar.

“Good luck,” Dean said to her as he walked out to his car. He turned the key in Baby’s ignition and drove over to Cas’s. When he got there, the doorman nodded at him. Dean had always found it odd that Cas’s building had both a buzzer system and a doorman, but it wasn’t something he had ever thought to ask about. It also wasn’t the main thing bothering him at the moment. The doorman knew who he was. There was an unspoken relationship there. When Dean walked in, he was handed the key that would grant him access to the top floor. No questions, no hesitation. He swallowed his nerves as the elevator carried him to Cas’s apartment.

When he stepped off, Cas was noticeably absent from the living room, but Dean could tell by the scent that he was close by. He walked further in and caught a glimpse of sandy brown hair out on the balcony. Cas really needed to stop changing his hair color. And his eye color, too, for that matter. Dean walked out onto the balcony. Cas smiled.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, can we talk?”

“Sure. Margarita?”

“I prefer my alcohol less colorful.”

“Well, I prefer you less sober.” Cas handed him a glass and Dean didn’t refuse. Having this conversation sober probably wasn’t the best idea anyway. He drank half of it before he spoke.

“I think we have a problem.”

“Hmm,” Cas hummed, “and what might that be?”

“We’re too close.”

“Excuse me?”

“Look, we’ve agreed time and time again that this is strictly friends with benefits, but that’s not what it feels like. It was brought my attention today that I’ve been spending way too much time with you for us to be calling this what we are. So either we need to spend less time together, or we need to relabel this.”

“Okay.” Cas set his drink on the small table and leaned against the railing. “So do you wanna spend less time with me?” The truth of the matter was, no, he didn’t. If he could, Dean would spend every second with Cas. He couldn’t do that, though. He needed to break things off before his feelings turned into something real. Something he couldn’t control.

“I don’t, but…I think we need to. I can’t be spending all my free time with you. I’ve been neglecting my other friends. I’m supposed to be helping Charlie plan her wedding.” Cas nodded.

“Okay. That’s fine. I didn’t mean to be keeping you from your friends.” He moved into Dean’s personal space. “I just like being with you.” Dean should leave. He knew that. This was way too intimate for what they were. He couldn’t move, though. Cas moved even closer and Dean leaned in on instinct. Their lips brushed. Dean sighed into the kiss and pulled the shifter closer.

“I like being with you, too.”

“Are you free tonight?”

“Yeah, but I can’t stay. I’ve got work in the morning.”

“Probably for the best.” Dean stole another kiss.

“Should we move this inside?” Cas hummed against Dean’s lips.

“Not yet. I kinda like it out here.” Cas pulled away to lean against the balcony. Dean followed. The view was nice. Looking down on the city was beautiful. He stood behind Cas and snaked his arms around his waist. He rested his chin on Cas’s shoulder.

“You smell amazing.” Dean placed a few soft kisses against Cas’s neck. Cas turned in his arms and kissed him properly.

“Bite me.” Dean trailed his lips down Cas’s neck, gently nipping at the soft skin as he went. “No.” Cas stopped him and looked him in the eyes. “_Bite_ me.” Realization dawned on him and Dean took a small step back.

“Are you sure?” Cas nodded.

“Yes. Just not anywhere visible.”

“Cas, you said it was the one thing you didn’t want me to do.”

“Because I was scared. I’ve had bad experiences in the past, but I trust you not to hurt me.” Dean swallowed at the weight of Cas’s words. This was huge. Dean would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. He thought about it every time they were together. The two times he’d gotten a small taste of the shifter’s blood were enough to make him want more, but Cas told him ‘no’, so he didn’t do it. Now he was being given permission and it felt like a massive step in a dangerous direction.

“Are you sure?” Cas took Dean’s hand and led him inside. They sat on the couch. Cas took off his shirt and said,

“I’m sure. Just not too deep.”

“Of course.” Dean leaned forward and gave Cas a gentle kiss before moving his lips across Cas’s chest. He stopped just above his heart and slowly sank his fangs into the skin. The sigh that escaped Cas’s lips told Dean he wasn’t hurting him. He drank slowly, letting the flavors wash over his tongue. Cas groaned softly and sank into the couch. Dean breathed in his scent as he licked the wound closed. He was now deliriously high and he loved it. He nuzzled Cas’s neck. “Thank you for trusting me to do that.”

“You’ve more than earned it.” Cas kissed him deeply. “I feel safe with you.”

“Good.” They were both stumbling blindly down a dangerous path, but Dean was finding it harder and harder to come up with reasons for why that was a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I meant to update this a LOT earlier, but apparently buying a car takes all fucking day so here we are. Hope you all enjoy!

Cas bolted up in bed. Thankfully he wasn’t screaming, but he still felt cold and clammy, and he was shaking. A hand rested on his shoulder and he flinched before remembering who he was next to. The hand dropped.

“It’s okay, Cas. I won’t hurt you.”

“I know. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’ll make you some tea and give you some space for a few minutes.” Dean got out of bed and left the room. Cas took a few deep, calming breaths. He knew Dean wouldn’t hurt him. He wound up the music box and lost himself in the soft music. By the time Dean came back, mug in hand, Cas had calmed down significantly. Dean smiled and approached slowly. He handed Cas the mug, careful that their fingers didn’t brush. Cas smiled.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“Can I hold you?” Cas nodded. Dean got back on the bed and wrapped Cas in his arms, placing a soft kiss to his temple. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay. Can I ask you one question?”

“Sure.”

“Do you have nightmares about your ex?”

“Yes.” Dean didn’t say anything, but he held Cas a little tighter. Cas relaxed against Dean’s chest. He closed his eyes and focused on the music box.

“I’m sorry for whatever you went through,” Dean said after a long while. Cas moved his head to look up at Dean.

“What?”

“I’m sorry for whatever happened with Bartholomew that made you so afraid of vampires. And thank you for trusting me even though it scares you.”

“You haven’t given me a reason not to.”

“I know, but my species alone makes you wary and you decided to trust me anyway. That means something to me.” Cas turned in Dean’s arms and cupped his face, drawing him into a kiss.

“You make me feel safe, Dean.”

“Good.” Cas snuggled closer to Dean and closed his eyes again. Dean moved his fingers through his hair and within minutes, Cas was fast asleep again.

*** *** ***

When Cas woke up the next morning, Dean was still asleep beside him. Cas smiled sleepily before getting out of bed and wandering into the kitchen. He turned on the coffee pot. He was waiting for his coffee to brew when he heard the buzzer go off. He frowned and went over.

“What?”

“Cas, let me up.”

“What are you doing here at nine in the morning, Gabe?”

“Thought we could get breakfast. Let me up.”

“I’ll come down.” Cas took his finger off the button and groaned. Of course, the one time Gabriel didn’t call before he came over. He scribbled Dean a note letting him know he went downstairs to talk to his brother, then stepped into the elevator. Gabriel was waiting in the lobby with his arms crossed.

“Why can’t I come up? And why are you in your pajamas?”

“I just woke up and I’ve got company I’m not ready for you to meet. You need to call before you come over.” Gabriel grinned.

“I _knew_ you had a secret boyfriend! I wanna meet him!”

“He’s not my boyfriend and I don’t want you to meet him. We can get lunch later.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, Gabe.”

“Fine. But I’m gonna meet him one of these days. Digging the copper color, by the way.” Cas ran his fingers through his hair and grinned.

“Thanks. I’ll call you a little later.”

“Bye, Cas. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“There’s nothing you wouldn’t do.” Gabriel laughed before leaving the building. Cas went back up to his apartment. Dean was standing in the kitchen, making pancakes.

“You didn’t have to make breakfast,” Cas said. Dean smiled.

“I know, but I wasn’t sure how long you were gonna be, I know how Gabriel likes to talk a lot, and I wanted pancakes.” Cas picked up his coffee mug and leaned against the counter. “Why do you keep changing your hair and eye color?”

“It’s been decades since I shifted for fun. I’m easing myself back into it. Hair and eye color are small things I can change that don’t make that much of a difference.”

“Makes sense. I’m guessing this has something to do with Bartholomew?” Cas nodded, slowly sipping his coffee. “Sorry. I’ll stop bringing him up.”

“Please. I’ve spent forty years trying to forget him. I don’t wanna think about him.”

“I understand. Let me just ask you. When you’re ready, will you eventually tell me the whole story?”

“Maybe. If we live that long.” It was supposed to be a joke to lighten the mood, but it fell flat. Dean flipped the pancake in the pan.

“Chuck still hasn’t said anything about the break in?” Cas shook his head. It had been almost two weeks since the break in at the Winchester warehouse and Chuck hadn’t even dropped any hints that he might have been involved. It was entirely possible that it had just been a random break in, but Cas highly doubted it. He just hadn’t found a good time to ask about it yet.

“I’ll let you know when I find out anything.”

“I know you will.”

“I meant to ask. I told you that I trust you. Do you trust me?” Dean smiled softly and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Yes, I trust you, angel. Maybe it’s against my better judgment, but you haven’t given me a reason not to, and I’m all about giving people the benefit of the doubt.” Cas took a long drink of coffee.

“Thank you. And thank you for last night.”

“You’re welcome. You want bacon or eggs with these pancakes?”

“Sure, but let me help. It is my apartment.” Dean chuckled.

“Fine, fine.” They worked around each other flawlessly and by the time they sat down at the table, Cas was feeling something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Contentment. He smiled to himself as he dug into his pancakes. The moan that slipped past his lips was purely accidental, but he couldn’t stop it. Dean Winchester was a lot of things, and an amazing cook was one of them.

“God, if died right now, I’d die happy.”

“Keep making sounds like that and I’ll die happy, too,” Dean smirked.

“Shut up,” Cas grumbled. “These pancakes are amazing. I’d fuck these pancakes.” Dean snorted.

“Jeez, Cas. They’re just pancakes. They’re not that good.”

“Oh, I disagree. Gabriel lives on pancakes and his don’t even come close to these.” Cas looked up. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

“When do I ever talk to him?” Dean poured some more coffee into Cas’s cup. “I’ve got work in about an hour, but are you free later?”

“As far as I know, yes. I’m having lunch with Gabe, but that’s the extent of my social plans for today. Unless I get roped into bar hopping. Which I probably will.”

“Well, let me know. I get off work at five and I promised the guys we’d play a show tonight if you wanna drop by.”

“Sure.” Dean smiled over his coffee cup. They finished breakfast in a comfortable silence, then Cas did the dishes while Dean took a shower.

“I don’t know what’s weirder. Going home smelling like you, or going home smelling like your soap.”

“Well, if I’m not mistaken, you have a perfectly functional apartment of your own, with your own soap. No one said you had to shower here.”

“I know, but your water pressure is better. Besides, I have to drive past the hotel to get to my apartment, so it’s kinda stupid to go all the way there only to have to turn around and go back.”

“I think you just like smelling like my soap.”

“Maybe I do, but that’s none of your business.” The grin on Dean’s face made Cas laugh.

“All right. Get outta here before you’re late. I’ll text you later.”

“Bye, angel.” Cas rolled his eyes at the nickname as Dean gave him a fleeting kiss. Once Dean was on the elevator, Cas sat on the couch and texted his brother.

**Cas [11:12am]:** When do you wanna get lunch?

**Gabe [11:14am]:** Can we make it dinner? Pretty boy’s playing a show at the Roadhouse tonight

**Cas [11:14am]:** How do you know?

**Gabe [11:15am]:** Sam told Meg and Meg told me. So dinner?

**Cas [11:16am]:** Yeah fine. Meet at 6.

**Gabe [11:17am]:** Cool. How’d things go with your…friend?

**Cas [11:17am]:** Fine. And no I’m not giving you any kind of identifying information.

**Gabe [11:18am]:** Come on Cassie that’s not fair! I’m interested in your life!

**Cas [11:18am]:** No Gabe. Let me figure things out first. Then maybe.

**Gabe [11:19am]:** You’re no fun

**Cas [11:19am]:** So everyone tells me. Tough shit. I’ll see you tonight.

Cas set his phone on the end table. He turned on the tv, opened his laptop, and got to work on the next chapter of his book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Sunday!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just got home from work and I feel like death, so here's an update before I pass out. Enjoy!

“DEAN!” Dean bolted up in bed, hand on his gun.

“What? What happened?”

“Oh, good, you’re up.” Dean glared his brother.

“You’re a bitch, Sam. What do you want?”

“Dad said he wants to see you. Now.” Dean sighed.

“All right. Give me five minutes to…put some clothes on.”

“Dude, why are you naked?”

“Dude, it’s my room. And if you don’t leave in the next ten seconds, you’re gonna see something I guarantee you don’t want to.”

“Oh, gross. I’m leaving. Dad’s in his office.”

“Bye, Sammy.” Sam flipped him the bird as he walked out of the room and Dean laughed. He got up, stretched, popped his neck and back, and put some clothes on. Whatever John needed to talk to him about was probably important, but Dean still wished he could get a few more hours of sleep. He made himself some coffee before he went into his dad’s office.

“Sam woke you up, didn’t he?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I told him not to.” Dean shrugged.

“Well, I guess he heard “give him a heart attack”. Why did you need to see me?”

“I wanted to know where you stand on the offer I made you.” Dean sipped his coffee to avoid having to answer right away. He still didn’t want it. He was just starting to get back on a regular sleep schedule. Taking on more responsibilities in the family business was only going to throw him off again.

“I don’t want it. I’m sorry. I know I’ll have to step up eventually and I’m okay with that, but right now I just have too much going on.” Dean waited for the yelling to start, but John only nodded slowly.

“That’s what your mother told me, but I wanted to hear it from you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I know I’ve been asking a lot of you lately. You’ll take the job when you’re ready. You’re dismissed.” Dean sat there for a moment, letting the words register. He had been expecting a fight. Everything with his dad was a fight. He forced himself to get up and walk out the door before John snapped at him for not listening. He went down to the kitchen and found Adam sitting at the table, eating a bowl of Cocoa Pebbles.

“That seems healthy,” he commented, grabbing the a bowl out of the cabinet. Adam raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry are you trying to lecture me on healthy eating habits?” Dean grinned.

“Nope. I think you’re making excellent decisions.” He poured himself a bowl of cereal. “So what do you wanna do today? Most of your training is done, but Dad can’t send you out on your own until you pass his test and you don’t take that for another two weeks, so we’ve got four more training days to fill.”

“I was actually gonna ask Sam if he’d show me the surveillance room today. It seems pretty boring, but I’d like to know how to do everything.”

“Oh. All right. Knock yourself out, kid.” Dean smiled at his half-brother. “Where do you think you’ll ask Dad to put you?” Adam poked his cereal with his spoon.

“I’m not sure. I don’t really know what I’m best at.”

“You want my advice?” Dean asked around a mouthful of Cocoa Pebbles. Adam nodded. “Well, I think you’ve got two options here. Either you’re a hunter, or you can pick up a patrol route. I think those are the best choices for you.” Adam nodded again, this time more thoughtfully.

“Okay. I’ll think about it until I need to make a decision. Thanks, Dean.”

“No problem, kid. And when you see Sam, tell him I said no hard feelings.” Adam frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t worry about it. He knows what it means.” Dean grinned. He set his bowl in the sink and ruffled Adam’s hair as he walked by. He went down to the garage and sat in Baby for a minute. He had nothing to do today now, but he didn’t want to just sit at home. He was about to text Cas and see what he was up to when his phone beeped.

**Charlie [9:37am]:** You busy?

**Dean [9:37am]:** Nope what’s up?

**Charlie [9:38am]:** Meet for breakfast?

**Dean [9:38am]:** Sure

Dean started Baby’s engine and drove down to the diner. He knew he would get there first, so he ordered a cup of coffee and scrolled through his phone while he waited. Charlie showed up ten minutes later, way too full of energy for ten in the morning.

“‘Morning, Dean!” Dean stood up and gave her a hug.

“Hey, kiddo. What are you so bouncy about?”

“This is exciting! Benny and Andrea are having a baby! Who do you think they’ll name it after?”

“Hopefully none of us,” Dean said. “I’m still not ready to be an uncle. And I don’t think naming a kid after me is a good idea. I’m not the greatest role model.”

“Shut up, Dean, you’re a great role model.” Charlie pulled her laptop out of her messenger bag. “So, what’s got you all clenchy?”

“Talked to my dad this morning,” Dean said around his cup of coffee.

“And how’d that go?”

“Surprisingly well.” Charlie raised an eyebrow.

“Then why so tense?”

“It feels too easy,” Dean admitted. “I told him I didn’t want his offer and he just…accepted it. No argument. No push back. Nothing. It was weird.”

“Maybe Mary talked to him.”

“Maybe.” Dean wasn’t convinced. Something was off. John never just accepted defiance, and definitely not from Dean. He was supposed to be the perfect son. Obedient and loyal to a fault. Never ask questions. Just do as he was told and shut up.

“Hey, if you’re gonna be Mopey Moperson today then I can go.”

“Sorry, sorry. Did you and Dorothy decide on flowers yet?” Charlie sighed dramatically.

“No! That woman is impossible, I swear! Tell me, what’s wrong with lilies? They’re colorful!”

“I don’t disagree. She _did_ agree to a strawberry cake, though, so maybe cut her some slack on the flowers?” Charlie crossed her arms and huffed.

“Since when did you become the voice of reason?”

“I just don’t wanna see my favorite couple break up over something stupid.”

“Dean, if at any point during planning this wedding, I tell you I don’t wanna marry that girl, I’ve been body snatched. She can be insufferable sometimes, but that’s just how people are. I’m crazy about her.” Dean smiled.

“Good.”

“So what’s going on with you?"

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m getting married, Benny and Andrea are having a baby, and Sam’s finally getting somewhere with Eileen, but you haven’t even hooked up with anyone in months. What’s going on?” Dean shrugged. He couldn’t tell her the truth, but he didn’t want to lie either.

“Just busy, I guess.”

“You’re never too busy to get laid.” Charlie tilted her head. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Cas, does it?”

“Why would it?”

“I heard you two got a little close New Year’s Eve.”

“We might’ve had a few too many,” Dean admitted, “but nothing happened. Why does everyone keep pushing this? He’s the last person I should even be _friends_ with. It’s stupid, but that’s how it is.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“You don’t get it. You weren’t alive during the war. You didn’t…after everything that happened, it doesn’t matter that me and Cas don’t hate each other. It doesn’t matter that Sam and Gabriel have a civil conversation every now and then. It doesn’t matter that the four of us get along perfectly fine. It just doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, we’re gonna have to kill each other, eventually. We won’t have a choice. I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” Dean finished off his coffee.

“Can’t you change things? Once you’re in charge?”

“Charlie, that won’t be for centuries, at least, and even when I do step into power, I’ll still have to deal with Chuck. He wants control of the city and he won’t stop until he gets it. That I’m sure of. There’s nothing we can do. Not now.”

“Well, I mean…you could…” Charlie didn’t finish her sentence, but she didn’t need to. Before Dean could say anything, their waitress dropped of their food. He waited for her to walk away before he said,

“I’m not a killer. Why does everyone keep…how are we supposed to stop bloodshed with bloodshed?”

“I didn’t say you should do it, you shouldn’t, but if you run out of other options…call it a last resort.”

“No! I’m not…no killing. Not if I can help it. Too many people have died because of this pointless feud already.” Charlie tilted her head.

“Is this about Mary?”

“No.” It wasn’t. Well, not _just_ about her, anyway. It was about all the lives that had been lost in the war, and the lives that continued to be lost because of petty vendettas. Anna Milton stuck out in his mind. She was radical, yes, but she never actually hurt anyone. She didn’t deserve to die just because she had some emotional attachment to a bar. Dean was still angry that John had sent him out on that in the first place, but now, with the way things were with Cas, he felt guilty, too. He had murdered Cas’s cousin in cold blood for no reason other than he had been told to.

“Who else have you been talking about this?”

“Cas. A few weeks ago. We were talking and he brought it up. He looked dead serious about it, too. He said he was just thinking out loud, but…I think he’d really do it. Without a second’s hesitation.” Dean chewed on a piece of bacon. “It scared me, Charlie. He scared me. For that one moment, he looked like a killer.”

“Do you think he might hurt you?” Dean shook his head. Cas would never hurt him, that he was sure of.

“No. He doesn’t have a problem with me. Chuck’s the one he hates.”

“Are you completely sure about that?”

“Yes.” Charlie studied him.

“Be careful, Dean. I like Cas, but none of us know what he might be capable of. I don’t wanna see you dead.”

“I will. Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be whenever I wake up later!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just woke up like an hour ago and I'm already ready for a nap, but I have to go to work. Anyway, enjoy!

Cas closed his laptop and sighed happily. He had made more progress on his book in the last two months than he had since he started writing it. Dean was helping a lot. When he first started it, he never had any intention of letting anyone in his lifetime read it. It was meant to be published if he died in the ever-impending war. Dean had insisted, though, and Cas trusted him. He sipped his bourbon and sent Dean a text.

**Cas [4:33pm]:** Next chapter’s done. Busy?

**Dean [4:34pm]:** At the roadhouse with Sam and Adam if you wanna stop by

**Cas [4:34pm]:** Sure

Cas looked at the time then texted his brother.

**Cas [4:35pm]:** Late lunch?

**Gabe [4:36pm]:** Just us?

**Cas [4:36pm]:** Doesn’t have to be. I’ll be at the roadhouse in twenty.

Cas put his phone in his pocket and started the eight-block walk. It was the middle of February, so it was still chilly out. He zipped his jacket and tucked his hands in his pockets. He hadn’t scratched in almost a month and planned to keep it that way. The perpetual red marks on his arm were finally starting to fade, leaving only the white scars. He also hadn’t had a nightmare in the last couple weeks. In short, he was feeling better than he had in years. Cas opened the door to the Roadhouse and walked straight to the bar. Jo smiled at him.

“Hey, Cas. Been a while. What’s your poison?”

“Bourbon, neat.”

“I’ll bring it over to you.” Without explanation, Jo pointed across the bar. Cas turned and saw Sam, Dean, and Adam sitting in one of the round booths with Meg, Eileen, Rowena, and Charlie. He smiled and walked over. Meg grinned.

“Hey, Clarence!”

“Hey, guys.” He slid into the booth beside Charlie. “What are we drinking about?”

“Nothing special,” Dean said, raising his glass.

“You waiting for Gabe?” Meg asked.

“Yeah. Didn’t realize I was missing a party.”

“You hate parties.”

“Yes, I do. Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be invited.” Jo dropped off his bourbon. “You guys playing tonight?” Dean shook his head.

“Kevin’s got shit to do and Ash was high as a kite last time I talked to him. Figures. The one night I can actually drag Sam outta the house is the night half my band is busy.” Everyone laughed and Sam rolled his eyes.

“You make me sound like a monk.”

“You might as well be,” Dean muttered into his glass.

“Pretty sure I’ve been getting more action than you lately,” Sam snarked. Cas caught Dean’s eye and drowned his laugh with a sip of bourbon. Dean smirked.

“I bet if we all write down how many times we got laid in the last month, I’d come out on top.” Cas choked on his drink, but held his tongue. Dean Winchester was the bitchiest, brattiest bottom he’d ever had the pleasure of fucking, but there was no way for him to say that without everyone finding out what they were doing.

“You all right there, Clarence?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Wrong pipe.” He caught Dean’s cocky grin and shot him a semi threatening glare.

“Damn, Cas. If looks could kill. You know, not for nothing, but the last person who looked me like that...” Dean trailed off, but Cas could take a guess at the end of that sentence.

“Not in this life time or any other,” he said, downing the rest of his bourbon. Dean shrugged.

“Your loss.” They held eye contact for a minute and that’s when Cas noticed that everyone else was staring at them. He swallowed and looked down into his empty glass. The silence lasted another minute (though it felt more like a year) before Gabriel broke it.

“Well, this is awkward. Guess it’s a good thing I showed up.” He sat in the booth beside Cas. “I should’ve known “late lunch” meant early drinking.” Cas looked at the time on his phone.

“It’s after five.”

“Fine. What was with the awkward moment?”

“Dean and Cas had a moment,” Meg said and Cas reached across the table to smack her. She ducked behind Sam.

“Really?” Gabriel asked with a raised eyebrow and smirk that Cas didn’t like.

“No,” Dean and Cas said at the same time.

“So yes. Cute, but isn’t the whole star-crossed lovers thing a little cliched?”

“Okay, one, we are not lovers of any kind and two, even if we were, everything you do is cliched so you’re in no position to judge. I’ll get the next round.” With that, Cas pushed Gabriel out of the way and walked over to the bar.

“Well, you look pissed.”

“I need vodka. A lot of it.” Jo put a bottle on the counter.

“What happened?”

“My brother.”

“Ah. Understandable. I’ll get shot glasses. Anything else?”

“Not unless you wanna help me hide a body.” Jo chuckled.

“You’ll be okay, Cas. I’ll check on you guys in a minute.” Cas nodded before going back over to the table, vodka and shot glasses in hand. Dean was noticeably absent, but he didn’t say anything.

“Sorry,” Meg said. “We were just teasing.”

“It’s fine,” Cas said.

“No, it’s not. We made you uncomfortable.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“Just drop it, Meg.” His phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and glanced at the screen.

**Dean [5:14pm]:** Meet me outside

Cas put his phone back in his pocket. He took a shot of vodka, waited five minutes, took another, then said,

“I need some air.” He got up and walked outside. He went around to the back of the building. Dean was leaning against the wall.

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry about them.” Dean waved him off.

“Wasn’t your fault. Guess we need to be more careful what we say around other people.”

“Apparently.”

“I kinda wanna blame Sammy for this. He brought it up.”

“True, but you could’ve just kept your mouth shut.”

“No, I couldn’t, and he knows that. I really think he was trying to get me to admit I’m seeing someone.”

“Well, he almost succeeded.”

“Hey, I wasn’t the one staring like that.” Cas raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry. Didn’t realize being glared at turned you on.”

“Only when you do it.” Dean smirked and Cas rolled his eyes.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Guilty. Hey, what were you gonna say before?”

“When?”

“When I said I’d top the list if we all wrote down how many times we got laid?” Cas chewed his lip.

“I was gonna say you don’t _top_ anything, but I didn’t for two reasons. One, well, everyone was right there, and two, we haven’t actually talked about that since that one time when we first started this.” Dean shrugged.

“You told me you were only comfortable topping and I’ve always been a switch so I didn’t really think we needed to talk about it again.” Dean folded his arms loosely. “I know it’s none of my business, but I’m guessing this has to do with your ex?” Cas nodded, his eyes dropping to the ground.

“I should’ve told you.”

“Hey, don’t do that.” Cas looked up and frowned.

“What?”

“You don’t have to give me a reason for why you don’t like certain things. It doesn’t matter why. If you don’t like it, I won’t do it. End of story.”

“No, I know that, I just…are you sure you’re okay with it?” Dean smirked.

“I’m not saying I wouldn’t love the opportunity to take you apart completely, but if it makes you uncomfortable then there’s really no point, is there?”

“I’ll get there, someday,” Cas said.

“Take your time, angel. Whatever happened with Bartholomew must’ve been something close to hell if you’re still having nightmares about it. I can wait.” The soft smile Dean gave him nearly made Cas collapse into tears. He cleared his throat before saying,

“Thank you, Dean. I should go back in before Gabe comes looking for me. See you later?”

“Definitely.” Cas made sure they were still alone before he closed the distance between them and gave Dean a kiss. Dean sighed and rested his head against the wall. Cas kissed him a little deeper. It was supposed to be quick, a promise for later, but Cas couldn’t seem to pull himself away. He didn’t want to leave the bubble he was always in when he was with Dean. The bubble where nothing bad happened.

“Dean,” he said between kisses, “we have to go back.”

“Why?” Dean whined.

“Because it’ll be suspicious if we both disappear.”

“So?” Dean nuzzled Cas’s neck. “You smell good.” Cas chuckled.

“Later, I promise.” Dean’s eyes lit up.

“You mean it?” Cas hadn’t given Dean explicit permission to bite him since that one time, and Dean hadn’t tried to. That told Cas that Dean could be trusted and he would be lying if he said he hadn’t enjoyed it.

“Yes. I trust you.” Dean pulled him in for another kiss.

“Thank you.”

“We can talk later. We really have to go back.” Dean sighed.

“Fine. You go first.” Cas stole one more kiss before he broke away and went back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't sleep, so here, have some fluff! Sort of. Enjoy!

Dean woke up feeling more rested than he had in months. He rolled over and realized that Cas was still sound asleep next to him. He smiled and opened his eyes to get a good look at disastrous mess of raven hair poking out from under the covers. He placed a kiss to the fresh bite mark on Cas’s neck before he got up to start his morning. He was brewing coffee and contemplating breakfast when the front door opened.

“Oh, good, you’re up,” Sam said and Dean nearly dropped his coffee mug.

“What are you doing here?”

“Remember the break in about a month ago?”

“Yeah.”

“Dad’s got concrete proof it was the Novaks. They’re holding an emergency council meeting tonight and everyone’s gotta be there.”

“Okay. You couldn’t just text me this?” Sam furrowed his brow.

“What are you so pissed about? I can’t come over anymore?”

“Not unannounced. I’m…with someone.” Sam’s eye widened.

“Oh, shit. Sorry. But while I’m here, I might as well meet them.” Dean crossed his arms.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not ready for that yet. Leave.” Sam mirrored Dean’s stance.

“Make me.” Dean groaned in frustration.

“Why do you have to be such a little brother about this? I’ll introduce you when I’m ready and I’m just not yet. Why is that such a problem?”

“Because you’re happy, Dean. And I haven’t seen you happy since you first got together with Lisa. I missed it and I wanna meet the person responsible for it.” Of course, Sam had to have a sickly sweet answer that made Dean feel guilty for hiding things.

“I just can’t right now, Sam. I promise you’ll get to meet them eventually.”

“You swear?”

“I swear on Baby.” It wasn’t a lie. Technically, Sam had already met Cas. Just not in this context. It was a loophole that Dean fully intended to exploit for as long as he could. Sam nodded.

“All right. I’ll get outta here then. Don’t forget, council meeting.”

“I won’t. I’ll be home soon.”

“Later, jerk.”

“Later, bitch.” Sam left and the second the door was locked, Cas came out of the bedroom. He was rubbing his eyes and yawning, but he also looked concerned.

“Well, that was close.”

“No kidding.” Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed his forehead. “I made coffee.”

“Thank god.”

“How much of that did you hear?” Dean asked as he handed Cas a mug.

“Enough. Emergency council meeting tonight. Means I’ve probably got about a hundred missed texts and calls from everyone.”

“Want me to take you home?” Cas stared into his coffee for a moment before saying,

“Not yet. Breakfast?”

“Sure. Today feels like a pancake day.”

“Okay.” Dean got to work while Cas sat at the table. He was quiet until after his third cup of coffee. Dean set a plate of pancakes in front of him with a smile.

“There’s more if you want.”

“Thanks.” Dean sat across from him. They ate in companionable silence for a few minutes before Cas said, “What do we do?” Dean frowned slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“About the meeting. You know a fight’s gonna break out. What do we do?” Dean chewed thoughtfully.

“I don’t know.”

“I’m scared, Dean.” Cas’s voice was a hair above a whisper.

“Hey,” Dean reached across the table and squeezed his hand, “it’s gonna be fine, okay? The council’s gonna handle it and everything’s gonna be fine.” He didn’t believe it, but he smiled softly, hoping Cas would believe it.

“You might die,” Cas said. Dean shrugged.

“Yeah, well, we all gotta die eventually, right?” Cas didn’t laugh. He gripped Dean’s hand tightly. “I’m sorry. Look, we’ll do what we can to keep everyone calm, and if war breaks out we’ll…I dunno, run away together.” That got Cas to look up. There was a hint of a smile playing at his lips.

“You wanna run away with me?”

“Well, it’s either that or stay and fight. Now, I’m all about fighting for something I believe in, but I don’t wanna watch my friends and family die. Maybe it’s selfish, but…yeah, I wanna run away.” Dean felt relief flood his body. He had finally told someone his biggest secret. He loved his family, and he had no problem taking John’s place when he died, but he didn’t want to fight. He was tired of fighting. And if his options were fight or run, he wanted to run.

“We have to stay and fight, Dean.”

“Why?”

“Well, _we_ don’t, but I have to. I can’t leave knowing that people I love are in danger. If I left and something happened to Gabe or Balthazar or Meg or any of my other friends, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I have to stay. If a war breaks out, I have to stay.”

“Then I’m staying, too,” Dean said without hesitation.

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do. We do this together, or not at all.” Cas smiled for real this time.

“Together,” he agreed. They went back to eating their pancakes and Dean tried to calm the butterflies swarming in his stomach. He had been trying to bury his ever growing feelings since Christmas. Well, really since Halloween, but it got worse after Christmas. After Cas gave him the one thing he had wanted more than anything. He wasn’t supposed to like Cas. He wasn’t supposed to be friends with him. He wasn’t supposed to be sitting across from him at his kitchen table eating pancakes like it was the most natural thing in the world. Everything about what they were doing went against what Dean had been taught growing up, and he was finding it hard to care. Dean swallowed his last bite of pancake before he said,

“Cas, whatever happens, I need you to know that I’d never hurt you.”

“You can’t promise that,” Cas said.

“I can. I would die before I ever laid a hand on you to hurt you.”

“Words are nice, Dean, but they’re just words. And maybe you do mean them now, but if your father asks, you’ll kill me without hesitation. It’s in your blood.” Everything in him wanted to snap, but he understood where Cas was coming from. He had no way to prove he was sincere. He had killed Anna for no reason other than John had told him to, but Cas was different.

“I’m sorry you don’t believe me.”

“I wanna believe you, Dean. You’ve never hurt me before, but I can’t…if something happens…we’re too close already. I can’t give you that level of trust. I’m sorry.” Dean shook his head.

“It’s okay, Cas. I understand. Let’s just through today. Do you wanna take a shower here or do you just want me to take you home?”

“Well, I’d _like_ to stay here and not deal with this, but I guess that’s not an option. I’ll shower at my place.”

“All right. Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Never,” Cas said on a sigh. “Let me wash the dishes and then we can go.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“You made breakfast, it’s the least I can do.” Cas cleared the table and Dean went to take a shower. He knew it was probably pointless since they would be in Baby together for at least ten minutes, but he had to try and wash off their mixed scent. By the time Dean came out of his room, Cas was sitting on the couch, phone pressed to his ear. “Gabe, relax. I’ll be there soon…I won’t…I’m hanging up now…Just make sure no one does anything stupid…Haha, very funny. I’ll call you when I’m on my way…Yes, I promise…Goodbye, Gabriel.” Cas pulled his phone away from his ear and sighed.

“Brother trouble?”

“Something like that. Running away sounds good right now.” Dean smirked.

“Come on. We’ll see how today shakes out and take it from there. Okay?”

“Okay.” Cas got off the couch and Dean wrapped him in a hug.

“It’ll be fine.” He pressed a kiss to the shifter’s forehead. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Just thought it'd mention, this chapter does contain smut (finally), but it's easily skipable if anyone doesn't want to read it. Just stop reading after "they locked themselves in Cas’s room."
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

The council meeting was a disaster. Fifteen people were dead and the Novaks were officially at war with the Winchesters. Cas had slipped out the side door and walked home, shutting his phone off as he went. He knew everyone was going to blow him up, asking where he was. He needed to be alone for a while. When he got up to his apartment, he sat on the couch and poured himself a drink. Then two more. He could feel himself slipping into that dark place in his mind. He couldn’t handle this.

They were at war. It wouldn’t be long before Dean was given the order to kill him and, as much as he wanted to believe that Dean would never hurt him, he knew better. Dean Winchester was a lot of things, but disobedient wasn’t one of them. Sure, he had been spending more time than necessary with Cas, but he would never disobey a direct order from his father. There was no doubt in Cas’s mind about that and it made him sick. He was contemplating raiding his medicine drawer when the buzzer went off. Frowning, he got up and went over to the intercom.

“What?”

“Let me up, angel.” Dean.

“Why?”

“Please.” That didn’t answer Cas’s question, but Dean sounded desperate. He buzzed him in. When the elevator doors dinged open, Dean didn’t waste any time pinning Cas against the couch and kissing him breathless.

“Why are you here, Dean?” Cas managed to ask.

“I had to see you. Tomorrow morning, I won’t be allowed to leave the house until Dad thinks it’s safe. It could be years. Decades even. I had to see you one more time. Is that okay?” Cas nodded. “Good. I also wanted to make sure you were okay. After last time…I was worried.”

“I’m okay,” Cas lied. He wasn’t okay, but Dean being there with him was making everything a little less awful. At least for the moment. “I believe I still owe you a night of anything you want.”

“Right now, all I want is to spend every possible second with you.” Cas squinted and tilted his head.

“Are you drunk?”

“No, I’m scared. There’s a real chance I may never see you again after tonight and I don’t know if I can handle that.” Dean’s eyes were haunted. He looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

“Okay. How about I order some food and we have a movie marathon followed by the best sex we’ve ever had.” Dean smiled at that.

“I’d like that.”

“Great. Pick a movie and I’ll order burgers.”

An hour later they both had double bacon cheeseburgers and were curled up on the couch watching one of Dean’s stupid Clint Eastwood movies. Cas hated them, but they were Dean’s favorite. Once the movie started, Dean attacked his burger.

“Can you even taste your food?” Cas asked, chewing slowly.

“Bite me, Novak,” Dean grumbled.

“Don’t tempt me, Winchester,” Cas shot back. Dean groaned.

“That’s not fair.” Cas smirked.

“Finish your burger, Dean.” He liked teasing Dean, but there was plenty of time for that. They ate in semi-silence, the only sound being Dean quoting the movie around his burger. Cas didn’t mind. He actually found it rather adorable, not that he would ever say that out loud. They were half way through the movie and Dean was three-quarters of the way through his burger when he said,

“I can’t take this.” He threw the rest of his burger back in the bag and moved onto Cas’s lap, kissing him deeply.

“You’re awfully impatient today,” Cas noted. Dean shot him a look that landed somewhere between lust and longing.

“This is the last time I’m gonna see you for who knows how long. Excuse me for wanting to take advantage of every second.” Cas smiled softly.

“I appreciate that you would give up a bacon cheeseburger to spend more time with me.”

“Don’t get used to it,” Dean muttered before kissing him again. Cas returned the kiss, then trailed his lips across every inch of exposed skin he could reach. He flipped them and kissed down Dean’s neck before cupping the vampire’s cheek and sealing their lips together gently. “Oh, so now you wanna go slow?”

“I’m gonna take my time with you, Winchester.”

“That a promise or a threat?”

“Depends on how well you behave.” Dean laughed.

“I’ll be good, I promise.” Cas went back to kissing him breathless until he was interrupted by Dean’s phone beeping. “Sorry. That would be Sam.” Dean took out his phone. “Just checking on me.”

“Tell your brother not to bother you for the next hour.”

“Done.”

“Good.” Cas trailed his fingers down Dean’s chest. He stared into Dean’s eyes, trying to place the emotions there. Behind the lust-blown pupils was something else. Something deeper. Cas felt something tug in his gut. He kissed Dean roughly, trying to distract himself from feeling something he knew he shouldn’t.

“Easy,” Dean whispered against his lips. He put his hands on Cas’s hips and flipped them back to their original position. “Let me?” Cas didn’t have to ask what he meant. He tipped his head back and bared his neck.

“Take as much as you want.”

“You’re sure?” Cas nodded.

“I trust you.”

“Thank you,” Dean said against his neck before sinking his fangs into the skin just below Cas’s ear. Cas closed his eyes and let the feeling wash over him. He wasn’t quite sure how to describe it, but it was good. Usually, Dean only kept his fangs in for a minute. Sometimes less. This time, he was closing in on twenty minutes before he let go. He drank slowly, but Cas still felt a little light headed when Dean finally closed the wound.

“Deep breaths,” Dean said quietly. “Make sure you’re good before you try to move. I don’t need you passing out.” Cas chuckled.

“I’ll be okay in a minute.” They shared lazy kisses until Cas couldn’t tell if his dizziness was from blood loss or pure pleasure. He didn’t want to move. He wanted to stay there forever, lost in the way Dean was making him feel. He kissed Dean a little harder than he meant to, trying to remind himself that he was real. Dean pulled back a little.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” Dean was quiet, but his eyes said more than his mouth every could. Cas swallowed the words on his tongue. He couldn’t say them no matter how badly he wanted to.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Cas gave Dean one more deep kiss. Then he got to his feet and held out his hand. Dean took it and they locked themselves in Cas’s room.

Once the door was closed, Cas pressed Dean up against the dark wood. He ran his hands up his sides, sliding his t-shirt off as he went. He pulled off his own shirt then attached his lips to Dean’s neck. Dean groaned when Cas’s lips found the pulse point at the base of his throat.

“Why do you always do this to me?”

“Because I know it drives you crazy.” Dean had a tendency to want to rush things. Most of the time Cas was okay with that, but every once in a while he would take his time. No matter how much Dean begged, he wouldn’t give in until he had thoroughly mapped every inch of his body. This was going to be one of those nights. Dean pulled off Cas’s jeans and boxers. Cas slapped his hand away before he could touch him.

“Slow, Dean.”

“Cas…”

“Just relax,” Cas whispered. He reached down and undid Dean’s jeans. Dean kicked them the rest of the way off and Cas pushed him onto the bed, falling on top of him. Cas kissed Dean until neither one of them could breathe. Then he trailed his lips down the vampire’s neck, nipping and sucking at his skin. He paid extra attention to the spot where his neck met his shoulder before moving to the pulse point at the base of his throat.

“Cas, come on,” Dean whined. He moved his hips, trying to find friction. Cas moved his lips to his ear.

“Relax, Dean. We’ll get there. Let me take you apart.” Dean shuddered and Cas smirked. He moved back down Dean’s body, his lips drawing a line of hot, open-mouth kisses down his chest and torso. He knew every single spot that drove Dean crazy, and within a matter of minutes had him whimpering and shaking with need.

“Cas, that’s not fair,” Dean growled when he ghosted his breath over his leaking tip. Cas chuckled softly before licking a stripe up his length, from base to tip. Dean shivered and tried to thrust into Cas’s mouth.

“Easy,” Cas whispered. He gripped Dean’s hips to keep him in place. He wrapped his lips around the tip and sucked lightly, running his tongue over the slit. Dean squirmed, but Cas’s grip kept him from moving too much. Cas took Dean inch by inch until he felt the tip hit that back of his throat. He bobbed his head a few times before pulling off with a wet pop.

“Hey.” Cas moved back up Dean’s body and silenced him with a deep kiss. “Angel, if you don’t hurry this up I’m not going to last much longer.” Dean reached over to the nightstand and dug around for the bottle of lube. “Wanna ride you.” Cas continued to pepper every expanse of skin in kisses while he teased Dean’s hole. He grazed his fingers over the tight ring of muscles before he pushed the first one in.

Cas pushed his finger in and out slowly, stretching Dean gently until he was able to slip a second finger in. He began to scissor his fingers and Dean started to lose control. He bucked against Cas’s fingers, clearly desperate for more. Cas was achingly hard from the teasing he was putting Dean through and he needed a release, but he wanted to drag it out as long as possible. Dean moved again and Cas chuckled.

“Relax, Dean.” He slipped a third finger in and stretched with long, languid strokes. Dean shuddered. Cas curled his fingers and brushed Dean’s prostate. Dean’s hips snapped back, seeking more. Cas continued to lightly brush the bundle of nerves, slowly driving Dean to the edge of madness.

“I give up,” he finally relented after the sixth or seventh pass. He showered Cas’s face with kisses. “Please, Cas, please.”

“What do you want, Dean?”

“I want you to fuck me. I want to ride you until I see stars. Please, fuck me. Please.” Cas gave him a wicked grin before pouring more lube into his hand. He slicked himself up. Dean must have known he was about to be teased for at least two more minutes because he took action. He sat up and flipped them, then lowered himself onto Cas’s leaking length. The sensation made them both gasp and then groan.

“God, Dean. So tight.” Dean took a minute to adjust before moving his hips. He set a pace that was agonizingly slow. No doubt getting Cas back for his earlier teasing.

“Damnit, Dean.” Cas grabbed Dean’s hips and thrust up into him. Dean cried out. He curled his fingers into Cas’s hair and kissed him deeply. They met each other thrust for thrust. This wasn’t a game anymore. They were done teasing each other. They both needed a release.

“So close,” Dean panted.

“Come for me, Dean,” Cas whispered against the shell of his ear. That was enough to send Dean over the edge. His muscles clenched around Cas as he came. Cas thrust into him a few more times before his body tensed, stars spotting behind his eyes before his vision went completely white.

“That was incredible,” he breathed. Dean slipped off him and curled up against him. Cas immediately moved away. “Oh no. We’re getting cleaned up first. Then we can cuddle.” Dean pouted, but didn’t protest. Once they were both cleaned up, they settled into bed. Dean was asleep in minutes, but Cas stayed awake, wondering if this really was the last time they would ever see each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be tomorrow!
> 
> Listen, writing smut is not my strong suit, but I felt like I needed to give you guys something, so if it's bad please let me know so I can work on it.
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, I've been drinking French vanilla iced coffee for the last three hours and I'm definitely not sleeping tonight, so here's an update! Hope you all enjoy!

Dean was startled out of a peaceful sleep by the sound of his alarm going off. He reached blindly for his jeans and dug his phone out of his pocket. He shut off his alarm and groaned. He didn’t want to get up. He turned and looked at Cas, still fast asleep beside him. He sighed before he got up and started getting dressed. As he pulled on his shirt, he looked at Cas again. He couldn’t leave like this. He knelt next to the bed and gently shook the shifter awake.

“Come on, Cas, wake up.” It took a minute, but Cas eventually opened his eyes. He blinked a few times.

“Dean?”

“Hey, angel. I gotta go.”

“Oh. Okay.” Dean watched a tear trace down his cheek. His heart lurched in his chest.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Dean stared into Cas’s eyes. He didn’t want to leave. He knew what was waiting for him at home and he wanted to keep living in his little dream world. At least for a few more hours. He kissed Cas deeply before taking a moment to memorize every detail of his face. He didn’t know if or when he would see him again and he didn’t want to forget.

“I’ll miss you,” he said without thinking. Cas smiled and cupped his cheek.

“I’ll miss you, too. We shouldn’t talk. I’ll call you when I can.”

“Okay. Goodbye, Cas.” Cas shook his head.

“I don’t like that word. It’s too permanent. We’ll see each other again. I’m certain of it.”

“Well, what would you prefer I say?”

“Au revoir. It’s French for ‘until we meet again’.” Dean had to smile at that.

“All right, then. Au revior, Cas.” He kissed the shifter one last time. “Don’t forget to call me.”

“I won’t, Dean. I promise.” Dean stood up before he could get lost in the never-ending blue of Cas’s eyes. He went down to Baby and started her. He well surpassed the speed limit as he drove home. Leaving Cas had taken longer than he meant it to. He knew he had to be fast if he wanted to get back before Sam called him.He had just parked when his phone went off.

“I just pulled in,” he answered.

“Good, I was getting worried.”

“I’m fine, Sammy.”

“It’s Sam. I’m in the kitchen.” Dean put his phone back in his pocket and went inside. He detoured up to his room and took a shower to get Cas’s scent off. He didn’t want to, but the longer it stayed the more he would miss him. When he got out, he put on some sweatpants and an old t-shirt, then went down to the kitchen. Sam had taken over an entire table with books.

“What are you doing?”

“Rowena gave me some extra studying since I’m stuck here until who knows when.”

“Well, I can see you’re gonna be a joy to hang out with. Where’s Adam?”

“Shooting range, I think. Where’d you go last night?”

“Spent some time with my friends. Crashed at Benny’s. Sorry, I should’ve called.”

“Yeah, that would’ve been good. I was worried for a second.”

“Careful, Sammy, or I might think you care about me.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Dean. You know I care about you.”

“Yeah, I know.” Dean walked up behind his brother and hugged him. “I care about you, too.” He rested his chin on Sam’s head for a minute. “I’m gonna go make sure Adam’s good.”

“I’ll be here.” Dean nodded and headed for the shooting range. Adam was doing target practice. Dean watched him for a minute. Two weeks ago Adam had told John he wanted to take up a patrol route. Now, he was stuck in the hotel indefinitely and Dean felt bad.

“Hey, kid.” Adam jumped and turned around.

“Hey, Dean. This sucks.”

“I know, but it’s for protection.”

“But is it really necessary?”

“Yes,” Dean said. He leaned back against the wall and folded his arms over his chest. “You weren’t around for the first war. It was bad. Bloody. Dad’s just trying to keep us safe and I think he’s doing the right thing. I don’t like it either, but it sure beats ending up dead. At least you can get some more practice in.”

“Yeah, I guess. Wanna help me?”

“Sure.” Dean spent the rest of the morning helping Adam with his aim and answering his questions about the last war. He didn’t really want to, but he felt like his brother deserved to know. Around noon Adam set his gun down.

“Lunch?”

“God, yes.” They headed for the kitchen. Sam was still sitting at his table, pouring over his books. “Lunch, Sam?” Sam looked up.

“Yeah, I should probably eat.”

“Give me fifteen minutes.” Dean grabbed everything he needed to make burgers and got to work. Fifteen minutes later he set plates in front of his brothers. Adam bit into his first and sighed.

“God, if I died now, I could die happy.” Dean chuckled.

“Glad you like it, kid.”

“Why do we always go out when you can cook like this?”

“Because I never had time. Guess I’ve got a lot now.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“It’s been less than a day, don’t start.”

“Sorry. You know I hate this.”

“Yeah, well, it’s this or end up dead.”

“I know that, Sam.” Dean bit into his burger so he wouldn’t have to say anything else. He didn’t mind so much being stuck inside. It was the fact that he couldn’t see Cas. It had been less than twelve hours and he was already worried. He wanted to text him, just to make sure he was okay, but he knew he couldn’t. They couldn’t contact each other until it was safe. He took out his phone and stared at the screen. One more kiss. That was all he wanted. Just one more kiss. He had spent too much time saying goodbye to Cas, but it hadn’t been nearly enough. He hadn’t wanted to leave and he regretted walking out that door.

“Earth to Dean!” Dean jumped when Sam snapped his fingers in front of his face.

“What?”

“Where the hell did you go?”

“Nowhere. Sorry. What were you saying?”

“Nothing, but you spaced hard. What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing important. Don’t worry about it.” Sam regarded him for a minute, but didn’t push the issue. At least, not now. Dean was sure he would get the pesky little brother interrogation later. He was dreading that. What was he supposed to say? He could be honest, as long as he didn’t use a name or gender pronouns, which he’d already been careful about, but what if he slipped up? He couldn’t risk it.

Once they were finished eating, Dean washed the dishes to give himself some breathing room. Then he went up to his room and turned on the TV. He was scrolling through his Netflix when he stumbled across a name that sounded vaguely familiar. Curious, and frankly out of things to watch, he clicked on it. He spent the next hour and a half laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. It was only when he picked up his phone to text Cas that he remembered where he’d heard the name. He also remembered the fight that had occurred that night.

Dean set his phone down. That fight had been a tipping point. For Dean anyway. It was when he first realized just how much he actually cared about Cas. He knew it was dangerous, but so much of him didn’t care. Cas _wasn’t_ dangerous. He had proved that time and time again. He was told Cas was dangerous because he was a Novak, and Cas had been told that Dean was dangerous because he was a Winchester. There was no reason behind it other than their dads hated each other. It was stupid and Dean was tired of being told he couldn’t be friends with certain people just because of their last names. Dean turned on his favorite Clint Eastwood movie and settled in for a quiet night alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!
> 
> I am trying to get caught up on relying to comments. Work has been absolute hell the past few weeks (thank you under staffing) and by the time I get home I can barely string two word together, never mind an actual coherent sentence, but I do appreciate all the kind words! You guys are awesome! 💕


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Hope you all enjoy!

Cas stared at his phone. He wanted to text Dean. He wanted to make sure he was okay. He couldn’t, though. He was confined to the house while Chuck planned to execute a series of attacks on the Winchesters. He had eyes on him at all times, even when he was in his room. Goddamn security cameras. For someone who seemed to like starting fights, Chuck was a very paranoid person. Not for nothing, at least it gave him some uninterrupted time to work on his book. He was almost done. Two or three more chapters to go. Now it was just a matter of whether or not he would live long enough to finish it.

“Are you still writing that?” Gabriel asked on the tenth day.

“Might as well, I’ve got nothing better to do.”

“Excuse me. I’m sitting right here. One hundred percent available for talking.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed.” Cas sighed. “It’s nothing personal, Gabe, I just—.”

“You miss whoever it was that had you all giddy,” Gabriel finished. Cas shrugged. “Come on, Cassie, just tell me who he is.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. Who is he and what happened?”

“Gabe, just leave it.” Cas didn’t want to talk about Dean. Even if he didn’t use a name, he still didn’t want to talk about it. He needed to pretend it had never happened. Once he finished his book, he would lock away all his memories and act like he had never met Dean Winchester. It was the only way he would be able to cope. He had told Dean he was sure they would see each other again, but the simple fact of the matter was that they would both probably end up dead.

“Cas, why won’t you talk to me?”

“I will talk to you about literally anything else. Just not this. Not about him.” Gabriel hugged him. It caught him off guard, but Cas hugged back.

“Whatever happened, I’m sorry. You seemed really happy.”

“I was and now it’s gone.”

“Well, whatever happened, it’s his loss.” Cas smiled a little.

“Thanks, Gabe.” He went back to his laptop. “Where’s Balthazar been hiding out?”

“I think he’s been in the basement shooting pool with himself for practice.”

“So he’s just as bored as we are.”

“Pretty much. I’ve already finished the candy stash in my room. We need to get outta here.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not gonna happen. Chuck’s planning something and he wants to keep us safe, I guess.”

“What do you think he’s gonna do?”

“No idea, but it won’t be good. I’m scared, Gabe.” Gabriel put his hand on Cas’s shoulder.

“Me, too, but we’ll be okay.” _It’s not us I’m worried about_, Cas thought. He closed his laptop and got off his bed.

“I need a drink.” What he really needed was to see Dean again, but getting blackout drunk was the next best option. He walked over to the liquor cabinet Balthazar had helped him build into his TV stand. “Want anything?”

“Something rough.” Cas tossed him a bottle of fireball and pulled a bottle of tequila for himself. “I feel like you’re the last person who should have a liquor cabinet in their room.”

“You worry too much.”

“I think I worry the exact right amount for someone with a suicidal little brother.”

“Please don’t do this,” Cas said, taking a pull from his bottle. “I’m sorry. You know it’s never my intention to hurt you.” Gabriel’s expression softened.

“I know, Cas.” Whatever else Gabriel had planned to say was cut off by Balthazar barging in the door.

“How _dare_ you two have fun without me!” Cas looked at his brother then back at his cousin.

“I can assure you that this has been less than fun.”

“Then I didn’t miss anything. Good.” Balthazar locked the door, grabbed a bottle from the cabinet, and joined Cas and Gabriel on Cas’s bed. “So what are we talking about?”

“Nothing all that interesting,” Gabriel said.

“Well, how about Cas’s mystery man?”

“Apparently that’s off limits.”

“Oh, come on, Cassie. It’s us. Just tell us. Who is he?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Cas said.

“Drop it, Balt. A few more chugs of that tequila and he’ll be singing like a canary.” Cas realized his brother was right. He could hold his liquor pretty well, but tequila was his weakness. He looked at the bottle. He wanted to get blackout drunk, but he didn’t want to accidentally say something he couldn’t take back. He stared at the bottle for a long minute before deciding to risk it. He took an extra long pull.

“Both of you can fuck right off.” Gabriel and Balthazar laughed.

The rest of the night was a blur. The only thing Cas remembered for sure was that he finished that bottle of tequila and passed out at some point. He woke up in a cold sweat around three in the morning. Nothing quite like a nightmare to sober him up. He looked around his dark room. Gabriel was sleep on the floor, curled up in a ball. Cas smiled for a moment before he remembered what had woken him up in the first place.

Nightmares weren’t something he was unaccustomed to, but he hadn’t really had any in a while. Not since he had started letting Dean regularly bite him, actually. And this one was different. This time it wasn’t Bartholomew leaving him half-dead on the floor of his apartment. It was Dean. Cas knew Dean would never hurt him, but ever since Chuck had declared war, something in his subconscious was eating at him, telling him that Dean would kill him. He reached for his music box and remembered that he’d left it in his apartment. He sighed. He was about to get up to make himself a cup of tea when Gabriel stirred on the floor.

“Cas?”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Gabe, go back to sleep.” Gabriel got up off the floor and sat on the edge of Cas’s bed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked again, his voice softer.

“It was just a nightmare, I’m fine,” Cas said even as he felt tears slipping down his face. Gabriel pulled him into a hug.

“Bartholomew again?” Cas shook his head. He didn’t trust his voice and even if he did, he couldn’t tell the truth. “Mom?” Cas shook his head again, more tears falling as he did. Gabriel held him a little tighter. Cas closed his eyes and let himself cry. He was more upset than he had any right to be, but he couldn’t help it. He cared about Dean more than he’d realized. He wished he had gotten more time to say goodbye. He really wished Dean hadn’t left at all. He should’ve taken him up on his offer to run away.

“Thanks,” Cas said quietly once he’d calmed down enough.

“I’ll get you some tea.” Cas didn’t argue because he knew it was pointless. He also knew his brother was going to ask him about his nightmare. He would be as honest as he could because he really did want Gabriel’s opinion on it. Was his subconscious blowing everything out of proportion or did he have a valid reason for what he was feeling? But he would wait and talk about it in the morning.

Gabriel came back five minutes later with a cup of tea. Cas had tucked himself under his blankets and propped his pillows behind him. Gabriel handed him the mug.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay. Do you want me to stay with you?”

“If you don’t mind,” Cas said even though he didn’t think it would help. He needed to see Dean. “Just until I fall sleep.”

“I never mind, Cas.” Cas chose not to respond to that. Of course Gabriel minded, but he couldn’t say that, so he just acted like it was fine. Cas leaned against Gabriel and closed his eyes, hoping he would fall back asleep quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday!
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm so sorry. It had to be done. Please forgive me.

Two months. They had been under house arrest for two months and Dean was going out of his mind with boredom. The only thing keeping him slightly grounded was listening to the record Cas had given him on repeat. Sam had threatened to break it at least three times a day for the last two weeks, but Dean didn’t care. He needed _something_ to keep his last shred of sanity from crumbling.

Dean was woken up in the middle of the night at the beginning of the third month by the sound of shattering glass. He bolted up, hand on his gun. He jumped out of bed and opened his door. He cleared the hallway before running to Sam’s room.

“SAM!” He got no response. “SAMMY!”

“I’m good, Dean.” Sam was standing outside his door, gun drawn. “What was that?”

“No idea. Go see if Mom and Dad are good. I’m gonna go check Adam.” They went their separate ways. Dean made his way to Adam’s room, clearing hallways as he went. When he got to his brother’s door, he knocked. “Adam.” No response. “Adam!” Still nothing. “Adam, I’m giving you five seconds before I kick this door in!” Dean waited what was probably about two seconds before he kicked the door in. Adam was laying in bed. Dean flicked on the light and walked over. “Adam, come on, get up.” He shook his brother’s shoulder. That’s when he noticed the blood. And then the broken window.

Dean dropped his gun to the floor and grabbed his brother’s wrist. He didn’t feel a pulse. He was about to yell for Sam when he appeared in the doorway.

“Hey, Mom and Dad are good. How’s…Dean?” Dean swallowed hard and shook his head. “What?”

“Sam, he’s…” Dean nodded at the broken window. Sam was quiet for a moment before he nodded and walked away. Dean sat on Adam’s bed and held him, ignoring the blood seeping into his clothes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, Adam. I should’ve been looking out for you.”

Dean stayed with Adam until John came in. Then he went into his room and opened a bottle of whiskey. He wanted to call Cas. He _needed _to call Cas, but he couldn’t. So he drank. He drank until the bottle was empty and then opened another one. He was half way through that one when Sam came in.

“Dad called a meeting.”

“Don’t care.”

“Dean, we’ve gotta deal with this.”

“I can’t, Sam. Adam’s dead. That shouldn’t’ve happened on my watch. And Chuck killed our youngest. Dad’s gonna wanna do the same in retaliation.” Dean was hoping he wouldn’t have to spell out what that meant. Sam crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

“This is about Cas.” Dean nodded. “You had to know this was coming. I know you guys are friends, hell I’m friends with Gabriel, but you had to know how this would end.”

“Doesn’t make it any less painful,” Dean said, taking another swing of whiskey. He couldn’t tell Sam why this was so hard on him. Hell, he could barely admit it to himself. “He can’t end up dead, Sam. That blood can’t be on our hands.”

“It’s out of our hands, Dean, and you know that. There’s nothing we can do.”

“There’s one thing,” Dean said without thinking. The conversation reminded him of what Cas had said months ago and his drunk mind was starting to think it wasn’t such a bad idea.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing, never mind.” Dean finished his bottle and pushed Sam off his bed. “Just leave me alone for a while.”

“Dad wants you in this meeting.” Dean sighed.

“Fine.” He followed his brother to the conference room and slumped in one of the chairs. He knew he wasn’t supposed to do that. He was supposed to steel his face, pretend he was sober, and act like nothing was wrong, but he couldn’t do that. Not this time. Not with Adam dead and the prospect of Cas being dead within the next few days.

“Dean, are you listening?”

“Yes, sir,” Dean said on autopilot. He wasn’t listening. Not even a little. He kept thinking about what Cas had said. He wasn’t going to do it, but the thought was starting to intrigue him more than he cared to admit. It wasn’t an option, it wasn’t. But maybe it was. They didn’t have to take out John, just Chuck. Maybe it wasn’t so farfetched. Dean shook his head. Yes, it was. He wasn’t a killer and he wasn’t going to spill blood in this war, not even to avenge his brother. He wasn’t a monster.

“Dean Winchester!” Dean snapped to attention. Whatever his dad was saying must have been important.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“We need to take action,” John said after fixing Dean with a threatening stare. “The Novaks killed our youngest. We’ll do the same in retaliation.” Dean’s stomach clenched and he tried to keep his liquor down. “We’ll give it a few months. Let them lower their guard a little.”

“Not Cas,” Dean said. John raised an eyebrow.

“Excuse me?”

“You had me talking to him. His family hates him. And they’ll be expecting us to attack him. If you wanna catch them off guard, you need to take out Michael or Raphael.” Dean was bending the truth just a little, but it was his only shot to get the target off Cas’s back long enough to get them both safe. Before John could say anything, Mary stepped forward.

“We’ll go ahead as planned. Castiel goes first.” Another wave of nausea rolled through Dean’s stomach and he fought to keep from spewing whiskey all over the conference room table.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said as best he could while trying to hold his vomit.

“Dismissed,” John said and Dean bolted. The nearest spot was the kitchen so he ran to the sink emptied the contents of his stomach. He was drinking water straight from the tap when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and met Sam’s sympathetic puppy eyes.

“Don’t start,” he sneered.

“Dean, don’t do something stupid.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise, Sam. I won’t do anything stupid. I just need a plan.”

“A plan for what?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Dean went back up to his room. He had to get Cas and himself out of the city before either of them ended up dead, but he didn’t know how. They were on lockdown and John had twice as many guards as he’d had the first time. That of course begged the question, how did Adam get shot?, but that would be answered by the coroner. The point was, there was no way in or out of the hotel. Dean was trapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm so sorry.
> 
> Next update will be later today!
> 
> This update has been brought to you by the Jerry Seinfeld Netflix special I'm watching and the video game that has been keeping me up all night for almost a week


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today!

Cas tapped his fingers against his bouncing leg in time to a Zeppelin song as he waited for Chuck to say something. He was prepared to bolt. Chuck never called anyone into his office alone unless they were in trouble. It was thirteen and half minutes before Chuck finally said,

“What information were you able to get from Dean Winchester?”

“Nothing. We talked quite a bit, but I couldn’t get him to trust me enough or drunk enough to tell me anything.” Chuck nodded thoughtfully. He finished whatever he was working on, filed the papers, then folded his hands on the desk and made eye contact with Cas.

“And how long have you been sleeping with him?”

“Excuse me?” Was all Cas could think to say.

“You weren’t giving me the information I needed, so I had Michael follow you. He said you and Dean were spending an awful lot of time at each other’s apartments.”

“Talking,” Cas said. “That’s it. Why would I…? He’s a Winchester, and even if he weren’t, he’s a vampire. I have history with vamps. Don’t trust them.”

“You wouldn’t lie to me, would you, Castiel?”

“No. I was just doing my job and Dean was doing his. We were keeping tabs on each other. Nothing more.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, sir.” Cas held Chuck’s gaze. He knew he couldn’t waver. Luckily, lying to his father was something he’d gotten incredibly good at over the years. The staring contest lasted what felt like an eternity.

“All right,” Chuck finally said, “dismissed.” Cas stood up and calmly walked out the door. He didn’t let the panic set in until he was safely locked in his room. He went over to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of bourbon. He needed to text Dean. He needed to warn him, but he knew he couldn’t. All he could do was sit and wait, and he couldn’t do that sober. He was halfway through his bottle when someone knocked on his door.

“You better be alive in there!” Gabriel yelled. Cas rolled his eyes as he got off his bed and opened the door.

“I’m fine. What do you want?”

“Someone’s drunk.”

“Nothing better to do,” Cas said, flopping back onto his bed. He let his head and arms hang over the edge. Gabriel copied his position and took the bottle from him.

“What did Dad want?” He asked after taking a swig.

“Wanted to know what information I could get out of Dean. Then he said Michael told him me and Dean are sleeping together.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Michael’s insane.”

“I mean, I get it,” Gabriel said.

“Get what?”

“Why he’d think that. You two…I dunno, it works. If he weren’t a Winchester I’d probably think it, too.”

“I wish things were different,” Cas said almost to himself.

“So do I, but there’s nothing we can do.” Cas sat up abruptly, ignoring the dizziness that came with sitting up too fast.

“Why do people keep saying that? We _could_ change things if we all worked together. Now it’s too late. We’re at war and we’re probably gonna have to kill each other.” Cas took the bourbon from his brother. “So I’m gonna get blackout drunk, and if you’re gonna be a buzzkill about it, you can leave.”

“I’m gonna stay, just to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.” Cas wanted to tell him to stop being overprotective, but the truth was, he could feel himself slipping into that mindset and he didn’t really mind the idea of his brother being there to stop him from doing something stupid.

“Fine.”

*** *** ***

The rest of the night was a blur. Cas remembered bits and pieces, but for the most part it was a haze of alcohol. Gabriel had cut him off at some point, but the next thing he clearly remembered was waking up in the middle of the night. His scream had been cut short by the sudden need to vomit. Gabriel was beside him in a second.

“Cas?”

“I’m okay,” Cas said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“No, you’re not. Here.” Cas accepted the glass of water his brother handed him. “What’s going on? I thought you said your nightmares were getting better?”

“They were.”

“So what changed?” _Dean’s not here_.

“Guess the war triggered it.” Gabriel was quiet and Cas knew he was waiting for him to be honest. He turned his head to look at his brother. “I miss Dean.” It came out a hair’s breadth above audible, but once he said it, he couldn’t take it back. He also couldn’t take back what he said next. “I know I shouldn’t. I know we’re supposed to hate each other, but we don’t. He’s nice. He cares, but he doesn’t push me when I don’t wanna talk about stuff. He’s just…there. It’s been almost a year and he’s become…a constant, I guess. I could always count on him being there and now…he could be dead for all I know and…I’m so scared, Gabe.” Cas didn’t realize he was crying until Gabriel hugged him.

“It’s okay, Cas. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I never should’ve let myself get this close. I shouldn’t care about him as much as I do. And now he might be dead and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Cas lifted his head off his brother’s shoulder. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know. But I am here for you. Don’t ever forget that.” Cas wiped the remaining tears off his face.

“I’m sorry, Gabriel. I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“You’re not-.”

“Yes, I am. I always have been and I can blame Michael or Mom or whoever else all I want, but the truth is, it’s my fault.”

“Cas-.”

“Every time I think it’s getting better, I backslide. I just need to accept the fact that I’ll never be okay. Not really.” Cas pulled away from his brother and picked up the near-empty bottle sitting on the floor. He finished it off, ignoring the feel of Gabriel’s eyes on him.

“Cas, you’re gonna be okay. Everything takes time.”

“Why won’t you give up on me? I’ve made your life a living hell for _decades_ because of my issues. Why are you so patient with me?” Cas tried to fight, but Gabriel pulled him into another hug.

“I won’t give up on you because you’re my little brother. Is it frustrating sometimes, yes, but only because I hate that you can’t see how awesome you are. Everyone’s got their issues, Cas. Maybe you have a few more than others, but that’s not your fault. All you can do is deal with them the best you can. And if the best you can is drinking binges and popping pills then I’m gonna be there for you. I care about you. Being an older brother isn’t supposed to be easy and I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else.” Cas swallowed and held back the new wave of tears threatening to fall. He closed his eyes and gripped his brother’s shirt.

“I’m sorry.” Gabriel didn’t say anything, but Cas felt his hand move into his hair. Gabriel started humming something that sounded like _Ramble On_ and Cas could feel himself starting to drift off to sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Sunday!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm so sorry for the unusually late update. I got home from work late last night, took some pain medication, and passed out. Anyway, enjoy!

Dean paced his room. He had been on edge for three months. In that time, he’d gone to see Adam in the morgue sixteen times, cleaned all of his guns over two dozen times, and almost called Cas more than a hundred times. He had to know. He hoped his father would tell him once the hit was done, but he couldn’t be sure and he had to know. He _needed_ to know if Cas was still alive. He was tugging his hand through his hair when Sam came in, knocking lightly on his open door.

“Well, you look stressed.”

“Has Dad said anything?”

“About what? The hit?” Dean nodded. “No. I figure he’ll just tell us when it’s done.” Dean nodded again and continued pacing. “What’s got you all jittery?”

“I need to know if he’s alive, Sam.”

“Can’t you just…text him?” Dean stopped pacing again long enough to give his brother a look.

“Dad’s watching everything. Guarantee he’s got our phones bugged. I can’t risk it. We both agreed to cut contact until the war’s over, but…I have to know.”

“I can’t help you.”

“I know you can’t. I wasn’t asking you to. I just…I won’t be okay until I know.” Sam crossed the room and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“I’ll see if I can do something.”

“Like what?”

“Just let me think. I’ll get back to you.” Sam was about to leave when Dean’s phone rang. He took it out of his pocket, expecting it to be Charlie. Instead of a name, there was a number on the screen. Dean never answered calls from people who weren’t in his contacts, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was important. He answered the call and put it on speaker.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Dean.” Dean almost dropped the phone.

“Cas?”

“Yes. I don’t have a lotta time.” Cas went into a coughing fit before he continued. “I texted you coordinates. Meet me there. Hurry.”

“Cas, are you okay?” More coughing.

“No. Meet me. Please.” The line went dead and Dean looked at Sam.

“I gotta go.”

“Dean, wait. You don’t even know if that was really him.”

“It’s a risk I have to take, Sam.” Dean grabbed his keys off his dresser.

“I’m coming with you.” Dean wanted to argue, but there wasn’t time. Whatever Cas needed to see him for had to be serious.

“Fine.” He walked out the door and steadied his nerves long enough to slip past the guards.

“I always wondered how you were so good at sneaking in and out,” Sam said as Dean led them through the maze of tunnels behind the walls.

“I’ll draw you a map if we live that long,” Dean said. He found the garage and made sure the coast was clear before he got into Baby and started the engine. He handed Sam his phone so he could punch the coordinates into the GPS.

“It looks like the middle of nowhere.”

“Great.” Dean put Baby in gear and tore out of the garage. The directions were fairly straightforward and it wasn’t too long of a drive, but Dean’s panic was in overdrive. Something had to have happened. Cas wouldn’t break their no contact rule just to chat and definitely not in the middle of nowhere. His mind was racing with endless possibilities, each one worse than the last. By the time he pulled up in front of the cabin the directions had brought him to, he was shaking.

“Dean, you have to calm down,” Sam said, tone perfectly even. “Whatever’s in there could be dangerous and you need your trigger hand steady.” Dean touched the gun tucked into his jeans. He’d been carrying one ever since Adam, just in case. He took a deep breath.

“I got it, Sam. Come on.” They got out of the car and walked slowly towards the cabin. When they got to the door, Dean signaled for Sam to stop, then held up his hand and counted to three. They burst in the door, guns drawn.

“Jesus Christ!” Someone that definitely wasn’t Cas snapped. It took Dean a minute to recognize Gabriel. He was kneeling next to a couch in the middle of the room. “What the hell are you two doing here?”

“Cas called me,” Dean said, putting his gun away. He walked over and realized that Cas laying on the couch. He dropped down next to Gabriel. “What happened?” Before he could respond, Cas started coughing and opened his eyes.

“Dean?” Dean smiled a little, forgetting for a minute that they weren’t alone.

“Hey, angel. Can you tell me what happened?”

“Raphael shot me.”

“What?” Cas started coughing again so Gabriel answered.

“Dad had Michael follow Cas when Cas wasn’t giving him the information he wanted from you. Michael told Dad that you two were sleeping together. Cas denied it, Dad apparently went through Cas’s phone records, and Raphael confronted him. It was supposed to be a conversation, but Cas wasn’t giving Raphael the answers he wanted, so he shot him.” Dean took a minute the process that.

“Your brother shot him?”

“Yes. On the way here he said he had to make a call so I gave him my phone. I should’ve known he’d call you.” Dean followed Gabriel’s gaze to Cas. “I’m just glad you got here. I don’t think…it was a stomach shot. He doesn’t have a lotta time.”

“No,” Dean said. “No. He’s not dying. We have to get him to a hospital.”

“We can’t,” Gabriel said. “Dad’s gonna have people searching every hospital for someone who matches his description, just to make sure the job was done. This is the only safe place.” Dean cursed under his breath before looking up at his brother, who was keeping a respectable distance.

“Sam, fix him.”

“What?”

“You know healing magic, fix him. Now.” Sam looked like a deer in the headlights.

“Dean, I’m not a witch. I’m still in training. And even if I weren’t, I didn’t bring anything with me. I can’t do anything. Rowena’s the only one who could do it.” Dean didn’t hesitate.

“Do it.”

“What?”

“Call her.”

“Are you sure?” Cas coughed again and Dean tore his gaze away from his brother.

“Cas, come on, stay with us.” He looked back at Sam. “Make the call.” Sam took his phone out of his pocket and walked into the other room. Gabriel put his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“I’ll go call Meg.” He got up, leaving Dean alone with Cas. Cas opened his eyes again and Dean tried for his most reassuring smile, even though he was in full panic mode.

“You’re gonna be just fine.

“I think I’m dying.”

“No. No, Sam and Rowena are gonna fix this, okay? Hey, I’ve had worse.”

“Oh, yeah? When?” Dean could see the teasing light in Cas’s eyes under the pain.

“Shut up. You’re gonna be okay. You know, when Sammy was little, I used to tell him knock-knock jokes when he was hurt to take his mind off the pain.”

“I don’t like knock-knock jokes.”

“Fine. How about we count? By the time we get to a hundred, you’ll be better. Okay?” Cas managed a weak smile.

“Okay.”

“Great. I’m just gonna go see where Sam is with Rowena and I’ll be right back.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Just stay with me, okay?” Cas nodded slowly. Dean kissed his forehead before going into the other room, which turned out to be a kitchen. “What’s going on?”

“Rowena’s looking for a spell,” Sam said.

“Meg’s on her way,” Gabriel added.

“Tell them both to hurry,” Dean said. He went back into the living room. Cas’s eyes were closed again. He knelt back on the floor. “Hey, come on, Cas. Stay with me.” It took a minute, but Cas opened his eyes again. “Good. Meg’s on her way and Rowena’s working on a spell. I told you, you’re gonna be just fine.”

“If I’m not-,” Cas started

“Don’t do that,” Dean interrupted. “Please don’t. I hate those speeches. They’re the same as giving up.”

“No, you listen to me. I have to say this. I have to get this out in case I die. You have to hear it. You…look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you, it…it’s been the best part of my life. And the things that…the things we’ve shared together, they have changed me.” Cas stopped to cough, then looked Dean directly in the eye. “I love you.” Before Dean could muster up the courage to say anything, the door opened and Meg came in. Sam and Gabriel came out of the kitchen.

“Rowena’s got the spell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be in a few hours
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today!

The first time Cas woke up, he was completely unaware of his surroundings. The only thing he _was_ aware of was Gabriel sitting beside him.

“Gabe?”

“Shh. You’re okay, Cas. Try to get some more sleep.”

“What happened?”

“I’ll tell you later, I promise.”

“Okay,” Cas agreed as he slipped back into unconsciousness.

The second time Cas woke up, he was still completely unaware of his surroundings. This time, Meg was sitting where Gabriel has been. She smiled.

“Hey, Clarence. How ya feeling?”

“Don’t know,” Cas mumbled.

“Yeah, that spell kinda packs a punch. But you’re gonna live.”

“I was shot,” Cas remembered vaguely.

“Yes, you were. By your dickbag brother. But don’t worry about it right now. Go back to sleep. You need to rest.” Meg placed a kiss on Cas’s forehead and that was the last thing he remembered before sleep overtook him once again.

The third time Cas woke up he was alone. He tried to get his bearings, but his vision was still a little hazy and his head was fuzzy. He buried his head in the pillows and sighed. Wherever he was, he was warm, comfortable, and he felt safe. He heard the door open softly, but he was fast asleep again before he could see who it was.

The fourth time Cas woke up, he knew he was in a bed. He blinked and looked around. It took him a minute to realize he was in his cabin. He’d bought it a few decades ago to give himself an escape that absolutely no one knew about other than him. He eventually told Gabriel about it, but one else knew. Until now. He blinked a few times and saw Dean sitting in the corner of the room, staring out the window. He tried to talk, but nothing came out. He lifted his hand and knocked on the wall behind the headboard. Dean’s head snapped to him.

“Cas!” He jumped up and ran to the edge of the bed. “Thank God. How do you feel?” Cas cleared his throat a few times before he got his voice to work.

“My head kinda hurts and I’m a little hungry, but basically I’m okay.”

“Do remember anything?” Cas thought back for a minute. The details were hazy, but he remembered bits and pieces.

“Raphael shot me. Gabriel drove me here and I called you from the car. Sam and Gabriel were trying to get Rowena and Meg to help me and you stayed with me…” Cas trailed off as he remembered his half-conscious, rambling love confession. Dean smiled a little.

“You remember what you said to me?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, because I’ve got something I wanna say, too.” Cas braced himself and waited for Dean to tell him that, while he was flattered, he didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Or whatever cliché Dean decided to use that was supposed to soften the blow of rejection. Cas had heard them all multiple times over the decades and they never made him feel any better.

“You don’t have to say it.”

“Yeah, I do. Cas, angel, I know we’re not supposed to like each other, but that’s bullshit. You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. Our last names don’t mean shit to me. Not anymore. I don’t really know when it happened, somewhere between Halloween and Christmas, I guess, but I can’t stop thinking about you. When you called me, I was terrified that something horrible happened to you. I didn’t even think about it. I just got in Baby and drove. I had to make sure you were okay. I love you, Cas.” Cas didn’t have enough time to process anything Dean had said because the vampire’s lips were on his. Cas kissed back, threading his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“Where do we go from here?” Cas asked when they broke apart for air.

“Wherever you want. I told you we could run away together and I meant it.” Cas considered it. He knew he should stay. He had friends who needed him. He didn’t want to, though. He was tired of the fighting. He also almost died at the hands of his own brother. If Chuck thought there was a chance he might still be alive, he’d have a target on his back if he stayed in the city. He had to get away.

“Where would we go?”

“Let’s talk about it later. I need to talk to Sam about something first. Get some more sleep, if you can.”

“Dean, I appreciate everyone taking care of me, but I’d really like to just get out of this bed. It’s boring.” Dean’s smile shifted into a cocky grin.

“I can think of few ways we could make it less boring.” Cas playfully punched his arm.

“Shut up. Let me at least lay on the couch in the living room.”

“Well, okay, but we’ll definitely have more of an audience if we do it out there.”

“I will punch you for real,” Cas threatened, trying to hold back his laughter. Dean chuckled.

“You’re cute when you’re grumpy, you know that? Your face gets all scrunchy.” Cas hauled back to slug Dean, but was cut short by soft lips on his. “I’ll stop teasing you, I promise. Come on. Everyone else is gonna wanna know you’re back to your regular, sassy self.”

“I am not sassy.”

“Sure. Okay, angel.” Dean ducked to avoid Cas’s hand then helped him out of bed.

“How long have I been out?”

“Three days, give or take. I kinda lost track of time. Everyone kept trying to keep my mind occupied, but that only made me worry about you more.” Cas had to smile at that.

“No one’s found us yet?”

“Nope. You did an amazing job getting us off the grid.”

“Kinda the whole point of this place.”

“Hey, he lives!” Gabriel cheered when they walked into the living room, Cas leaning a little on Dean for extra support. Dean passed Cas off to Gabriel and sat on the couch. Cas melted into his brother’s hug. “It’s good to see you up. How are you?”

“Not great, but I’ve been worse. Please tell me there’s food.”

“Samsquatch is finishing up the pancakes as we speak.”

“Please don’t call me that,” Sam said from the entryway to the kitchen. Gabriel grinned.

“Fine. You’ll be Sammoose then!” From the couch, Dean burst into a fit of laughter while Sam glared at both of them. Cas smirked.

“He’s given you a dumbass nickname. Welcome to the inner circle, Sam.”

“Yeah, that’s what Meg said,” Sam muttered, setting a plate of pancakes on the coffee table. He went back into the kitchen and Cas sat on the couch beside Dean. Without thinking, he rested his head on the vampire’s shoulder. Dean put his arm around him and kissed his temple. Meg smiled.

“You two are cute together.”

“How long has this actually been going on?” Gabriel asked. “Because you’re way too comfortable for this to be new.” Dean and Cas looked at each other. Cas shrugged.

“Halloween, I guess?”

“Christmas,” Dean said. “For me, anyway. After you gave me that record.”

“You’ve been dating since Christmas!?” Gabriel yelled.

“Dating?” Cas furrowed his brow. “We’re not dating. Or, I mean, we weren’t. Are we?”

“I’d say yes,” Dean said. “We’ve been dating since right now, but we’ve been having sex since...what, a few weeks after Halloween?”

“That sounds right.” Cas grinned at his brother’s slack-jawed expression. “I’m better at keeping secrets than you thought.”

“We’re talking about this later,” Gabriel said, which Cas knew meant he was going to harass him for details.

“Sure, Gabe.”

“If you’ve been together that long, I’m assuming Dean knows, well everything,” Meg said. Cas tensed a little. Dean still didn’t know the whole story with Bartholomew, but now wasn’t the time to talk about it. Dean gave Meg an easy smile.

“I know enough. He’ll tell me everything when he’s ready. I can wait.”

“Thank you,” Cas said softly. Dean responded with another light kiss to the temple. Sam came back with plates, silverware, and a bottle of syrup, which Gabriel immediately claimed for himself.

“Your teeth are gonna rot out of your head one of these days.”

“Mind your own business.”

“So you can look out for my wellbeing, but I can’t look out for yours, is that it?”

“Yes,” Dean and Gabriel said in unison. Cas looked at Dean.

“Older brother thing,” he said. “It’s our job to worry about you little guys so you can grow up and be awesome.”

“Think you missed the mark a little,” Gabriel said.

“Excuse me?” Sam and Dean snapped. Cas laughed and Meg rolled her eyes.

“All right, enough. Can we have one meal without you guys doing this shit?”

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Gabriel used the syrup bottle to shield himself from Meg’s hand. Breakfast went fairly smoothly after that. Cas looked around and smiled to himself. He was happy. For the first time in a while he was actually happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Work kicked my ass tonight and I'm beyond exhausted, but I have to the next two days off so I'm getting drunk tonight. Here's a chapter before I get too drunk to type. Hope you all enjoy!

Dean slammed Baby’s trunk and wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Ready?”

“Yeah. Are you sure this is gonna work?”

“Definitely. It’ll only be for a little while. Sam said he’d call when it was safe.” Cas nodded. He turned away from Baby and went to give Gabriel one last hug. Sam walked over to Dean. “You’re sure about this, right?”

“Rowena said she’d take care of it.”

“Okay. I’m trusting you with this.”

“I know. Don’t worry, Dean. Just be careful.”

“I will. You, too.” They hugged. “And hey. Don’t get dead.” Sam nodded.

“You, too.”

“Oh, you should take this.” Dean slipped his necklace off and handed it to his brother. “Might make it more believable. Just take care of it for me.”

“I will.” Dean hated the look on Sam’s face. That necklace meant something to both of them. Dean hadn’t taken it off since the day Sam gave to him. He felt weird without it, but he knew it would be better in the long run. Cas came back over and smiled at Sam.

“Thank you.”

“It’s for the best. I’ll let you know when it’s safe.” Dean gave his brother one last hug then got into Baby. Cas got in the passenger’s seat.

“I’m worried.”

“Me too, but I have faith in Sam.” What Dean didn’t say was that he was terrified that something would happen to his little brother before the war ended. He knew Meg or Rowena or Eileen or Gabriel would call in that case, but there was a chance that everyone could die. He was trying not to let that bother him as his drove away from the cabin.

“So where are we going?”

“Dad’s got a place in Lebanon. He calls it the bunker. He built it in case of World War 3 or the apocalypse, but it’ll work for this, too.”

“How long?”

“I wish I knew, angel. Meg said she’s working on something.”

“What’s does that mean?”

“I have no idea. Hopefully it’s good.”

“Knowing her it’s probably not,” Cas muttered. Dean reached over and squeezed his hand.

“Hey. We’re gonna be okay.”

“We are, but what about them? We just left them.”

“They wouldn’t’ve taken no for an answer and you know that. They’ll be fine. They can handle themselves. Right now, we need to focus on us and where we go from here.” Cas nodded and Dean looked back at the road. They were quiet for the next thirty miles or so before Cas finally said,

“I was never scared of you.”

“What?”

“You asked me once if I was scared of you. I wasn’t. Not really. I just...I told you about my ex, but I didn’t tell you everything.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, I need to because I need you to understand why I still flinch sometimes and why I have nightmares and why sometimes I have a panic attack when you bite me.”

“Cas, it’s okay.”

“I know it is, and I know you’ll wait forever for me to tell you, but that doesn’t really seem fair. I met Bartholomew when I was young. Things had just started to get really bad at home. I got into a fight with Michael and stormed out. I went to the bar to drink and Bart stopped me from nearly killing myself. He was nice and he listened to me. He took me back to his place and let me sober up. He showed me a level kindness I had never seen from anyone other than Gabriel, so I asked him out. I was with him for fifteen years. We dated for six months before it got bad. It started with yelling. I didn’t like it, but I had it worse at home so I took it. Then he started hurting me. I had bruises that wouldn’t fade for weeks, even if I shifted. I never told anyone. Then he started biting me. It was consensual at first, but slowly he started getting rougher and taking more. I can’t tell you the number of times he left me for dead on the floor of my apartment.”

“Oh my, God. Cas, you should’ve-.”

“I’m not done. Halloween, 1973, I wanted to go out, he didn’t, so I went out bar hopping with Meg. I saw him at the Roadhouse. He was flirting with some twenty-something thing that looked as vulnerable as I had felt the night he found me. That was his thing, I realized, so I cornered the guy in the bathroom, knocked him out cold, and shifted to look like him. Needless to say, Bart was pretty pissed when he found out. We go into a fight so bad the whole bar got involved.”

“I was there that night,” Dean felt the need to interrupt. “I was trying to break up most of those fights. That was you?” Cas nodded.

“I didn’t mean for it to go that far. Bart broke up with me, I went home, and I slit my wrists. I was angry and hurt and I just wanted it all to stop. Meg must’ve called Gabe to check on me because otherwise I don’t think he would’ve found me in time. That was the closest I’ve ever been to death.” Cas pulled his eyes away from the dashboard. “I haven’t trusted vampires since then. Not since you.” Dean’s heart clenched.

“Cas, I’m so sorry you went through that. I promise I would never do that to you.”

“I know. I trust you and that scares me because the last time I trusted someone with everything, I got hurt and I still haven’t fully recovered. I still don’t fully shift just for fun anymore. I guess I just want you to understand that I like where this is, but I still have doubts.” Dean smiled softly.

“That’s okay, angel. After what you went through, you’re allowed to have doubts. Now I can’t promise that I’ll never yell, because I do have a temper and sometimes I can’t control it and it’s gotten to the point where it even scares me sometimes, but I can promise that I will never purposefully hurt you in any way, and I’ll do everything I can every day to show you that. We’ll work through it.”

“You still called me angel,” Cas said after a few beats of silence.

“Of course.”

“You don’t think it was all my fault?”

“No. Why would that be your fault? You didn’t do anything.”

“Exactly. I didn’t do anything. For fifteen years, I didn’t do anything, I just let him-.”

“Don’t. Don’t even. It’s not your fault. And while we’re at it, your mother’s death wasn’t your fault either. You need to stop blaming yourself for things you had no control over. Starting right now, I don’t wanna hear that anything was your fault unless it actually was. Got it?” Cas was silent. Dean didn’t push the issue. They could talk more when they got to the bunker. They were about twenty minutes out and Dean just wanted to get there. He really wanted to put as much distance between himself and the war as possible, but Lebanon was the safest place. The bunker was warded against everything and the only way in was with the key, which Sam had swiped from John’s office.

When Dean pulled up outside the bunker, he sat in Baby for a minute. He’d never actually been inside before and he wasn’t sure what to except. He looked at Cas.

“Ready for this?”

“As I’ll ever be.” They got out and Dean unlocked the door. He walked over to what looked like a control panel and pushed a few levers. The lights came on after a moment and Dean let out a long whistle.

“Cas, I think we just found the bat cave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Hope you all enjoy!

Cas woke up to an empty bed. He stretched and felt the ache through his entire body. He rolled over and burrowed under the blankets. He didn’t have to get up. He didn’t have to go anywhere, or do anything, or talk to anyone. He felt like a weight had been lifted off him. Of course, that weight had been replaced with a different one. He felt guilty for leaving his friends behind. Dean assured him every day that it was for the best, but more than a month later, it still didn’t feel true.

“You just gonna sleep all day, angel?” Cas rolled onto his back and smiled lazily up at Dean.

“Might as well. Nothing better to do.” Dean grinned.

“I’m better, do me.” Cas laughed and pulled Dean onto the bed by his towel. Dean settled on the memory foam mattress while Cas curled up against him. “We can stay in bed today if you want.”

“There really isn’t anything else to do.”

“I’m sure we could find _something_,” Dean said. “This place is huge. We could spend years here and still not open every door.” An uneasy silence fell over them and Cas had to bite his lip to keep from asking the question neither of them knew the answer to. Dean held him closer and kissed his head. “Sam will call us.” _Yeah, but when?_ Cas didn’t ask. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Dean’s fingers in his hair.

“What’s for breakfast?”

“Breakfast? Cas, it’s one in the afternoon.”

“Fine. What’s for lunch?”

“Burgers?” Cas hummed his agreement, realizing that that meant he’d have to let Dean get up. He snuggled closer.

“Yes, but later.”

“You’re awfully clingy today,” Dean commented, nuzzling his hair. “I like that.”

“Really?”

“Can I tell you secret?”

“Of course.”

“I like being close like this. This was always my favorite part of being in a relationship. I missed this after Lisa and I broke up, and I like that we can do this now, without feeling guilty about it.” Cas sat up a little and looked at Dean.

“Did you feel guilty?”

“A little. We weren’t even supposed to be friends. We agreed that what we had was purely physical and I didn’t…I felt like I was taking advantage of you. I could barely admit my feelings to myself and I didn’t know you felt the same way, so I felt guilty for taking pleasure in something that we hadn’t really talked about. I figured if you minded you would say something, but then I wondered if you were staying quiet because you didn’t wanna start a fight, like that night in your apartment.” Cas smiled in spite of himself. He had been a second away from going into one of his spirals, but Dean only felt guilty because they hadn’t talked about it. He leaned forward and pecked Dean’s nose. His face scrunched at the action and Cas laughed.

“You’re adorable. I didn’t mind. Actually, I was worried you minded, but I didn’t wanna say anything because I thought you’d end our arrangement and…I couldn’t deal with that. You’re the first person I’ve met in a long time that I can actually talk to and you don’t coddle me. You don’t treat me like I’m delicate or broken because of what happened to me. I need that, but no else seems to understand that.”

“Everyone’s got baggage, angel. That just comes with being people. Some people have more than others and some people are better at dealing with it than others. How have your nightmares been?”

“Better. You help.”

“Really?”

“Being near you helps anyway. I don’t have as many nightmares with you next to me. And when I do have them, waking up next to you calms me down.” Cas watched Dean try to discreetly wipe a tear from his eye and smirked. “Dean Winchester, are you crying?”

“No. Shut up.” Dean pushed him and Cas laughed. They shared a few long, lazy kisses and Cas whined a little when Dean moved to get up. “Come on, Cas. We’ve gotta eat and I should really put some clothes on.”

“I mean, you don’t _have_ to.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Later, babe.” Cas watched as Dean got out of bed and rummaged through the dresser. He came up with jeans, a t-shirt, and a flannel.

“Why do you wear so many layers?”

“Part of my aesthetic.”

“Your aesthetic should require less clothing.” Dean pulled his jeans on then dropped his towel. “And you did that in the wrong order.”

“You gonna be nit-picky all day or are we gonna eat?”

“Why can’t we do both?” Cas asked with a cocky smile. Dean threw his flannel at him. Cas caught it and pulled it on. “This is mine now.”

“I think all my clothes are yours now.” Dean walked over and pulled Cas to his feet. “Come on, angel. You can help. Just don’t get anything on that shirt. I like it.” Cas followed Dean down the maze of hallways to the kitchen. He sat the table and watched Dean work. Cas liked spending this kind of time with Dean. They hadn’t talked much about their relationship since they got to the bunker, but they were in a comfortable place. Everything they did felt natural. Like they were supposed to be together. Cas didn’t believe in soulmates, but if he did, he was pretty sure Dean would be his.

“I love you,” he said without thinking. Neither one of them had said it again since the cabin. Dean looked up from the onions he was chopping and smiled.

“I love you, too, Cas.” He went back to chopping and Cas continued to watch. He liked watching Dean cook. He was in his element when he was in the kitchen. Maybe it was just an older brother thing. Gabriel was good at cooking, too. Thinking about Gabriel sent a wave of guilt rolling through his stomach. He didn’t even know if his brother was still alive.

“Can we go somewhere?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve been here for over a month and we haven’t really been outside except to grocery shop. I wanna go outside.” Dean nodded.

“Okay. We can check out the town.” He set a plate in front of Cas. “Now eat.”

“So bossy.”

“Hey, I let you boss me around during everything else, I’m in charge in the kitchen.” Cas raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, you _let_ me boss you around?” Dean stilled by the stove and Cas smirked. Dean Winchester had the most badass reputation of anyone he knew, and yet he was putty in Cas’s hands.

“I’m gonna regret saying that, aren’t I?” He asked as he sat across from Cas at the table. Cas shrugged.

“We’ll see.” He bit into his burger and groaned. “Never mind, I forgive you.”

“Just like that?”

“Dean, I would kill someone for this burger. I would kill _you_ for this burger, if it asked me to.” Dean laughed.

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Where did you wanna go?”

“Could we just take a drive?”

“Man after my own heart. Sure. Just let me know when you wanna go.” Cas sighed around another mouthful of burger.

“Might be a while. I plan on dragging this out.”

“Keep that up and we won’t make it out of this room.”

“I’m not having sex on this table again, Winchester. Pretty sure we almost broke it last time.” Dean put his hand on the table and moved it. The table moved with it.

“Point taken. We might wanna fix that.”

“Later,” Cas said.

“Later,” Dean agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be tomorrow!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't sleep, so here's an update! Hope you all enjoy!

Dean stared at his phone. He did that whenever Cas wasn’t around. He stared at his phone and waited for Sam to call him. He was a nervous wreck, but he was trying not to let it show. He needed to be strong for Cas. He put his phone back in his pocket and headed for the kitchen. He pulled a beer out of the fridge and walked to the library. Cas was sitting at one of the tables, nose buried in a book. Dean smiled to himself. He sat across from the shifter and kicked his boots up on the table. Cas glanced up and smiled before going back to his book.

They had sort of fallen into a routine over the past few weeks. Once Cas discovered that the library had more than just lore books, he never really left the room, and Dean was okay with that. He was just happy that Cas seemed to be settling in. Neither one of them knew how long they were going to be stuck there and worrying about it wasn’t doing either of them any good. Of course, Dean was being a massive hypocrite. All he’d done since they got to the bunker was worry. He couldn’t help it. He’d abandoned his little brother.

Dean took his phone out of his pocket again. No one was going to text him. He knew that. Everyone back home thought he was dead. Sam’s plan had worked flawlessly. A couple decoy bodies, a little illusion magic, and everyone was convinced Dean and Cas were dead. He hated doing that to his friends, but it was the only way they could get away without anyone looking for them.

“I’m gonna take that phone from you.” Dean looked up. Cas was still looking at his book.

“Sorry.”

“Staring at it isn’t gonna make Sam call any sooner.”

“I know.” Dean slid his phone across the table, out of reach. “What do you wanna do today?”

“Movie marathon?”

“Actual movies or those boring documentaries you always make me watch.”

“I don’t _make you_ do anything. You’re more than welcome to leave the room if you don’t like them.”

“But then I’d be lonely,” Dean whined. Cas rolled his eyes, but Dean could see his smile behind his book.

“We can watch those stupid Westerns you like so much.”

“Excuse me, Clint Eastwood movies are _not_ stupid.”

“Yes, Dean, they are, but I tolerate them as a part of your personality.” Dean wasn’t going to admit it out loud, but that was more than Lisa had ever done for him. During the sixteen years they were together, he had always had to watch his movies alone and he hated that. He liked sitting on the couch, or in bed, curled up with next to someone, sharing a bowl of popcorn.

“I appreciate that,” he finally managed to say. Cas finally looked up from his book.

“You appreciate that I’ll sit and watch movies I don’t like with you?”

“Yeah.” Cas tilted his head.

“Why? I thought part of loving someone was wanting to make them happy?” Dean was quiet for a minute. It made sense when Cas said it. In all of his past relationships, he had just been so happy the person he loved loved him back that it hadn’t occurred to him that they should still do things to actually make him happy. He was aware that relationships were about equally giving and taking, but he had always assumed that loving him was enough giving.

“Guess I’m not all that great at relationships.”

“Makes two of us,” Cas said softly.

“We’ll figure it out.”

“What if we don’t?” Dean watched the panic flash across Cas’s face. He got up and moved to the other side of the table. He wrapped Cas in a warm hug and kissed his forehead.

“Hey. How long have…well, I guess can’t say how long have we been dating, so…how long have we been seeing each other?”

“About a year.”

“Right. Think about all the shit we’ve been through just in that year. If our families going to _war_ can’t break us up, nothing can.”

“Promise?” Cas asked in a whisper. Dean smiled softly.

“Promise. I’m kinda just realizing that I have no idea how relationships are supposed to work, but I like making you smile. So as long as I can do that every day, we’ll be just fine.” Dean almost gagged on the words. He had never been one to actually be sappy out loud, but it felt good once he did it.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why were you so freaked out when I called you?” It took Dean a minute to realize Cas was talking about the phone call that had had him driving like a bat out of hell to a cabin in the middle of nowhere.

“Well, for one thing, you broke our agreement. I figured the only reason you did that was because you were in trouble.” Dean swallowed. “I don’t know how in the loop Chuck kept you, but…Adam’s dead. He was killed by a sniper, according to the coroner. Chuck killed our youngest, so Mom and Dad decided that…taking you out was our next step. I tried to talk them out of it, I swear, but their minds were made up. When you called I thought…well, I thought you’d been shot. Which you had, but not by my family, which was honestly a little bit of a relief.”

“You didn’t even question me, though. I hung up and you came. You didn’t try to call back, you didn’t text me, you just showed up. Why? And why did you bring Sam?”

“Okay, I only brought Sam because he was in the room when I got the call and he wasn’t gonna let me go alone. I didn’t have time to argue with him so I didn’t. And I didn’t question you because you sounded scared. Whatever had happened was bad enough that you broke our deal, so I figured it had to be important.”

“I was scared,” Cas admitted, “but I wasn’t scared that I was gonna die. I was scared I wouldn’t get to see you again before I did. I was scared I wouldn’t get to tell you how I feel. Even if you didn’t feel the same way, I thought you should know. Then I didn’t die and I really thought you were gonna tell me that you liked me well enough, but you didn’t love me.”

“Cas, angel, that mixtape should’ve been enough of a hint.” That got Cas to laugh, easing the tension that had settled over the room.

“I guess so. No one makes mixtapes anymore. They just send each other playlists.”

“Boring. I wanted something timeless.” Dean kissed Cas gently. “I’ve loved you from the moment you gave me that record. I just didn’t realize it until I almost lost you.”

“I like you when you’re sappy.” Dean pushed Cas playfully.

“Shut up. Finish your book so we can watch Clint Eastwood.”

“Yes, dear.” The mocking tone in Cas’s voice made Dean chuckle. He made himself comfortable, resting his head on the shifter’s shoulder while he finished reading his book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update will be later today!
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Hope you all enjoy!

Cas bolted up in bed. He wasn’t screaming, thank god, but he was drenched in cold sweat. He looked over at Dean’s side of the bed and realized it was empty. Panic flooded his system. His chest tightened and he felt like he wanted to vomit. Dean was gone. His brain repeated those words over and over again like a mantra. _Dean’s gone, Dean’s gone, Dean’s gone_. He didn’t want to believe that, but at the same time, he wasn’t all that surprised. He had been waiting for this since he told Dean everything about Bartholomew.

Cas tried to calm his racing heart. He was overreacting. Dean’s side of the bed was still warm. He had probably just gotten up to go to the bathroom or something. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Dean really was gone. He was about to get up and investigate when Dean walked through the open door.

“Hey, you’re up.” Dean’s smile faltered when they made eye contact. The glass he’d been holding shattered as it hit the floor. Dean ran to Cas’s side of the bed. “Cas, angel, what happened? What’s wrong?” Too many emotions hit Cas all at once. The only way he could think to react was to grab onto Dean’s shirt and hold him close. He felt Dean’s fingers in his hair. “It’s okay, angel, I’m here.”

“I thought you left,” Cas said quietly after a few minutes. “I had a nightmare and when I woke up, you were gone. I thought you left and I got scared.”

“Oh. Shit, Cas, I’m sorry. I was just getting some water. I shouldn’t’ve left you alone like that.”

“You didn’t know.”

“Doesn’t matter. I know you get nightmares and I shouldn’t leave you alone at night. I’ll just leave a bottle of water on the table.” Cas lifted his head off Dean’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to do that. You shouldn’t have to change your habits just because I have nightmares sometimes.” Dean smiled and kissed his forehead.

“It’s okay, Cas. This is new for both of us and you have every right to be scared.”

“I know, but you still shouldn’t have to change things for me.”

“Why do I feel like this isn’t about my glass of water?” Cas drew up his knees and curled into a ball. He was tired and he didn’t want to have this conversation, but he knew Dean wouldn’t let it go.

“I’m not worth this,” he said, more to himself than to Dean. “I’m too messed up. You should’ve left a long time ago. I thought you were gone and I wasn’t even surprised. I’ve been waiting for you to leave since the moment we got here.” Cas looked at Dean. The vampire’s face was unreadable. Cas held himself tighter.

“Cas, I love you, but you’re an idiot.”

“What?”

“You’re so much more awesome than you think you are. I told you, it doesn’t matter what you’ve been through, it matters who you are. I’m not blind. I know you have issues and I know they’re not just gonna go away. I knew that going into this. I love you for exactly who you are, problems included. And you don’t have to believe me. I’m gonna prove it to you.” Dean ended his little speech by tilting Cas’s head up and kissing him.

“You’re very sweet. I love you, too.” Cas closed his eyes and curled against Dean. He wanted to believe him, but there was still a small part of his brain telling him that Dean was going to leave him, eventually.

“Go back to sleep, angel. I’ll be here when you wake up next time.”

*** *** ***

True to his word, Dean was right beside him when Cas woke up a few hours later. He rolled over and buried his face in Dean’s neck. Dean shifted a little, but otherwise he didn’t move. Cas sighed and snuggled closer. He wasn’t tired by any means, but he didn’t want to move. He was warm and comfortable. He must have drifted back off to sleep because the next thing he knew Dean’s alarm was going off. They never had to be anywhere, but Dean liked to set an alarm so they didn’t stay in bed _all_ day.

“Too early,” Cas grumbled, reaching over Dean to shut off the loud noise.

“It’s noon, Cas.”

“Too early,” Cas repeated, burying himself in the covers. Dean rolled over and kissed his cheek. Cas grunted in response.

“You want food?”

“I wanna stay here and not move.”

“Okay. How about you find something on Netflix and I’ll get us some breakfast.” Cas smiled up at Dean.

“I’d like that.” Dean gave Cas the remote and kissed the top of his head before climbing out of bed. Cas settled against the pillows and turned on the TV. He and Dean shared a Netflix account now, but he insisted they have separate profiles. Cas could sit through Dean’s stupid Westerns, but he didn’t want them cluttering up his very organized watch list. He scrolled through a few things before settling on a show.

As he waited for Dean to come back, his mind started to wander. He wished he could call Gabriel. He just wanted to know that his brother was alive. Everything Gabriel had done for him, and Cas had abandoned him to keep himself safe. It was selfish. Maybe it was necessary, but it was selfish. All he ever did was run away. This time should have been different, but it wasn’t. Their city was at war, their _families_ were at war, and Cas had run away with Dean. He ran away from the problem instead of facing it and the guilt of the decision was beginning to bubble up.

Cas shook his head. Gabriel would be pissed at him for feeling guilty. He didn’t have a choice. Not only did he have a target on his back from the Winchesters, he had one on his back from his own family. There was no way he could stay in the city. He would have been shot the second he walked outside. They could have stayed at the cabin, but someone was bound to find it eventually. Faking their deaths was the only way. It made sure that no one would come looking for them. It made sure that they could stay safe until Sam called.

Cas was dreading that call. He wanted to see his brother and his friends again, but he was enjoying his time with Dean. They were in their own little bubble where the worst thing that happened was that someone forgot to do laundry. Once Sam called, reality would come back and smack him in the face. What he had with Dean was real, but only circumstantially. When they got back to whatever remained of the city, they couldn’t do the things they were doing now. They would have to resume their roles in their families and all the nice things would disappear.

“Dude, I was gone for twenty minutes. Don’t start spiraling on me or I’ll have to handcuff us together.” Cas tore his gaze away from the TV he wasn’t actually watching and made eye contact with Dean.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just eat your waffles.” Dean handed Cas a plate and settled beside him on the bed. “What are we watching?”

“Lucifer.”

“Ooh, attractive people. Good choice.”

“I more thought the plot looked interesting.”

“Well, then, you can watch for the plot and I’ll watch for the attractive people.” Dean gave Cas a cocky grin and Cas rolled his eyes. He started the show before digging into his waffles. He tried to keep his little sighs of pleasure to a minimum so they could watch the show without subtitles, but God he really would kill someone for Dean’s cooking. “Slow down or you’ll choke. I don’t wanna have to tell your brother we escaped the war only for you to choke to death on a waffle.” Cas laughed.

“Wouldn’t be the worst way to go.”

“No, but I think of a few much better ways.” The wink that followed had Cas rolling his eyes again.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Maybe so, but one, takes one to know one and B, even if it didn’t, you’re still dating me, so what does that say about you?”

“I take pity on you.”

“Wow. Okay then.” Dean turned his attention back to the TV with a pout on his face. Cas finished his waffles before gently nudging Dean with his elbow. Dean moved away a little.

“Seriously, you’re gonna do this?” Dean folded his arms and huffed quietly. Cas bit back a laugh. “Come on, Dean, I’m sorry.” He leaned over and placed a line of kisses along Dean’s neck. When he didn’t respond, Cas moved closer and nipped at the spot just behind Dean’s ear. Dean shuddered a little.

“That’s playing dirty,” he grumbled and Cas grinned.

“Yeah, but it worked.” Cas was so caught up in waiting for Dean’s inevitable snarky reply that he didn’t notice the vampire moving until he was flat on his back on the mattress with Dean hovering above him. Dean leaned down and pressed their lips together in a searing kiss that was over far too quickly in Cas’s opinion. “Hey!” He snapped when Dean went back to watching TV like nothing happened.

“What? I thought you liked playing dirty?” Cas growled low in his throat and Dean’s smirk slipped as he swallowed hard. He stayed quiet and Cas raised an eyebrow.

“That’s what I thought.” He sat up a little and lifted Dean’s arm so it was wrapped around his shoulders. He snuggled down against the vampire and focused his attention on the TV, trying to figure out what he had missed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I seriously meant to update this a lot sooner. I was up all night, but every time I thought to do it, I got distracted working on other projects. Anyway, enjoy!

Dean chucked a fry at Cas across the table. It felt weird to be out in public and not hide the fact that they were a couple, but it was nice, too. They’d been in Lebanon for almost six months and they’d settled into an almost daily routine. At the moment, they were sitting in their usual diner, eating bacon cheese burgers and sharing a milkshake. Well, they were supposed to be sharing, but Dean had been keeping it closer to his side of the table.

“Do you wanna go to the movies later?” Dean asked.

“There’s nothing good playing.”

“So we go to a bad one and make out.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“Why pay to do something we can do for free at home? And we can do it while watching a movie we actually like.”

“You are absolutely no fun.”

“Thank you.”

“Come on, Cas. We’ve got this incredible opportunity to do whatever we want. Live a little!”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Fine.” Eliot came over.

“Can I get you guys anything else?”

“We’re gonna need another milkshake,” Cas said, giving Dean a playful glare.

“I told you to order your own.”

“I thought you’d be nice and share.”

“I don’t share food, angel, you know that.” To prove his point, Dean took a long drink from the milkshake. Eliot laughed.

“Milkshake coming up.” He walked away and Dean leaned forward on the table.

“Just the two of us sucks. You feel so far away.”

“Well, I could move over.” Dean shook his head.

“Same-side of the booth couples are the worst.”

“We’ll make up for lost time in the car.”

“Baby. Her name is Baby.”

“I refuse to call it that. It’s a car, Dean.”

“She is the love of my life and I would take a bullet for her. You will treat her with the respect she deserves.”

“Yes, dear.” Dean laughed at Cas’s dead serious tone. Eliot dropped off Cas’s milkshake and walked away again. Cas unwrapped the tip of his straw and shot the wrapper at Dean. Dean grinned.

“Oh, you wanna play that game, huh?” Dean unwrapped his silverware and folded the little piece of paper into a tiny paper airplane. He was about to throw it at Cas when someone ran up to the table and said,

“Hi, I’m Jack!” Dean jumped and dropped the airplane. He looked at the kid standing beside the table. Before he or Cas could say anything a girl who looked about mid-twenties came over.

“Sorry about him. He gets excited when he sees people who look nice.” She put her hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Jack, what have I told you about talking to strangers?”

“Don’t do it,” Jack said quietly. He looked at Dean and Cas. “Sorry.” Cas smiled.

“It’s quite all right, Jack, but she’s right. You shouldn’t talk to strangers.” He held out his hand. “I’m Cas, and this is my boyfriend Dean.”The word “boyfriend” snapped Dean back to reality. He grinned at Cas before extending his hand to the girl.

“Nice to meet you,” she said, “I’m Claire.”

“So, Claire, what brings you two to Lebanon.”

“Just passing through. We were gonna stay at the motel, but they’re booked, so we’re moving on.” Jack tugged on Claire’s sleeve.

“I have to pee.” Claire pointed Jack in the direction of the bathroom and sighed as she watched him walk away.

“Are you guys siblings?” Dean asked just to make conversation.

“We might as well be. I met him a few years ago on the street. He looked lost so I just kinda adopted him as my little brother.”

“That was nice of you,” Cas said.

“I guess. I mean, we move around a lot, but I guess it’s better for him that being out on the streets alone.”

“Why do you move around so much, if you don’t mind my asking?” Cas was fishing and Dean knew it. He glanced at Cas and shook his head slightly. Cas held up a finger while Claire answered.

“Haven’t been able to save up enough money to rent us a place.” Cas looked back at Dean and raised an eyebrow. Dean sighed. He knew what Cas was asking and he wanted to say ‘no’, but he couldn’t. Not when he was looking at him like that. He rolled his eyes, but nodded. Cas smiled.

“Claire, if you’d like, you could stay with us for a little while. Our place is so huge you’d probably forget we’re even there.” Claire shifted a little and Cas’s smile softened. “I understand if you’re wary, but we really do just wanna help. Right, Dean?” They both looked at Dean.

“Kids shouldn’t be out on the street,” he said. “We’re not going anywhere for a while, so you can crash with us if you want. We’ll stay out of your way until you get settled, if that would make you feel better.” Claire hesitated before saying,

“Thank you, but-.” She was cut off by Jack running over.

“Claire! Claire! Can I have a milkshake?”

“Why don’t you let us buy you both lunch and we can talk some more?” Cas offered.

“Can we, Claire? Can we? Can we?” Claire looked at Jack. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. He was clearly excited and Dean could tell Claire didn’t want to disappoint him. He understood that feeling all too well.

“Even if you won’t accept our offer, at least let us do this,” he said. He moved out of the booth and sat beside Cas.

“You just wanted an excuse to sit next to me, didn’t you?” Cas asked quietly as Claire and Jack sat in the other side of the booth. Dean shrugged, but he couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah, but you love me anyway.”

“Yes, I do.” Cas turned to Claire and Jack. “Get whatever you want. Money’s not a problem.” Dean elbowed him. Eliot came over to give them their check and raised an eyebrow.

“We made some friends,” Dean said. “Add whatever they get to our tab.”

“Are you sure?” Claire asked. She still looked hesitant.

“Positive,” Cas assured her. Once she and Jack had ordered, Dean folded his arms on the table.

“As far as our offer goes, we’re not asking for anything from either of you. It would just be a place for you to stay while you try to save up some money. We’re not planning on going anywhere for at least a year. Probably longer. We’re staying in a bunker my dad built in the event of some kind of global disaster. It was designed to house our entire family so we’ve got plenty of room. Obviously you’re not under any obligation to say yes, but we really do just wanna help you.”

“I don’t know,” Claire said. “It’s not that we don’t appreciate it, I just don’t wanna…you don’t know us. We don’t know you. No offense, but this kinda feels like the setup to a horror movie. I don’t want either of us to end up dead in your basement, ya know?” Cas looked horrified, but Dean laughed because she wasn’t entirely wrong.

“Point taken. We could stand to get to know each other better. My name is Dean Winchester. I’m an Aquarius. I like sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky people. I’m also a vampire. This is Castiel Novak. He likes bees.”

“That’s it?” Cas raised an eyebrow. “After a year and a half, that’s all you know about me?”

“Fine, fine, fine. He’s a Cancer. He likes bees, nature documentaries, and calling me an idiot. He’s also a shapeshifter.” Cas reached over and smacked Dean in the back of the head. “Hey! I was being honest!”

“You’re an idiot.” Dean grinned.

“See!” Claire and Jack laughed.

“Well, I will say this,” Claire said, “you two make an adorable couple.” She looked at Jack. “We’ll think about it. Does that work?”

“Of course.” Dean grabbed a napkin and flagged Eliot down for a pen. He scribbled the address for the bunker on the napkin. “It’s kinda hard to find, but just look for a big, black car. I’ll make sure she’s parked out front so you can see her.”

“Oh, God. You’re one of those people who genders their car.”

“Baby could be a ‘him’ too, I’ve just always called her ‘her’. My dad did, so I do.”

“It’s stupid and he knows it, but he refuses to admit it.”

“I _will_ bite you,” Dean growled, momentarily forgetting that they weren’t alone. Thankfully, Cas remembered and didn’t take the bait. He did give Dean that look, though. The one that said they would finish the conversation later. Dean stayed quiet as Eliot dropped off Claire’s and Jack’s food, and the check. Dean picked it up and looked at it, then took some cash out of his wallet.

“Keep the change,” Cas said for him. Then to Claire and Jack, “We’ll let you two eat in peace and think about it. We’re home most the time, so if you do decide to take us up on our offer, come by any time.”

“Thank you,” Claire said with a small smile.

“Thanks!” Jack echoed with a much bigger smile. Dean and Cas slid out of the booth and walked outside.

“You think they’ll show up?” Dean asked once they were in Baby.

“I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be in a few hours!
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!
> 
> I know I'm a little behind on replying to comments. Work has been kicking my ass and it's about to get some much worse, but I promise I'll get to all of them!


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Hope you all enjoy!

“Cas, can I have a cookie?” Cas smiled down at Jack.

“What did Claire say?” Jack looked at his shoes.

“She said no.” Cas took one of the cookies off the cooling rack and handed to him.

“Then make sure she doesn’t see it.” Jack broke into a grin.

“Thanks, Cas!” He took the cookie and ran out of the kitchen. Cas watched him with a fond smile.

“You spoil that boy,” Dean said, placing another tray of cookies into the oven. Claire and Jack had been living with them for almost two weeks and Jack had latched onto Cas pretty quickly. Cas didn’t mind.

“Dean, I’m probably never gonna have kids of my own. Let me live vicariously.”

“I didn’t know you liked kids so much.” Dean leaned against the counter and folded his arms. “You never mentioned it.”

“Guess I never saw a reason to. I love kids. Or maybe I just like the idea of giving a kid the childhood I wish I’d had.” Cas shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does, angel.”

“Why? It’s not like-.” Cas bit his tongue to keep himself from saying something he shouldn’t.

“It’s not like what?”

“Nothing. Never mind.” Cas turned to the sink and started washing the dishes. He could feel Dean’s eyes on him. He wasn’t going to let it go, and Cas knew that. He managed to get all the dishes washed, dried, and put away before Dean said,

“Talk to me.”

“It’s not important, Dean.”

“If it wasn’t important then you definitely would’ve wasted my time with it. What’s wrong?” Cas swallowed before turning to face his boyfriend.

“We’ve never talked about the future. For a while, I didn’t even think we’d _have_ a future. And we might not. We don’t know when, or even _if_, we’ll ever go back, and if we do, we don’t know what’ll be waiting for us. I never brought up kids because what’s the point? Why talk about something that might never happen? Why get my hopes up that I could ever have something I’ve always wanted?” Dean was by his side before he even got through his speech. Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck and held him tightly.

“You’re allowed to want things, Cas,” Dean said softly. “We can talk about the future if you want. I just didn’t wanna say anything because I didn’t know where you were on all this.”

“I’d like to talk about it, but not right now. Later. When we have time.” Dean nodded.

“Okay.” He kissed Cas’s temple. “Here, have a cookie.” Cas laughed and took the cookie Dean was holding.

“Thank you.” He was going to kiss him when a voice behind him said,

“Which one of you idiots gave Jack a cookie?” Cas turned around. Claire was standing in the doorway to the kitchen with her arms crossed and murder in her eyes.

“Fucking snitch,” Dean muttered in Cas’s ear and Cas laughed.

“Well?” Claire snapped.

“I did,” Cas admitted. “Sorry. I know you told him no, but he looked so sad.”

“Puppy eyes? You fell for puppy eyes? Seriously?” Cas shrugged.

“In his defense, Jack has killer puppy eyes,” Dean said.

“Well, then you two can deal with him later when he’s hyper.”

“I’m really sorry, Claire. We’ll keep an eye on him for you. And you can help yourself to the cookies. Dean made way too many.”

“The recipe was for four to six people.”

“Yeah, and there’s four of us, so why’d you double it?”

“Because serving sizes are bullshit, Cas. I’m a grownup and if I wanna eat eleven cookies, then I’m gonna eat eleven cookies.” Cas shook his head and kissed Dean’s cheek.

“Ew. Can you two go be cute somewhere else?”

“So you admit we’re cute.” Claire rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I wanna see it.”

“Come on, angel. We’ve got a kid to watch.” Dean walked out of the kitchen. Cas hung back for a minute.

“Are guys settling in okay?”

“Yeah, we’re good. Jack’s happier than I’ve ever seen him. He really likes you.” Cas smiled.

“He’s a good kid. I meant to ask you earlier, are you human? Normally I wouldn’t ask, but you didn’t seem fazed when Dean told you I’m a shifter and he’s a vamp.”

“I’m a witch,” Claire said. “Jack’s my familiar. I didn’t know that when I first met him, but I guess I should’ve. I felt drawn to him.” Cas nodded.

“Well, you’re more than welcome to practice your magic here if you’d like. There’s plenty of books in the library on witchcraft.”

“Thanks, Cas.”

“Of course.” A loud crash came from somewhere in the direction of the library and Cas sighed. “I should go check on them.” He walked towards the library. Dean and Jack were sitting at one of the tables. Jack was laughing while Dean stacked Jenga blocks.

“Jack, the point of the game is to _not_ knock the tower over.”

“But it’s fun!” Dean smiled and ruffled Jack’s hair. Something warm tugged in Cas’s chest. He cleared his throat to keep from choking up.

“You two having fun?”

“Trying to,” Dean said, “but he keeps knocking the tower over.”

“I have a better game,” Cas said. He picked up the pack of cards he and Dean had been using to play poker and sat across from Jack. “It’s called Smoke and Fire. Every time you see a black card you say smoke and every time you see a red card you say fire. Ready?” Jack nodded. Cas shuffled the cards a few times then held up the deck.

“Smoke.” They got through seven more cards before they came to a red one. “Fire,” Jack said and Cas bent his hand to shoot the cards at him. Jack burst into a fit of giggles as the cards rained on him.

“And now we have to pick them up,” Dean said.

“That’s the second part of the game. 52 Pickup.” Dean narrowed his eyes.

“Gabe taught you this game, didn’t he?” Cas grinned.

“Yup. When we were little. He would get me to laugh by shooting the cards at me and then he’d make me pick them all up.”

“I’ll get them!” Jack said brightly, scrambling out of the chair to pick up the cards that had scattered all over the floor.

“Thanks, kid.” Dean ruffled Jack’s hair again and Cas smiled.

“You’re sweet with him.” Dean shrugged.

“He’s a good kid.” Dean folded his arms on the table and smiled softly. “I’m glad they decided to stay with us.”

“Me, too.” Cas laced his fingers together and rested his chin on top of his hands. “Claire’s a witch. Jack’s her familiar.” Dean nodded.

“Cool.”

“If Sam calls before they leave, we should take them with us, if they want. They should meet Sam and the coven. I think they could help them.”

“Okay. I don’t have a problem with that. I just don’t know how my dad’s gonna feel about me picking random kids up off the street and befriending them.” Cas tilted his head.

“Does it matter?”

“Not really. But they might have to stay with you.”

“I’m more than okay with that. My apartment gets lonely sometimes.” He turned his head and watched Jack crawl around on the floor, trying to find all the cards. He smiled fondly, but it made his heart ache a little. He looked back at Dean and caught the vampire staring at him. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s good to see you happy.” Dean got up and walked around the table. He dropped a kiss on Cas’s head. “I’m gonna go take a shower. Figure out what everyone wants for dinner.” Cas watched Dean leave the library. Then he helped Jack find the rest of the cards before taking him into the kitchen to decide on dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Sunday!
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!
> 
> I promise I will be responding to comments when I get home from work (apparently off-days are non existent for me)


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends. I once again can't sleep (shocking, I know), so here's an update. Enjoy!
> 
> Warning, this chapter is all smut. I apologize in advance if it sucks. Still not my area of expertise.

Dean woke up in the middle of the night to Cas’s irregular breathing. That usually meant he was having a nightmare. He opened his eyes and rolled over. Cas was still asleep, but he was sweating, shaking, and panting. Dean gathered his boyfriend in his arms and kissed his temple. He softly hummed _Ramble On_ until Cas had calmed down a little. Then he nuzzled the shifter’s neck, placing gentle kisses along the column of his throat, hoping to wake him up slowly. After a minute, Cas’s eyes fluttered open. He smiled sleepily.

“Someone’s in a mood,” he mumbled.

“You were having a nightmare,” Dean said, giving Cas a proper kiss. “I didn’t want you to wake up scared.”

“Thank you.” Cas cupped his face and kissed him a little deeper. Dean sighed into it.

“Is the door locked?”

“Yes, why?”

“Because, if you let me, I’m gonna do stuff to you that no child should ever see.” Cas pulled out of the kiss and settled back against the pillows.

“I’m all yours.” Dean growled low in his throat before attaching his lips to Cas’s neck.

“Can I?” Cas nodded and Dean sank his fangs in. As he slowly drank Cas’s blood, Dean moved his hands down to pull off his sweatpants. Cas kicked them off the rest of the way, then worked Dean’s off while Dean licked the puncture wound closed. Then he moved his lips down his neck and across his chest. Beneath him, Cas seemed to be growing impatient. He bucked his hips upward, creating blissful friction that sent a heat coiling through Dean’s body.

“Getting impatient, are we?” he managed to ask, his voice a few octaves lower than normal.

“Yes. I want you to fuck me.” Dean froze. They had talked about switching a few times, but Cas had always said he wasn’t ready, and after what he went through with his ex, Dean didn’t blame him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I trust you.” Dean’s throat closed a little. No matter how many times Cas said that, it never failed to choke him up. He loved that Cas trusted him so much.

“Okay, but we’re gonna do this slow.” Cas nodded and Dean kissed him slow and deep. “I love you, Cas.”

“I love you, Dean.” For all the times they had said those words since moving into the bunker, they never once said them in bed and Dean felt something warm blooming in his chest. He moved his lips across Cas’s chest and down his stomach. He nipped and sucked at his hip bones before licking the tip of Cas’s leaking dick. Cas gasped softly. Dean smirked before swallowing the whole thing in one fluid motion, the tip hitting the back of his throat.

“Fuck, Dean.” Cas moved his hips and Dean swallowed to keep from choking. He set slow, but steady pace the never failed to bring Cas to edge without actually pushing him over. While he worked Cas’s dick with his mouth, his hand moved beneath him and his finger lightly pressed against Cas’s hole. Cas’s hands gripped Dean’s hair. “Dean.” Dean pulled off Cas’s dick with a wet pop.

“Easy, angel.” He spread his cheeks and pressed his tongue against his hole. Cas gasped, but didn’t say anything. Dean teased the entrance, gently biting at the sensitive skin. He dipped his tongue inside, slowly working him open.

“More, Dean,” Cas begged, moving his hips. Dean chuckled and took his mouth back. Cas whined at the loss of contact. Dean sat up and pulled a bottle of lube out of the nightstand drawer. He coated his hand then pressed his finger against Cas’s hole. He teased him a little longer before giving in to his own desire. He worked his first finger in slowly. When he got it up to the webbing, he pulled it out and pushed it back in, slowly stretching him out.

“Please, Dean, more.” Cas was practically vibrating with tension and Dean could see the precome leaking from his tip. He was barely hanging on himself, his rock hard length hanging heavily between his legs, but he was going to do this slowly. He had had bad experiences with under preparation and he didn’t want to hurt him.

Dean worked Cas open until he was able to slide a second finger in. He pushed it in as far as he could then began to scissor him open gently. By the time he got three fingers in, Cas was fucking himself on Dean’s fingers. Dean moved his fingers and gazed his prostate. Cas cried out, throwing his head back. Dean leaned forward and captured his mouth in a hot kiss before he placed his lips against the shell of his ear.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard you forget your own name,” he growled, thrusting his fingers against Cas’s prostate again.

“Yes, please!” Cas begged. Dean squeezed more lube into his hand and slicked himself up. He kissed Cas again as he lined himself up with his entrance. Without warning he pushed in and bottomed out. Cas cried out. Dean gave him a minute the adjust before pulling almost all the way and slamming back in. He set a steady rhythm that seemed to work for both of them until Cas said,

“Harder, Dean. Please.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you, angel.”

“You won’t.” Dean obliged, pounding into him harder and faster. They were both covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Dean knew he was close, but he wanted Cas to finish first. He picked up his pace a little more, striking Cas’s prostate with every thrust. He reached down with his free hand and wrapped his lubed fingers around him. He pumped him a fews times before Cas managed to say,

“I’m going to—.” The end of his sentence was cut off with a shout of Dean’s name as he came over his hand. Dean fucked him through his orgasm, milking him of every last drop. Cas’s hole clenched around him as he pounded into him. Three thrusts later and it was all over for Dean. He shouted Cas’s name as he came inside him. Waves of pleasure crashed through his body before he collapsed next to Cas on the bed.

“Shit, that was awesome,” Dean said once he got his breath back. “You feeling okay, Cas?”

“More than,” Cas assured him. “That was better than it ever was with Bart.”

“Good.” Cas curled up against Dean, blatantly ignoring the sticky substance leaking down his leg. “Come on,” Dean said, “we at least have to get cleaned up.”

“I don’t want to move,” Cas whined and Dean smiled.

“I know, angel, but we gotta.” He looked at his phone to check the time. It was a little past six in the morning. “Come on. We can shower then make breakfast. Jack’s gonna be up in a few minutes anyway.” Cas sighed.

“Fine.” Dean gave him a fleeting kiss before getting out of bed and leading him to the bathroom so they could start their day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile.
> 
> Also, please let me know if this sucks. Thanks!


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Enjoy!

“How dare you!?” Dean snapped. “I thought you loved me!?” Cas rolled his eyes.

“I don’t make the rules, Dean.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t play Monopoly,” Claire said.

“It’s fine, he’s just being a child,” Cas said.

“I am not!”

“Whine one more time and I’m gonna give the rest of the cookies in the kitchen to Jack.” Jack’s eyes lit up.

“Really?”

“Hey, I made those cookies!”

“And I’m taking them away if you don’t behave.” Dean huffed and crossed his arms, but he didn’t say anything else. Cas smirked. He knew Dean was being childish on purpose and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. He liked when Dean got like that. It meant he was happy and comfortable. The fact that he was acting like that in front of Jack and Claire meant he was comfortable with them and that made Cas happy.

“Can I have a cookie, Claire?” Jack asked. Claire sighed and gave Cas a point look.

“I can’t say no, because even if I do, you’ll just give him one anyway.”

“Guilty,” Cas agreed. “Yes, you can have a cookie, Jack. They’re in the kitchen, on the counter.”

“Grab me one, too, kid!” Dean called after Jack as he ran out of the room.

“You two spoil him too much,” Claire said.

“Sorry, but I can’t say no to him,” Cas said.

“And I can’t say not to him,” Dean added, pointing at Cas. Claire rolled her eyes.

“You two are sickeningly adorable.”

“We’re making up for lost time.”

“What do you mean?” Dean and Cas looked at each other. Dean shrugged and Cas nodded.

“You gave us your backstory, but we never have you ours,” Dean said. “We’re not from here. We’re from Lawrence.” Claire frowned.

“That city that’s been on the news? The one being torn apart by war?” Dean and Cas both nodded.

“My last name is Winchester. His is Novak. Our families had been on the brink of war for years, but about a year ago everything toppled. We tried to stop it, but there was nothing we could do. So we ran.”

“Our brothers said it was the only way to keep us safe and they wouldn’t take no for an answer,” Cas added. “That’s the short version.” Claire stared at them for a minute before she started to laugh.

“I’m sorry, it’s not funny, but that’s so Romeo and Juliet.”

“They killed themselves,” Cas said.

“I know, but just the whole star-crossed lovers thing. It’s good you guys got out though. If you hadn’t, we never would’ve met you and we’d still be on the street. My dad used to say everything happens for a reason. Guess he was right.” Cas smiled at Dean.

“I guess he was. We wanted to ask, when Sam calls us to go back, would you like to come with us? We know a coven that might be able to help you with your powers.”

“I’ll talk to Jack. Do you know when that’ll be?”

“I wish we did,” Dean said on a sigh. “It’s been almost a year and we haven’t heard anything.” Cas reached over a squeezed Dean’s hand reassuringly. He knew Dean missed Sam. He missed Gabriel every single day. He stayed up some nights just wondering if his brother was still alive. He couldn’t stomach the thought that he might be dead, but he knew it was a very real possibility.

“What if he doesn’t call?” Claire asked.

“We try not the think about that. We know the odds of anyone making it out alive and we’re just hoping for the best at this point.” Claire nodded and didn’t say anything else. Jack came back from the kitchen with two cookies. He frowned.

“Why did everyone get sad? We were having fun!” Dean smiled and ruffled his hair.

“It’s nothing, kid. Thanks for the cookie.”

“You’re welcome!” Jack sat back down beside Claire. “Whose turn is it?”

“It was mine before Dean threw a bitch fit,” Claire said.

“I didn’t throw a bitch fit! He betrayed me!”

“It’s just a game, Dean.” Dean broke off a piece of his cookie and threw it at Cas. Cas managed to catch it and popped it into his mouth. “Thank you.”

They played Monopoly for another few hours before Jack announced that he was tired and stumbled off to his room with Claire not far behind.

“Do you think they’ll come with us?” Dean asked as they put the game away.

“I hope so. I think it would be good for them.” Cas caught Dean’s sappy smile. “What?”

“You’re an awesome dad. I know Jack and Claire aren’t our kids, but...I dunno, you’re good with them.” Cas laughed.

“Hardly. I’m pretty sure Claire hates me just a little.”

“She’s just jealous that Jack likes you more.” Dean kissed Cas’s cheek. “My point was, I can see you as a dad. Me, not so much. I was terrified enough when Benny told me I was gonna be an uncle. Being a dad doesn’t feel like something I’d be good at.” Cas recognized the look in Dean’s eyes immediately. He was trying to apologize. It took Cas minute to figure what for, but when he did, he smiled softly.

“Dean, you don’t have to worry about that right now. One thing at a time. First, we have to wait for Sam’s call and see what we’re dealing with when we get back. We can talk about everything else once we get settled back in. We have time.”

“But what if we don’t, Cas?” Dean was tapping his fingers harshly against the table, the only physical evidence of his panic. He sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face. “Shit, Cas, what if we don’t have time? Even if Sam does call and tell us it’s safe, who says we won’t be shot on sight by someone the second we get back to the city?” Dean had his eyes glued to the table, but Cas could see he was fighting back tears. “I don’t just wanna give you the life you want. I wanna give you the life you deserve, and I don’t think I can do that because of...just who I am.”

“Dean, stop talking.” Cas closed the distance between them and wrapped his boyfriend in a warm hug. “I don’t care what the future looks like as long as you’re in it. Yes, I want kids, but if you’re not ready for that, it’s fine. We do have time. I’m not gonna lie. Every possible horrible scenario has been running through my head since we got here, but you’ve been keeping me from hitting that downward spiral that always damn near kills me. I know this is gonna sound really hypocritical, but I need you to talk to me so you don’t slip into that mindset. Please.” Cas suddenly realized that the panic was feeling must be exactly how Gabriel always felt when he found him. Guilt joined his panic and he could feel the bile crawling up his throat.

“Jesus, Cas, you’re shaking. I’m sorry if I scared you. I didn’t mean to.” Cas felt Dean’s lips on his temple. He closed his eyes and buried his face in vampire’s neck.

“We’ll be okay,” he said, more to himself than out loud, but he felt Dean’s hum of agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Thursday!
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My work schedule changed and I have the next two days off, so here's an update! Enjoy!

Dean pulled his head out from under Baby’s hood when he heard the sound of gravel crunching under shoes.

“Thought you might want something to drink.”

“Thanks, angel.” Dean took the glass, making sure their fingers brushed as he did, then pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek. Cas chuckled. “What?”

“You’ve got grease right there.” He pointed at Dean’s forehead. Dean looked down at the grease smear on his hand and sighed.

“Damn it. I was getting better about that.” He reached for the rag in his back pocket, but Cas beat him to it.

“Here, I got it.”

“I can’t tell if that was sweet, or just an excuse to feel me up,” Dean said, narrowing his eyes playfully. Cas shrugged as he tucked the rag back into Dean’s pocket.

“Maybe a little bit of both. I knew you were a mechanic, but I’ve never actually seen you work on cars. It’s hot.”

“Yeah, Cas, because that’s why I do it. I’m a mechanic because I’m good at it. I’m a musician because it gets me laid.” Cas tilted his head.

“I still don’t get it.” Dean furrowed his brow.

“Don’t get what?”

“Gabe and Balthazar were always going on and on about you, even before we met. I don’t get it. I love you, but that’s because I got to know you. Before we met I hated you.”

“Well, you were supposed to.”

“I know that, but given your reputation, I just don’t get why people who don’t know you like you so much.” Dean grinned.

“Does the word charm mean anything to you?”

“No, not really,” Cas said with a small smile. Dean shoved him lightly.

“You’re an asshole.”

“You love me.”

“Yes, I do.” Dean set his glass on the roof and backed Cas against Baby. He kissed him deeply. “You know what we haven’t done in a while?”

“I’m gonna stop you right there, Winchester. Jack and Claire are gonna be back any minute. We don’t have time and I thought you had to finish what you were doing?” Dean sighed. He knew it was a long-shot, but he was getting desperate. He and Cas hadn’t had sex in almost a month. Not since the morning Cas let him top. As much as Dean liked having Jack and Claire with them, he missed when it was just him and Cas.

“Later? Please.” Cas cupped Dean’s cheek and gave him a much softer kiss.

“Definitely later. I’ll have Claire keep Jack busy.”

“Or we could just wait until they go to bed.”

“And what if Jack has another nightmare?”

“Right.” Dean sighed. “Fine. Later. You gonna stay out here with me or what?”

“Sure you can control yourself if I do?” Dean flipped Cas the bird before ducking his head back under Baby’s hood. He thought he heard Cas go back inside, but a minute later he heard the radio turn on. Dean started singing along to the Kansas song that was playing.

“Wish I could’ve grabbed my records,” he said when the song was over.

“Why? So we could listen to the same six albums over and over again?”

“God, you’re just as bad as Sam. What’s wrong with my albums?”

“Nothing, but hearing the same songs over and over again gets tiring after a while. Although, I do have this.” Dean looked up and almost hit his head. He backed out from under the hood and stood up. Cas was holding up the mixtape.

“How?”

“It’s been in my pocket since the day you gave it to me. I listened to it for a while and then I just kept it on me.” Cas broke eye contact. “It helps me.” Dean closed Baby’s hood and walked over to where Cas was standing. He lifted the shifter’s chin so he could look into those deep blue eyes.

“Hey, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m glad it helps you. How have your nightmares been?” Cas smiled.

“Basically gone at this point. Knowing you’re next to me helps.”

“Good. And you know you can wake me up if you need to.”

“I know.” Dean saw Cas’s face shift.

“Oh no. Don’t give me that look.”

“What look?”

“Your ‘I don’t wanna bother you’ look. Waking me up because you’re scared is never a bother. I want you to feel safe, and if you have to wake me up, wake up. I’d rather lose some sleep and know that you’re okay. It also lets me know that you trust me.”

“Okay.”

“Say it.”

“Say what?”

“Say that you promise you’ll always wake me up if you need me. And mean it.”

“I promise I’ll always wake you up if I need you.” The look didn’t vanish, but Dean decided not to call him on it because he didn’t want to start a fight. They had been living in the bunker for almost a year and a half and they hadn’t had any actual fights. He didn’t want to start now. Especially not about this.

“Ugh, how can you guys listen to this shit?”

“Oh good, you’re back,” Dean said dryly.

“You know you missed us,” Claire said.

“Maybe. How was the park?”

“Jack spent most of the time chasing a goose.”

“Why?” Cas asked.

“Because it bit him while he was feeding the ducks and he didn’t like that. So he want snake and chased it.” It wasn’t until she said that that Dean saw Jack curled around Claire’s shoulders, fast asleep. He steeled his nerves to keep from taking a step back. Claire must have noticed because she chuckled. “Vamp who’s afraid of snakes. You do realize how weird that is, right? I mean, you both have fangs. You’re practically cousins.”

“We are _not_ cousins. Not even close. And some snakes a deadly, so excuse me for being wary.” Claire rolled her eyes.

“Jack won’t hurt you, you know that.”

“Still gonna take some getting used to.”

“Well, here. Hold him.” This time Dean jumped back.

“Hell no. He can stay in snake form, but I’m not touching him. Take him inside and get him some food or something.”

“You’re such a baby,” Claire huffed. She turned on her heel and went inside. Dean took a deep breath. His rational mind knew that Jack wasn’t a threat to him, but the rest of his brain just saw a snake and panicked.

“Well, if you thought Claire hated you, I guarantee she hates me more.”

“She doesn’t hate you, Dean. She just wants you to like Jack.”

“I do like him. I just don’t like snakes. It’s nothing personal.” Cas put his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“I think I said something similar to you once, didn’t I?” Dean nodded. “Okay, and look where we are now. Like you said, it’s just gonna take some time. Are you done out here? Because I could use some lunch.”

“Yeah we can eat.” Dean grabbed his glass off of Baby’s roof and followed Cas inside. Claire was sitting at the kitchen table. “Where’s Jack?”

“I put him in his room so he could nap in peace.”

“You want lunch?”

“Sure. And I wanted to talk to you both.”

“Okay.” Cas sat down across from her at the table while Dean leaned against the counter.

“I’ve managed to save up enough money for me and Jack to get our own place. I mentioned it to him last night and…he got really upset. I think he wants to stay. If you don’t want us to that’s fine, but I was just wondering if we could.” Cas answered before Dean could even form a thought.

“Of course you can stay!” Dean nodded when Claire looked at him.

“You guys are family at this point. You can stay as long as you want.”

“Thanks. I’ll tell Jack when he wakes up.” Dean nodded again before turning towards the cabinets to get started on lunch. Cas and Claire were still talking quietly at the table, but Dean wasn’t paying attention. He was thinking about how much his life had changed over the last eighteen months. He had never seen himself as a family person and yet here he was with Cas, playing house with a twenty-four-year-old witch and her ten-year-old familiar. It wasn’t what he ever thought his life would look like, but he was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be in a few hours!
> 
> Love you guys! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I had a headache earlier and fell asleep. I set my alarm for two hours, but apparently I slept through it. Anyway, here's the second update for today! Enjoy!

Cas drummed his fingers on the table. It had been raining for two weeks and he was starting to go stir crazy. Normally he didn’t mind being inside, but Jack was starting to get restless and Cas couldn’t get a moment’s peace. The only reason he was alone now was because Dean had distracted Jack with some bubbles he had found. Cas sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He could feel his anxiety starting to surface. He looked at the mostly faded marks on his arms. He hadn’t scratched since the cabin and the perpetual marks were almost fully healed, leaving only his scars.

Jack had asked about them once. Claire told him it was rude to ask people personal questions like that before Cas even had a chance to open his mouth. He had been grateful for that. How was he supposed to explain them to a child? Especially one so happy and full of life and hope? It was never mentioned again, but Cas had noticed Claire being a little more careful around him. He was trying not to let it bother him. He had scars. Or course people were going to treat him differently. Dean was the exception, but Dean was the exception to a lot of things for Cas.

Cas looked up at the ceiling. He still wanted to sit down and have an actual conversation with Dean about the future, but there was never a good time. It had to be when they were completely alone because Cas knew it was going to dissolve into an argument. Dean could put on a front for a five minute talk, but once they sat down and had an actual conversation his true feelings would come out. Cas blinked back tears. He hated thinking like that, but he had to be realistic. For as long as he could remember, Cas had always wanted a family. He wanted someone who loved him. Someone he could adopt kids with. Dean wasn’t like that. He wasn’t the type to settle down. He might stay with Cas for a while (hell, he stayed with Lisa for sixteen years), but it probably wouldn’t go anywhere.

Cas shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. Yes, he had to think rationally, but he didn’t have to think cynically. Maybe Dean _would_ stay. Maybe Cas _could_ build the life he wanted with Dean. Or maybe they would both end up dead the second they crossed back into the city limits. Maybe they were putting Claire and Jack in jeopardy by offering to take them with them. The situation had too many variables, which was another reason he wanted to talk it out with Dean. If he tried to figure it out on his own he was going to send himself down a rabbit hole he wouldn’t be able to dig himself out of.

“Hey, angel.” Cas tipped his head back and smiled.

“Where’s Jack?”

“He’s blowing bubbles in his room. Claire’s using some magic to turn them into shapes. They’re having fun. What do you look all brooding and pensive about?”

“Nothing important.”

“Thinking about our brothers?”

“Well, I _wasn’t_. Thanks for that.”

“Sorry. I’m sure they’re okay.” Cas raised an eyebrow, but Dean didn’t retract his statement. “They know how to handle themselves. Well, Sam does, anyway.”

“Gabe’s probably holed up in his room, eating candy and drinking with Balt.”

“Sounds like a good time.”

“Can’t be any worse than this.”

“I thought you liked being inside?”

“When it’s by choice, yeah, but when I’m _stuck_ inside with a hyperactive ten-year-old…” Cas trailed off and Dean nodded.

“I get it. Hopefully it’ll stop raining soon.”

“We _could _turn the TV on.”

“No. You know the war is all everyone is talking about and I don’t wanna know anything until Sam calls.” Cas understood that, and he knew it was better if they didn’t know, but he was curious. “I know it’s raining, but do you wanna take a drive? You look like you could use some fresh air.”

“Sure.” Dean grabbed the pad of paper they had been using to play Boggle the night before and scribbled something on it.

“Come on, angel.” He got up and headed for the door. Cas stood up and glanced at the paper.

_Went for a drive. Call if you need anything. — D + C_

Cas smiled. Dean could have just told them they were going out, but he made a point to tell them to call if they needed anything. That was the side of Dean that Cas loved the most. The sweet, caring side that he very rarely let see the light of day. Cas walked up the stairs and out the door. It wasn’t until he was outside that he realized he should have grabbed a jacket. He ducked his head, like that would make any kind of difference, and ran to Dean’s car. Dean chuckled when he slid into the passenger’s seat.

“Might wanna grab a jacket next time, angel.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” Cas shook his head, sending water flying everywhere.

“Hey, come on! Don’t take it out on Baby!” Dean wiped a few droplets off the dashboard and flicked them in Cas’s direction. He put the car in gear and pulled away from the bunker. Cas stared out the window, watching the rain fall as Dean rummaged in the box beside him for a cassette tape.

“Here,” Cas said after ten minutes of Dean not being able to make a decision. He took his tape out of his pocket and pushed it in. He caught Dean’s smile out of the corner of his eye. “What? I told you I carry it with my everywhere.”

“I know.” Dean picked up the box of cassettes and set it on the backseat. Cas took that as an invitation to move closer. He laid down on the seat, his head resting on Dean’s leg, and kicked his feet up on the seat. “I’m trying to drive.”

“I’m not stopping you.” Cas smiled up at him and Dean laughed. He switched driving hands and rested his right hand on Cas’s head. Cas closed his eyes, letting the steady motion of the car and Dean’s hand lull him to sleep. The next time he opened his eyes the car was parked. Dean was humming along to the song that was playing. Cas sat up. Dean smiled at him.

“Hey, you’re awake.”

“Why’d you let me fall asleep?”

“You haven’t been sleeping well lately. You needed it.”

“How do you know I haven’t been sleeping well?”

“Cas, I sleep next to you. I can feel you tossing and turning all night. I told you to tell me when you can’t sleep.”

“It’s not nightmares,” Cas assured him. “I just can’t get to sleep.”

“Well, I can help with that.”

“I know you can, but you shouldn’t have to help me with everything. I’m an adult. I should be able to take care of myself.”

“Please don’t do that. You’re amazing, Cas. Yeah, you’ve got your issues, but you’re dealing with them and you’re getting better. And I wanna help you. I wanna help you become the best version of yourself.” Cas moved across the seat and cupped Dean’s face to pull him in for a kiss. “I wasn’t—.”

“I know you weren’t.” Cas kissed him again, a little more forcefully. He knew Dean hadn’t said that because he wanted sex. Dean never did that, but Cas was at a point where he didn’t trust his voice not to break if he tried to talk. Actions were the only way he could tell Dean what he was feeling.

Dean relaxed against the window and Cas settled on top of him. They shared long, languid kisses as the rain outside pounded against the car. Cas wasn’t in any hurry and Dean didn’t seem to mind. Cas really just wanted to stay there forever, just the two of them. Safe in their own little bubble where nothing went wrong. He knew he couldn’t though. They would have to get back to reality eventually.

“You think way too loud,” Dean grumbled against his lips. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking about how I wanted to stay here, with you.”

“We’ve got as long as we want, angel. Unless Claire or Jack call us.”

“That’s not what I meant. I meant, I don’t wanna go back. I wanna stay here.”

“Oh.” Dean’s smile turned sad. “I wish that were an option, but when Sam calls I have to go back. Even if only to see the extent of the damage and see who survived.” Cas nodded. He knew that and wanted to know which of his friends were still alive. But when Sam called, if Sam called, it would be to tell them it was safe. That didn’t necessarily mean that Chuck would be dead and there wasn’t a doubt in Cas’s mind that there would be serious repercussions for faking his death.

“We can talk more once he calls,” Cas decided. “No sense in worrying about it now.” Dean’s smile brightened.

“Good idea. I meant to ask, how’s your book coming?”

“It’s done until we go back. That’ll be the epilogue, I guess. What remains after the war is over.”

“Can I read it? I know I was feeding you ideas, but I haven’t actually gotten to read the whole thing.”

“Of course. It’s as much your book as it is mine at this point.”

“Did you put our story in there?” Cas shook his head.

“That would have to be a different book entirely.” Dean chuckled.

“Fair enough.” He looked at the clock on the dashboard. “All right, we’ve got two options. Fuck in the backseat and hope the kids don’t call, or just go home. Thoughts?”

“You know the second we try anything one of them is gonna call,” Cas said. “It never fails.” Dean sighed.

“I know. Let’s go.” He gave Cas one last, long kiss before he put the car in gear and started the drive back to the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be tomorrow!
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕 Your comments keep me going!


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First update for today! Enjoy!

Dean slowed down as he crossed back into the city limits. He was on edge and he could tell Cas was, too. He looked around as he drove the familiar route to the family hotel. Everything looked…normal. Perfectly normal. Like the entire city hadn’t spent the last two years getting torn apart by war.

“It’s quiet,” Cas commented and Dean realized he was right. The usual, steady hum of the city was gone. Replaced with an eerie silence. He turned the corner and saw Sam standing outside the hotel, waiting. Dean parked on the street and got out. He ran over and pulled his brother into a bone-crushing hug.

“Thank God you’re okay.” Sam hugged back.

“I’m fine.” Dean let his brother go when he heard Baby’s doors being opened. Cas walked up and smiled.

“Hello, Sam.”

“Hey, Cas.” Jack came running over.

“Hi, I’m Jack! You’re tall!” Sam chuckled.

“Nice to meet you, Jack.” He raised an eyebrow at Dean who just shook his head.

“Jack, you’ve gotta stop doing that,” Claire said on a sigh. “I’m Claire.” She held out her hand. “You must be Sam. Dean’s gone on and on.” Sam blushed a little and Dean grinned.

“Nice to meet you.”

“We should go inside,” Cas said. He was scanning their surrounding and he looked nervous. Dean put his arm around him.

“Good idea,” Sam said. “We’re in the conference room.”

“We?”

“Just come on.” Dean, Cas, Claire, and Jack followed Sam inside. Dean stuck close to Sam, just absorbing the fact that his little brother was alive. He felt Cas’s hand brush his, so he laced their fingers together. Sam opened the door to the conference room. Gabriel was leaning back in a chair with his feet up on the table, Charlie was biting her nails nervously, and Rowena was sitting quietly, drinking what was probably a cup of tea.

“Gabe!” Cas let go of Dean’s hand and ran over to his brother. Dean went over to Charlie.

“Hey, kiddo. Miss me?” Dean flashed his famous cocky grin. Charlie glared at him. “Okay, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you, but it was safer if less people knew.”

“I thought you were dead!” Charlie snapped. “Do you even...? Why would you do that!? Did you even think about how the rest of us would feel!? We had to bury you!” She started crying. Whether it was out of anger that he’d lied or relief that he was alive Dean couldn’t be sure, but he gathered her in a hug.

“I’m sorry. I really am. We didn’t have a choice.”

“I know,” Charlie muttered. “I’m glad you’re not dead, but I’m still mad at you.”

“You have every right to be.” Dean let Charlie go and looked at his brother. “What’s going on?”

“Sit down.” Dean sat in the chair beside Charlie. Cas sat beside Gabriel. Dean wanted to say something, but he could understand Cas wanting to be with his brother. Sam sat across from Dean. He poured a round of whiskey before he started talking. “The war is officially over. And if we have anything to say about it, it won’t ever start again.”

“What happened?” Cas asked.

“The short version, as soon as you two left the coven got to work on a spell. Something to take out the problem without any evidence pointing to anyone specific.”

“Chuck.” Cas looked to his brother for confirmation. Gabriel nodded.

“Dad and Naomi are dead. Official cause of death was heart attack for both of them.”

“Mom and Dad?” Dean asked Sam, even though he could take a guess at the answer. Sam swallowed some whiskey.

“Chuck got to them before the spell was finished. It was...Dean, it was bad and it was bloody.” Dean nodded once before downing his whiskey. He could grieve later. Right now he had to get through this meeting.

“What about everyone else?”

“Mark, Christian, and Gwen are dead.” _No loss there_, Dean thought before realizing how bad that sounded.

“Anyone else?”

“No one we were close to.”

“Okay.”

“What about us?” Cas asked.

“Dad and Naomi. Michael and Raphael are dead, too. And Meg...” Gabriel trailed off.

“What happened?” Cas didn’t look like he wanted to know, but he asked the question anyway.

“She insisted she had to be the one to cast the spell,” Rowena said. “I told her she wasn’t strong enough, but she said she had to do it for you. The spell went fine, but it burned her out. We did everything we could.” Cas nodded, but Dean could see the tears in his eyes.

“So what now?”

“Well,” Sam said, “with Dad dead that leaves you in charge.”

“And with everyone else dead that leaves me in charge,” Gabriel said, “but I don’t want it, so that leaves you.” He nodded at Cas.

“So we're in charge?”

“Yeah. We have to get paperwork squared away with the council since you’re both legally dead right now, but yeah. Effective immediately.” Dean and Cas looked at each other.

“First order of business,” Dean said.

“The fighting stops now,” Cas finished.

“Get the council together as soon as you can. We all need to sit down and have an actual meeting.”

“Done.”

“Can I ask a question?” Charlie said.

“I mean, technically you just did, but go ahead.” Charlie rolled her eyes at Sam before saying,

“Who are you guys?” Everyone in the room turned to look at Claire and Jack.

“Guess we should’ve done introductions first,” Dean said. “This is Claire and Jack.”

“Hi!” Jack waved and Charlie grinned.

“Oh, I’m gonna like you.”

“You’re a witch,” Rowena said and Claire nodded. “We should talk. Come with me, dear.” Claire looked at Dean.

“She’s the leader of the coven we told you about.”

“Oh. Come on, Jack.” Claire held out her arm. Jack shifted to his snake form and slithered up to Claire’s shoulder. Dean shuddered as they walked out of the room. He would never get used to that.

“So you’re just picking random people up off the street now?” Gabriel asked.

“We met them about six months after we got to the bunker,” Cas explained. “They didn’t have anywhere to go and we felt bad. We offered to let them stay with us until they could get a place of their own, but.” Cas shrugged and smiled at Dean.

“We like them and they like us, so here we are. And I was gonna ask them if they wanted to stay here. If that’s okay with you, Sammy.”

“God, I didn’t miss that,” Sam sighed. “Of course they can stay, if they want.”

“Thanks.”

“So what are you gonna do?” Cas asked Gabriel.

“I dunno. Open a candy store. Rob a bank. I haven’t decided yet. What are you two gonna do?”

“Well, I dunno about him, but I’m gonna go sleep in my own bed for the first time in two years,” Dean said. “We can talk more in the morning.” He sighed heavily and stood up. He hugged his brother, smacked Gabriel on the back of the head because he had been wanting to do that since they met, and gave Cas a long, slow kiss. Then he made his way up the stairs to his room. As he passed the door to what used to be Adam’s room, he felt a wave of grief wash over him. He went into his room and sat on his bed for a minute.

Dean knew he was well within his right to cry. Except for Sam, his entire family was dead. He hadn’t gotten along with some of them, but they were still his family. As tears ran down his cheeks, he dug around in his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a stack of old pictures and found his favorite one of him and his mother when he was four. He had spent a lot of time staring at that picture after the first time he lost her. It made him feel better, being able to see her. He was well into an emotional breakdown when someone knocked on his door. Before he could say anything, the door opened and Cas walked in. He didn’t say anything as he crossed the room. He sat down beside Dean and wrapped him in a hug.

Dean melted into the embrace. He had to be strong for Sam, but he knew he could be open with Cas. He also appreciated that Cas wasn’t talking. He wasn’t telling him that everything would be okay or that it would get better. He was just there for Dean to lean on. A warm body to hold him until he could get a grip on himself. It took twenty minutes, but Dean’s sobs eventually faded into soft hiccups. He lifted his head off Cas’s shoulder.

“Sorry,” he said when he realized Cas’s shirt was soaked.

“Don’t be.” Cas reached up and wiped a few stray tears from Dean’s cheek. “You lost people you love. You’re allowed to be upset. Here. Sam said you’d want this.” Cas pulled a small box out of his pocket. Dean lifted the lid and smiled. He picked up the necklace and slipped it over his head.

“I missed this.”

“I always meant to ask you about that. Why you always wore it and why you gave it to Sam before we left.”

“Sam gave this to me one Christmas after we thought our mom was dead. Dad was on a bender so we had Christmas by ourselves. He told me he found it at Bobby’s and thought it suited me. I put it on when he gave it to me and I never took it off. Not until we left. It made sense. If I were really dead, Sam would’ve buried me and kept the necklace. I told him to keep it safe for me and he did.”

“That’s sweet. The first thing Gabe did when you and Sam left the room was demand details about our sex life.” Dean had to laugh.

“Yeah, that sounds like him. He probably thinks that’s why you came up here.”

“Probably, but you’re way too emotionally vulnerable for that right now.”

“I’m gonna agree with you, but you tell anyone I’m gonna deny it with my dying breath.” Dean’s chuckle faded into a sigh. “I’m tired. I’m just…so tired.”

“Come on. Let’s get some sleep. We’re gonna have a lot to talk about tomorrow.” They both changed into pajamas and climbed into Dean’s bed. Cas immediately held Dean against him, his fingers carding gently through his hair. Dean sighed quietly as he drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today!
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕 Your comments always makes me smile!


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today! Enjoy!

“I’m going to kill you.” Gabriel laughed and rolled his chair out of Cas’s reach.

“Ignore him, angel,” Dean said, drawing Cas’s attention back to the papers in front of them. They had spent most the morning going over contracts and the new treaty that Sam and Gabriel had been working on. “Two more signatures and we’re done. Then all we have to do is drop it off with the council and let them make the final decision.”

“You think they’ll approve it?”

“We’ve got signatures from all five families. Sending it in is more of a formality than anything,” Sam said.

“Once the approval goes through, what’s your first official order of business gonna be?” Gabriel asked.

“Exactly what we said last night,” Dean said. “The fighting stops now. Bloodshed doesn’t solve anything. All issues go through the council, no exceptions. No more clauses that give people permission to kill each other. It all stops.” Cas smiled at his boyfriend.

“We’re starting fresh.” Dean smiled back.

“Yes, we are.”

“You two need to stop looking at each other like that,” Gabriel grumbled. Cas kicked him under the table without taking his eyes off Dean.

“Leave them alone, Gabe,” Sam chided.

“All done,” Dean said, setting down his pen. He cracked his knuckles and popped his back. “Let’s drop this off and grab some lunch. I miss Ellen and Jo.” As they all left the conference room, Gabriel grabbed Cas’s arm.

“Hey, real talk, how’s it going with him?” Cas stared as Dean followed his brother out the door.

“I love him, Gabe. The last two years, when we were essentially playing house with Claire and Jack, were the best years I’ve had in a long time. My nightmares are almost completely gone.” Cas pulled his eyes away from where Dean had been to look at his brother. “He cares about me and I care about him.”

“Good. You two fit. I hate the way this war ended, but with you two in charge I think there’s a real chance we can change things.”

“Why’d you give the power to me, anyway?” Cas asked.

“Because you two make sense. We all know that the four of us will probably be making decisions together, but on paper, your names look better together than mine and Dean’s. Have you two talked at all about—.”

“I’m gonna stop you there,” Cas interrupted. “We haven’t discussed anything beyond getting back here and figuring shit out. Once everything gets squared away with the council and the city gets back up and running like it should, then we’ll talk about us.”

“Let me know.”

“I will.” They left the conference room and found Dean and Sam outside with Claire, Jack, Rowena, and Eileen.

“Thank you for the offer though,” Claire was saying when Cas and Gabriel walked up.

“Take care of yourself, kid,” Dean said with a fond smile.

“She’s in good hands,” Eileen assured him.

“I know.”

“What’s up?” Gabriel asked.

“Claire and Jack have officially joined the coven,” Sam said. Cas grinned.

“That’s great! You’ll be learning from the best.”

“Thank you, Castiel,” Rowena said.

“Are we all getting lunch or what?” Cas rolled his eyes. Leave it to Dean to be focused on food.

“Yeah, yeah, come on you bottomless pit.” Dean put his arm around Cas and kissed his temple.

“Hey, you finally came up with a nickname for me!” Cas laughed before addressing his brother.

“Hey, Gabe, where’s Balt?”

“He ran off to France.”

“Excuse me?”

“Seriously. You were “dead” and the war was getting worse, so he snuck out and bought a one-way ticket to Paris. He told me to call him when it was all over. He should be back by the end of the week.”

“Wow. That seems a little dramatic,” Dean said.

“Dramatic is Balt’s entire personality. And are you really one to judge? You faked your own death.” Dean responded by smacking Gabriel in the back of the head.

“Ow. Cas, your boyfriend keeps abusing me.”

“I’m sure he had a good reason,” Cas said. Gabriel huffed and folded his arms. When they walked into the Roadhouse, Dean broke into a grin, looked right at Jo, and said,

“Guess who’s back!” Jo’s head snapped up and Cas waved awkwardly. Jo ran around the bar and tackled Dean in a hug.

“We thought you were dead, you asshole!”

“Yeah, sorry about that. In my defense, it was Sam’s idea.”

“Thanks for that, Dean,” Sam said when Jo hit him.

“You’re welcome.”

“Do you idiots want a table or did you just come in to give me a heart attack?”

“There’s the Jo I know and love. Got a booth in the back open?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get your drinks. Usuals all around?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Jo looked at Claire.

“You’re new. What can I get you?”

“Whatever you’ve got on tap is fine.” Jo went back to the bar and Dean dragged Cas to one of the circular booths.

“Relax, Winchester,” Gabriel said. “No one’s gonna keep you from sitting next your boyfriend.”

“Don’t wanna risk it,” Dean said, putting a protective arm around Cas.

“You two got disgustingly cute while you were gone.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Eileen said. Cas noticed that she and Sam were sitting closer than they normally did. He smiled.

“How are things going with you guys?”

“Good,” Sam said with a smile. Jo dropped off their drinks and Dean raised his glass.

“To Sammy finally getting his shit together.”

“Shut up, jerk.”

“Make me, bitch.”

“Are all men children?” Claire asked.

“Yes, dear,” Rowena answered.

“Just checking.”

“Are you gonna move back home?” Gabriel asked. Cas shrugged. He honestly hadn’t given it any thought.

“I dunno.”

“What about you?” Sam asked Dean.

“I dunno either. I never really moved out, but I like my apartment. I like having my own space.”

“All right.” Cas turned his head to look at Dean. He nodded slightly and Cas smiled. They would talk later, when it was just the two of them. Cas raised his glass.

“To new beginnings.” As the seven of them drank to the toast, Cas felt something he hadn’t felt in years. Peace. He felt perfectly at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there's only one chapter left, and yes I'm making you all wait a week. I'm not sorry. Last update will be Wednesday.
> 
> Love you guys!! 💕💕 Your comments always make me smile!


	73. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! I meant to update this much earlier, but I just woke up. Enjoy!

Dean blinked against the sunlight coming in through the partially open shades. He pulled the covers over his head and rolled over, burying his face in Cas’s neck. Cas chuckled.

“Good morning.”

“No,” Dean grumbled. He felt Cas’s fingers in his hair. He lifted his head and was greeted with a warm kiss. He hummed softly. “We’ve got about ten minutes before we’re accosted. Think we can do it?”

“Worth a shot,” Cas replied, pulling him in for a much deeper kiss. They kissed for several long minutes, but the second Dean slipped his hand in Cas’s pajama pants, someone started pounding on their bedroom door. Dean hung his head and started to laugh.

“Never fucking fails.”

“Maybe we can get away this weekend,” Cas said as he climbed out of bed. “Drop them off with Sam and Eileen.”

“Maybe,” Dean said. Cas opened the door to see two sets of puppy eyes. They ran in and jumped on the bed.

“Daddy, can we have pancakes for breakfast?” Meg asked.

“No, waffles!” Anna argued. Dean kissed the girls on their heads.

“We can have both if you let us have a cup of coffee first. Go set the table. We’ll be out in a minute.” The girls ran out of the room and Dean shook his head. “Do you ever remember having that much energy this early in the morning?”

“Nope.”

“Me either.” He sighed and got out of bed. “Were you serious about a weekend away?”

“Of course.”

“Good. We can sleep until noon and never leave the bed.” Cas smiled.

“Sounds good.” A loud crash came from the kitchen and Dean groaned.

“Go make coffee. I’ll get the broom.” He gave Cas a fleeting kiss before opening the linen closet and getting the broom. It happened at least once a week. One of the twins would break something and try to blame the other. Dean didn’t care so much as it was just annoying having to clean it up. He would have to start buying that shatter-proof plastic.

As he walked down the hall, he tried to wrap his head around the fact that this was his life, just like he had done every single day for the past fifteen years. Once things had settled down, he and Cas moved in together. It seemed like the next logical step to them and their brothers hadn’t argued. They still went to their respective homes to conduct business, but other than that they spent all their time together.

Two years later, Dean asked Cas to marry him. They moved into the hotel since Sam had moved in with Eileen. Dean hadn’t really wanted to, but Cas insisted it would be for the best and he was right. There was plenty of room for the twins to run around and still enough space for them to conduct actual business. They still went to the quarterly council meetings, but there wasn’t much point to them anymore. Since the new treaty had gone into effect there had been a total of two incidents that required action from the council. Everyone seemed to be on the same page.

Dean went into the kitchen and saw a broken plate on the floor. He picked up the bigger pieces before sweeping the rest into the trash.

“They’ll get better,” Cas said, handing him a cup of coffee.

“I know. Maybe I should’ve listened to Sam. Don’t tell him I said that.”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Have you talked to Gabe lately?”

“No. Last I heard he and Kali were somewhere in Europe.”

“And Balthazar?”

“He’ll be back from Paris tomorrow.” Dean nodded as he sipped his coffee.

“Guess I better start on breakfast.”

“I’ll keep them busy,” Cas said, placing a kiss on Dean’s cheek.

“You know I don’t mind.” He didn’t. It had taken a lot of talking (and more fights than either of them cared to admit), but Cas had somehow managed to convince Dean he was ready for kids. Adopting one kid was daunting enough, but the idea of having twins terrified him. He had agreed to make Cas happy and now he couldn’t imagine his life without the girls. He didn’t say a word when Cas said he wanted to name them after his cousin and best friend. He thought it was a nice way to honor them, and if they ever decided to adopt a son, Dean was going to name him Adam.

“Girls, do you wanna help?” Cas called. The sound of running feet had Dean bracing himself against the counter. It wasn’t uncommon for their daughters to jump on them and Dean had gone down an embarrassing number of times simply because he wasn’t prepared. He set his cup down and caught Meg when she threw herself at him.

“I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too, kiddo. Now help me make breakfast. We’re gonna go see Uncle Benny and Aunt Andrea today.” Meg’s eyes lit up and Dean smiled. Benny and Andrea’s kid was a few years older than the twins, but they all got along well enough.

“Yay! I like them!”

“Is Aunt Charlie gonna be there, too?” Anna asked from her perch on Cas’s shoulders.

“I’ll have to ask her.”

Dean made breakfast with sporadic help from Cas and the kids and by the time they all sat down at the table he was two cups of coffee in and much more awake. Cas took a bite of waffles and groaned.

“You good over there, angel?”

“Still the greatest waffles I’ve ever had.” Dean grinned.

“Good to know I’m not losing my touch.”

“Never.” They shared a smile.

Once they were finished eating, Meg and Anna ran upstairs to wash up and get dressed. Dean and Cas stayed in the kitchen to knock out the dishes.

“You still willing to kill for cooking?” Dean asked.

“With absolutely no hesitation,” Cas assured him.

“Good.” They shared a kiss and Dean smiled at his husband. Even after so many years, the word still felt weird to say. It made him giddy. Like a kid on Christmas. He didn’t know why, but he knew he never wanted to lost the feeling. “Happy anniversary, Cas. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Dean. Happy anniversary.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you all enjoyed it and as much as I enjoyed writing it! And thank you all for all the lovely comments! I love you guys! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


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